Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

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  to spin. What’s this world I live in? From the corner of my eye I see Gwennie walking up to me, palm ready. Blocking her, I hold up my hand. “Stop it! I can snap out of it on my own, thank you very much.”

  Another bang and the treehouse trembles, knocking the frames off from the trunk. The sound of crashing glass is all around us. We need to get out. We need to get out right now.

  “There’s another way down, an emergency way. Quickly follow me.” I run to the stairs; everyone follows. They don’t have time to stop and ask questions and I don’t have time to explain. I hear another explosion from the ground and this time the whole tree shakes so violently I fall on the steps. Luckily my hands catch the railing. I scramble to my feet trying not to slow down. There is an urgency in the way the tree moves now. Again, I’m reminded of my parents’ brilliance as they planned for an emergency exit route. I remember how I thought it useless when they explained it to me. My parents keep saving me even when they’re not here.

  We walk out towards one of the structures that holds my garden. The tree has settled a bit after the detonation and again the voice echoes from below with its instruction of surrender. The unasked questions mark the air when we cross the building, quickly walking past the

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  flourishing vegetables. Above the wall, against which I was sitting just moments ago, there is a window. I open it and climb out. But I stop myself and go back in. I can see Ryker is itching to ask me what I’m doing. I don’t pay him any attention but rather I stop and lift the miniature house on the ground, finding Einstein inside. I put him in my chest pocket before I disappear out the window, telling the others to follow.

  The branch is thinning out and I pray that another explosion will wait. Any movement from the tree might be deadly. I hold my breath as I walk further out, using the small branches to steady myself. I hear Gwennie and Boston cursing loudly behind me, the other seems too focused to speak. We get to a rope ladder that takes us across to another tree. Ryker is the last one to cross, making sure the everyone else makes it to safety first. When he is on the ladder, a larger explosion rocks the tree. Boston who is closest to him acts on instinct, grabbing hold of Ryker’s hands to keep him from falling. My tree sways back and forth, almost like it’s fighting to stay up, to stay alive. I move us to the tree branch underneath, climbing down and over to the other side, away from my beloved home. It will only take one more detonation to bring her down.

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  I don’t stop, moving our group along, from branch to branch, over to another tree and then another, until we finally reach the branch with the rope ladder to the ground.

  As my feet land in a pile of leaves, I allow myself one look back. I can see the armed guards in the distance, planting another explosive at the roots, most likely the one that will take down my tree. I clench my fists and my whole body tenses up, ready to fight these people who are destroying my home. I have lost so much already and now they’re taking my last real connection to my parents?

  A man with a heavy moustache brings up the megaphone and yells out the instructions of surrender again. He doesn’t even wait for an answer. Instead, he laughs as he raises his hand to give the green light; apparently finding amusement in killing both us and the tree.

  “NOOOO!!” I yell as I throw myself forward, not stopping to think about my actions I sprint toward the enemy.

  I only get a few feet before Phoenix throws his arm around my waist, pushing me to the safety of the nearest tree right as a bullet fly past us. My body is smacked against the rough bark from the speed of his movement.

  “Take cover!” Ryker yells his command, and everyone scatters,

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  running behind the large tree trunks for safety, bringing out their guns to retaliate in one smooth motion.

  “Let go of me!” I’m fighting to get away from Phoenix, to get to the man responsible for all of this, but his strong arms hold me back. “For Christ’s sake, calm down!”

  “I can’t let them kill her,” I protest.

  He spins me around, so he can look at me, his piercing blue eyes are so serious it gives me pause. “I’m not going to let them shoot you. It’s too late to save your tree so stop fighting me for a second so I can return the fire,” he says with a stern voice.

  Suddenly an explosion rocks the ground and I turn my head in the direction of the loud bang. All I want to do is scream, but I can’t get a whisper out. I can’t even breath. I watch as my tree stands still for a second before it starts swaying, as if deciding where to fall. Then the massive trunk, as wide as a car, falls in our opposite direction. I hear my home smash against the ground as the wood and glass explodes into pieces along with all my belongings.

  A deadly calm rush through the area and for a split second no one moves. In an instant everyone springs into action again; everyone except me. My energy deflates, and I force myself to look away from

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  the rubble that used to be my home. My knees buckle beneath me and I slide to the ground. Phoenix doesn’t bother holding onto me anymore, he can tell there’s no more fight in me.

  I sit there with my back against the large trunk, staring, not even flinching from the yelling or the bullets flying in all directions. My backyard has suddenly turned into a war zone and it’s like I’m an observer in this bizarre situation as everyone around me is fighting for their lives. It dawns on me then the risk of being detained by Tenebris’ army is high. We are so few against so many. If they catch us, they’ll find my document and the mission that my parents started will be lost. I can’t let that happen.

  I look around and everyone is busy. Not even Phoenix is paying me any attention now as he is returning the enemies fire. This is my chance.

  I sprint towards the tree next to us, one step away from the people defending me. I don’t even bother taking my backpack since it will just slow me down. I can’t risk that.

  “Eddie, get back here! What are you doing?!” Of course, Ryker sees me, but he can’t act this time. He is too far away. Trying to catch me would be too dangerous with bullets flying around in between us.

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  I don’t answer him. I can’t even look back when Phoenix shouts at me to stop. I just run.

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  Chapter 7

  I continue to run. I don’t look back. If I did, I don’t know if I could continue. So, even when my breath becomes labored and my lungs burn from exhaustion I run. The guilt fuels me. Only when the echoes from the gunshots dies down do I allow myself a moment of rest.

  I collapse against a large mossy rock and see black spots dance in front of my eyes. My body is screaming for oxygen. I put my head in between my legs, close my eyes and focus on slowing down my breath. When my head stops spinning I slide down on the moist ground. I lean back, the edges of the hard rock hurt, but I welcome the pain. I deserve it. I ran away from the people who were fighting to keep me safe. Even worse, I led the army to them, not the other way around. What have I done?

  I don’t know how long I sit there. I know I should get up, keep moving. But my body feels like it’s made of the same material as the rock behind me. It doesn’t listen to my commands to get up and move forward.

  The forest is quiet now, only the rustle of leaves and a few birds

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  make themselves known. Before, I used to love this sound. Being outside took away whatever stress I was dealing with; absorbing it into the trees around me. Now the quiet makes my mind race. The realization of that my treehouse is forever gone swirls in the edge of my mind. I can’t allow myself to think about that. To think about the last memorabilia I had of my parents is too much. It would break me. I didn’t wear my Dad’s hoodie that I usually prefer when I do my long walks, the one that still had some of his smell in it; the one that if I wore it and closed my eyes I could pretend he was hugging me. My breathing becomes shallow when I think about what is now forever gone.

  My parents’ journals were stored in t
heir bookshelves; their handwritten scribbles that used to give me comfort. Whenever I was lonely, I would sit in one of their chairs and read their notes. They were tremendously boring since all they contained were scientific studies of plants or biology. Nonetheless, reading what they had worked on and seeing their written words made me feel closer to them.

  How will I remember their faces now with all the photos gone? What will I do now when the image of them fade from my memory? Sadly, I know that will happen. Already after two years some of their features would be blurry without the photos to remind me.

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  My heart is raising faster and faster as each realization hits me like a slap across the face. Suddenly I have a hard time getting air. Tiny little beads of moisture start to trail down my back. I’m sweating but at the same time I’m cold as ice.

  I’m having a panic attack. I remember reading about it in one of the books at the treehouse; the shortness of breath, the cold flash and the raised heartbeat, all textbook symptoms. If I close my eyes I see the words from the book float in front of me. I know I will pass out if I don’t pull myself together. Get it together Eddie! You don’t have the luxury to freak out!

  Step one was to gain control of one’s breathing. So, I put all my focus on breathing in through my nose, as slow as possible, and out from the mouth. I force myself to only think about the breathing, nothing else. As soon as I feel normal again, I push myself up on my feet. I know that one of the steps is to face the fear, not to run away from it, but that’s not an option at the moment. The fear of complete loneliness is too big. Facing it would consume me. So, I move, just one foot in front of the other. I place my hand over the document I have in my jacket and I’m reminded of my friend Einstein who is still in my other chest pocket. He must be terrified since he’s lying so still now. I

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  stop as I gently reach for him. Not even when my hand reaches around his small and fuzzy body does he make a sound.

  Dread fills me as I bring up my hand, afraid of what I’ll find when I open my palm. Einstein lies motionless, like he’s in a deep and comfortable sleep. “Einstein…” I whisper as I nudge him with my finger, trying to get him to move. But there is nothing.

  Tears stream down my face as I fall to my knees. I know it’s silly crying over a dead mouse, but he was my friend, someone who kept me from complete solitude for so long. I slowly lay him down on some leaves, petting his soft fur one last time, “I’m so sorry buddy…”

  An emptiness grows inside of me, a darkness that wants to swallow me whole. I have nothing now. No family, no friends and no home. All because of the document in my pocket. A small part of me wants to tear it up, to toss away this cursed thing that has caused me so much misery. But what good will that do? It won’t bring anyone back or restore my old life.

  I bring up my hand to my mother’s necklace and close my eyes. I can’t think like this, I can’t let myself go down this path. I have a mission to complete and one relative that is still alive according to Phoenix. Edward is still my blood, my family. A small sense of strength

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  grows inside of me. I still have something to fight for.

  I have walked the only direction I know can bring me to safety. It could also mean extreme danger, especially now that the sun will be setting in only a few minutes. Yet, I don’t have any other option. Staying out all night in the dark forest is not safe. The city where Edward lives is too far away. I wouldn’t make it there before nightfall.

  The golden sunbeams dance across the ground, giving off shadows from the trees. I know it won’t be long before total darkness sets in. I have nothing with me, no provisions to trade, no food to keep me from being hungry or weapons to keep me safe. I feel naked going this route without anything that can give me leverage. Will Rufus and Gilbert still be friendly too me without my usual backpack full of goodies? Is the friendship we have formed mutual?

  There is no sense thinking too hard on these questions. It’s not like I have anywhere else to go. And I can’t stay out in the forest by myself with no food or shelter.

  The edge of the village comes into view and I pray that Rufus and Gilbert are in their shack in preparations for the trade day tomorrow. Rufus, who always love to exaggerate, calls it their second home. When I went there the first time a few months ago, I had to stop

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  myself from gawking at the small two room building. The bare walls were of cold brick. The first room was a bedroom with a fireplace on the far wall. A single bed along with a table and two chairs the only furniture. The second room in the back was only meant for storage, nothing more than a few shelves lined the walls. I remember how Gilbert chuckled at my reaction, he had been expecting it, only Rufus was oblivious to it.

  Hope is growing quiet. Being out after dark is an unspoken rule that few people break. I stay in the shadows of the buildings, careful to keep my head down and my feet moving forward in a fast pace. I don’t dare to look up at who else is hurrying along the streets, getting their last errands done before the sun disappears completely for the day. When total darkness sets in I know that the Scullys will be roaming the area, like hungry lions searching for an injured animal.

  My body is screaming for me to turn around, to stay in the forest where the trees can hide me. I remember the last time I was here and a wave of horror ripples through my body. The memory of the empty eye socket the Scully gang members wear so proudly makes my stomach turn. I can’t even think about what they would have done with me if that stranger hadn’t saved me. Maybe going into the village was a bad idea?

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  The woods at night suddenly feel like the safest option. Sure, the temperature can drop significant or wild and hungry animals can attack. At least the wildness that hides in the forest at night would at least give me a clean kill. The animals in the village are far more brutal.

  Nevertheless, I have gone too far to turn around now. The sun has disappeared, and the grey dusk fills the air. I see the small shed in the distance as I round the corner and I start walking faster. I keep my pace between walking and running, careful not to go too fast. Someone running along the streets would cause suspicion, so I pace myself, even if it goes against everything in my body.

  I reach my goal and gently knock on the worn wooden door. I notice how frozen my fingers are when I make a fist, the summer nights are long gone now.

  No one answers. I knock again; this time a little louder.

  Still no answer. There isn’t a sound to be heard from the small shed. I knock again. Maybe they’re in the back room organizing their stock for tomorrow? I turn around. The street behind me is empty now. Small warm lights are sipping through behind the curtains of the houses with windows. What I wouldn’t give to be inside right now. To be safe, I knock again. This time, I put some strength behind it. I try to stay

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  calm, but desperation is bubbling up inside, ready to take hold of all my senses. What’s my backup plan here? I’m stuck in the village now with no food, only a thin jacket to keep me warm and no friends.

  A despair that is new fills me. I have no home now, no safety net whatsoever. When my parents were taken from me I had the treehouse. Even though I had to work for it I had all the means I needed for a good life; food for trading and eating, a warm and safe home with both running water and electricity. Not to even mention the priceless soil that would grow all my vegetables. Now, I have nothing. I’m left bare.

  I should have stayed with the group from the Rebellion. If they survived they could have given me a safe place to stay. No, I can’t think that way. I needed to get away from them. I needed to make sure Edward gets the note, that’s what mom wanted. I use both of my hands to knock on the door now even though I know it won’t do me any good because no one is home. Think Eddie, think! I need to survive the night; tomorrow Gilbert and Rufus will be here, and they can help me. Hopefully they can give me some provision and then I can go to Edward’s. I just have to make it through
the night alone.

  I search the building for a way in. Maybe if I can break in, I can ride out the night in there. I just can’t cause too much damage,

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  otherwise Rufus and Gilbert might not be so inclined to help me.

  The small shed has no windows on the front of the house, only the small door line the wall. And I won’t be able to get in that way. Not only one, but two locks decorate the door. The contrast of the shiny and modern locks against the old and torn planks of the house looks strange. But I know they have a good purpose; the aesthetics of things are not that important anymore. I walk around to the right side and find a small square window. It’s firmly shut, with no knobs on the outside. I pick up a large rock from the ground. I hope they will forgive me. I hit the rock against the corner of the window, not too hard. I don’t want to break the whole glass. I close my eyes, expecting to hear glass shattering. There is no sound. The glass isn’t even scratched. I hit it harder, this time in the middle of the window, but still nothing happens. What the heck is this thing? I take a step backwards and throw the rock towards the window with all my strength. It simply hits the glass with a loud bang and falls to the ground. I just stand there, too baffled to move.