A Very Irish Christmas

by James Joyce

  Of course, they had good reason to be fussy on such a night. And then it was long after ten o’clock and yet there was no sign of Gabriel and his wife. Besides they were dreadfully afraid that Freddy Malins might turn up screwed. They would not wish for worlds that any of Mary Jane’s pupils should see him under the influence; and when he was like that it was sometimes very hard to manage him. Freddy Malins always came late, but they wondered what could be keeping Gabriel: and that was what brought them every two minutes to the banisters to ask Lily had Gabriel or Freddy come.

  —O, Mr. Conroy, said Lily to Gabriel when she opened the door for him, Miss Kate and Miss Julia thought you were never coming. Good night, Mrs Conroy.

  —I’ll engage they did, said Gabriel, but they forget that my wife here takes three mortal hours to dress herself.

  He stood on the mat, scraping the snow from his galoshes, while Lily led his wife to the foot of the stairs and called out:

  —Miss Kate, here’s Mrs. Conroy.

  Kate and Julia came toddling down the dark stairs at once. Both of them kissed Gabriel’s wife, said she must be perished alive, and asked was Gabriel with her.

  —Here I am as right as the mail, Aunt Kate! Go on up. I’ll follow, called out Gabriel from the dark.

  He continued scraping his feet vigorously while the three women went upstairs, laughing, to the ladies’ dressing room. A light fringe of snow lay like a cape on the shoulders of his overcoat and like toe caps on the toes of his goloshes; and, as the buttons of his overcoat slipped with a squeaking noise through the snow-stiffened frieze, a cold, fragrant air from out-of-doors escaped from crevices and folds.

  —Is it snowing again, Mr. Conroy? asked Lily.

  She had preceded him into the pantry to help him off with his overcoat. Gabriel smiled at the three syllables she had given his surname and glanced at her. She was a slim, growing girl, pale in complexion and with hay-coloured hair. The gas in the pantry made her look still paler. Gabriel had known her when she was a child and used to sit on the lowest step nursing a rag doll.

  —Yes, Lily, he answered, and I think we’re in for a night of it.

  He looked up at the pantry ceiling, which was shaking with the stamping and shuffling of feet on the floor above, listened for a moment to the piano and then glanced at the girl, who was folding his overcoat carefully at the end of a shelf.

  —Tell me, Lily, he said in a friendly tone, do you still go to school?

  —O no, sir, she answered. I’m done schooling this year and more.

  —O, then, said Gabriel gaily, I suppose we’ll be going to your wedding one of these fine days with your young man, eh?

  The girl glanced back at him over her shoulder and said with great bitterness:

  —The men that is now is only all palaver and what they can get out of you.

  Gabriel coloured, as if he felt he had made a mistake and, without looking at her, kicked off his goloshes and flicked actively with his muffler at his patent-leather shoes.

  He was a stout, tallish young man. The high colour of his cheeks pushed upwards even to his forehead, where it scattered itself in a few formless patches of pale red; and on his hairless face there scintillated restlessly the polished lenses and the bright gilt rims of the glasses which screened his delicate and restless eyes. His glossy black hair was parted in the middle and brushed in a long curve behind his ears where it curled slightly beneath the groove left by his hat.

  When he had flicked lustre into his shoes he stood up and pulled his waistcoat down more tightly on his plump body. Then he took a coin rapidly from his pocket.

  —O Lily, he said, thrusting it into her hands, it’s Christmastime, isn’t it? Just … here’s a little …

  He walked rapidly towards the door.

  —O no, sir! cried the girl, following him. Really, sir, I wouldn’t take it.

  —Christmastime! Christmastime! said Gabriel, almost trotting to the stairs and waving his hand to her in deprecation.

  The girl, seeing that he had gained the stairs, called out after him:

  —Well, thank you, sir.

  He waited outside the drawing room door until the waltz should finish, listening to the skirts that swept against it and to the shuffling of feet. He was still discomposed by the girl’s bitter and sudden retort. It had cast a gloom over him which he tried to dispel by arranging his cuffs and the bows of his tie. He then took from his waistcoat pocket a little paper and glanced at the headings he had made for his speech. He was undecided about the lines from Robert Browning, for he feared they would be above the heads of his hearers. Some quotation that they would recognise from Shakespeare or from the Melodies would be better. The indelicate clacking of the men’s heels and the shuffling of their soles reminded him that their grade of culture differed from his. He would only make himself ridiculous by quoting poetry to them which they could not understand. They would think that he was airing his superior education. He would fail with them just as he had failed with the girl in the pantry. He had taken up a wrong tone. His whole speech was a mistake from first to last, an utter failure.

  Just then his aunts and his wife came out of the ladies’ dressing room. His aunts were two small, plainly dressed old women. Aunt Julia was an inch or so the taller. Her hair, drawn low over the tops of her ears, was grey; and grey also, with darker shadows, was her large, flaccid face. Though she was stout in build and stood erect, her slow eyes and parted lips gave her the appearance of a woman who did not know where she was or where she was going. Aunt Kate was more vivacious. Her face, healthier than her sister’s, was all puckers and creases, like a shrivelled red apple, and her hair, braided in the same old-fashioned way, had not lost its ripe nut colour.

  They both kissed Gabriel frankly. He was their favourite nephew, the son of their dead elder sister, Ellen, who had married T. J. Conroy of the Port and Docks.

  —Gretta tells me you’re not going to take a cab back to Monkstown tonight, Gabriel, said Aunt Kate.

  —No, said Gabriel, turning to his wife, we had quite enough of that last year, hadn’t we? Don’t you remember, Aunt Kate, what a cold Gretta got out of it? Cab windows rattling all the way, and the east wind blowing in after we passed Merrion. Very jolly it was. Gretta caught a dreadful cold.

  Aunt Kate frowned severely and nodded her head at every word.

  —Quite right, Gabriel, quite right, she said. You can’t be too careful.

  —But as for Gretta there, said Gabriel, she’d walk home in the snow if she were let.

  Mrs. Conroy laughed.

  —Don’t mind him, Aunt Kate, she said. He’s really an awful bother, what with green shades for Tom’s eyes at night and making him do the dumbbells, and forcing Eva to eat the stirabout. The poor child! And she simply hates the sight of it! … O, but you’ll never guess what he makes me wear now!

  She broke out into a peal of laughter and glanced at her husband, whose admiring and happy eyes had been wandering from her dress to her face and hair. The two aunts laughed heartily, too, for Gabriel’s solicitude was a standing joke with them.

  —Goloshes! said Mrs. Conroy. That’s the latest. Whenever it’s wet underfoot I must put on my goloshes. Tonight even, he wanted me to put them on, but I wouldn’t. The next thing he’ll buy me will be a diving suit.

  Gabriel laughed nervously and patted his tie reassuringly, while Aunt Kate nearly doubled herself, so heartily did she enjoy the joke. The smile soon faded from Aunt Julia’s face and her mirthless eyes were directed towards her nephew’s face. After a pause she asked:

  —And what are goloshes, Gabriel?

  —Goloshes, Julia! exclaimed her sister. Goodness me, don’t you know what goloshes are? You wear them over your … over your boots, Gretta, isn’t it?

  —Yes, said Mrs. Conroy. Guttapercha things. We both have a pair now. Gabriel says everyone wears them on the continent.

  —O, on the continent, murmured Aunt Julia, nodding her head slowly.

  Gabriel knitted his brow
s and said, as if he were slightly angered:

  —It’s nothing very wonderful, but Gretta thinks it very funny because she says the word reminds her of Christy Minstrels.

  —But tell me, Gabriel, said Aunt Kate, with brisk tact. Of course, you’ve seen about the room. Gretta was saying …

  —O, the room is all right, replied Gabriel. I’ve taken one in the Gresham.

  —To be sure, said Aunt Kate, by far the best thing to do. And the children, Gretta, you’re not anxious about them?

  —O, for one night, said Mrs. Conroy. Besides, Bessie will look after them.

  —To be sure, said Aunt Kate again. What a comfort it is to have a girl like that, one you can depend on! There’s that Lily, I’m sure I don’t know what has come over her lately. She’s not the girl she was at all.

  Gabriel was about to ask his aunt some questions on this point, but she broke off suddenly to gaze after her sister, who had wandered down the stairs and was craning her neck over the banisters.

  —Now, I ask you, she said almost testily, where is Julia going? Julia! Julia! Where are you going?

  Julia, who had gone half way down one flight, came back and announced blandly:

  —Here’s Freddy.

  At the same moment a clapping of hands and a final flourish of the pianist told that the waltz had ended. The drawing room door was opened from within and some couples came out. Aunt Kate drew Gabriel aside hurriedly and whispered into his ear:

  —Slip down, Gabriel, like a good fellow and see if he’s all right, and don’t let him up if he’s screwed. I’m sure he’s screwed. I’m sure he is.

  Gabriel went to the stairs and listened over the banisters. He could hear two persons talking in the pantry. Then he recognised Freddy Malins’ laugh. He went down the stairs noisily.

  —It’s such a relief, said Aunt Kate to Mrs. Conroy, that Gabriel is here. I always feel easier in my mind when he’s here. . . . Julia, there’s Miss Daly and Miss Power will take some refreshment. Thanks for your beautiful waltz, Miss Daly. It made lovely time.

  A tall, wizen-faced man, with a stiff grizzled moustache and swarthy skin, who was passing out with his partner, said:

  —And may we have some refreshment, too, Miss Morkan?

  —Julia, said Aunt Kate summarily, and here’s Mr. Browne and Miss Furlong. Take them in, Julia, with Miss Daly and Miss Power.

  —I’m the man for the ladies, said Mr. Browne, pursing his lips until his moustache bristled and smiling in all his wrinkles. You know, Miss Morkan, the reason they are so fond of me is—

  He did not finish his sentence, but, seeing that Aunt Kate was out of earshot, at once led the three young ladies into the back room. The middle of the room was occupied by two square tables placed end to end, and on these Aunt Julia and the caretaker were straightening and smoothing a large cloth. On the sideboard were arrayed dishes and plates, and glasses and bundles of knives and forks and spoons. The top of the closed square piano served also as a sideboard for viands and sweets. At a smaller sideboard in one corner two young men were standing, drinking hop-bitters.

  Mr. Browne led his charges thither and invited them all, in jest, to some ladies’ punch, hot, strong and sweet. As they said they never took anything strong, he opened three bottles of lemonade for them. Then he asked one of the young men to move aside, and, taking hold of the decanter, filled out for himself a goodly measure of whisky. The young men eyed him respectfully while he took a trial sip.

  —God help me, he said, smiling, it’s the doctor’s orders.

  His wizened face broke into a broader smile, and the three young ladies laughed in musical echo to his pleasantry, swaying their bodies to and fro, with nervous jerks of their shoulders. The boldest said:

  —O, now, Mr. Browne, I’m sure the doctor never ordered anything of the kind.

  Mr. Browne took another sip of his whisky and said, with sidling mimicry:

  —Well, you see, I’m like the famous Mrs. Cassidy, who is reported to have said: Now, Mary Grimes, if I don’t take it, make me take it, for I feel I want it.

  His hot face had leaned forward a little too confidentially and he had assumed a very low Dublin accent so that the young ladies, with one instinct, received his speech in silence. Miss Furlong, who was one of Mary Jane’s pupils, asked Miss Daly what was the name of the pretty waltz she had played; and Mr. Browne, seeing that he was ignored, turned promptly to the two young men who were more appreciative.

  A red-faced young woman, dressed in pansy, came into the room, excitedly clapping her hands and crying:

  —Quadrilles! Quadrilles!

  Close on her heels came Aunt Kate, crying:

  —Two gentlemen and three ladies, Mary Jane!

  —O, here’s Mr. Bergin and Mr. Kerrigan, said Mary Jane. Mr. Kerrigan, will you take Miss Power? Miss Furlong, may I get you a partner, Mr. Bergin. O, that’ll just do now.

  —Three ladies, Mary Jane, said Aunt Kate.

  The two young gentlemen asked the ladies if they might have the pleasure, and Mary Jane turned to Miss Daly.

  —O, Miss Daly, you’re really awfully good, after playing for the last two dances, but really we’re so short of ladies to-night.

  —I don’t mind in the least, Miss Morkan.

  —But I’ve a nice partner for you, Mr. Bartell D’Arcy, the tenor. I’ll get him to sing later on. All Dublin is raving about him.

  —Lovely voice, lovely voice! said Aunt Kate.

  As the piano had twice begun the prelude to the first figure Mary Jane led her recruits quickly from the room. They had hardly gone when Aunt Julia wandered slowly into the room, looking behind her at something.

  —What is the matter, Julia? asked Aunt Kate anxiously. Who is it?

  Julia, who was carrying in a column of table napkins, turned to her sister and said, simply, as if the question had surprised her:

  —It’s only Freddy, Kate, and Gabriel with him.

  In fact right behind her Gabriel could be seen piloting Freddy Malins across the landing. The latter, a young man of about forty, was of Gabriel’s size and build, with very round shoulders. His face was fleshy and pallid, touched with colour only at the thick hanging lobes of his ears and at the wide wings of his nose. He had coarse features, a blunt nose, a convex and receding brow, tumid and protruded lips. His heavy-lidded eyes and the disorder of his scanty hair made him look sleepy. He was laughing heartily in a high key at a story which he had been telling Gabriel on the stairs and at the same time rubbing the knuckles of his left fist backwards and forwards into his left eye.

  —Good evening, Freddy, said Aunt Julia.

  Freddy Malins bade the Misses Morkan good evening in what seemed an offhand fashion by reason of the habitual catch in his voice and then, seeing that Mr. Browne was grinning at him from the sideboard, crossed the room on rather shaky legs and began to repeat in an undertone the story he had just told to Gabriel.

  —He’s not so bad, is he? said Aunt Kate to Gabriel.

  Gabriel’s brows were dark but he raised them quickly and answered:

  —O, no, hardly noticeable.

  —Now, isn’t he a terrible fellow! she said. And his poor mother made him take the pledge on New Year’s Eve. But come on, Gabriel, into the drawing room.

  Before leaving the room with Gabriel she signalled to Mr. Browne by frowning and shaking her forefinger in warning to and fro. Mr. Browne nodded in answer and, when she had gone, said to Freddy Malins:

  —Now, then, Teddy, I’m going to fill you out a good glass of lemonade just to buck you up.

  Freddy Malins, who was nearing the climax of his story, waved the offer aside impatiently but Mr. Browne, having first called Freddy Malins’ attention to a disarray in his dress, filled out and handed him a full glass of lemonade. Freddy Malins’ left hand accepted the glass mechanically, his right hand being engaged in the mechanical readjustment of his dress. Mr. Browne, whose face was once more wrinkling with mirth, poured out for himself a glass of whisky while Freddy
Malins exploded, before he had well reached the climax of his story, in a kink of high-pitched bronchitic laughter and, setting down his untasted and overflowing glass, began to rub the knuckles of his left fist backwards and forwards into his left eye, repeating words of his last phrase as well as his fit of laughter would allow him.

  GABRIEL COULD NOT LISTEN WHILE Mary Jane was playing her Academy piece, full of runs and difficult passages, to the hushed drawing room. He liked music but the piece she was playing had no melody for him and he doubted whether it had any melody for the other listeners, though they had begged Mary Jane to play something. Four young men, who had come from the refreshment room to stand in the doorway at the sound of the piano, had gone away quietly in couples after a few minutes. The only persons who seemed to follow the music were Mary Jane herself, her hands racing along the keyboard or lifted from it at the pauses like those of a priestess in momentary imprecation, and Aunt Kate standing at her elbow to turn the page.