Can't Let Go

by Chrissy Brown

  I can’t be mad. She hasn’t done anything with him. She’s barely talked to him. Still…

  “Hey, Kevin,” I holler over the sound of the band.

  “What’s up?” He walks around the edge of the pool table, probably to hear me better.

  “Mallory’s been down at the bar a while.”

  “So?”

  “Can you go check on her for me?”

  “Why don’t you go?”

  I should be the one going down there, whisking her away from that douchebag, but I know if I go down there now the bartender will say something smart. I’ll end up punching him in the face and Mallory will never look at me the same. The sparkle in her eyes when she looks at me will burn out and I’ll be lumped in with all the other douchebags in her life.

  “Because, I don’t want her knowing that I’m jealous.”

  “You’re being stupid, but whatever.” Kevin strolls across the bar, ignoring the girls cat-calling him along the way. He drags a stool beside Mallory and sits down. She laughs at whatever he’s saying to her and I relax a little. Kevin’s good peoples, he’ll keep her safe.

  Out of nowhere, Amanda screeches, “Kevin’s got himself another piece of ass! Whooooo! Get it, Kevin!”

  My eyes effortlessly find Kevin on the dance floor. His hands cradle some girl’s face, his lips pressing against hers. I smile, amused at how easily he pulls tail until I realize who he’s kissing.

  What the hell?

  My vision tunnels and all I can see is Kevin and Mallory. I cross the club faster than I thought possible, pushing everyone in my way aside. I’m not nice about it. A few people shout at me, spitting ugly words as I barrel through them, but I don’t care.

  Grabbing Kevin by the arm, I turn him to face me. It takes every inch of willpower I have not to knock his teeth out.

  Kevin chuckles upon seeing me with a shit-eating grin a mile wide and it sets me off. Without thinking, I draw back and punch Kevin in the face as hard as I can. He stumbles back a step, then touches his bottom lip.

  “Not bad, Beau,” Kevin says, his voice calm and steady. “I didn’t know you had it in ya.”

  I grit my teeth and look at Mallory. She stands beside him, pale-faced and wide-eyed. Her mouth hangs open, making a perfect O between her lips.

  Amanda sneaks up behind me. Her hands slide up my chest, her cheek pressing against my shoulder. I shudder. “Aw, you look like you’re gonna cry,” she mocks.

  “What’s your problem, Amanda?” I say, all my frustrations directed at her.

  “Excuse me?” Amanda’s hands fly to her hips.

  “Get it through your thick skull. We’re done. You were nothing to me but an easy piece of ass and I don’t want it anymore.”

  With an exaggerated huff, Amanda opens her mouth to say something but changes her mind. She turns and sulks away.

  “About damn time,” Kevin says, hand up for a high five. “I’ve always hated that bitch.”

  I ignore Kevin’s hand and turn my attention to Mallory. Her face is blotchy and red from crying. I suddenly remember why I was heated in the first place.

  “Why the hell are you kissing him?” I yell at her. “We came here together, in case you forgot.”

  Mallory gasps. Her shoulder brushes against me as she runs past me to God-knows-where.

  Kevin steps closer, stopping inches from my face. Pointing behind me to wherever Mallory’s run off to, he says, “That chick drove almost an hour to be with you tonight. She likes you, even if she doesn’t realize it yet. And what do you do?” He pauses, likely waiting for me to respond. When I don’t reply, he says, “You decide to ignore her the moment Amanda shows up.”

  Kevin reaches out, shoving me in the shoulder. “She sat at the bar, by herself, and drank her shit away instead of causing a scene.”

  “Kissing you wasn’t a scene?” I ask, a little too loudly. People twist their necks to look at us.

  “She only agreed to a dance. A dance you should have been dancing with her.” Kevin pokes me in the chest with his finger. “I kissed her and she instantly reared back. Then your shitty ass comes down here and starts acting like a jealous prick. Tighten up before I steal your girl for real.”

  My stomach drops. The rage I felt only a moment ago is replaced with shame.

  “Hell,” I run my hand through my hair. “I did exactly what I didn’t want to do”

  Kevin rests his hand on my shoulder. “It’s all good, dude. We’re good dude.” He pauses, then adds, “If I get to drink on your tab the rest of the night.”

  “Sure man. Whatever you want. Sorry about the lip.”

  “I’m not the one you need to apologize to.” Kevin slaps me on the butt and turns toward the bar. “Go get your girl!”

  Chapter 22

  Mallory

  Sitting on the sticky floor of the handicapped stall in the bathroom isn’t where I thought I’d end up tonight. Yet, here I am crying my eyes out, ruining the makeup that I worked so hard to make perfect.

  “Mallory? You in here?” a voice calls out to me. “It’s Jess.”

  I suck in a breath, desperate to choke back my tears and be as quiet as possible.

  “I know you’re in here. I can hear your sniffling.” Jess pushes on the stall doors until she reaches the one I’m in. The lock clangs as it rears against itself. She bends down, sticking her head under the door. “Open up or I’m crawling under.”

  Refusing to look at her, I sit still as a statue. With a huff, she crawls under the door and finds herself a place on the ground beside me.

  “Seriously, I need a shower now. This floor is nasty,” Jess says, wiping her hands on her pants as if that would magically make the germs disappear.

  A laugh escapes me between sobs. Jess puts an arm around me and I let my head fall onto her shoulder. She doesn’t try to talk. Instead, she sits there letting me cry until I run out of tears.

  “He likes you, a lot,” Jess says, her hands running through my curls.

  “Who?”

  “Beau.”

  I shake my head. “He probably thinks I’m a slut for kissing Kevin.”

  Jess pulls back, forcing me look at her. “No, he doesn’t. He was just mad and everyone knows that kiss was all Kevin. I told you, he’s a dog.”

  “More like a pig,” I mumble.

  If knowing this was all Kevin’s fault was supposed to make me feel better, it doesn’t. I’m now just one of the many girls Kevin’s kissed and passed on to his friends. Great, I’m sloppy seconds! I burry my face in my arms and ugly cry again.

  “I’ve been around a few years now,” Jess says, “and I’ve never seen Beau try this hard. He’s done nothing but drill Shannon about you all week.”

  I sniffle and look up at her.

  “Beau makes mistakes,” Jess says, wiping tears from my cheek with the back of her finger. “He’s hot-headed and has a temper like no other, but he is the most amazing guy I’ve ever met. If I wasn’t with Rob, he’s one of the few guys in this county I’d consider being with. Give him another chance.”

  Jess pulls a handful of toilet paper from the dispenser beside her. She hands it to me and I blow my nose.

  I understand why Beau got mad. Hell, I was just as upset when Big-Boobs kissed him, only I kept it inside. Standing up, I evaluate myself in the mirror. My eyes are bloodshot and puffy and I’ve cried off most of my makeup. Wetting a paper towel, I scrub my face. There’s not much I can do about the rest of my makeup, but at least I don’t have dark circles under my eyes anymore.

  “Mallory?” Beau’s voice echoes in the bathroom.

  “We’re in here,” Jess calls out. She puts a hand on my shoulder and gives an approving nod before unlocking the stall door. “I’ll stand guard,” Jess says to him.

  Refusing to turn and face Beau, I watch him from the mirror. He hovers in the entryway of the stall with his hands in his pockets.

  “I’m sorry,” Beau says, taking a few steps towards me. “I didn’t mean to yell at you.”


  “You’re a jerk,” I say, still watching him from the mirror.

  “I know.” Beau runs his fingers through his hair. “I saw Kevin’s lips on yours and everything went red. It drove me crazy. I…” His shoulders hunch forward.

  Beau backs against the stall and slides down the siding to the floor. Feeling a little bad for him, I walk over and sit down too. Jess is right, he was angry and people say things they don’t mean when they are mad. Thinking back, Beau didn’t say anything mean. He just yelled at me.

  “I really wanted to make a good impression,” Beau says, his gaze fixated on the wall in front of us.

  I shrug. “You were batting a thousand before coming here.

  “And now?” Beau’s sad eyes look at me and my frustration with him fades away.

  The bathroom door swings open, and Jess hollers, “I hate to interrupt, but we are getting a line out here.”

  Beau nods to himself and stands. Extending a hand he says, “Let’s get out of here.”

  Chapter 23

  Beau

  I’m antsy. My skin is practically crawling inside itself, making sleep impossible to find.

  How could I have let tonight go so wrong?

  Mallory lies beside me on the couch with her head in my lap. My fingers thread through her hair and the smell of coconut floods my senses.

  About twenty minutes into a movie, that she picked, Mallory’s eyes drift closed. I listen to her breathe. Goosebumps prick my skin and for a moment I’m flooded with warmth. I take a staggered breath, my chest expanding and the sensation runs through me, down to my toes.

  “Mallory?”

  “Mmm,” she says, her eyes still closed.

  “Are you sleeping?”

  “Umm-hmmm.”

  “All right, baby.” Not convinced she’s asleep, I add, “Just so you know, I have the world’s largest penis ever.”

  “Mmm,” she says.

  Mallory’s definitely asleep.

  “I won’t tell you when you’re awake. Not yet, anyway. But I more than like you,” I whisper. “I can’t get you out of my head.” I pause, unable to fight the smile creeping across my face. “Trust me, I’ve tried.” My finger brushes against her cheek. “I’ve never met anyone who makes me feel things like you do.”

  ***

  Cradling Mallory in my arms, I carry her to my room. Pulling the sheets back with one hand, I lay her on my mattress, then cover her up.

  “Where are you going?” Mallory says, her voice hoarse from sleeping.

  “To the couch.”

  Mallory sits up, her eyes half open and shakes her head. She scoots to one side of the bed and lifts the sheet.

  “This bed is big enough for both of us. Lie with me.”

  My heart gallops in my chest. Forcing myself not to rip my close off and dive under the covers with her, I strip down to my boxers, one article of clothing at a time. The mattress dips as I scoot beside her.

  Mallory shifts and presses her back against my chest. Reaching my arm across her, my fingers creep under her shirt and strum against her soft skin of her stomach. Mallory’s back arches, pushing her butt against me. I groan, trying hard to fight how my body reacts to hers.

  Mallory turns in my arms. “Why haven’t you kissed me again?”

  I stare down into Mallory’s big blue eyes, trying not to get lost in them. My stomach flips inside itself. If only she knew how much I want to kiss her. How much I crave to have her lips on mine, to have her skin on my skin. If she was any other girl, I’d take her right now, but she’s not.

  “You’re screwing this up by not kissing me.” Mallory rolls on her side and scoots away from me. Her fingers clutch my blanket, pulling it up to her chin.

  I sit up and lean over her. I need her to look at me. Mallory turns, looking over her shoulder and her eyes lock onto mine.

  “I royally screwed up tonight.” I sigh and lay back onto my pillow. Staring up at the ceiling I say, “I don’t want to taint the memory of your amazing kisses. Does that make sense?”

  Mallory’s quiet for a long time. She exhales loudly. “No, it doesn’t but whatever.” Mallory shifts again, making herself comfortable. I don’t know what to say. So, silence fills the room. Within a few minutes, Mallory’s fallen back asleep. But I’m wide awake, trying to wrack my brain for a way to redeem myself this weekend.

  Chapter 24

  Mallory

  Rolling onto my side, my head’s killing me. I peek one eye open. The curtains are drawn, blinds closed, but it’s still too bright. Sitting up, I look around. I’m still in Beau’s room, alone, and fully clothed. Relief washes over me because I didn’t throw myself at him like a drunken fool. Tiptoeing to the door, I peek my head out and listen. Silence.

  Where did he go?

  I listen a minute longer. Still nothing. Convinced Beau’s not inside, I sneak into the bathroom and steal a shower. Fifteen minutes later I feel refreshed and ready to take on the day. Walking out of the bathroom, in just a towel, I stop in my tracks.

  Beau’s standing between the kitchen and the bathroom, eyes wide, giving my body a once, no, a twice-over. He clears his throat. “Uh…morning.”

  My cheeks burn from embarrassment. I can’t believe I let him catch me makeup-less and in a towel no less. “Morning.”

  We stand there, staring at each other. The tension in the room thickens. Finally, Beau points towards the living room. “Um…I’ve got breakfast. I’ll be in there waiting.”

  Chapter 25

  Beau

  “So I thought we might go fishing today,” I say, carrying our plates to the sink.

  “That sounds like a great idea.”

  I’m surprised. One, because I’ve never taken a girl fishing and two because Mallory genuinely sounds interested. “Really?”

  Mallory nods, taking the wet dish from my hand. She grabs the dishtowel beside the drying wrack and hand dries while I wash. “I don’t know if you know this, but I’m an expert saltwater fisherman,” she says, her head held high.

  “Yeah?”

  “Yep. My dad and I have competed in fishing tournaments every summer since I was seven. The team with the largest fish won. Granted, there are categories for each type of fish and sub-categories by age, but it was still awesome. Especially when the fish I brought in won two years in a row.”

  The image of Mallory fishing in some skinny, little string bikini and her Daisy Duke shorts comes to mind. She probably reeled in a monster of a fish like a swordfish or a shark.

  “What?” she asks.

  I blink a couple times, trying to clear my thoughts. “What, what?”

  Mallory giggles. “You were staring off into space with a goofy look on your face. Where’d your mind go?”

  I try to keep a straight expression. “In the gutter.”

  ***

  Saltwater fishing and freshwater fishing must be different because I’ve caught three fish to Mallory’s nothing. She casts her line, lets it sit for a few minutes then slowly reels it in. That perfect bottom lip of hers juts out every time the worm comes back without a fish but as frustrated as she is, Mallory keeps trying, and I love that about her.

  “What am I doing wrong?” Mallory puts her rod in the holder, finally giving up. I reel in my line and put my rod in the holder next to hers.

  “Are you sure you’re a fishing expert? Because from where I’m sitting, you kind of suck at this.”

  Mallory leans over and punches my shoulder. Her hand lingers on my skin a second longer than necessary and our eyes lock onto each other. She bites her lip. I love it when she bites that lip.

  “Come on.” I hold my hand out to her. Mallory crosses her arms over her chest. “Let’s teach you how to freshwater fish.”

  “Seriously?” she says, more than a little frustrated.

  I can’t see Mallory’s eyes through her thick aviator glasses, but a small wrinkle appears in the middle of her forehead. In that moment, a boat flies past ours. Its wake rocks our boat, knockin
g me off my feet.

  Mallory giggles, obviously amused by my bruised behind, then says, “Fine.”

  I press my back against Mallory and place my hands on top of hers. We hold the bottom of the rod in one hand and the reel with the other. Drawing the rod back, we cast the line. It flies roughly twenty yards, landing in the center of the lake with an oomph.

  “Now,” I say, “you’ve got to let the worm slip down near the bottom. After about a minute or two, give it a little pop, then slowly reel it in.”

  “Like this?” she asks, making the line bounce.

  “Yeah,” I say, through a laugh.

  One cast after another, Mallory lets me guide her. She’s doing great, but as we reel the line in, we don’t get a fish.

  By the fourth cast, Mallory can easily handle the rod herself, but I don’t want to let her go. I love the feeling of our closeness. On her fifth cast, Mallory squeals, finally hooking a bass.

  “Aren’t you going to take the hook out of its mouth?”

  Mallory shakes her head, wrinkling her nose.

  “I’ll get it for you,” I hold up a finger, “on one condition.”

  Mallory’s lips twist sideways before she says, “And what might that be?”

  “You’ve got to let me take a picture of you with your first fish.”

  Mallory backhands me across the stomach. “This is not my first fish.”

  “Fine,” I hold my hands up in surrender, “your first freshwater fish.”

  Mallory’s lips press into a firm line, but she nods. The fish is small, maybe two-thirds the size of my forearm but she’s proud. Sticking her thumb in its mouth, she pretends to give it a kiss.

  Lucky fish.

  I grab my phone from the dry box and snap the picture. Throwing the fish back into the water, she beams and my heart swells knowing I’ve had a hand in her happiness.

  Chapter 26

  Beau

  Mallory’s phone is linked to my Bluetooth speakers. She’s happy, singing along to a Taylor Swift song, hands waving around in what I think are supposed to be dance moves. Enticed by her, I almost forgot about the lingering text messages until my phone buzzes in my pocket again. At the next stop light, I pull it out.