Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

  I don’t walk the dirt road we used to drive on to get close to the tree house. Instead, I use the forest for the shelter it provides. It’s cloudy today, the small chill in the air indicates summer is over. The bright green leaves have given way to orange and red tones, but they have not yet started to fall to the ground. This is my favorite season. The beautiful colors along with the cooling temperatures instill a calm in me.

  The first time I was heading to the village I had to walk a few feet away from the road to find my way but now this area is my home and I know it by heart. The walk takes about three hours. By the time I

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  make it to the edge of the thick forest my legs are begging me for a break and my lower back is starting to tense up from the weight of the backpack. Today it’s carefully packed with potatoes, kale and spinach. I always need to make sure I take both heavy and light vegetables because if I pack too heavy, I’ll either be forced to throw some of it away on the walk here or stop for too many breaks. This is another thing I learned the hard way when I was ignorant enough the first time I went; packing my backpack too heavy so the three-hour walk doubled because of all the breaks I took. Tossing away food was just not in my vocabulary. That day I wasn’t done with my errands until the late afternoon and when the sun set, I still wasn’t home. I had to sit in the dark forest and wait for the sunrise, so I wouldn’t lose my way. Those were the longest hours of my life.

  The loud noises from the city center hits me when I’m a few streets away. It takes me a while to adjust to all the impressions the village contains, so different from my lonely place in the woods where all I hear is either myself or the sounds from the nature surrounding me.

  This village wasn’t here before the New Era, it started out as a refugee center when the big cities to the west flooded and the ones that

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  survived it scrabbled to make it inland for safety. What was first only refuge tents have now grown into little homemade wooden houses. All built by the people living here. They are true survivors, turning this temporary site into a livable town. I don’t know where the city name Hope came from, but in the beginning I’m sure hope was just what this town needed. Now the name is misplaced.

  It’s Wednesday which means the market is in full effect at the village square. Wednesdays and Saturdays are the days set for trade. As I enter from the east side of the square, I’m careful to take my backpack off and hold it in front of me where I can see it. Pick pocketers and thieves are sure to be zigzagging in and out of the crowd, grabbing whatever they can put their hands on.

  I look down on the muddy ground as I make my way to Gilbert and Rufus’ stall. I know the way by heart. The voices along with the different smells help guide me through the different stalls. First there are the bakers and the mouthwatering aroma makes my stomach give a small growl of hunger. Then comes the stalls with random items; everything from wool to handmade baskets for mushroom picking to soap and detergent. Everyone is yelling and trying to make the absolute best trades. I push past the large crowd in front of the wool section;

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  wool is getting popular now with the cold winter approaching. On the other side of the crowd, I pinch my nose as death hangs in the air as I pass the butchers. I walk as fast as I can to clear the odor which seem to linger even as I pass the cheese and dairy stalls.

  I’m still speeding ahead when a gentle hand grabs my arm. “Hey girl, I have been waiting on you all morning,” Rufus says as he pulls my hood down from my hidden face. I look up into his warm brown eyes as a big smile covers his face. I can’t help but let out a grin myself.

  “Gilbert, look who survived the summer!” He waves at a dark-haired man at the edge of their temporary trading stall while he chuckles at his own joke. Surviving the winters were the real test. The summer was the easy part.

  Their trading post for today is the largest in the square, built out of a wooden counter along with shelving units in the back, strategically placing their goods far away from tempted thieves. The shelves are lined with eggs, sugar, flour and the cooler section to the left holds the perishable items such as milk and meat. The items they have traded for are safely stacked in their car. Rufus and Gilbert are smart businessmen, they carefully plan each trade depending on the season; stacking up on wool and potatoes for the winter when these items rise in value.

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  They have their own farm not far from the village where they have hens, cows and a patch of land to grow wheat. How their soil is good enough to grow wheat I don’t know, and I haven’t bothered to ask because I know they wouldn’t tell me.

  “So, Eddie, what have you brought us today?” Gilbert ask as he walks over to where we’re standing. He runs his hand over his long beard while his eyes twinkle with curiosity. Had I not known Gilbert I would have taken two steps back when he walked up towards me. Both his booming voice and his appearance would frighten most sane people.

  “How about we discuss what you have and what you want for it over some lunch. I’m famished having to stand here all day in the heat,” Rufus says as he fans himself dramatically with his hands to get his point across.

  “I don’t know why you would be tired. I’m the one that has done all the work today while you have been sitting comfortably in the corner doing nothing.” Gilbert gives a questioning look to Rufus.

  “Don’t take that tone with me mister,” Rufus waives his finger in front of Gilbert, clearly not intimidated by the deep frown on his face. “For your information, I have been lining up our items in the back and keeping an eye out for shoplifters. But fine, if you don’t think that’s

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  important, I’ll happily take care of all of the bartering for the rest of the day.” He put his hand on his hips and turn away from Gilbert to look out toward the passing crowd. I can’t help but smile as I know what will happen next. Rufus is an emotional man who loves to play the martyr. Gilbert on the other hand is the opposite; peaceful and calm, which means Rufus can stay angry longer.

  Gilbert seem to be pondering his options before giving in, like he always does. He rolls his eyes to me and puts a hand on Rufus back. “Ok, you are right, we all deserve a break.” Rufus only moves his head in the slightest to give Gilbert a glance, “And …”

  “I’m sorry,” Gilbert says under his breath, almost so low that I miss it.

  Rufus’ temper seems gone with the wind as the smile returns as fast as it had disappeared. “Ok, then it’s settled. You can take some of the flour and go and trade it for some sandwiches over by the bakery stand while we set up here.”

  While Gilbert wanders off, Rufus ushers me behind the counter and rolls down a curtain, closing out the busy street in front of us. He picks out three foldout chairs behind the shelves and a small table and hands me one of them.

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  Since there’s no chance of rain today they haven’t bothered putting the roof on the stall. Instead, there’s a small refreshing breeze along with the natural light that shines in when the sun peaks out from behind the clouds. I start to unzip my backpack, but Rufus shakes his head. “Honey, let’s eat first. You must be starving after your long walk.” They know I live far away in the woods, but I have been careful never to tell them too much. After all I have only known these two men for about a year and a half, since my first trip alone to Hope.

  “Some food would be nice.” I let my backpack fall to the ground. “So, how are things with you guys? Everything going good at the farm?”

  “Yeah, you know, same old same old. We’ve been able to breed more chickens, so now we’ll be able to trade those as well. Live chickens are rising in value, everyone wants them because they are easy to feed. All they need are the scrapes of your plate and some grass, and they give you eggs and meat in return.”

  “Why doesn’t everyone keep to farming? It could feed a family.”

  Rufus looks at me like I’m a child, and to him I guess I am. He and Gilbert are the same age as my parents would be. “Oh Eddie
, if it

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  was only that easy. You need to own land to be able to farm animals. If you are lucky to come across that, you also need the skills and the money to get started. When the world came crumbling down most people lived in big cities. After money lost all its value everyone was broke, they didn’t own any land or if it was really bad, like the people in this town, they owned nothing more than the clothes on their back.”

  The ignorance of my comment makes my cheeks burn. There’s so much I don’t know about the real world. Rufus notices my discomfort as he continues. “But, it’s not easy for you to know. You grew up with parents working for the government. The suburbs of the government workers have never suffered like the rest of us, I guess that’s why so many of them stay at their jobs, huh?”

  “I guess so. How were you able to get the farm you have?” I have never had the nerve to ask the question before, but our chat today is more genuine than other times. Maybe Rufus and Gilbert are starting to trust me more just as I’m starting to trust them.

  Rufus chuckles a bit at the memory, “You know I used to work in fashion before all of this happened.”

  “What do you mean, fashion?”

  “Oh child, where do I even begin? You see before the economy

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  crashed and everything went to shit, people used to spend money, and I mean a lot of money, on their looks. Clothes were more than practical wear. It was an extension of your personality.” Rufus gets a dreamy look in his eyes, “I had just graduated fashion school. Don’t laugh, it was very difficult. My dream was to become a designer. But that never happened.” For the first time since meeting them, I notice what he’s wearing. Sure, he has practical pants on with lots of pockets for storage, but the belt seems out of place; the leather is deep brown and the buckle has intricate details on it. The tight t-shirt he wears has a deep v-neck and his whole ensemble seems carefully color-coordinated.

  “I never thought of clothes that way. My parents used to get them for me as part of their salary once a year when I needed something new. It never crossed my mind to be able to pick things myself. And my parents were lucky, like you said, sheltered from so much. They told me they started working for the company, that later turned into our government, right out of school.”

  Rufus just nods and gets up to grab three cups along with a bottle of water underneath the counter. “You should be happy you had that type of childhood Eddie. Not a lot of kids do nowadays. When I graduated, I never had the opportunity to get a job. The city was

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  evacuated a few weeks after. The tsunami alarm only gave us a few hours to get out.” He stops what he’s doing and looks down at the ground, almost contemplating if he should continue. “There was so little time when the alarms sounded, I didn’t even have time to go and help my parents.”

  I’m speechless, I know from experience there is nothing I can say to take his pain away. The words feel empty but after a few minutes of silence I say them anyway. “I’m so sorry Rufus.”

  “Well, it was long ago now, and I was lucky to meet the love of my life in the time when I needed it the most.” Gilbert walks in interrupting whatever Rufus was about to say next.

  “Sorry it took so long. Ada over at the bakery was extremely busy today.” He places a few sandwiches on the table. The freshly baked bread smells amazing and as I pick it up I can feel that it’s still warm. Oh, how I miss the luxury of bread. There are no vegetables on the sandwich. Instead, only butter and some type of goat cheese. Vegetables are a rarity that would hike up the price of a simple sandwich. Rufus quickly wipes away a small tear on his cheek and turns his focus toward his sandwich, indicating that our conversation is over.

  “So, what did you bring us today Eddie?” Gilbert says as he

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  takes a seat next to me. He looks a bit funny trying to get comfortable on the small chair and for a while I think that it will break under his weight. But it’s metal legs simply let out a small squeak as they sink further down in the dirt ground. Gilbert’s statue reminds me of an ox, tall and broad. Even though his muscles aren’t clearly defined you can tell he’s all strength.

  “I brought some potatoes and veggies,” I say as I start to unpack my bag on the small table. Both Gilbert and Rufus pick up their food to make room for all my potatoes that want nothing more than to roll off. “I was hoping to trade them for one carton of milk, 24 eggs, 2 kg. flour, and possibly some salt, if you have it.”

  “No problem, Eddie.” I know Gilbert could haggle with me to make the trade more beneficiary for him and Rufus, but he never does. Every time we trade, he looks at me with his kind eyes and nods his head.

  “Thank you. You guys are the best. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

  “Please child. What would we do without your amazing vegetables? You know how boring and colorless my dinners would be?”

  A genuine smile covers Rufus’ face as he gives my hand a

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  gentle squeeze. I’m surprised by how emotional I am as tears fill my eyes. I never know how much I miss having people around me until I’m in the midst of it again. I quickly wipe away the unfallen tears and change the topic. “So, any fun gossip or news I’ve missed?”

  Rufus’ face gets an eagerness to it when he rambles about each new gossip around town. He always seems to know everything about anyone. Gilbert sits back and strokes his beard, amusement playing in his eyes as he watches Rufus exaggerating hand gestures while he goes on and on. Rufus usually takes care of the gossip while Gilbert is the one who updates me on any newsworthy events.

  “There have been raids on the government housing lately. More and more people are growing restless and desperate in their hunger. They know the workers are provided with food and water, so the robberies have increased,” Gilbert says with a serious tone.

  “I never heard of any robberies when I lived there,” I say with confusion in my voice.

  “Well, the government would work hard at hiding it of course, but it has increased since you lived there. Everyone is more desperate now. There’s a strong division in the people lately, there are the ones that work hard to make a living and feed their family and then there are

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  the ones that only work hard at taking what they want from others. There are no real laws to protect us.”

  I lower my voice so no one listening outside could hear me. “Surely the government must be doing something? I have seen the armed guards in the village now.”

  Gilbert lets out a deep breath in frustration. “That’s what a good ruler would do, but he only cares for power and riches.”

  “Lower your voice Gilbert,” Rufus hushes Gilbert.

  “Yes, yes, I know. I just get worked up about these things.”

  “Well, it’s hard not to,” I say as I take the last bite of my sandwich.

  In a lower voice, Gilbert continues. “To answer your questions, Eddie, the armed forces are here for one reason only, to keep us in check. It’s to make sure we don’t plan any uprisings against the government and, God forbid, say anything negative about our great ruler. They’re also increasing the security of the government housing. They recently began construction on a massive wall. If you ask me, it’s not only to keep the robbers from entering, it will also keep their workers in line.”

  “Wait, what did you say?” Suddenly, my heartbeat quickens,

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  and my breathing is getting shallow.

  “They’re building a wall. It will be like a prison. You can only get in there if you have the right papers …”

  I try to focus on what Gilbert is saying but his voice sounds muffled in my ears, I can’t make out a word. I will never be able to go back to my house if they increase the security. Images of my parents, our evenings playing board games around the dining table, mom reading me stories in bed when I was a child. All the memories we had together swirl in my mind, making me dizzy.

  “Are you ok Eddie?” A
cold hand on my cheek throws me back to reality. I look up to see Rufus and Gilbert standing over me and I’m suddenly aware that I’m on the ground. How did I get here?

  Helpful hands lift me up to my chair and water is pressed to my mouth. I take a few sips of the cold liquid and my heartbeat slows down. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened.”

  “You had a minor panic attack.” Rufus eyes shine with worry. “Are you sure you are ok?”

  “Yeah, embarrassed, but I’m fine now.” My cheeks burn under their gaze, “I should get going so I don’t risk walking in the dark. Thank you so much for the amazing lunch.” An urgency to get out of

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  the small trading booth and back to my treehouse is growing with each second. The new information about the wall is making my mind spin with thoughts about what will be lost. I have to see it again. I need to be around all that was so familiar to me one last time.

  “Ada’s bread might be good but amazing is no way to describe them,” Gilbert says as he lets out a low chuckle.

  “True, but the company helped.” I smile as I take another sip of water and stand up.