by Fiona Greene
‘Thanks.’ She couldn’t think what else to say. ‘We didn’t finish dinner.’ Food was the last thing on her mind, but she was a good hostess.
‘I had plenty.’ Mark patted his stomach. ‘Those grazing platters are deadly for the waistline.’ He moved the tea and cups onto a tray. ‘How about we sit in the lounge.’
‘Great.’ Anything so long as it didn’t require her to think.
Mark had already been through and turned on the lamps and the stereo. ‘Night beats,’ he said, gesturing to the radio.
‘Nonstop hits from the last forty years. Every Friday and Saturday night,’ Lexi quoted the ad. ‘I didn’t know it was still on.’ Memories of dance parties, nights on the beach and making love in Mark’s tiny apartment came rushing back.
‘I’ve just introduced Emma to it. She’s not all that impressed. Yet.’
‘Give it time.’ Lexi settled down on the couch and took the cup Mark offered. ‘Thanks.’ She sipped some tea. ‘Thanks for everything. For cleaning up, for being here, for telling me the truth.’ She wrapped her hands around the cup, loving the warmth it gave.
A look of concern crossed Mark’s face. ‘You look cold.’
She was cold.
He handed her the woollen throw and she snuggled under it. ‘Thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’ He perched on the lounge next to her, not touching. ‘I’m so sorry. For upsetting you today, and for being a part of that whole lie back then. I can see how much I hurt you.’
Lexi took another sip of her tea. ‘Thank you. I accept your apology. It was a bad situation and I’m sorry I came to Sydney and put you on the spot like that.’ A shiver racked its way down her spine. ‘We can’t change it now. We just have to accept that it happened and move on.’
The words came easily enough. She just wasn’t sure she’d be able to deliver on them.
Her entire reality, every decision she’d made, was based on that one conversation. She couldn’t even process that right now.
They sat in silence, and gradually the warmth from the tea and her woollen throw chased the chill from her bones. Her eyes started to droop. She finished her tea and put her cup down as the opening riff of a 1980s power ballad about love started. The DJ dedicated it to all the lonely hearts out there in radio land, the same dedication she’d heard during this show since she was a teenager.
It had always been a favourite tune; now Lexi closed her eyes and lived the theatrical delivery, visualising the video clip of the long-haired lead singer in his tight leather pants, throwing every inch of emotion into his delivery as he pranced around the stage.
It was so much easier to focus on remembering that footage she had loved in her teenage years than to deal with the information Mark had just given her.
The words and video she knew by heart. The emotion she knew by heart. Her eyes felt heavier and heavier. Despite the fact that it was one of her favourite songs, she never made it to the final chorus.
Her brain decided enough was enough and she slipped into sleep.
Chapter Nine
Lexi awoke to a dark, silent house and it took her a few seconds to realise she’d fallen asleep on the lounge. A few more seconds and she realised she wasn’t alone.
The last time she’d woken up in this situation, she’d been house-sitting and the spoilt golden retriever with separation anxiety was by her side.
But this was no golden retriever. And no-one here was anxious.
This was Mark Conroy.
Memories of the evening flooded back.
She was on the lounge with Mark moulded up against her back, and it felt oh so good.
Danger, Will Robinson!
She moved, ever so slightly, trying to dislodge the throw that seemed determined to keep her trapped up against the man she shouldn’t be sharing the couch with.
‘Hi.’ Mark’s soft greeting startled her. He reached over to the side table and turned on the lamp.
‘Hi.’ Her voice was husky. ‘I should get up.’ She struggled but the throw seemed determined to keep her plastered against his chest.
Stay, her heart screamed.
Rivervue, her head countered.
‘Don’t. This is nice.’
Nice didn’t even come close. There were a million reasons why he shouldn’t be there. Why she shouldn’t be with him. ‘You need to go home. To Emma.’
‘Emma’s at camp, remember?’
‘Oh, I forgot.’ Clearly, being in Mark’s embrace had turned her brain to mush. She stopped struggling.
‘So, can I stay?’ Mark’s tone was light.
‘Ummmh?’
Such a simple question.
Telling Mark to go was the logical decision. The sensible decision. The best business decision.
Allowing him to stay was … Lexi closed her eyes and inhaled deeply.
As she did, the years fell away. Memories of waking in Mark’s arms flooded back. He fitted against her back like he was meant to be there and the heat from his body made her want to combust.
Everything about this felt right. But it wasn’t right. Mark was a coworker. One who held the future of Rivervue in his hands.
She’d made one stupid decision all those years ago and ever since she’d only ever chosen the sensible option.
Just once, she wanted to take the risky option and see what happened.
One night. Maybe the whole weekend?
A shiver of anticipation worked its way down her spine. She turned to him and stared deep into his eyes.
He stared back.
Mark was giving her time to make the decision. Her heart melted just that little bit more and she knew what she was going to do.
Her eyes fluttered closed as she whispered, ‘You can stay.’
***
Mark didn’t realise he’d been holding his breath until Lexi spoke. Slowly, he exhaled, trying to ignore the jolt of adrenaline her words had caused. Ever since they’d first met that day in her office, he’d been thinking of this.
Finally, the second chance he’d been wanting.
He relaxed back against the cushions and tightened the arm that he’d draped around Lexi, drawing her closer.
Her hair smelt amazing. Working together, he’d caught subtle hints of the floral shampoo she used, but up close it was mesmerising. She was mesmerising.
He never wanted to let her go.
He wanted more. To stare deep into her eyes, to kiss those ruby lips. To bury himself in her. ‘Come closer,’ he whispered.
She froze for a second, then wriggled closer until her face was inches from his.
‘Hi again.’ Even in the dim light, he could see she looked uncertain, so he tried to lighten the mood.
‘Hi.’ She ran her tongue over her lip, and all of his intentions to take it slow went out the window. He pulled her in close to him and lowered his lips to hers.
She tasted exquisite. He buried his fingers in her rich, thick hair and pulled her closer again.
Her lips opened beneath his and in that instant, it was as though they’d never been apart. Then she was touching him, running her fingers through his hair, running her hand over the muscles of his back and shoulders, dropping lower. And lower.
His blood supply followed suit.
Now that he’d started kissing her, he didn’t want to stop.
He lifted his head and Lexi’s eyes fluttered open. He nearly exploded at the dark pools of desire he saw there.
‘We can’t stay here.’ He feathered kisses down her face. ‘Well, we could, but …’
‘You’re right,’ she breathed, but she didn’t move.
Mark’s gut clenched. He had to make sure they were both on the same page. ‘Do you want to go to the bedroom?’ When she didn’t answer immediately, he clarified, ‘Spend the night together.’
A tiny smile tugged at the edge of her mouth. ‘Do you?’
He pulled her closer, pressing her against the full length of him. There was no mistaking how much he wanted her. ‘I
want to spend the night making love to you. I want to fall asleep with you. I want to wake up with you.’ He paused. ‘I want you.’
That tiny smile bloomed, lighting up her face and she reached out to touch his lips. ‘I want you too.’
She slipped from his arms. Immediately, the air around him cooled, and he wanted her back. Touching him. Loving him.
Lexi reached for his hand and slipped her fingers into his. ‘Come with me.’
He’d never wanted anything more. He pushed to his feet, ready to follow her to the ends of the earth, if she asked him.
She held tight to his hand, and almost floated ahead of him, like a siren calling a sailor.
She was so beautiful.
He was the luckiest man on earth.
He didn’t hesitate. He followed Lexi down the length of the darkened hall and into her bedroom.
Chapter Ten
The rose-coloured sunlight that poured in through the leadlight window above her head woke Lexi. For a second, she laid and listened to the melodic call of the butcher bird that had claimed the garden outside her bedroom.
And Mark’s breathing.
Her skin tingled all over and she was pretty sure she’d never been happier. Mark was plastered against her back, his arm thrown casually over her ribs.
It had been a magical night, rediscovering shared intimacy and learning new things about each other. The faint blush of dawn had lightened the bedroom before they’d drunk their fill of each other, and only once they did had they fallen asleep.
It was about ten now, judging by her leadlight sunbeam.
Lexi felt alive and ready to take on the world, despite her lack of sleep. Mark, though, was still sound asleep. Lexi eased his arm up and scooted out from under it. She pulled on her robe, made a quick trip to the bathroom then headed to the kitchen.
She hadn’t pulled an all-nighter for a while, not even with the chaos of Hell Week at Rivervue, so her morning coffee was indeed needed. And a big dose too.
With the machine brewing, she grabbed fresh towels from the linen cupboard, then slipped back into the bathroom and turned on the shower. She stepped in under the spray and closed her eyes. She could have stayed in there all day, but Mark would need a hot shower too. Old churches didn’t come with the biggest of hot-water systems. Reluctantly, she opened her eyes and turned off the taps.
‘Need a towel?’ Mark was leaning on the vanity holding one up.
She hesitated for a second, trying to get her head around their new normal. Then she pushed the shower door open. ‘Good morning.’
The last hint of steam followed her as she walked over to Mark, who threw the towel around her back and pulled her close to him.
‘Good morning.’ He kissed her on the lips and she melted against him.
Skin on skin.
She closed her eyes and drank in the sensation. So many years wasted.
That wayward thought pulled her up. Just because they’d been an item before didn’t necessarily mean they were an item now. Her heart might have been running the show last night, but this morning she couldn’t ignore her head.
Where were they going with this?
She stood for a few more seconds then said, ‘I’ve got the coffee on.’
‘I know. That heavenly smell woke me.’ He kissed her again. ‘Want another shower?’ He ran his hands suggestively down her back and cupped her bottom.
‘Maybe later.’ She laughed. ‘After coffee.’
‘Definitely later.’ Mark dropped a kiss on her forehead.
As she snagged the towel to wrap around her sarong style, Mark whistled in appreciation and said, ‘You’ve got art. Nice colours too. Let me see.’ He lifted his arms, showing her how he wanted her to move so he could see her tattoo.
Lexi froze. Then her heart started hammering.
How could she have forgotten about her tattoo? ‘It’s a butterfly.’ She went to wrap the towel around her chest. ‘I got it a long time ago.’
‘Let me see.’
She broke into a sweat. She’d completely forgotten about the tattoo last night, but in the cold light of morning, it seemed to mock her.
See, you should have told him the truth.
How could you ever have expected anything to come from a relationship with Mark?
Maybe, she could give him a brief glimpse. Nothing close enough to make out the detail.
But as quickly as that thought formed, she discarded it. If he didn’t see the detail today, he’d see it the next time they got naked together. If there was a next time …
It wasn’t as if she could insist on lights out for the next fifty years.
Fifty years. Already her heart was making plans. She looked across the bathroom and realised what her heart was telling her.
She was in love with Mark Conroy.
Not going to happen, her head chimed in. Especially now. She touched the tip of the butterfly’s embellished wing.
No, if she was going to have a relationship with Mark, he would get close enough to read it sometime. Hell, even if they weren’t going to be together, maybe the time was right.
The warmth from her shower drained out of her and she shivered.
It had to be now. No matter how painful that might be.
Lexi dropped the towel and raised her arms, to expose the full detail of the colourful butterfly that spread from her ribcage over her breast. Right over her heart.
She lifted her arm a little higher and turned slowly.
‘I wouldn’t have picked you for a butterfly.’
Lexi swallowed hard. ‘It’s an angel butterfly?’
Mark’s expression was puzzled. ‘I’ve never heard of that. But then, what I know about tattoos could be written on the head of a pin.’ He bent his head closer and Lexi turned so the full piece was in the light.
‘Angel butterflies. They commemorate someone who has died.’
Mark moved closer and inspected the image. ‘Oh, I see it now. That’s a tiny footprint. With wings. Clever.’
This was agony.
Lexi forced herself to speak. ‘Yes. It is a footprint. Life-size.’ She swallowed down on the lump in her throat. This was not how she wanted to have this conversation with Mark.
‘Whose footprint?’
Lexi straightened. ‘Caleb Joseph’s footprint. My baby,’ she choked out. ‘He died.’
Tears blurred her vision, but it didn’t lessen the shock she saw in Mark’s eyes as he raised them to hers.
‘You had a baby? And he died?’ He dropped his gaze back down to the tattoo. ‘Oh, Lexi, I had no idea. I’m so sorry. That must have been devastating.’ He paused, obviously trying to fit this new information into what he knew of Lexi’s history. ‘How long ago? Was it with the man you travelled around Australia with?’
‘No.’ This was excruciating.
‘More recent.’ He took a deep breath. ‘Lexi, I don’t know how you go on. How you function. I’d have been devastated if Emma was hurt or died.’
Something inside her shrivelled and died.
Now. You love him. Tell him now.
Lexi took a deep breath. Then another. Her heart was pounding so hard she wasn’t sure she’d be able to speak. ‘It wasn’t more recent.’ He raised his eyes to hers again, surely in response to her tone. ‘I was sixteen when I had Caleb.’ His eyes were locked on hers now. She gave him a second to process, then continued, ‘Caleb was our child.’
‘No.’ It was half war cry, half guttural groan. ‘No.’ He dropped his eyes to the tattoo, then raised them to hers again. ‘No,’ he whispered.
‘I came to Sydney to tell you. That day. The bus station.’ Tears choked her up.
‘Aaaah, no.’ Mark grabbed his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. ‘No.’
‘I didn’t know about the lawyers. I thought you didn’t want me in your life. My parents were angry with me. I didn’t know what to do.’
‘Did you terminate him?’
‘No, no, no.’ Lexi reached out her
hand. ‘Never. No. He was all I had left of you, and I wanted him more than anything.’
‘What the hell happened?’
‘I hooked up with Tomas, because I knew I had to leave. I didn’t have a job. Or money. Or options. My parents weren’t going to support me. Tomas thought the baby was his, and I never told him otherwise.’ Just saying that out loud left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Mark’s mouth opened and closed a few times, but he didn’t speak.
‘We were in North Queensland when Caleb was born. I hadn’t seen a doctor beforehand, so nobody knew what was going to happen.’
Mark was white under his tan. ‘What happened?’
‘He was born with a cancer. Big enough you could see it.’ Lexi swallowed hard. She could still see Caleb’s little chest working as he struggled to breathe. ‘It was everywhere. Heart. Lungs.’
Mark said nothing, but he leaned back against the vanity and gripped onto it.
‘Maybe, if he was born in a big city hospital, and they knew he was coming like that, he might have stood a chance. He couldn’t pump his blood around. They asked the heart doctors and the cancer doctors in Brisbane, but he wasn’t a candidate for surgery. Or chemotherapy.’ She paused. ‘Or anything, really.’
‘How long did he survive?’ Mark choked the words out.
‘Nineteen days.’ Lexi’s smile was bittersweet.
‘You should have come back. Found me. Made me listen.’
‘I couldn’t. You know why? Tomas took one look at my baby boy, walked out of that hospital and drove away with every single thing I owned. My purse. My ID. Everything.’ Even now that sent a shiver of goosebumps down her frame.
‘Bastard.’ Mark swore. ‘He thought it was his child? And he left?’ he said through gritted teeth. Then he closed his eyes, clenched his fists. When he opened them again, he pinned his gaze on hers. ‘You could have rung.’
‘I couldn’t. You said you didn’t want anything to do with me. You might not have been telling the truth, but you made me believe you.’
He grimaced. ‘Did your parents come?’
Lexi bit her lip. ‘I didn’t ring them.’ She paused. ‘Actually, I never told them. They still don’t know.’
