Resurrection

by Evelyn Montgomery

  Pushing into the store, I pull my Carhart jacket around me and shove my hands in my pockets. The place is relatively empty, and I can’t say I am surprised. It will be cold as hell on the water today, but this was another thing Troy and I said we’d do, ever given the chance once we were stateside, so not following through isn’t an option. My only regret is that this place is an hour and a half away from Ballground and all that much closer to my past. The one I’ve been running from for far too long.

  Rummaging through the store, I grab a 12 pack of some dark beer before hitting the snack isle. As my eyes scan the candy they fall on a pack of Jolly Ranchers and I can’t help but smile. Rose eats Jolly Ranchers, the thought invades as the memory pulls at the side of my lips until my face breaks out into a full grin. She keeps them in her desk at work and thinks no one notices. But I can smell the sweet scent when I lean in close and it always makes me wonder just what they’d taste like if I pulled her in and allowed myself the pleasure I’ve been denied for far too long. The taste of her addictive kiss when I sure as hell don’t deserve it.

  Smiling like an absolute idiot, I look around me and notice a few people over on the far isle. Clearing my throat, I try and shake her from my mind as I grab the candy and can’t help but take it with me. If I don’t eat it, I’ll leave it on her desk for her Monday morning. A truce of sorts for the way I can’t get my head right and figure out what the right thing to do is when it comes to her and I. Snagging a couple bags of chips and some beef jerky, I begin to make my way to the counter with full arms when a voice stops me from behind.

  “I told you we should have gone to Nottely Lake, Robert. I don’t know why you insisted on this one!”

  The woman’s voice sends chills down my spine as I stop abruptly in my steps. I hear the couple walk a few more strides up behind me and suddenly find it hard to breathe.

  “For heaven’s sake Margaret, I wanted to have a good day on the lake, not have you along bitchin’ and moanin’ the whole damn time. I should have left you at home and enjoyed some damn peace and quiet by myself.”

  My eyes close as I will myself to step forward, to continue to walk, run, fucking flee the damn store even if it means taking all the unpaid items in my arms with me. But I can’t. The sounds of their voices bring back memories I haven’t thought about in years. The screams of a mother and father when I had no choice but to tell them their daughter was dead. Gone. Forever joined together with their granddaughter and there was nothing I did to stop it.

  “Move son!” I hear Robert say as he comes up behind me. “People have places to go and you’re standing in the damn way!”

  I was always standing in the way. Always the reason for everything that went wrong. A fact the man behind me let me know even before he blamed me for the loss of his granddaughter and then just a short while later his own damn child, Charlette. I swallow over a lump in my throat as my feet still won’t follow the damn instruction that my mind is trying to relay. Move, damnit! Don’t let them fucking see you. They haven’t noticed you yet. You can still get out of here without making a scene.

  But something inside me that I can’t fully understand breaks, and I find myself turning around and meeting the eyes of two of the people I’ve tried to outrun the most in my life. First overseas, and now here, in Georgia, attempting to escape the hell on earth that I put us all through back in Tennessee.

  Margaret’s sharp intake of breath should send up warning signs as my face comes into sight with both their own. I look to her first and see her hand fly up to her mouth in horror before my eyes dart to Robert’s and I watch as his shoulders are thrown back in a hostile motion and his jaw sets in determination to make me pay for what I’ve done.

  “What the fuck are you doing here!” He barks out at me as my insides quake a little and I juggle the items in my hands.

  I was never one to be scared in their presence before, that is before I fled the damn country to escape it all, so I figure why the hell start now. But the way this man is looking at me makes me wish I was dead. A fact he gladly let me know he hoped were true when I couldn’t save them. Emma, Charlette. Even myself, fuck all of us, from the inevitable reality that all I touch, all I love, is always destroyed and there is nothing I can do to change that.

  “Robert,” I say sternly with a nod before looking back over his shoulder. “Margaret,” her eyes water over with tears before her body shivers at my presence. The hell I put us all through is quickly coming back with vengeance to drag us all under with it, and if I were a wise man I would turn, pay for my items and never set foot back here again. “How are you?” I choke out, trying to maintain civilities even though things between us, even before mine and their daughter’s death, have never been civil.

  “If you don’t move,” I hear Robert hiss as the door to the store chimes. His eyes dart to the stranger that walked through, but like any soldier would, I already know he is there before I feel his presence at my side.

  “Do we have a problem here,” Troy insists as I hold the icy stare of the man in front of me. Robert doesn’t say a word, just continues to glare at me and kill me where I stand with his stare.

  I couldn’t save them. I’m sorry. I am so fucking sorry. My insides beg me to say, to yell, to finally get it through to them that I didn’t mean for it to happen.

  “Sir, I can ring you up over here,” the cashier says, catching onto the fight brewing in their store. Troy takes a few things out of my arms and begins to set them on the counter close behind us. When I know there is nothing left here to say, I turn and give him the rest of the items in my hands.

  “Murderer!” I hear Robert hiss behind me before I turn back his way. “You’re a fucking criminal that should have been given the punishment he deserved! Not a fucking chance at a purple heart overseas!”

  I feel Troy tense behind me but put up my hand to stop him from saying anything. “I’m sorry Robert,” I whisper, attempting to apologize for the millionth time although I know nothing I say will ever bring back his granddaughter, his daughter, the life we all had and would do anything in our power to get back. But we can’t.

  “Sorry!” He shouts, causing us all to flinch as I look back at the cashier behind us. I can tell they are not sure what to do. Let this obvious fight continue and hope it fizzles out, or call the fucking cops. My guess is on the later as the words he called me still hang in the air between us. “Sorry won’t bring back my family! My fucking life! My daughter! My fucking granddaughter! The life you ruined the second you stole my Charlette away, forced her to marry you because your sorry ass knocked her up, and then proceeded to kill, destroy, slaughter her and her fucking child before you ran away like the fucking coward you are!” He shoves at me and I fall back as his words hit me like poison running through my veins and attempting to finally take me out, steal any last chance at life away from me, but Troy is quick to step in between us and block any further blow, verbal or physical and I silently thank him for that.

  He doesn’t say a word but stands like a rock between two unstable men, one willing to go to battle to avenge what was his, and the other, willing to die if it meant he could change it. The cashier alerts us to our total and I take out my wallet and pay. Grabbing the items off the counter, I turn to walk away and Troy follows quickly behind obeying my wishes when I know he would put Robert in his place if ever given the chance. With my head hung low, I finally look up as we reach the door and meet both their stares. “If I could change places with them, I would in a heartbeat.” I whisper, probably one of the sincerest sentences I have ever said in my whole damn life.

  “Keep praying, Son.” Robert seethes as Margaret begins to cry behind him. “One day, if there is any justice in this damn world, your wish just may come fucking true!”

  Chapter 15

  Rose

  “This, is going to be epic!” Erica squeals. “Like that one time, before you were married when we drove to Nashville and danced all damn night. God, that night was legendary! Except thi
s time, we both have to promise not to puke!” We both slam the door to our Uber and giggle like stupid sorority girls. I was never in a sorority, but if I had to imagine I would bet this is probably what it felt like when you finally got the night off and went out on the town with one of your best friends.

  After some convincing earlier, I ended up making a phone call to Diana who was more than happy to watch the kids for me, seeing that she has only told me she would if I ever needed her about a million times over since I started at the newspaper. I haven’t been out on the town since before Liam was born. And I haven’t been out with the title “single” since, God maybe not ever. I look up at the bar we have driven to, which just happens to be in the next town over from home since Ballground absolutely gives a whole new meaning to the words “small town,” and can’t believe that I am doing this. I am out, without my kids, on a Saturday night and dressed up ready to have a little fun. Nervously I look to the ground as my heart pounds the closer we get to the door of the bar. My hands shake as I hesitantly push a few locks of hair behind my ear and try and settle my anxiety.

  “And in that dress,” Erica whistles next to me as she loops her arm through my own and pulls me faster towards the night ahead of us. “No man here will stand a damn chance at keeping his eyes off of you, I can promise you that. I knew I packed that thing for a reason!”

  I smile, but inside I know I don’t want any man’s eyes on me. At least not just any. Only one in particular, maybe. I’d want his look to devour me like he did earlier in the café. I swallow over a lump in my throat and try my best to push Justin from my mind. Even though I told Erica some of the truth about the way I feel about him earlier after we had left breakfast and returned to my house, I still hadn’t gone into every last detail.

  Like how his voice is like music to my soul. Calming every last wave that threatens to take me under with it. How just his mere presence in my world is a mighty force I am not sure how much longer I can live without. Because I want him. All of him. Even with his warnings. Even with my past. And hell, even though the voices in my present keep weighing me down and I worry they’ll never stop. By some miracle, I know now my heart is stronger than all of that. I am slowly beginning to feel it, realize it, let it take root and change me. Something I never expected. Having been through hell once before, my heart only started beating again, and God it only did for him. Nothing can stop it now.

  “Just please promise me you’ll stop me after a few shots and make me stick to beer, this night is one I want to remember, long after I make the couple hour drive back home tomorrow,” Erica huffs out in disappointment, as if she knows she has no control and her future for the next few hours does actually lay in my hands. She pushes open the door of the bar and I instinctively run my hands down the tiny fabric around my thighs, attempting to make the dress longer than it really is.

  The large room is packed as lights flicker in the distance and a cover band finishes up a classic rock song on the stage across the room. Smoke hangs in the air and mixes with the smell of alcohol, perfume, sweat and cologne. As we walk through the space, I get the hint of fried food in the air and watch as a waitress carries an array of bar food out to a nearby table.

  I take my phone out of my purse and check to see if I have a missed call. The kids have been only on my mind every other second since I left them earlier this evening before me and Erica went to dinner. When the blank screen makes my heart settle that there is nothing to worry about, I turn my attention back to the room in front of me as I follow Erica towards the bar top and wait behind her for our turn to order drinks.

  “What are you having?” She asks over her shoulder as the bartender signals that it is our turn to order and I hear the band on stage begin to play another song.

  “I’ll stick with beer,” I shout. “Miller Lite.” She nods, and then places an order for the both of us while my eyes survey the room.

  God, things really haven’t changed since the last time I went out on the town. It’s the same old story just a new group of people drowning in it. I feel a bump at my side and look back to see Erica handing me my drink while she reaches over the counter and grabs her own. I take it and welcome the crisp light flavor as I continue to turn my attention back on the crowd in the center of the room. The lights from the stage turn, illuminating the space as the band hits its first chorus. When it does, my heart sinks, the glass begins to slip from my hands and I barely catch it before it hits the floor at my feet.

  Suddenly my mouth is dry. My stomach feels sick. My body shakes as Erica takes a step forward to my side and I can feel her eyes on me, examining me and worried, before she looks up and takes in the scene in front of us.

  Justin. His hands caressing the sides of another woman as they sway back and forth to the slow music. My eyes widen in shock, because even though nothing was said between us, even though no promises were made, the thought of him and I is all consuming and won’t leave me alone. I thought the feeling was mutual. But as I watch his hands lower, his head find the crook in her neck, and suffer silently as she grinds her body against his, I realize how horribly wrong I was for ever thinking that was possible.

  “Rose,” Erica warns as I feel lightheaded and swear I am about to faint right in the middle of the damn room with no one to catch me, no one to help me, and nothing I can do to stop the horrible scene in front of me.

  His eyes raise and catch my own. I’m not sure what I expected. A sorry expression. A sudden turn of events as he drops the woman he is dancing with and races to my side. But neither of them come true as I watch his hazy eyes lick his lips before leaning in and whispering something in her ear, all while his damn eyes stayed locked on me.

  “Rose,” Erica warns again, but something inside me snaps. I raise my glass to my lips and quickly make good use of the beer I am drinking. It goes down smoothly, quickly, attempting to put out the damn burn of the actions of the man in front of me.

  “I thought that was you,” I hear a familiar voice say. When my beer is near empty, I lower it and turn to my left. Troy, Justin’s friend, stands sheepishly by my side and smiles sadly. “Nice to see you again Rose, Erica,” I hear him say, first to me and then with a nod to my best friend at my side, but my gaze is pulled away again as Justin breaks apart from his date, if you can call her that, grabs her hand in his own, and begins to make his way off the dance floor towards us.

  “Nice to see you again, Troy,” I manage, before turning abruptly to Erica and attempting to hide my agony with a smile. “Didn’t you mention something about shots when we showed up here?”

  She looks at me cautiously and shakes her head, “I don’t think shots are a…”

  “Did someone say shots?” I hear his slurred voice say as it scrapes down my spine and fills my whole body with hostility.

  “I think you’ve had enough, J,” I hear Troy insist as my eyes trail back to the man in front of me and the woman at his side.

  “Lies! All Lies!” Justin shouts enthusiastically before his eyes land on me and the blonde woman on his arm pulls him tighter to her side. “Every last one of them, lies.” His stare grows sad. A haunted look plagues his features as he whispers, “It’s the lies that’ll get you in the end, Sunshine.” He suggests softly. “The lies you tell yourself, when you think you’ve got it all together.” His eyes soften and a mask falls exposing some of the truth to just what he is trying to cover up. “The truth you want to say, shout, fucking yell!” He thunders suddenly, drunk and causing Troy to try and silence him and the unwanted arm candy that is giggling at his side. “The lies,” he says, teetering back on his heels. “I’m good at living a lie.”

  I’m torn as I stand before him and want to do two things. First, punch him in the damn face and storm out of here like I know I should, and second, wrap my arms around him to comfort him, help him, give him some sort of assurance that whatever he is feeling, he doesn’t have to walk through it alone. Just like he has always sat with me and watched me break before.

>   “Shots!” He shouts, snapping out of it quickly and pushing past us to make his way towards the bar. “Someone order me some shots!”

  Troy follows close behind him and I watch in disbelief. I don’t recognize the man in front of me. The one that is normally such a rock. My feet surprise me as I suddenly find myself following closely behind Troy, but what shocks me even more is the words that escape my lips without me so much as even thinking them.

  “Is he OK?” I ask concerned. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  Troy shakes his head just as I look up and see Justin leaning against the bar, staring at me, and pulling the blonde he is with closer to his side. He lets her wrap her arms around his middle and nestle her mouth dangerously too close to his for my heart’s liking. But it is the look in his eyes, the one telling me he feels nothing with her at his side because all he can feel, all he knows, even through the fog in his brain, is the connection still running between the two of us we both can’t ignore, no matter how much we try to deny it.

  “I’ve only seen him like this once before, Rose,” Troy says, as Justin’s eyes close and he smiles once the blonde starts to whisper something in his ear. “And to be honest, it wasn’t this bad.”

  “Rose!” I hear another voice say behind me and whip around quickly needing a distraction worse than I ever have before. Levi’s smile greets me as he makes his way through the crowded room. “I didn’t think I’d see you here.” I turn back and look at Erica who gives me a roll of her eyes, having never liked Levi much in the past. But then my eyes lock on Justin’s and I see fire fill his eyes as his jaw locks and tension immediately floods the space.

  I spin back around just as Levi reaches my side and pulls me into a big hug. “And here I was thinking I needed to find a reason to stop by your office and say ‘hi’ this next week. But shit, fate had another surprise in store, didn’t it?” He releases me and I force a smile for his sake. “Your drink is empty.” He suddenly says. “Let me get you another one.” Before I can protest he takes the empty cup from my hand, grabs my wrist, politely says hello to Erica because the hatred between the two of them has always been mutual, and pulls me after him to the bar top.