by Karin Dahan
“Your father didn’t want her to tell me; or the Rebellion wanted to keep it secret. That’s how they work. You only know what you need to know.”
“Does Tenebris have the recipe to the sustainable soil?” I ask.
Edward lets out a grunt of a laugh and goes to get another refill. “No, he has the whole department working on it, every day for years now.” He takes a slow sip and mumbles over the rim of the glass. “Why did they leave out the last ingredient? Clare wouldn’t have left it with me without the full list…” He turns to me again, trying a warm smile that doesn’t quite sit right on his face. “She must have told you the last ingredient Eddie, right? That’s how I would have known. That way she didn’t risk it getting in the wrong hands.”
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“No, she never told me anything about this. I didn’t even know about the note until I saw it in your house two days ago. She left it there, hidden for you.”
“But you must know something? Don’t you realize what this could mean, how much the sustainable soil is worth? Don’t hide things from me now.”
“Stop it Edward! Why are you acting this way? I haven’t seen you in two years and you thought I was dead. Aren’t you happy to see me?” Frustration burns inside me. The reunion I was expecting has taken a different turn.
His face softens. “Of course I’m happy to see you. You are my only living kin. I’m trying to make sense of all this. It’s a problem waiting to be solved.”
“Okay. But why would I keep information from you? You’re my uncle. Anything I know I would tell you.”
“Clare was my sister and look what she neglected to tell me.” Hurt marks each word of Edward’s statement.
“It must have been a good reason for it, Edward. She must have known you could figure out what the missing piece is.” I reach out and put a hand on his arm.
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He doesn’t respond, simply nods his head gently, turning his focus back on the paper. Suddenly, I’m exhausted. All the adrenaline has worn off and I have a hard time keeping my eyes open. I take a seat on the small sofa again. Edward begins talking about the different formulas and what they mean. His mind is still on the puzzle that needs to be solved. Soon, his voice is no more than a low mumbling in my ears, lulling me to sleep.
Rustling of pans mixed with a low and steady rhythm of classical music wake me up. As soon as I open my eyes a throbbing headache hits me like a hammer. A reflex grunt escapes me, and I sit slowly not to make the pain worse.
“Take these.” Edward pushes two pills into my hand before returning to the corner where his kitchen is located. He pours a batter into two pans and it sizzles when it meets the hot oil. I swallow down the pills without water and lean back in the sofa, trying not to think about Gilbert and Rufus. Still, their faces float in front of my eyes. Nausea mixes with my headache. I killed them. I’m the reason that they are dead. Was I wrong to leave? Should I have stayed and tried to fight Morrick?
“How long did I sleep?” The pills are helping, chasing away the
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hammering in my head.
“Ten hours, give or take a few minutes.”
Why does it only feel like I slept for an hour? My body and mind are still groggy. I stand, otherwise I might be tempted to lay back down again, sleep some more.
Edward hands me two plates along with silverware. Without orders I go and put them on the square table that’s located under the window. The light wood looks mass-manufactured and lack both charm and comfort. The heavy curtain still covers the window and I open one of them. Before I can even drop my hand, Edward is by my side, quickly closing the curtain again. “It’s too dangerous, no one can see you here.”
I don’t argue with him or try to move the curtain again, instead I sit and wait for him to finish in the kitchen. He’s right after all, people are looking for me, both the Rebellion and our government. I will not take any unnecessary risks with my uncle’s life, I have already caused two unnecessary deaths.
He drops a plate with what looks like pancakes in the center of the table. The steamy smell takes my mind off the horrors from the last few days.
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“I remember that you used to make these when we had brunch at your place.” A genuine smile plays on my face as the memory of happier times appear.
“Well your mom always demanded I make them when she was a kid. I didn’t dare to make her anything else, even when she grew up.” Edward serves me a few more before grabbing some for himself.
He puts the document on the table, the white pages look worn now compared to yesterday.
I can’t believe how radically my life has changed since I picked up those documents. Or, I guess it all started when my parents stole it.
“What happens now Edward? Do I take these to the rebels? If this truly is the recipe to sustainable soil, it can change people’s lives forever.” Hope stirs in my body, making me forget the lost and loneliness that so often occupies me.
“Remember, this is only part of the recipe. It’s missing a piece. But, I don’t trust the Rebellion with this. Until I decide what we should do it’s not safe for you here. Tenebris would know you’re alive now and I’m sure he’s using all of his resources to find you.”
“Why would he care about someone like me? It’s not like he needs me for the recipe. He surely had more than one copy.”
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Edward adjust his glasses a bit. “He would have the first part of course. But if he has the start of the formula for the permanent one, that’s unclear. He wouldn’t want anyone else getting hold of that information; an unnecessary risk. Whoever has this is so close to figuring out the next part. Imagine the power the person with sustainable soil hold.”
“How can we do nothing then? We need to get this out to as many people as possible, before he can stop us.” An urgency kicks in inside me. The need to act is almost too hard to ignore.
“No, now is the time to plan, Eddie. Rash decisions are dangerous. We need to make sure this gets into the right hands. We don’t need another Tenebris.”
“Yes, but the longer we wait, the bigger the risk is that he finds and kills us. Then my parents’ sacrifice was for nothing.”
How can Edward not see how important this is? Maybe I should have trusted the Rebellion. If I knew what I had from the beginning, maybe I would have.
“You are a child, you don’t comprehend the real world. How do you know the Rebellion will do the right thing? How do you know that they won’t simply keep it to themselves for the power it provides? It’s a
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desperate world out there, a world you know nothing about.”
His words sting, and I have a hard time taking another bite of the food in front of me. Maybe he’s right. What do I know? Guilt and remorse take over my whole being. I lead the army to the crew and then I ran away, leaving them to fight the danger by themselves. Were they captured, or worse, killed? Phoenix’s warm smile and Boston’s loud laugh rings in my ears. Everything I have done in the past days have put people in danger.
Edward brings me back to reality. “It’s not safe for you here, that much is clear. But I have a friend. She used to work for the Rebellion as well. She lives in seclusion and will help us. You will go to her and stay there. I will figure out the rest.”
“What do you mean ‘the rest’? And why wouldn’t you come with me?” My heart rate is picking up at the thought of leaving Edward, not knowing if I would ever see him again.
“They’re watching me too closely, it wouldn’t be safe for me to leave. Not to mention the tracking device in my arm. You can stay with her until I decide what to do with this information. Who we can trust with it?” His stern voice leaves no room for arguments.
I cross my arms in front of me, I’m not used to getting ordered
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around. I have been the one making all the decisions for the past two years. “I don’t like this plan Edward.”
“Like it or not it’s what we ar
e going to do. It’s what Clare would have wanted.”
“Mom wanted me to survive and I’m safer staying here with you.”
Edward puts his silverware neatly on his plate. Now that he’s done eating, he sits back like he’s pondering what I said. “Eddie, what type of life would that be; trying to hide out in this small apartment, scared of any small noise that could mean the guards found out about you? I don’t know how long this will take me. I’m constantly watched so I need to be careful.” Edward pauses, takes a sip of water and continues. “Clare wouldn’t want you to just survive. She wanted you to live. It’s an enormous difference between the two.”
Emotions are building up, threatening to consume me. Every day since I left Mom at Edward’s house, my only focus has been on staying alive; getting food stored, not taking any unnecessary risks. The joys of having friends or having love in your life has not even been in my vocabulary, I have made do with the happy memories of the past.
“I know there’s a difference between living your life to the
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fullest and surviving, but who has that luxury now? Isn’t everyone’s life just about surviving today? Isn’t that why we need to do something to change that?”
“And we will, but first you need to stay under the radar for a while. There will be a time to take actions later.” He marks that the conversation is finished by getting up and clearing the table. I don’t move, I’m too lost in my own thoughts.
“You will go to my old friend Adira. It will take you two days to get there by foot. I will make sure to get you some provisions for the journey.”
“I have a horse …” I mumble, not wanting to take part in the planning of my departure.
“You have a what now?” From the expression on Edward’s face he must think I have lost my mind.
“I have a horse; that is, if she’s still where I left her. That’s how I got away from Morrick.” His name fills me with disgust.
“One surprise after the next one. Well, a horse will make it easier and faster for you.”
“Who is this Adira anyway. And why would I be safer there?”
“She used to work in the office as Head of Security. She was my
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contact to the Rebellion, when I was feeding them information. It must have been a huge defeat for Tenebris when he found out his trained officer betrayed him. She was close to him as well, he trusted her. After what happened to your parents that day she disappeared. If anyone can keep you safe it’s her, security used to be her whole life.”
Edward busies himself with grabbing a backpack, which he fills with different canned goods along with a few water bottles. “I should have some clothes for you as well. That will keep you warm in case you need to spend a night outside.” He walks over to a drawer and pulls out a black thin garment. The light fabric fits in one of his hands. He hands it to me.
“How will this keep me warm?” I fold out one long sleeve top and one pair of pants, both weighing nothing more than a feather. I expected some heavy wool jacket, not this flimsy fabric.
“It’s a new high-tech fabric that a branch of the lab has been developing. It’s supposed to keep your body temperature stable. It’s remarkable.”
I’m not as enthusiastic as Edward is over this piece of clothing. But I go change, nonetheless. The temperature-drops at night during the winter and fall are drastic and could be deadly, another great effect of
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global warming.
As I put the clothes on, it changes with my body. It forms to each curve, like it’s a second skin. What would Rufus have thought about these? He would have found the black tights and long sleeve a bit dull with its lack of color or print. My smile fades as fast as it appeared. Rufus will never see this.
I put on my regular clothes on over the new additions and walk out of the bathroom to see Edward waiting by the balcony door, the backpack in hand. “I’m leaving already?”
“Yes, there’s no point in waiting. I have a map here along with a compass. I trust you know how to use it.”
“You’re the one that taught me, so I guess so.” Edward had never played with me when I was a child. Instead, he always instructed me in science or taught me what he thought was useful life lessons.
“And you have read the whole document your Mom took?” He puts the backpack on my shoulders and walks over to the document that’s still on his table.
“Yes.”
“Good.” He takes a lighter from his pockets and walks over to the sink with the paper in hand.
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“Edward, what are you doing?” I follow him, an uneasiness filling my body.
He doesn’t answer, but instead puts the flame toward the edge of the white paper. I see the flames take hold and start to build, leaving only black ash behind. “Stop Edward!” I try to grab the paper. He puts up his other hand to keep me away, I urge, “You can’t burn it; stop!” I hit him on his back, trying to get him to put out the fire, but he doesn’t flinch. Instead, the flame takes hold of the remaining paper and he drops it in the sink, the fire dying out against the metal.
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Chapter 14
I can’t help it. I drop to my knees; my energy gone with the document.
Edward simply turns around and looks at me with puzzled eyes. “I did what you should have done the minute you found that paper.”
“What are you talking about?” I can’t hide my anger, I don’t want too.
A heavy sigh escapes Edward as he sits beside me. “Why are you so upset? You have photographic memory. I burnt the paper so that it wouldn’t get in the wrong hands.”
A sob escapes me as my anger dies out as fast as the flame did in the sink. “It’s not about the formula Edward. It’s about mom’s last writing. Her last words.” He’s right that I will not forget the words those papers held. I never forget anything that I read. But having it in my mind is not the same as being able to look at her writing, having that last connection to her.
“That’s nonsense. Your mother is always part of you; in your DNA. The paper is too high-risk to keep,” he says while taking my elbow to help me off the floor. I don’t look at him, I’m still too angry;
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even though a small part of me knows he’s right.
“You should get going, you never know when Tenebris’ soldiers will turn up to look for you. Stay at Adira’s until I contact you. She might put up a wall. She’s a tough lady, but she always does the right thing.”
He leads me to the door, puts the map and compass in my hands. “I will contact you as soon as I have figured this out, okay? Just stay put so I can find you. You promise?” He lifts my chin, making me look at him before I go.
“I don’t want to lose you too Edward,” I say as I clench my jaw. It hurts to say goodbye, it reminds me too much of that last day in his house. Do I really want to do this again, leave my only family behind to stay safe? Maybe it’s worth the risk of staying, not thinking about the consequences. I don’t want to be alone in this world anymore.
A show of emotions always makes Edward uncomfortable. He looks down on the floor while he nudges me towards the door. “You need to leave now.”
I turn and give him a hug, trying to take in the moment, in case it’s the last one I have with my uncle.
He gives me a light pat on the back. “Calm down now. I’ll see
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you soon.”
I go out the same way I came in, careful not to be seen by the many cameras. My mind keeps wandering to the past few days, analyzing every defying moment that got me here. There are so many things I wish I would have done differently, so many things I want to change.
At least I did what I set out to do. I found Edward and I gave him the note. Why do I feel so empty now? I got what I wanted. I have done my part; delivered the message and the document. I’m done. All I have to do is wait and then try to build a life like the one I had before.
I expected some kind of joy or
sense of accomplishment. Instead, my mind is racing with politics. We should have given the recipe to the Rebellion. I don’t agree with his urgency to wait. After what I’ve been through with Morrick's betrayal, I know how fast things can change. The more people that know about the formula the better. At least then it would be harder for Tenebris to hide it or kill the people that know. Also, someone would be able to figure out the missing piece. That would automatically make a huge difference for the quality of life for everyone. In the end, I trust that Edward knows what he’s talking about. He has experience in the real life that I lack. I just need to be
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patient.
Thankfully, Rose is where I left her, still tied to the tree, a safe distance from the outside of town. She huffs loudly and shakes her head as she sees me. I give her one of the apples Edward packed for me. She finishes it in two bites and then rubs her head against me, trying to see if I have more treats to give her.
I struggle to get on her back smoothly. Having memorized books about horses clearly doesn’t give me the experience with the real animal. Some things you just can’t read your way to.
I nudge her. She starts walking in a slow pace while I check the map and compass, making sure we’re on the right path. I’m left empty without the document that has been occupying my mind the last few days. But all I need to do is close my eyes and I see the formulas form in front of me.
