Survive for Me

by Karin Dahan

  “But that’s not the world we live in. The government doesn’t care. Tenebris is the one that should be judged and sentenced. But how would that happen?”

  “Even in the darkest times you need to have faith that the goodness in people will prevail. Tell me, if you were the judge and jury over someone’s life, and you ended them, would you still stay the same? Wouldn’t part of you always be tainted by that?”

  For the first time with Adira I’m left speechless. My rational sides agree with her. I know I would never be the same if I shot and killed someone. But what if I did it in self-defense? Or, if I would have the chance to kill Tenebris, to take the life of the tyrant that rules over us, that murdered my parents, would I not?

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  Chapter 16

  Adira hands me some dried meat along with some berries and we eat in silence. I can hear a storm brewing outside. The wind makes a small whistling sound when it hits the cave wall. It would have been impossible to stay outside without shelter tonight. Luckily, Adira is familiar with these parts and leads us to a cave big enough to fit both us and Rose.

  As I stare into the crackling fire, my mind starts to wander about what will happen tomorrow. Will the Rebellion take me seriously when I don’t even have a paper to show for what my parents took? Will they even believe me?

  “You should meditate. It will help your anxiety.” I look up to see Adira studying me across the fire. Her eyes calm and intelligent.

  “I’m not anxious; just thinking about tomorrow.”

  “That’s why you are hardly eating, and why your hand is fidgeting with that necklace of yours? You are worried.”

  My hand drops. I hadn’t even realized I was playing with the golden plate. “I was just trying to prepare myself for what will happen.”

  A small smile brightens Adira’s face. “No. You were emotional,

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  worried about it. There is a clear difference between thinking about a strategic plan and going over different scenarios that can go wrong, worrying about them,” she says, as she grabs a drink from the water bottle next to her. “I have seen it from the start. You tend to worry and to let your emotions lead your way … You know I’m right.”

  I roll my eyes. “Maybe that’s a good thing. That’s how I have managed to stay alive.”

  “No. You have been lucky. That’s what you have been.”

  “Fine. Great pep talk. Now I feel confident about tomorrow. I’ll go to bed.” I stand up fast, fueled by my annoyance. I might have been lucky, but this hasn’t been easy. I was never prepared for this life or these situations. I was good at staying alive in my cabin, getting food and taking care of plants.

  I grab my sleeping bag and try to get it straight. Of course, the material flies in the wind and refuses to cooperate.

  Adira grabs the other side and helps me get it settled. “Eddie, I wasn’t trying to insult you. I am trying to help you.”

  “Well, you did very little helping and a lot of insulting.”

  She grabs both of my arms, standing so close I can see the small wrinkles in the corner of

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  her eyes.

  “You want to learn how to protect yourself and how to survive on your own,” she pauses to let her words sink in, making sure I’m listening. “Then you must learn how to control your emotions, to stay calm in stressful situations. When you get scared or sad, you can’t focus on what your opponent is doing. That’s when it gets dangerous.” She lets her hands drop from mine and I my anger disappears with her touch.

  “A great teacher once said that in order to execute the right techniques without hesitating, one must be willing to stare death in the face.” Adira turns and walks back to the fire, giving me space to make up my own mind.

  I swallow my pride and go back to my seat. “So, how do I learn to do that?”

  “Practice and meditation. When you learn to let go of your fears and be in the now, you can reach your full potential. You can’t fear death. It is part of life.”

  “That goes against everything my parents taught me. My Mom’s last words were to survive. I have to fear death to stay alive.” My voice falters, refusing to stay strong.

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  Adira looks into the fire, letting the silence grow before she finally speaks again. “All parents want their children to live, to survive in this world. But when called upon to protect others, to be selfless and make a difference, one must let go of the fear. Life is no longer about surviving at any cost.”

  Silent tears are falling down my checks. I don’t know if I can let go of my promise, of the last thing I gave my Mom.

  “In my life, I have lived, and I have survived. And let me tell you, Eddie, being able to live, to grow and develop beats out surviving at any cost. Your mom would have agreed with me.”

  I put my hands over my face, wanting to be alone in my sadness. I know she’s right. I never felt as alive those two years alone in the treehouse as I have done this past week.

  I don’t hear her move until she’s right beside me. She puts a gentle arm over my shoulder, not saying a word, just offering me comfort. I was so wrong about Adira. She isn’t the cold and careless person I thought in the beginning. She just has a wall up, scared to let anyone in because she knows the pain of loss.

  During the next morning, Adira teaches me the basics of meditation and how I should let go of fears and worries. It all sounds

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  easy. But, according to her, it takes years to truly master. I wish Edward would have provided me with some books about the subject. Then, I would have been prepared. I would have already had all the facts. But knowing him, he probably never found it useful. Edward’s mind is like a machine, always working, I doubt there is much room for fears and insecurities.

  In the afternoon. Adira grows quiet, her focus on the treetops above us. I try to see what she’s searching for but see nothing more than branches and leaves. Suddenly, she stops dead in her tracks, whistling a melody, all the while looking at one point in the treetops.

  “What are you doing?” I whisper.

  She doesn’t answer, instead just whistling the same melody again. Right when I’m about to ask her if she has gone mad, I hear the song repeated, flowing down from above us.

  “There is a lookout up there, hidden in the trees. Without the passcode, we wouldn’t have been able to enter,” she says as she starts walking.

  I follow her, still trying to see how she managed to spot a lookout. I don’t see a thing.

  After a few meters, the thick forest thins out and the moss-filled

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  ground gives way to a narrow stretch of pebbles, perfectly smooth and rounded stones made from the broad river that lies ahead. The dark turquoise water looks alive and cold as it rushes past us, a bright contrast to the massive stone wall behind it.

  “There it is,” Adira says as she points at the middle of the rock layered wall. I lift my hand to block out the sun and that’s when I see the large indent in the stone, like someone had carved out a big hole. It takes me a while before I can see the tiny structures that are created from the stone on the cliff, one building formation after the other line the shelf.

  “How did they do that?” I can’t hide the amazement in my voice.

  “The Rebellion found this place years ago. It used to belong to the indigenous people back in the day. Now, it works as one of their bases, perfectly hidden and it offers protection from the harsh weather,” she replies.

  Adira walks to a place where the river is shallow. By the time I can finally tear my eyes away from the jaw-dropping architecture above us, she is already on the other side, leading Rose behind her. I have to run to catch up with them.

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  “How are we going to get up there?” I scan the wall of the yellow-colored rock, looking for a way. But all I see is a flat surface.

  “There is a hidden path over there,” Adira says as she points to the right where some trees grow on the base of the mo
untain. “They have a cave there that they have modernized for storing the vehicles. There should be a space where we can let Rose rest.” She runs her hand over Rose’s neck. The horse gives a snort in response. She seems to be Adira’s horse now, totally taken by the woman. Traitor.

  As we walk, a figure comes out from the tree line. I can tell he must be former military even from this distance. He’s marching more than walking. I try to suppress my nerves. I have Adira with me. She knows these people. I’m not totally alone.

  “When the spotters told me it was you, I didn’t believe them at first.” The man with silver hair and a thick scar on his right check stretches out his hand to greet Adira. “General, it’s a pleasure to see you again,” he says while he shakes her hand. Adira’s hand is almost lost in his big palm.

  “It’s just Adira now,” she responds. I can hear the change in her voice. She sounds formal and hard again, just like the day I met her.

  “I’m guessing that doesn’t mean that you are returning to fight

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  the cause then. "His broad shoulders move up as a low chuckle escapes him. His grey eyes turn to me and I have to look away from his intense gaze. “And who is this little one?”

  “Uh, I’m Eddie. Sir.”

  He raises an eyebrow as soon as he hears my name, “As in Clare and Alec’s daughter?”

  I nod my head, looking down on the rocky ground.

  “Well, I’ll be darned. We thought you were dead by now. Glad to see that we were wrong. I’m Robert. But everyone calls me Rod. Let’s get inside, shall we? We have some things to discuss.” He gestures with his arm for us to move. I fall back a few steps, letting Adira and Rod talk amongst themselves.

  We get to the pine trees and Rod holds away the thick branches, letting us pass. Behind the greenery we are met by a large cave, covered by enormous steel doors. Its shiny metal looks misplaced next to the stone.

  Rod walks past us and runs a keycard on the monitor that is attached to the wall and the doors open slowly. Rose prances nervously, her eyes full of fear. Adira calms her down, speaking softly next to her while she runs her hand along her neck. I put my hand on her back,

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  trying to calm my own raising heartbeat. I know horses are sensitive to people’s fears, that they can sense when you are afraid. After several encouraging words, along with a few snacks, Rose agrees to be led into the cave.

  The florescent lights are blinding when we first enter. I remind myself to breathe because for a split second I forget when I see what lies in front of us. Rows of diverse types of army vehicles are perfectly parked right by the entrance and behind them the weaponry line the far wall.

  “I hope you are okay with stairs. We haven’t gotten the elevators up and running yet. The armory has been the priority.”

  Clearly.

  “Where can we put the horse? These machines make her nervous,” Adira says, still walking close to Rose to keep her calm.

  “We have a place in the back that will do. It will be calmer for her.” Rod brings up his hands and blows a loud whistle. I hear rustling coming from the back office. A boy, maybe my age or slightly younger, comes running out. His red hair reminds me of the fall colors on the trees. “This kid has a way with animals, don’t you Bo?” The boy nods enthusiastically. “Your horse will be in good hands.”

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  Adira gives Bo the rains and he gently runs his hand over her nose. Rose seems calmer in an instant. “Ha. I told you he was good.” Rod laughs and heads to the back corner where stairs are carved into the stone. “God, I hate these stairs.” He sighs as he starts up the first step.

  When we reach the top, I’m panting so heavily I need to brace myself on the wall. My legs are going to be so sore tomorrow. How can they live all the way up here with all those stairs? I look up to see Rod and Adira waiting for me; unbothered by the climb we just did.

  “Welcome to the cliff dwelling. We were just setting things up last time you were here, Adira. Now, we are the biggest camp in the closest proximity to the City,” Rod says, looking at me as he continues. “We mostly work on intel here, gathering what we can hear and see from our spies; not that we have that many since you left.” He gives Adira a quick glance and starts walking, expecting us to follow.

  A miniature village opens in front of us. One level or two-level houses are cut from the stone that line the wall. It must be around forty of them. Their smooth surface is new to me. I can’t figure out how they built these structures. There’re no bricks or wood to hold them up. They are just molded from stone. The windows are small and either open or are covered with wooden planks. The modern technology of the cave

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  down below has clearly not made its way up here yet.

  The cliff is busy, with movement everywhere. So much life and energy are a bright contrast to the dull stone that surround us on three sides.

  We walk slowly along the main road. There is no fence or barrier to separate us from the drop on the edge of the cliff. Of course, Adira and Rod are not faced with it, walking with confidence in the middle of it. Even though the road is wide, I still run my hand along the buildings next to me, needing a sense of safety from the dizzying height.

  My safety blanket soon disappears as a large area without any houses opens. In the open field, men and women are training close combat. The motions and dance-like skills work as a distraction and for a minute I forget the deadly drop.

  I can see that people study us, paying far more attention to Adira than me. They whisper and point. Soon, the training stops. Everyone is too focused on us to do anything else. Some salute Adira while others look in awe. She ignores the stares, not wavering in her steps the slightest. She must have been important when she was in the Rebellion to get this treatment.

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  Rod brings us to a two-story building next to the training grounds and opens the door without knocking. The wooden door looks new next to the stone walls.

  We enter a room that’s full of life. The large table in the middle is covered with papers and notes and the wall behind it holds a map of the area. Markings in red stand out against the green and brown shades of the paper. Behind another desk, a petite woman is in full work mode. She doesn’t look up until she hears the door close behind us. Her auburn hair curls around her dainty face as surprise shines in her eyes.

  “Jude, go and grab the commander. He will be interested to meet our new guests.”

  “Right away, General.” She just nods in greeting to us before heading out, her surprise washes away in an instant.

  “Can I get you anything to drink? Once Jude gets my second commander we will get started with the debriefing.” He walks over to a second room, which I assume is the kitchen.

  How did they even get electricity in this place? I look around in awe. Everything on this cliff is polar opposite on the time spectrum. Antique mixes with modern technology. I’m too busy observing my surroundings to talk, so Adira responds, “Water for both.”

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  Rod comes back with two large glasses. "I’m sure you know we have had a team out looking for you ever since you disappeared. We never planned to leave you alone, to fight for your own survival as long as you have,” he says, as he hands me one of the glasses.

  I look away, too embarrassed to meet his gaze. Does he know that his crew found me? That I led the army right to them, possibly to their death? My cheeks burn.

  I hear the door shut behind us and Rod finally looks away. I can breathe again.

  “I didn’t know what to expect, General Rod, but I certainly didn’t expect the deserter to stand in your office,” a voice I recognize says from behind me.

  I quickly spin and come face-to-face with Ryker.

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  Chapter 17

  My face is flush, and my knees feel like they will betray me. The embarrassment of being face-to-face with Ryker is too much. His body language is formal and calm. But I can see how he tenses the muscle on his jaw. H
e’s clearly upset at me for running away.

  I open my mouth to speak, but close it just as quickly, not finding the right words.

  “I assume you are General Tasumi. It’s a pleasure meeting such a legend. I’m Ryker, commander of the extraction team responsible for bringing in Eddie,” Ryker says as he shakes hands with Adira.

  “It’s just Adira,” she responds, seemingly a bit uncomfortable with the praise.

  “Now that everyone is here, let’s get started, shall we?” Rod says as he takes a seat by a large table. Jude gets busy moving the papers away, making room for us.

  Ryker takes a seat opposite me. His eyes are on me, but I don’t look up. Instead, I’m extremely focused on my hands. The room and its military atmosphere intimidate me.

  “General Tasumi … I mean, Adira. Would you be so kind to

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  start?” Rod says.

  “General, I will give the platform to Eddie. I am solely here as her guide,” Adira says. I force myself to look up. Everyone is staring at me, waiting to hear my story.

  “Uh, so my parents worked for Tenebris… “