A Wilderness Within

by Emma Castle

“Hell is different for everyone. It’s not all fire and brimstone.” His chuckle curled around her, hot and seductive.

  “I see only darkness,” she gasped.

  “Because your hell is one of nothingness.”

  Suddenly they were back in the chapel, and Diana fell to her knees, shaking violently. He stood above her, hands tucked in his trouser pockets, waiting patiently.

  “You agree to make a deal with me, and I will give you something in return.”

  She put a hand to her chest as she looked up at him.

  “You can…save my dad?” Part of her wondered if she was dreaming. She had to be. There was no way she was talking to the devil about making a deal to save her father’s life.

  “I can.”

  “But you said you don’t save lives.”

  The man—no, the devil—slowly smiled. “I said I don’t look like I save lives, and as a general rule I do not.”

  “Then why help me?” Diana got to her feet but sat down on the nearest pew. The devil strode to the stained-glass window, tilting his face up, the light playing upon his skin.

  “Because you are a pure soul and I hunger for corruption. I need to corrupt you.”

  “Corrupt me?” She shuddered at the dark word. When she thought of corruption, she thought of stealing, of hurting people, of unlawful things she’d never do.

  The devil turned to face her again, and the shadows pooled around him, his eyes suddenly glowing with a soft ruby-red gleam.

  “I want to own your body, your soul, to show you the pleasures of the dark side. I want you to tell me every wicked fantasy, the worst ones, and I want you to let me act them out with you. When I claim a pure soul through pleasure and bring it to the darkness, that soul then belongs to me in every way.”

  Her darkest fantasies? She struggled to think, but she didn’t have any fantasies.

  “Everyone has fantasies, Diana. Even pure souls like you.”

  “You…you said you make deals, right? What would our deal be?” She couldn’t believe she was considering this, but if it meant saving her father, how could she not listen to what the devil offered? He would own her soul. Was her father’s life worth letting him drag her down into eternal darkness?

  “You will come to me every Friday night at midnight. I can do with you as I please until dawn, then you can leave.”

  “For how long?” She tried not to think about what the devil would do with her.

  “Three months. It will be a delightful gift to myself to celebrate the anniversary of my fall from grace. When you die, whenever that may be, your soul will be fully mine, trapped forever in that nothingness I showed you.”

  Twelve Fridays? She could survive whatever the devil wanted for her father’s sake. She wouldn’t think about what would happen when she died someday and how she’d be trapped—in hell—with him. “How…how do I know you won’t let him die after you’re through with me?”

  The devil’s grin was scary, not because he was scary but because that sexy grin promised all sorts of sins, ones she didn’t think she could handle. “I may be the devil, but I’m not a liar. I get what I, and I promise on my black heart you’ll get what you want.”

  She didn’t immediately respond. Diana wasn’t stupid. She’d seen movies about deals with the devil. There was always a catch, and the trick was finding out what it was.

  “What about my mom, or any other friends or family? You’ll save my dad but let someone else that I love die instead, right?”

  His eyes widened the slightest bit, and then he smiled as though pleased she wasn’t simply agreeing.

  “That is called cosmic balance, you clever child, and no, I do not have to bend to the will of cosmic balance. You won’t face anyone else’s death because of our little deal.”

  Diana couldn’t ignore the possessiveness that seemed to emanate from him as he gazed at her. Was her soul really worth it to him? If so, then she had one heck of a bargaining chip, and she refused to waste it.

  “I want you to promise that no one I love gets hurt and my dad gets totally healed forever.”

  He waved a finger at her. “Now, now, you can’t demand—”

  “Do you want my pure soul or not?” The second she issued her challenge, invisible electricity sparked between them. The heat burning through Diana held a promise of what was to come, and it scared the hell out of her. She had to make this deal, but only on her terms. If he didn’t agree, she still had the power to walk away, and she would.

  When he didn’t respond, she stood up and started toward the chapel door.

  “Fine.” He growled the word as he came up behind her. She turned to look at him, stepping back instinctively as he came too close. “I can give your other loved ones extra protection, but if the other side makes a decision, that’s on your precious angels, not me. I don’t have control over what those winged idiots do. But I swear that nothing I do will cause them harm.”

  “Okay, so three months of my submitting to you and you heal my dad.”

  “Submitting?” He laughed. “That’s a rather interesting word. Is that one of your fantasies? To have me dominating you?”

  Diana shuddered at first, but then an inner voice whispered, “Yes. Dominate me.” A voice she’d buried every time the desires surfaced, because it filled her with shame “Is that the deal?” she repeated.

  The devil grinned. “Yes. That’s the deal.”

  “Do we…shake on it or something?” She held out her hand. He eyed it and then took her hand in his and tugged. She fell against him, surprised at the feel of his warm body against hers.

  Before she could push him away, he bent his head and whispered, “You always seal a devil’s bargain with a kiss.” And then he slanted his mouth over hers, burning her lips with his as he ravaged her mouth, his tongue seeking hers. She was too stunned at first, but as his mouth softened on hers, she melted into him.

  A frightening sense of falling forever in the darkness and fluttering black wings surged through her, but he held her, banding his arms around her and tethering her so she wouldn’t vanish in the nothingness.

  She tried to banish her fears, praying for one spot of light in the darkness as they kissed. There was a brilliant flash of bright light, the feel of soft downy feathers brushing against her cheek, and then she glimpsed a shining city in the clouds.

  Then it was gone. The nothingness remained.

  His lips left hers, and the warmth of his body faded. Dimly, she heard his silken whisper in her mind. “You are mine now, Diana.”

  When she opened her eyes and jolted awake, she lay on one of the pews in the hospital’s chapel.

  She’d only had a wild dream. Her father wouldn’t get better. A tear rolled off her cheek onto the fabric of the seat beneath her. She sat up slowly, combed her fingers through her hair, and tried to compose herself. Then she left the chapel and returned to her father’s room. As the door to the chapel closed behind her, she swore she heard a faint, low masculine chuckle.

  “I’m going crazy. The stress of all this is getting to me.”

  As much as she would’ve done anything to save her dad, there was no such thing as bargaining with the devil. Because she didn’t believe in the devil.

  Chapter 2

  But his doom reserved him to more wrath; for now the thought both of lost happiness and lasting pain torments him. - John Milton, Paradise Lost

  Lucien stood in the chapel, invisible to Diana, watching her wipe away her tears and leave the room. She was a beautiful woman, with dark-brown hair and dove-gray eyes that reminded him of lightning in winter snowstorms. He’d seen lovelier women, yet there was something about her that drew him in, a natural beauty that seemed to come from within. It was possible that her pure soul was calling to him, but the longing to thread his hands through the straight waterfall of her hair…that was pure lust on his part.

  “You don’t believe in me yet, but you will.” And by the time she realized what bargain she’d made, it would be too late. He
r soul would be forever trapped in his clutches, corrupted by his darkness, and that soul would keep the gates of hell strong and secure.

  After she left, he raised a hand to his lips, brushing the tips of his fingers over them, wondering.

  It had been a most curious thing. When he’d kissed her and sealed their bargain, he had thought he’d seen something, just a quick second of a young girl’s hand brushing over cool blades of grass on a summer morning, the chilly drops of dew tickling his fingers as they tickled hers. It had felt…heavenly. He’d convinced himself that he didn’t want to remember what heaven felt like, how it tasted, how it looked, but kissing Diana had brought back forbidden memories. He buried the rush of pleasure that thoughts of heaven brought because it always brought back the pain of his fall. Instead, he focused on why he would experience that with Diana when he never had with any other mortal before.

  He normally saw people’s darkest desires when he sealed their bargains. He exited the chapel and moved unseen through the hospital until he reached the room where Diana and her mother were saying their goodbyes for the night and going home. After they had left, he walked over to where Diana’s father lay breathing softly, his eyes closed. Lucien stared down at him for a long minute. The man was deep in a coma, wouldn’t last the night, not that Diana or her mother knew that. They only knew that time was limited. The doctors had assured them they would have another day or two to say goodbye and take him off the machines. But even the machines couldn’t stop the death that was creeping through Hal’s body.

  Lucien reached out and woke Hal from the coma. Diana’s father’s eyes slowly opened up, and he had the look of a man lost, a man who’d begun his travel to the other side but had been pulled abruptly back.

  “You’ve come for me?” The man opened his eyes, and they were soft gray just like Diana’s.

  “I’m not Death. He’s the one who pays house calls,” Lucien said with a sardonic smile.

  “This isn’t a house call?” Hal coughed and winced, and then he relaxed, his eyes starting to close as he struggled to stay awake.

  Lucien watched all this in fascination, strangely reminded of his own fall and the struggle to go on. The human will to survive, to overcome any obstacle, even one as painful as death, was so strong.

  “So if you aren’t Death, and there’s no way you’re a doctor, then who are you?” Hal asked. Pain filled his voice, but he sounded strong now too. Lucien felt a stab of pride in knowing a man like this had fathered his newest pet, for that was what Diana would be: his pet, a plaything, one he would take good care of even while corrupting her with her own forbidden desires.

  “I don’t think you want to know who I am.” Lucien picked up the charts at the end of the hospital bed, flicking through the complicated pages.

  “Try me,” Hal challenged.

  Lucien put his charts down and walked around the side of the bed, offering a hand. Hal placed his hand in Lucien’s just like Diana had, and he showed Hal exactly who he was by letting Hal glimpse his own personal hell just as he had shown Diana hers.

  Hal’s face paled even more. “You’re the…the…”

  “Yes.” Lucien didn’t bother to say the word. He’d never been overly fond of devil or Satan. They were such negative words for a being who’d once been named heaven’s brightest star.

  “That’s not…you can’t be…” Diana’s father struggled to accept the truth, but after a long moment, he seemed too tired to fight.

  “I am. You’d better believe it,” Lucien replied.

  “But why are you here?” Hal asked, eyes wide. “I’ve tried to be a good man.”

  “And…luckily, you succeeded.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “I’m not dragging you down to hell. Scout’s honor.” Lucien chuckled, but Hal didn’t laugh.

  “I’m here because your daughter just bought you the winning lottery ticket.”

  “What are you talking about?” Hal blinked in shock as Lucien placed a palm on his forehead.

  “Don’t worry, you won’t remember any of this.”

  Hal’s eyes closed, and white light went from Lucien’s hand into Hal’s head. The last vestiges of his angelic powers—oddly the ones the heavens hadn’t taken from him when they’d taken almost everything else—still worked.

  Lucien dropped his hand from Hal’s face and glanced toward the machine that now beeped in a steady rhythm.

  Come dawn, the doctors would be baffled by Hal’s quick recovery, and they would send him home, declaring it a miracle.

  But for Diana it was to be a debt. A debt he was very interested in collecting. There was a momentary flicker of guilt at knowing he would be Diana’s destruction, but he buried it deep inside. The devil couldn’t afford to feel guilty, not when the universe’s very stability relied on him remaining a selfish bastard and stealing pure souls. For Diana it meant surrendering her pure soul to the realm of darkness so that it could fortify the gates and keep all hell from literally breaking loose.

  Diana slept in, not wanting to leave the comfort of her warm bed in her little apartment. If she was being honest, she didn’t want to face today. She and her mother had spoken to the doctor, and today they would take her father off the machines keeping him alive. The doctor wasn’t certain how long it would take for her father to die, but Diana knew it could be a few days. He was so damn strong, had always been strong, and he would cling to life while she and her mother watched in agony.

  I can’t face that, not yet.

  Outside the sun was up, light peeking in through the pale-blue curtains on her bedroom window. For a long moment she lay there, thinking about the frightening dream she’d had when she’d fallen asleep in the chapel the day before.

  A deal with the devil.

  She sighed heavily and forced herself out of bed. Diana couldn’t put off the visit to the hospital any longer. Her mother would need her there, and it would be one of the last times she would get to see her father before…before he was gone. She trembled, and a chill stole through her, settling deep into her bones. Whenever she thought of her dad being gone, it left a burning, hollow ache inside her chest. It would only get worse once he was really gone.

  She picked up her cell phone from her nightstand and checked the time. It was nearly noon on a Sunday morning. She’d missed several calls from her mother. Heart pounding, she called her mom back. Something had happened to her dad before she’d had a chance to say goodbye? She tried not to think about it, about how pale he had been last night.

  “Diana! Thank God!” her mother gasped when she answered the phone.

  “What is it? Dad?” Diana’s voice broke, and she was seconds away from crying.

  “Yes, but I think it’s good news. He came out of the coma. I think…” Her mother choked on a sob. “I think he might be in remission.”

  “What?” Diana wiped the fresh stream of tears on her cheeks. She didn’t understand.

  “It’s a miracle! Your father called me at around nine. He woke up at six this morning feeling better than he’s been in a long time. He called the nurses to have the doctors come see him. They ran some tests and biopsied his colon.” Her mother took a deep breath before continuing. “They didn’t find any cancer cells.”

  That couldn’t be possible. Yesterday he had been mere days away from death.

  “Mom, they made a mistake,” Diana said. “They had to.”

  “They tested him several times on several different machines to be sure.”

  Diana bit her lip so hard she tasted blood. It was too dangerous to let hope take over. Far too dangerous.

  “So what does this mean?” she asked her mother.

  “I think he can come home in a few days. I’m headed to the hospital now.”

  “I can meet you there.”

  “No, no,” her mother said. “Let me go. Just in case.” The words she left unsaid were loud in the silence between them. In case it really was a mistake. Better to have only her mother’s hopes bro
ken than both of them. But Diana didn’t want her facing that news alone.

  “I’m coming.” Diana hung up on her mother before she could protest, and she hastily dressed and grabbed her keys. Her orange tabby cat, Seth, was perched on the arm of the couch in the small living room, purring as she walked by.

  “I’ll be back later,” she told the cat. He lowered onto his stomach and tucked his paws under his chest, watching her as she slung her purse over her shoulder and slipped outside.

  By the time she reached the hospital, she was a nervous wreck. Her hands wouldn’t stop shaking. She parked her car and headed toward the oncology department, but when she got to the hall leading to her father’s room, the hairs on the back of her neck rose and she had that eerie sensation of someone watching her.

  Just like in my dream.

  Diana glanced about but didn’t see anyone except for the nurses at their stations.

  “We made a deal. Don’t forget it.” The soft, seductive voice slithered inside her mind, and she froze a step away from the door to her father’s room.

  No. It had been a dream. Their encounter hadn’t been real. The man, the devil, that kiss—it had all been a dream.

  “You promised me your soul, and I will collect.”

  Diana shook her head, trying to banish the voice, and she rushed into her father’s room.

  Hal sat in bed, his face full of color and smiling. Her mother spoke to a doctor who was showing her some lab results. It all seemed so surreal. Last night he’d been still and pale as death, his hands clammy to the touch and his chest barely moving with shallow breaths. The man in the hospital before her now was healthy and bright-eyed. Her heart stung with an overwhelming rush of joy.

  “Hey.” Diana greeted her father and kissed him and hugged him. He returned her hug, and she was startled by the strength of his embrace. The last few months he had been too weak to do anything but squeeze her hand.

  “Hey, kiddo. I think I might be going home in a few days. Can you believe it?” Her father’s eyes sparkled with life in a way she couldn’t remember. He had been ill for two years now, and she had started to forget the man he had been before the cancer.