The Grey Dawn

by Stacey DeMichael

  Sir Kent looked pained as the earl returned to his seat and murmured, “Excuse me, my lord. I was out of line,” to which the earl simply snorted.

  The earl yanked the saddle over the log and grabbed his own blanket. Then using the saddle as a pillow, the earl rolled onto his side away from the fire. Sir Kent watched the earl for some moments and then gave Ellalee an indecipherable look and rolled over under his own blanket. Ellalee shook her head. Nothing was going well, and she knew it was her fault.

  Daniella hissed, “Why must you always make everything worse?”

  Ellalee watched her sister turn her back to her and lay down. Christopher looked helpless and worried, and Ellalee gave him a small smile. “Don’t worry Christopher, hope will rise with the dawn.”

  “God still has us, right Ellalee?”

  “Yes, dear one, God still has us,” Ellalee said softly and wondered if that were true. It certainly didn’t feel that way. She was cast out, and the things that remained to her were taken too, right down to her freedom. Can God take everything and still care? Christopher seemed to find peace with her assurance and nestled down under his own blanket. He was asleep almost as soon as his head found that comfortable place in the crook of his arm. Everyone fell asleep before her except the one knight keeping watch. Everything seemed to keep her awake, the shuffling of the horses, the occasional snap of the fire, the rumbling breathing of one of the men, the whooing of an owl, and, of course, the guilt.

  The next morning Ellalee and siblings along with the knights broke their fast with tack bread and jerky as the first cold glimmers of sun began to peek through the tops of the trees casting dappled light onto the forest floor. It didn’t take long to gather their scant belongings and load up. Daniella doused the fire, and Ellalee folded up their dry stiff clothes from the side of the wagon. The clothes still needed a good dose of lye soap, but they were a sight better than they were yesterday.

  The air was brisk, creating little plumes of condensation as the horses and the people in their little band exhaled, and Ellalee, Daniella, and Christopher huddled together for warmth in the back of the wagon covering themselves with their blankets from the night before. The morning warmed and passed very much like the one previously with precious few words exchanged between the knights. Their little band took much less traveled trails this day, and at some points, Ellalee wasn’t even sure if they were, in fact, on a trail at all.

  Ellalee and Daniella were content to watch the world pass by in silence. Christopher, however, after a good night’s sleep was more restless, and the woods held less attraction than they had yesterday. Ellalee tried to shush him, and finally told him a story to help pass the time.

  “Once upon a time, there was a brave squire named Christopher. He was like none other because he only had one good leg, but it didn’t matter because he had a horse named Raptim who could keep pace with the very wind on a brisk autumn day, and he had a crutch that if spun thrice in hand would turn into a sword that always found its mark. Christopher and Raptim were on a mission with the bravest knight in all the land named…”

  “Name him Sir Kent,” Christopher chimed in excitedly, sitting up straighter and positively beaming at the scowling knight with ten-year-old adoration.

  Ellalee flashed a look up at Sir Kent to check his reaction before continuing. She thought perhaps his scowl wasn’t quite as fierce as usual, until the knight next to him said, “Well, it is a fairy tale, after all.”

  Ellalee cleared her throat and continued, “Sir Kent. They were on a mission in the Deep Dark Wood to find a mysterious passage that would lead them into the land of fairies which they had sworn to find because the fairies had stolen the earl’s….”

  “Sword?” asked Christopher?

  “Tongue,” mumbled the knight next to Sir Kent.

  “Hair,” said Ellalee firmly. “And the earl refused to lower his hood until his hair had been returned to him once more.”

  The two knights appeared to be choking, but Ellalee resisted the urge to clap them on their backs.

  “The passage to the land of fairies would be marked by two twin trees standing far apart enough for a cart about this size to pass through, and a line of creamy white mushrooms had grown between the twin trees marking the way.

  “And if I recall, the passage was just along this trail in this very part of the Deep Dark Woods. Perhaps you can keep your eyes open for it.”

  “Is this true?” Christopher asked dubiously.

  “As true as Sir Kent is the bravest knight in all the land,” Ellalee responded brightly. Sir Kent shifted in the seat, and the knight next to him guffawed.

  Christopher smiled. “Then I will see if I can spot it, and then Sir Kent and I will get back the earl’s hair so that he can drop his hood and smile again. I would be very unhappy is someone stole my hair. What kind of trees were they? Like those two? Oh, they’re not far enough apart, and there’re no mushrooms. Oh, there are some mushrooms!”

  That evening when they stopped, Christopher nearly leaped out of the wagon. His actions startled the knights who initially seemed to believe that he was going to make a crutching run for it. Everyone settled down as he hobbled over to one of the knights just lowering himself out of his saddle, and put his hands out for the reins.

  “Sir, I will see to brushing down the horses. I’ve worked in my father’s barn back when we had horses and at the McCarthy’s farm before I hurt my leg. I know horses.”

  The knight shook his head. “The name is Sir Walter, and no, little man, this is a war horse not some farmer’s nag. Beastly would just as soon eat you as look at you.”

  Ellalee smiled at Christopher remembering well his fondness for horses. “Give him a go, Sir Walter. He has a knack for animals, even a great roan destrier like yours will be nibbling out of his hand. We couldn’t keep him away from father’s horses, and some of those were the even bigger than yours.”

  The earl shook his head. “Says the thief and the liar. Came from a wealthy family did you? I suppose you can read and write too. The stories never end.”

  Ellalee blushed furiously. She had believed when she told her story this afternoon that the earl was far enough ahead not to overhear. She felt guilty and hoped that her family wouldn’t be punished further for her continued poor judgement.

  “She is telling the truth, your lordship,” said Daniella. Her soft determined speech drew every eye to her which brought pink into her cheeks. She lowered her eyes and dipped quickly into a brief curtsey and then moved to start gathering deadfall for their camp fire. Ellalee noticed that Sir Walter’s gaze remained on her sister, and who could blame him? Even in the peasant clothes, she was lovely. But attention, given their subservient circumstances, was no longer an option and would only lead to ruin which Ellalee would never allow.

  Ellalee straightened her shoulders and faced the earl. “I can read and write as well as you, I dare say, in English, Latin, and French, and you can believe what you wish. I have no control over that. The truth, I have always found, carries little freight for small-minded individuals who don’t value it.” She heard her sister gasp and quickly turned her attention to Sir Walter. “See for yourself, sir knight, Christopher truly loves horses, and he hasn’t met one who hasn’t returned the sentiment.”

  The knight frowned and shook his head at what he obviously believed was Ellalee’s wild fabrication, but still yielded a few inches to the side. “Put forward your hand then, lad. Better make it the one you don’t lead with in case you don’t get it back.”

  Christopher crooned softly as he approached, and the horse blew and stamped, but didn’t put back his ears or snap. Ellalee found that she was standing as stiff as Sir Kent as they watched, but the horse let the boy come close and then allowed the boy to stroke his cheek. Ellalee silently cheered as the horse lowered his head so that Christopher could give him a good rub behind the ear. Christopher was all smiles as he crutched along beside the horse and hobbled it. Christopher almost toppled on his crooke
d leg trying to lift off the saddle but was saved by Sir Kent who made a comment about beginner’s luck.

  Ellalee smiled in pure delight watching Christopher’s happiness as he brushed down the horse giving it every due compliment. The other knight from the wagon unhitched the horses from the wagon and tethered them near Christopher.

  “I am Sir Fritz, and I can’t be sure of these horses’ names, but I believe they are Whinny and Spook,” he said pointed to bay and then to roan. He then said something very quietly to Christopher, and Ellalee found herself blushing again as she caught both glancing over at her. Three guess who they were talking about.

  The last knight, Sir James, tied his horse by the earl’s own great black destrier as both knight and earl grabbed their bows and quivers. Sir Kent began unbuckling the saddle from Sir James’ horse.

  Sir James nodded at the boy before he turned to follow the earl into the woods. “This is Ash.”

  The earl said nothing, but Christopher hurled a question at his retreating back. “My lord, what is your horse’s name?”

  The earl turned his cowled head towards Christopher, his mouth firm. “It is an animal. It has no name.” Then continued towards the woods.

  “Then I shall call you Raptim, the fastest horse in all the land,” Christopher crooned. Ellalee watched the earl hesitate between one footfall and the next and then continue into the woods as if he hadn’t heard. When Sir Kent removed Raptim’s saddle, Christopher drew a sharp breath and ran his hand down the horse’s long scar that traveled one side of its torso from withers to haunches. The horse shivered at the boy’s touch. Christopher turned his head to face the woods in the direction the earl had gone.

  Daniella had the wood gathered for the fire and was setting about stacking it, while Ellalee looked for what she could do to help. She finally gathered all the water skins looped them around her neck and headed to the stream to refill them. Her ankle still pained her, but the crutch was almost worse. It made her wonder what the skin looked like under Christopher’s arm after enduring a crutch so long. It must have been as thick as horse’s hide, and she felt ashamed she’d never accounted for the hardship of the crutch alone.

  Ellalee got the fire going with steel and flint, and soon the smoky scent filled the air. The flames grew and spread, and the fire’s warmth was welcome on her cold hands that she held out to the flames. She sighed and leaned back against a saddle and bags and stared into the flames, mesmerized by their dance, losing herself in the moment of peace until she heard the crunching of boots behind her.

  The men came back to camp with two rabbits, a squirrel, and a couple of small birds. Ellalee helped pluck the birds. Sir Kent skinned the rabbits and the squirrel. She noted when she looked up from her work that Sir Kent gazed at her with an indecipherable look which appeared only slightly less unpleasant than the looks he usually gave them all.

  The aroma from the fire as they cooked made their mouths water. Ellalee felt the hopelessness inside her rising when she looked at Christopher and saw how the firelight highlighted his hollowed cheeks. Watching meat sizzle in front of them and smelling that wood-cooked aroma was worse than not being able to afford meat. Ellalee believed this must be like one of Dante’s circles of hell. She wanted to weep with frustration.

  Christopher watched enthralled at every stroke of the knife as Sir Kent cut the juicy tender meat from the bone. When the job was completed, Sir Kent looked askance at the Earl who frowned beneath his cowl.

  “Let them eat,” the earl’s gravelly voice grated Ellalee, but her heart celebrated. Christopher’s hands shook, and he had tears in his eyes as he reached for the tendered piece of meat. Ellalee didn’t think she’d ever seen such a look of gratitude, and it seemed Sir Kent, as the beneficiary of such awed appreciation, was not as unaffected as he tried to appear. Daniella took her meat with her usual grace, blessed it, and unlike Christopher who was eating as fast as he could, savored each and every tiny bite. Ellalee accepted meat too, though she hardly thought the work she did deserved it, and pretended to eat little nibbles while encouraging Christopher to slow down. When Christopher was done, he began licking his fingers and looked ready to chew the bones. Ellalee noticed that Sir Kent had barely touched his meat either nor had Sir Fritz. Ellalee sniffed the meat cautiously to see if there was something wrong with it, but it smelled fine to her.

  “Can hardly eat another bite,” Sir Kent announced as he stood up and stretched. He unceremoniously plopped his meat into Christopher’s hands who looked like Christmas had not just come early but that, beyond all reason, had come twice. Sir Kent moved toward the stream. Sir Fritz, likewise, was too full, and gave his portion to Christopher who looked on with glee and ate with all the satisfaction that Ellalee could wish for him. Ellalee noted that the earl watched all of this with little expression on the lower half of his face. She once again wished she could see his eyes, the mirrors of his soul, so that she could in some way understand this travesty of a human being.

  Ellalee, shook her head, and smiled at Christopher’s obvious delight. She couldn’t remember when the boy had been full-up. This might be the first evening in years. She took one bite of her meat, savored the taste, and just as Christopher finished the last of the knight’s meat, she passed him her own and smiled at him with all her heart. She felt hot tears rising to the surface, and she reached for her crutch, wincing as it came down on the sore spot under her arm and moved off towards the creek as well.

  Ellalee saw Sir Fritz and Sir Kent standing by the stream talking softly. She cleared her throat when she came towards them, and they waited in silence as she approached in her slow hobbling gate.

  “Thank you,” she got out before her voice cracked and unreasonably she began to sob. The knights looked like she had sidled up beside them and hit them with her crutch rather than thank them. She supposed that a crying female may have that affect so she mumbled, “Sorry, just give me a moment.”

  Sir Kent nodded, scowling in his usual way, and both of the knights wandered back to the fire with a couple backward glances over their shoulders as they went. She knelt by the stream and cried, trying to be silent as to not to draw attention to herself. It seemed silly to cry now after all that had happened. How could the one nice thing that had happened undo her? She reached shaky hands towards the stream, scooping up the water, and rinsed her face. The icy water felt refreshing against her hot cheeks.

  “And you’ve been mistreated this time how?”

  The earl’s contemptuous voice startled her so badly that she leaped to her feet crunching her sore ankle. She leaned over and picked up her crutch and leaned on it, panting for a moment to rid herself of the jolt of pain.

  “I truly wish you wouldn’t keep sneaking up on me. I would be worth more to you healed that permanently crippled,” she said more sharply than she intended. Then rubbed her face, and added quietly, “Forgive me. I struck my ankle just now, and the pain is bright.”

  “I clomped all the way up here,” the earl responded harshly. “I demand to know why you are here sniveling.”

  Sniveling, indeed! Ellalee’s lips thinned. “Nothing you would understand.” Ellalee turned her back toward the earl and studied the moonlight on the water.

  “I asked a question, and if I have to beat an answer out of you, at least you will have a proper reason for those tears.”

  Ellalee hugged herself, feeling her sharp ribs and sliding her hand down to the tip of her pointed hip bone. There was a time she had been pleased with her newly acquired curvy figure, but now she was all bones and points. She let out a long breath.

  “I’m happy,” she said quietly and then turned to face the earl not meeting his glowering eyes, and realizing despite her circumstance, that the statement was true. When his mouth quirked down, she continued looking over his shoulder into the darkness of the woods at nothing in particular. “The night before I stumbled to your fire, I had hoped to buy meat, but Mistress Bane only gave me a few copper coins for the laundry. I prayed for me
at, but I could barely purchase enough barley to make a watered down pottage that didn’t last us a day,” she gave a mirthless laugh. “It didn’t even last us a full meal. It didn’t even feed all of us. Watching Christopher just this once get food enough for his growing body,” she could feel her voice giving way again and cleared her throat, “just made me happy. I’m grateful. I don’t know why that made me cry. The feeling of seeing something good has been remarkably rare these past few years. I think the emotion just overwhelmed me. I don’t expect you to understand.”

  “No, I don’t understand. Why didn’t you just hunt instead of steal?”

  Why indeed? Ellalee asked herself. “I never learned, and it is illegal to hunt in Wyndale Wood.”

  “So worried about the legality of hunting that you lied and stole because that’s so much more legal?” His sarcasm was biting.

  Ellalee’s shoulders caved. “I’ve never been much of a liar, actually. I did steal. I suppose if I knew how, I would have rather hunted. It would still have been theft, but at least it would have been the work of my own hands and not the taking of work from another’s.

  “When I was young, before Christopher came along, I badgered my father into teaching me reading and languages and calculations. Not having a son, he spoiled me. I loved reading most. I read everything I could get my hands on and thought much of myself for my learning. Foolish pride, I suppose. if I could go back, I would have asked for a more meaningful education. It’s rather water under the bridge now, isn’t it?” She turned looked out over the bubbling brook once more, watching the water stream past her, like time, uncontrolled, unaccounted for, unstoppable.

  The earl grunted, and then Ellalee could hear him trudging back to the fire. She looked over her shoulder and watched him go. By the time she returned to the fire, Christopher was nestled down in his blanket next to Daniella. The knights were murmuring to each other, and the earl sat apart by himself facing the fire and sharpening his dagger. She sat down, and the men became silent. She supposed she managed to make everyone feel uncomfortable. Ellalee felt like a right menace foisted onto unwilling company this night and was eager to put the world behind her. She laid down and fell asleep with only her stomach pains for company, but for the first time the guilt seemed a little further away.