The Winter Wedding

by Rhonda McKnight

  “Well, God used you to do a work,” Kim said.

  The shock hadn’t left me yet, but hearing Kim say God had used me made me feel even more emotional.

  “So, how’s your dad?” Kim’s voice broke through my thoughts.

  “I haven’t seen him yet. He’s hunting. I have the house to myself. I’m going to relax until it’s time for the party.

  “I’m glad to hear that. You need to. You’ve been stressed.”

  “Things are getting better. Auntie has been feeling a little better. I think she’s getting her strength up with all these green meals and supplements she’s taking.”

  “That’s good. She’ll need it. Chemo begins again in a few weeks, right?”

  “Yes, which is why I have no guilt about getting away this weekend.”

  “You shouldn’t have guilt about anything. You’ve really been there for her.”

  “She’s my family. I look at her and even though she looks nothing like my mother, I see similar mannerisms. They say the same kind of things. I’ve enjoyed her. I know my mother would be proud that I’m caring for her.”

  “She would. But look, I have to tell you something else. I finished your book last night. I started to text you, but I didn’t want to wake you up. The book is so cute. You’re a really great writer.”

  “But you used the word cute. That’s not what I was hoping for.”

  “It’s young adult fiction. It’s for kids.”

  “Not really. It’s New Adult so that’s like age 17-22.”

  “Well, maybe cute isn’t the right word. It’s good. I liked it.”

  “Really, Kim? You’re not being nice?”

  “I enjoyed it. I couldn’t believe that girl didn’t take the money though.”

  That was disappointing. She should have understood why the girl didn’t take the money. Now I wished I had waited to talk to her before sending it to the agent.

  Kim was quiet and I knew that meant she had something else on her mind. “Okay, say it.”

  “I like that you’re writing, and maybe I’m too close to you, but I was wondering if you ever thought about a memoir?”

  I frowned. Alicia’s words about my story skittered through my mind. “No. I would never.”

  “But why not? You kinda did a little with this book. This girl was living down in the jungle because her parents were running from an old scandal. She didn’t want the money because she didn’t want the fame. I felt a little bit of you up in there. I think it’s obvious you want to talk about the topic. And now that you’ve reached out to Melissa, it’s even more obvious. Why not tell your story?”

  “Because my story is private. This is completely made up.”

  “Tamar, you went through a lot. You’ve got a testimony that would help young women. I think that’s obvious.”

  I thought about my journals. My story was embedded in them, but they were private and painful. I couldn’t share that with the world.

  “I feel like you think your story has no value because it was so ugly, but as you can see, what you went through is not unique to you. It’s a problem for young women. They need to know what not to do, but even if they get in a bad situation, they need to know they can survive it.” Kim paused and then continued. “I’ve never told you this, but when I pray for you, I see you speaking. I see high schools and college auditoriums full of young women.”

  I frowned. “Kim.”

  “It’s true. I haven’t said anything to you about it because I know you had to be ready to hear it.” Kim sighed. “The novel is the first step. You’re putting yourself back out into the world as a voice, but I really think you should ask God what He wants you to use your voice and your words to do. Your real life is more powerful than fiction, boo.”

  I was stunned into silence. My heart was racing. I’d had this thought that God wanted more from me, but I pushed it out of my head every time it entered.

  “Hey, did I freak you out?”

  “There’s nothing to freak out about.” I laughed, uncomfortably. “I’m not that person. I don’t speak and even if I did, I don’t think schools would want my past nude video being a conversation starter with their students.”

  “These schools need what you’ve got. The devil is not playing with our young people. Administrators are dealing with some real issues with these kids, and you have a real issue. When God comes for you, you’re going. He’ll use you any way He sees fit, Tamar Johnson, so you might as well go ahead and get ready.”

  “I hear what you’re saying, friend. I appreciate your confidence in me.”

  “Auditoriums full. I’m telling you,” Kim said. “I need to go. Let me step myself back in this shop and finish these folks’ heads so I can get home and get off my feet.”

  “I love you, girl.”

  “I love you,” Kim said. “Enjoy your dad’s party.”

  We ended the call.

  The doorbell rang again. It was possible my father would be getting gifts all day. So much for rest. I groaned and went to answer it.

  I peeked out to find my former tenth grade gym teacher standing on the porch. I opened the door.

  “Tamar, I’m so glad you’re here.” She pulled me into a hug, and I invited her in.

  “Mrs. Hatcher, this is a surprise.”

  “It’s wonderful to see you, Tamar. You look fantastic.”

  “Thank you, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

  “My son told me he saw you at Dell’s earlier. I was hoping you were here, so please excuse my coming like this.”

  “No, it’s fine.”

  “I’m in a bit of a jam. I’m going to ask a huge favor.”

  I waited.

  “I’m the troop leader for the Girl Scouts. We have a meeting in an hour. I had a speaker scheduled. She was coming from Bethel, but she’s gotten into a car wreck, and she’s had to go to the emergency room. She won’t make it.”

  I continued to wait. Mrs. Hatcher seemed to be waiting with me, because she didn’t continue and then I realized, she was looking for.

  “Mrs. Hatcher, my father isn’t here.”

  “I’m not looking for your father, dear. I was hoping you could speak to my girls.”

  I was shocked, but I managed. “Me. Speak about what?”

  “I was thinking bullying. Your experiences. I just heard how you helped Melissa Teasley.”

  I wasn’t sure I was hearing her right. I had to make sure she’d said what I’d thought. “Speak?”

  “I’m sure you’d be great.”

  “Mrs. Hatcher, I’ve never done any speaking.”

  “Tamar, they are girls between the ages of ten and fifteen. They don’t need anything fancy. Just some advice on how to protect themselves from what you experienced.”

  “I’ve never talked about what I’ve experienced.”

  Shaking her head, Mrs. Hatcher released a solid wind. “Well, don’t you think it’s about time? There are young people who need to learn from you. Young people like Teasley. Sweetheart, your being in town and my speaker wrecking her car is no coincidence. Your father would tell you that.”

  I thought about the conversation I’d just had with Kim. The timing of this was too close to be coincidental.

  Really God? You’re doing this now?

  I took a deep breath and said, “Please have a seat and excuse me for a moment.”

  I left her standing there and went into the powder room. I stood in front of the mirror for a long time, staring at myself. I was seeing that eighteen-year-old girl who was taunted and teased and harassed by everyone in her entire high school and college. That Tamar was so afraid. I closed my eyes and pushed her out of my mind.

  “I’m not eighteen anymore.” When I opened my eyes, I saw who I was today and for a brief second, I made myself reflect on a memory of my mother. She would stand behind me in my bedroom vanity. She’d braid my hair and we’d talk, exchanging glances in the mirror.

&nb
sp; My mother had worked tirelessly with young girls in our church and the community. Aside from her family, it was her one true passion. I was here to honor her this weekend. God sure knew how to give me a nudge.

  I rejoined Mrs. Hatcher. She stood when I entered the room.

  “My suggestion didn’t make you sick, did it?”

  I smiled. “No, ma’am. I just needed a minute to think about it.” I paused for a moment, and then I forced the words I was still fighting from my throat. “I’ll do it. Tell me the details.”

  She hugged me and told me to be at the community center in an hour. It was less than a ten-minute drive. Everything in Pine was less than a ten-minute drive. I let her out and rushed up the stairs to change out of my sweats and make a few notes. I was going to do this.

  Chapter 30

  The church fellowship hall was decorated in gold and black for my father’s birthday party. I arrived just in time, having spent much more than time speaking and answering questions than I had anticipated.

  Mrs. Hatcher had not told me it was not just the local troop in attendance, but a group of girls from two of the other neighboring towns. I spoke to a total of eighty young women.

  They were completely captivated by my story and horrified at the aftermath. I had to cut back on the details because so many of them were too young to understand the whole “losing your virginity” thing, but it went well. Talking about it felt good. They learned a lot, and I felt empowered by their new knowledge.

  Kim was right. God was up to something and He had moved fast. Would He do what my mother always said He would do? “Take evil and turn it into good.” I never thought I’d see the day when my heartache could have some value.

  My mother’s words slipped into my memory. “All pain has a purpose, baby, and it’s rarely about us. You have to go through it and wait for God to reveal His plan.”

  It was happening. God was fulfilling His word.

  “Tamar, did you hear me?”

  I shook off my deep thought and addressed the church member in front of me. “Sister Thomas, how are you?”

  “I’m good, honey. I was telling you that you have a seat up front with your dad. I want to show you to it.”

  I nodded and followed her through the room. All eyes were on me as typical of a small church and a latecomer. Stephen stepped out from a group of men and approached me.

  I wasn’t expecting to see him, and I said so. “I’m surprised to see you here.”

  “It’s my church, and it’s a big birthday for your dad.” For a moment he looked insulted, but then he quickly moved on. “You look beautiful.”

  Heat rose to my face. “Thank you.”

  “Are you just getting in from Georgia?”

  “No, I got in early this morning.”

  “Just tardy,” he took a sip of his punch. “Girl, you know you and that colored people disease.”

  I smirked. I was in the habit of being a little on the dot for events like this, but today I had an excuse.

  “For your information, I had a speaking engagement at lunchtime and the event ran over.”

  Stephen frowned. “Speaking, in Pine? What were you speaking about?”

  I cleared my throat. I realized I’d said more than I meant. This was still private for me.

  He pressed. “Tay, what kind of speaking?”

  “My life experiences. Being bullied. I spoke to a group of girl scouts”

  Stephen was thoughtful for a moment and then he smiled. “Wow, that’s pretty amazing. First Melissa Teasley and now this.” He gave me a thumbs up. “God is working.”

  We were interrupted. “Tamar, we’re ready to get started.”

  I turned. I’d forgotten Sister Thomas was waiting for me.

  Stephen’s gaze was warm and affectionate. He said, “I’ll talk to you later.”

  Another rush of heat came to my face. I nodded and joined my father at the head table. My heart was pounding. There was something about Stephen’s statement that God was working that shook me. I realized God was, in fact, working. But now what was He going to require of me? And would I be up for the challenge?

  ***

  The dinner was nice. The planning committee brought in some pastors from neighboring churches and they roasted my dad. Members stood up and made small speeches about him, he was presented with gifts, and those who hadn’t spoken took the time to wish him well.

  I hung around until the end, choosing to talk to a few of the women I’d spent my life attending church with and getting caught up on their stories. I could feel Stephen’s eyes on me. Every time I glanced in his direction, he was looking at me, which was causing me to perspire in the warm room.

  I kissed my father and hugged Dell. They were leaving with the bulk of the crowd, but a few minutes later, my father came back into the hall.

  “We’ve got car trouble. I came with Dell because I couldn’t get the dead animal smell out of my truck and now her car won’t start.”

  “Does she know what’s wrong with it?”

  “I think it’s the starter. She had some trouble with it yesterday. She was planning to take it to the mechanic on Monday. You know these newer cars don’t warn you like the older ones did.”

  “Well, I’m ready,” I said.

  “She’s got to go to the diner and close up, so I was wondering if you could maybe catch a ride and let me borrow your rental.”

  Stephen stepped in the midst of us. “I can take you home when you’re ready, Tamar.”

  “I don’t want to put you out. I’m going in the opposite direction of your house,” I said. He already had my arm pits sweating. I didn’t need to be in the car with him.

  He chuckled. “Put me out? It’s Pine, not Atlanta.”

  I reached into my clutch and handed my father the keys. Kissed him again and watched him leave.

  “Should I go warm up my truck?” Stephen asked.

  “No need. I can handle a little chill.”

  I told the women I’d been chatting with good night. They’d begun cleaning up, a duty they refused to let me share in, so I went to the front coat rack and retrieved my jacket.

  Stephen and I stepped out into the chilly, night air. There was a full moon in the sky and a million stars sparkled in the background.

  “They did your dad right,” Stephen said, opening the door for me. “I want Isaiah to spend some time up here this summer. I was hoping once school got out that he could stay for a while.”

  “Sure,” I replied knowing what he would ask. “He’d love your house and the animals. He’d get to spend some time with my dad.”

  “I don’t know that I’ll be here in Pine. I have to be in New Jersey for therapy.”

  I nodded. “Oh yeah, I forgot about that, but it’s closer to my dad anyway, so I’m sure you could get him over here a few times.”

  Stephen’s nod was agreeable.

  “I was expecting you to ask, in fact, Aunt Joe and I already talked about it. Maybe he could stay until you go to training camp.”

  Stephen looked down. When he looked back up, worry filled his eyes. “I’m glad to see we’re on the same page.”

  He started the car. I didn’t know what that look was about, but I let it go. Suddenly I was craving the comfort of my own ride.

  “You look nice, Tay.”

  “You told me that.”

  “I noticed again.” He chuckled. “I keep noticing.”

  He was making me blush. I couldn’t stand the fact that a few words from his lips had this effect on me.

  “So,” he clapped his hands together. “Back to your speech today. I’m proud of you for talking to those girls. I know it couldn’t have been easy.”

  “Actually, it was easy. I wasn’t even prepared for it. It was a last-minute thing and the words just – spilled right out of me.” I paused remembering the event. “I’m starting to wonder if I’m a better speaker than I am a writer.”

  “I’m
sure you’re a great writer.”

  “We’ll see. Speaking of writing, I’ve been doing some.”

  “Yeah, good for you.”

  “I finished a book and I got an agent.”

  “Really?”

  “She’s sent it to a few publishers. I haven’t heard anything yet.”

  “So, is it a memoir or something?”

  I frowned. “A memoir? Why would you ask me that? Have you been talking to Kim?”

  Stephen shook his head. “Kim? No, why would I talk to Kim?”

  “Because she told me to write a memoir.”

  “I assure you, I’m not in collusion with your best friend that I hardly know,” he said. “I just thought with what you said about the speaking that maybe it had crossed your mind to do it.”

  “First of all, I’m private. You know that. And second of all, it’s not like it’s just my story. It’s yours, too.”

  “Some of it is mine,” he said. “But why should I care. I mean people know anyway. Besides, if I can survive “Making Saint Stephen”…”

  We both laughed.

  “I can survive anything.” Stephen paused. “Seriously, Tay, if you can do something to help a young woman like you did with Melissa Teasley, maybe what you went through would be worth it.”

  “Stephen,” I said firmly. “I don’t have the courage to write a memoir, okay? I wrote a novel. Fiction. Let’s drop it.”

  “Okay, okay,” he said. “Tell me what the fiction is about.”

  My nerves were shot. I couldn’t believe he’d mentioned a memoir. Kim’s saying it earlier was easy to dismiss, but now his saying it felt too much like déjà vu. I was trapped in this conversation about a topic I didn’t want to discuss. I knew God wasn’t trying to tell me to write a memoir. I chuckled. That was ridiculous.

  “So, it’s a comedy,” Stephen asked. “I see you’re laughing.”

  “No,” I shook my head. “It’s a story about a missionary and an inheritance. She’s conflicted about whether to keep the money.”

  “Sounds interesting.” Stephen grunted. “What inspired it?”

  “A bunch of things. I was reading something one day and just kind of went down that ‘what if’ rabbit hole we writers go down. The missionary character was inspired by someone I knew when I was in Cape Town.” I shrugged. “Now, I’m just waiting to see if anyone else thinks it’s interesting.”