Resurrection

by Evelyn Montgomery

  “But,” I giggle. “There is no music, and…”

  Before I can say another word, Justin starts humming. A tune I know well but can’t quite put my finger on. He continues, as he sneaks a glance in my direction and smiles before singing the words and my heart swells handing itself over completely to the man now holding me in his arms. A man I hope never lets himself let go of me again.

  “She ain’t got no money, her clothes are kinda funny, her hair is kinda wild and free, oh but love grows where my Rosemary goes and nobody knows like me,” His singing voice is completely out of tune but God help me if it doesn’t melt every last part of me, body and soul as he sings “Love Grows” by Edison Lighthouse. “The songs about you, Sunshine,” he winks, before going back to his serenade and I can’t help but chuckle, lean into him, and swoon completely in his arms. He hums the next little bit, having to not know the words, before he continues once more. “…And her life’s a mystery, Oh but love grows where my Rosemary goes and nobody knows like me.” He spins me out of his arms as he hums the bridge and we both can’t help but laugh before he pulls me back close again. “There is something about her hand holding mine it’s a feeling that’s fine, and I just to say ‘hey,’ she’s really got a magical spell and it’s working so well that I can’t get away. I’m a lucky fella’….” His dancing slows and he backs away looking in my eyes. “and I just got to tell her… that I love her endlessly.”

  The last words that leave his lips are a breathless plea that feathers itself across my own. His grip tightens right before his hands drop and his palms deathly hold my hips as he forces me back a step. Our hearts pound in our chests, my own grip tightening on his biceps where my fingers dig into his skin needing to never release him.

  “Rose?” His voice shakes as the backs of my knees hit the mattress to his bed.

  “Yes?” Is all I can manage, as his mouth hovers above mine and I can feel both or our heavy arousal taking over.

  His eyes stare into my own as I succumb to sitting down on the bed. But he doesn’t let our connection break. His hands frame my face before his thumb brushes against my bottom lip in his signature way.

  A War. A Fight. A entire battle wrestles in his stormy eyes before he whispers one word.

  “Please?” He begs, matching the delirious way my body needs exactly what he is craving. “I just need,” he says, swallowing and taking a moment before continuing. “To taste you. Feel you. Once more.”

  Once more? My conscience should stop us but it doesn’t as his hands drop to my sides and I grab the hem of his shirt lifting it over his head before he gently takes my face back in his hands. My eyes rake over his torso as I admire every inch, every chiseled perfect muscle I’ve been dying to get my hands on once again before they flutter over the ink on his arms before landing on a word on his ribcage. “Trust.” It is crazy how both of us seem so dependent together on one little word. My fingertips brush over it slightly sending a shiver to run through his body.

  Looking up, his hooded eyes stare back at me with passion as he grips the skirt on my thighs. “My turn,” he growls, and before I can even think he has me bare, exposed, uncovered completely, but heaven help me because I have never felt more protected and secure as his heated gaze dances over my body and he pushes me back gently against the sheets.

  His fingers trace a line down my chest to my core as his stare holds me in place. But he doesn’t touch, he doesn’t cross the line, he traces the top of my panties with his rough fingertips before pulling at the sides of the lace fabric and whispering three words. “Is this OK?”

  I nod, as all breath leaves my lungs and it hits me that I have never been with anyone else besides my husband. Never been touched. Never been explored by another man. And forgive me Father above, but his touch, his caress is nothing like I have ever experienced before. It’s sinful and yet innocent. It’s heaven. Hell. Pleasure and a burning ache inside that yearns for only one thing. More!

  I lift my hips as his hands slowly pull the fabric away from my center. I expect his gaze to take in what he wants. What he is asking for. But it doesn’t as it stays locked on my own and he rids myself of any barriers below before reaching behind me and unclasping my bra. His mouth breathes me in as it settles against my lips, but neither of us taste one another. His breaths match my own as my breasts fall free and he holds me close before climbing on top of my body, gently forcing it back further against the bed and flanking it with his.

  “I shouldn’t be doing this,” he whispers, before his tongue slides against my bottom lip making me buck my hips up in wanting. “I shouldn’t let myself have you.” His hands raise as he takes my breast in his hand before brushing his fingers lightly against my nipple. “But I can’t resist.” His teeth pull on my bottom lip and I scoot back on the bed as his body follows. “Tell me to stop, Sunshine.” He pleads. “Tell me, you don’t want this.”

  But I don’t want to. I can’t lie to the man who I want more than anything in the whole damn world. Even with everything that happened earlier. And even with everything he is hiding. I can’t deny he is the one I only dreamed, imagined, wished would be taking me the way he is right now and finally, once and for all, not letting me go.

  His free hand runs down my side and settles between us. His touch dances below my pelvis as my wetness grows and I fell his rock hard length painfully pressed against my inner thigh. Long, hard, thick, he grabs the back of my neck with his other hand forcibly and pulls my face closer to his.

  “Tell me Rose. I need you to stop me.” His breath dances across my lips. “Stop this. Because I don’t have the strength, the damn will power I need to walk away and not have you.”

  My eyes flutter closed and threaten to stay that way before something breaks inside me and I crash over the edge of all reason. Looking up I whisper, “don’t stop,” against his lips. “I want this. Justin, please. I need this.”

  His eyes hold me captive for a moment before our appetite, or craving, the damn passion between us finally ignites and all barriers are lost. His mouth crashes into my own as a moan escapes my lips and he presses his pelvis into me harder, forcing my hips further into the mattress. I wrap one of my legs around his waist before greedily grinding against him. Shock fills me as I realize how large he is as his hips rock, forcing his length to glide back and forth against the inside of my thigh.

  He backs away and my hands fall to his jeans as I quickly try and unbutton them, but his lips never leave my own. He tastes, explores, connects with my soul as our mouths nip, lick, suck and savor one another. We break apart only for him to kick his shoes off and lose his pants to the floor before he forces our lips together once again and tastes me one last time before quickly releasing my mouth only to trail tiny kisses across my cheek, down my neck and to my collarbone.

  “I don’t deserve you,” I hear him whisper, as his warm mouth sucks on my skin. His face lowers as his tongue runs the length of my upper chest before I gasp out when his hot breath dances across my breast. “I’m not worthy of this,” his voice, heavy with desire, says before he takes my breast in his mouth and molds it up in his large palm as he sucks long and hard, bringing my nipple to a pleasurable high before biting down softly. I can’t deny myself the soft scream that leaves my mouth as my desire grows and he knows just how to bring me the best pleasure I’ve ever experienced. “And this,” he growls, as his face lowers and he gently spreads my legs apart. “A dream I’m never going to let myself forget for fucking eternity.”

  His hand quickly covers my mouth as his tongue forcibly licks up my slit and I scream from the sensation before he takes my clit in his mouth and sucks. Hard. Long. Drawing up every last pleasurable nerve he can before releasing it and I hear him moan, “fucking paradise, Sunshine. Just like I knew it would be. But,” He says, as I feel his tongue part me once again. “You’ll have to be a little quieter, or every damn person in the world will hear and know the heaven that is only intended for us.”

  I bite my bottom lip
as his hand releases my mouth and he licks up my center once more. He tastes, explores, ravages my core with his tongue before I feel him enter a finger inside me. I gasp from the intrusion as a burning fills my insides before he licks up my center again and slowly pulls his finger from my folds. Gently, he pushes deep inside me once more and my head falls back as my eyes roll from the way he delicately strokes my sensitive walls.

  “God Rose, you’re so damn tight.” He whispers. “I feel like you’re being touched for the first time, Sunshine.” He licks up my center as his finger moves in and out of my heat. As it explores, connects, detonates feelings inside me I didn’t even know where possible. “And fuck, I feel pure, for the first fucking time, ever.” He whispers, slowly entering another finger inside me and making me gasp. “Touching you. Feeling you. I feel fucking chaste. Blameless. Even with all I have fucking done. I don’t deserve you.” His words pull to a place deep inside both of us as I look down and catch his eye. He rolls his fingers through my folds and I whimper from the feeling, but his eyes never leave mine. I watch as he licks up my center and see his eyes fill with lust as he tastes me one last time before he pulls his fingers from inside me and I look to see my heavy desire coating them from the way he was just touching me.

  He sticks them both in his mouth and hums approval at the way I taste on his tongue before reaching to his nightstand and pulling out a condom. I rise and pull him closer before pushing his briefs low and grabbing his length in my hand. Stroking him once, I look up and see him staring down at me. A hesitance once again in his features that I wasn’t expecting lays heavily between us.

  “I want this,” I assure him, as my mouth lowers to his waist and I take the tip of his erection in my mouth. I feel his cock pulse from the feeling of my wet lips wrapped around his hard length before his precum hits my senses as it spills out onto my tongue. I moan from the taste, the pleasurable way his own aroma feels as it rolls down the back of my mouth. I hear him hiss out above me as I take him in, deep and hard, until he hits the back of my throat in a deliciously painful way. His hands fist my hair as he gently pulls me away and his length pops out of my mouth.

  “No,” he whispers, as he rolls the condom on his impressive length. “You keep doing that and this will all be over too soon.” He smiles and pushes me back against the sheets. “If I only get one time to have you,” my heart stills at his words, it breaks, makes me pause as he begins to climb up my body and I wonder if I can take exactly what they just implied. One time? But I forget my train of thought as his frame presses down against my own and I stare up into his eyes. “I am going to make damn sure and please you first. All. Night. Long.”

  I feel the tip of his cock resting at my entrance and suck in a deep breath. Can I do this? Give myself over to him when there might not be a tomorrow? A future? Another chance to feel his soul connected with my own the way it feels now? I know he feels the same because his look matches mine as we watch one another’s eyes and wait, needing to know if we are both OK. If we can do this with possibly no strings attached even though the web we have been threading together already promises to entangle us.

  He presses forward until I can feel his length almost breach my entrance. Anxiety boils inside me. Fear takes over.

  A one night stand? Really, Rose? What the hell is the matter with you? He mentions love and you believe that shit? Right before he tells you this is one night? All night? You don’t have all night, Rose! You should be home with your kids! Or have you forgotten that you are a mother and fallen for the first guy that promised you a good time since Michael? He has demons too, or are you forgetting the bullshit he pulled at the bar earlier? You’re such a fucking idiot.

  “No!” I grit out, causing him to stop, pause, stare at me blankly as if I just uttered the one word that neither of us was ever expecting. I thought I was strong. I thought what he gave me was strength. But his words crush me as they settle between us. I look in his eyes as they stare at me confused. Truth be told, a moment ago I wouldn’t have believed I’d stop us either. He pulls back and stares at me. “No,” I say, a little surer of myself now that my decision has been made.

  I push past him and watch as he falls to my side and I pull myself to the end of the bed. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, before rising quickly and finding my clothes. I’m still putting them on as he slowly rises off the bed as well and does the same.

  “It’s just I…” I begin to explain but he cuts me off with a whisper.

  “No, it’s OK.” I look up and see the same haunted look I saw earlier at the bar in his eyes. “It’s better this way,” he says, but I know he is only trying to convince himself that what he just said is the truth. “I won’t touch you again, Sunshine. I promise.”

  My heart hits rock bottom as he utters the words I was fearful of just a few moments ago. The ones I feared he’d say before I finally came to my senses. I pull my dress over my head and make my way to the door. It doesn’t escape me we never talked, that he never explained everything from earlier, and oddly a small piece of me knows that is OK. Maybe I don’t need to know. Not yet anyways. Not when I am still broken myself. I look back at him and give him a sad smile.

  “Good night, Justin.” I whisper.

  “Good night, Rose.” My insides quake a little more at the realization he used my real name. No sunshine. No more hope in his voice.

  With a heavy soul I drag myself out to the front room and look at Erica and Troy sitting and talking in the living room. I stand tall as they ask me if I am OK. I reassure them I am not lying as Troy drives us home. I thank Diana for sitting with the kids and giving me a night out for the first time in years. It’s not until after she is gone, after Erica has poured us both a glass of wine, that I break and let every last tear and hope I had left for a future with Justin fall.

  Chapter 18

  Justin

  Selfish bastard! I curse at myself as I pace and the door to my room closes as my light, my fucking world, walks out of it. Turning and facing the door, my hands instinctively go to my hair as I pull at my skull and feel rage boil inside.

  What the fuck was I thinking? I wasn’t, that is the problem. She looked to damn good, felt fucking amazing and holy fucking hell tasted even better. I didn’t stand a damn chance. Not tonight, not even the first damn time I laid my eyes on her.

  But this has to end! Now! I can’t keep fucking up things because my damn dick can’t take a hint and try and keep it in my fucking pants.

  But I know that is not it. It is not the fucking truth. Because my heart, it stings, burns, fucking breaks as I stand alone in my room and remember the look on her face just a few moments ago when I told her “one time.” When I said it was “better this way,” and I promised to never fucking touch her again. Which I know is a damn lie.

  I hear her voice in the front room muffled through the door and gather they are leaving as I hear Troy’s voice and her friend, Erica, as well as it drifts further away. Walking a few short steps to the barrier between us, the door that I can easily open and take back all of what I just said, I lay my head against it and try and hear her beautiful voice one last time in my home before she walks out of my life, this time for good, and there is nothing I can do to get her back.

  It is better this way. All I do is fuck every single good and perfect thing up in my life. And I won’t do that to her. I can’t.

  The sound of the front door closing squeezes my chest like a vice. My jaw clenches as I take a step back from the door and the finality, the inevitable truth that she is really gone strikes me and pierces straight through to my soul. Bitterness, fury, madness fills me to my brim until my fist comes up and smashes into the wooden doorframe.

  I feel the stabbing force of the wood breaking my knuckles before blood trickles down my wrist, but I don’t fucking care.

  She’s gone. Forever. A cruel fate I knew was necessary to protect her. But hell if I still don’t need her like I know I always will.

  With a heavy sigh, I walk to the ed
ge of my bed and sit down. Her smell, her memory, it fills the room and drags me under with it. I look at my hand and see the bleeding has mostly subsided on my skin. Although inside, I feel like I am cut to the core. Bleeding out with no one to stop it because the only thing that could ever resurrect my cursed heart is her fucking touch.

  I fall back against the sheets and let the night, the still lingering effects of alcohol, and the vision of her body, her touch, taste, fucking feeling of her skin on mine pull me under as my eyes grow heavy and I let darkness consume me like it always does.

  6 years ago

  “Charlette,” I shout, as I make my way up the back steps to our house. I stumble a little, having drank one too many beers sitting on the back steps the last few hours. After walking through the woods, I still wasn’t man enough to venture inside and face the mess I had made. When I got back, it was quiet. And I just needed to sit in it a little while longer.

  Grabbing ahold of the wood at the top of the railing when my feet give out on me again, I laugh as I fall and almost forget, almost feel as if hell hasn’t swallowed my family whole for the first damn time this week. When my memory forces me back into reality, I stand tall on my wobbly feet and suck in a breath. Teetering slightly, my eyes fill with the tears that I still won’t let myself shed. The ones that have threatened to fall so many times but I always succeed in pushing them back. Pushing them away. Remaining strong so as not to feel the emptiness that threatens to consume me.

  Cautiously, I make my way towards the door and grab the handle. Plucking one more beer from the cooler, just in case I need to completely fucking go comatose once my wife starts in on me again, I swing the door open and barely even hear the loud thud of it hitting the wall.