Sanctuary

by Courtney McPhail

  Veronica let her head fall back, trying to rein in her emotions, not wanting the girls to see her fall apart. It hurt to hear the fear in Hannah’s voice, especially since she knew that the girl had every reason to fear.

  It wasn’t fair that she had to live in this world where she feared losing everyone she loved.

  It wasn’t fair that Audrey had to live in a world where she had to promise her sister she wouldn’t die.

  None of this was fair.

  But cursing the unfairness of it all would do nothing to change it. Tears weren’t going to help the girls. This was the world they were in and they just had to deal.

  What she could do was make sure they made it to the island safe and sound.

  She owed it to the parents who had loved their children fiercely and had given their lives to keep them safe.

  Subject File # 749

  Administrator: Do you have problems sleeping?

  Subject: Sometimes. It’s not that I can’t sleep. It’s that I don’t want to.

  Administrator: Why?

  Subject: Nightmares and not being ready for another day to begin when I wake up.

  Janet stared up at the canvas ceiling of her tent, unable to find sleep. Without a fire to gather around, everyone had gone to bed early. She had gotten the kids to bed, the three of them drifting off easily, but she had found herself laying there, staring up at the canvas roof.

  It wasn’t any particular thought or worry that kept her awake. It was just a general sense of anxiety that twisted her stomach and pressed down on her chest.

  If she was honest, the feeling had been there since the first reports of the infection had hit the news. It was just that when they were driving on the road or getting a meal ready or talking around the fire, she could ignore it.

  It was the idle time when she had a moment to catch her breath and think that brought it back into focus.

  Her stomach churned but it wasn’t the dinner they had eaten that was causing the sickening sensation. She couldn’t lay here, letting the anxiety and worry swamp over her and take her down.

  She pushed herself up and crawled out of the tent, sucking down the fresh air outside and feeling a small release as she stepped out into the open space. The camp was quiet, the other tents dark as everyone else slept, though she wondered how many of them were sleeping easily.

  She looked around, trying to find something that needed to be done and wouldn’t cause that much noise. She needed something to focus on or else this anxious feeling would never go away.

  It had been like this after Eric’s death. The weeks after she found out had been a blur of grief and mourning as they had brought him back home to be buried and she had helped her children process it all. She had thought her initial grief would be the worst pain she would suffer but, as it eased with time, she found that the general anxiety that had been left in its wake was much worse.

  Rather than lay in the bed they had once shared, sick at the thought of what she had lost, she would find herself spending her nights cleaning. Their home had never been as spotless as it had been after Eric’s death. She spent almost every night trying to bring order to a life that felt too chaotic without Eric to anchor it.

  Eventually she had put her world back together and learned to live without her husband. But then the world had fallen apart and she was back to feeling like things were out of control.

  She went to double check that they had properly cleaned up the cook area. Their supplies were limited and they couldn’t afford to leave anything behind but the area was clean as a whistle.

  She thought about checking the van once more, making sure the children hadn’t left anything behind but she had already checked it before she had put them to bed. Everything was packed up in the new SUVs, ready for them to head out when morning came.

  That left her with only one option for a distraction: visiting with the person standing watch. Normally that wouldn’t be a problem except that right now, Quinton was on shift with Claudia.

  She hadn’t spoken to him since her impromptu kiss the night before. She hadn’t been going out of her way to avoid him really, but he had spent the morning in the van sleeping and then they had gone off to the dealership and everything had gone to hell after that. She could have sought him out after they had come back but there had been dinner to make and the kids to look after.

  But now that she had no more excuses to be away from him, she found herself wanting to avoid him. Though he had been kind with his rejection, it was still embarrassing to have thrown herself at him like she had.

  But she knew that she would have to face him again and maybe it was better to get it done sooner rather than later.

  She walked over to the gate with purpose, making sure to make enough sound that she didn’t surprise them in the dark. He was standing alone at the gate and when he spotted her, he greeted her with a smile.

  “Can’t sleep again?” he asked and she nodded.

  “Well, can’t say I’m not happy about that,” he said. “I was getting bored out here alone.”

  “Where’s Claudia?” she asked, looking down the fence line to see if the girl was walking the perimeter.

  “I sent her to bed. She kept yawning and nodding off. I think today took it out of her.”

  “And what about you?”

  He laughed. “I’m still high on adrenaline. Running for your life really does kick it into high gear.”

  “I didn’t get a chance to say it earlier with everything going on but I’m glad you’re okay,” she said.

  “Thanks,” he said. “You know, we’re both pretty lucky.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “We’ve got Claudia and Malcolm as siblings. They were the heroes today. We’re lucky to have them as family.”

  He was right. The only reason she and her children had survived the massacre on the highway was because of her brother and the only reason her children were alive was because Claudia had protected them from an infected Jose.

  “We really are lucky to have them,” she echoed.

  “So did the kids get to bed okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” she said. “I think all the excitement today tired them out.”

  “Are they okay? I’m sure today must have been scary for them.”

  She thought back to their conversation earlier that day. “No, they aren’t scared and I don’t know if I should be worried about that. They’re looking forward to getting to the island so they can sail and fish. It’s like they’re on summer vacation and this part is the boring road trip to get to the amusement park.”

  “It’s probably for the best that they think that way,” Quinton said. “I’m having a hard enough time coping with reality and I’m a grown ass adult.”

  “Maybe.” Janet ran a hand over her face. “God, you know, being a parent was hard enough before, but now it’s a nightmare. I’m actually worried that my children aren’t traumatized enough. How ridiculous is that?”

  “It’s not ridiculous, it’s just the world we’re living in now,” he said.

  “I know, it’s just that I never wanted them to go through something like this,” she told him. “Of course, no parent would want this for their kids but it’s more than that for me. They already suffered so much after their father died but they got through it. I had just hoped that his death would be the hardest thing they would experience in their lives. They made it through that but this...I’m scared that they won’t make it out of this.”

  She looked out at the dark road, reaching out to thread her fingers through the metal links of the fence. “I don’t see how any of us can, really. This infection, it’s destroyed so much and it doesn’t seem like it’s going to stop any time soon.”

  “You never know what could happen. Maybe there’s someone out there working to fix this. If they can cure the infection, we can rebuild.”

  She laughed, the sound tinged with bitterness. “You don’t actually believe that, do you?”

  “No, but
I figured it was worth a try.”

  She looked over at him to see him smiling at her. “Well, I appreciate the effort but I prefer to always have the truth. If you’re being anything but honest with someone, then it’s just a waste of time.”

  “Okay, I’ll be honest then,” Quinton said. “This isn’t the life you wanted for your kids and that sucks. They’re going to grow up much faster than they would have otherwise.”

  “Is there a but in there?” she asked. “I feel like there should be a but in there.”

  “Buuuut,” he said, drawing out the word, “That doesn’t mean you’re going to lose them. They can make it through this. Even if there isn’t a cure, they can survive. Hell, they could thrive in this world.”

  “You know, Veronica told me you were the pessimist in the family. She’s got no idea what she’s talking about.”

  “No, she doesn’t. She confuses being realistic with pessimism.”

  “And you think it’s realistic that the kids will thrive in this world?”

  “I do. Kids adapt to change a hell of a lot easier than adults,” he told her. “Besides they’ve got all of us to look after them and teach them.”

  God, she had really needed to hear that tonight. She took a shaky breath and looked at him with tear filled eyes.

  “Thank you.”

  Her voice caught on the last syllable and she closed her eyes, the tears beginning to fall. He reached out and pulled her into his arms. She took just as much comfort from his embrace as she had from his words.

  “I’m not just lucky to have Malcolm and Claudia in my life,” she said. “I’m lucky to have you too.”

  A dark cloud passed over his face and his eyebrows shot down as he pressed his lips together in a thin line.

  “What?” she asked, unsure why what she had said had troubled him.

  “I said I’d be honest with you,” he started, letting her go and taking a step back. “Before we left to go to the dealership, I told Veronica that if things went bad here, she was to leave and meet Claudia and I on the other side of the river. It was stupid but I didn’t trust the others to be looking out for us. I thought I had to be the one to make sure my sisters made it out and I was willing to leave behind the rest of you to do it.”

  She was shocked at his confession and let her arms slip from around his waist. His face was pained as he looked at her, his eyes pleading for her to understand.

  “Veronica refused, told me that if things went bad, she’d get everyone out. When we were at the dealership, Jackson risked his life to save me. Malcolm wouldn’t leave me behind. I realized how selfish I was and I’m disgusted with myself. I don’t have any excuse for what I was thinking. I could only focus on my sisters, not the rest of the group. You aren’t lucky to have someone like me around.”

  “Would you do it now?” she asked.

  He shook his head vehemently. “Never.”

  “Is this why you forgave Alan?”

  “Partly. Your brother made some good points too but, yeah, I suppose my own shame made it easier to give Alan a second chance.” He looked down at her. “Do you hate me?”

  She took a moment to consider it. She had been shocked by his confession but she could understand his reasoning. He wanted to protect what was left of his family, just like they all had. If she was willing to give Alan another chance when he had left the group, she had to do the same for Quinton who had only thought about it.

  “No, I don’t hate you,” she said.

  He smiled. “Good.”

  As she stared at him, she had the urge to reach out to him, to fall back in his arms and let him hold her, but his words from the night before came back to her.

  I can’t. Not now.

  She no longer felt embarrassed for her actions. She knew now, standing here with him, it hadn’t been simply a kind attempt to reject her while sparing her feelings. This wasn’t unrequited, he felt it just as much as she did but he couldn’t let himself take that final step. She didn’t like it but she wanted to respect it.

  It was just hard to be standing here with him, staring up at his handsome face and not want to kiss him.

  “I should probably get some sleep,” she said, her voice breathless.

  He lifted his hand as if to reach for her but then he thought better and let it drop back to his side. “Probably a good idea. Tomorrow is going to be another long day.”

  She nodded and gave him a gentle smile. “But at least it’ll put us one day closer to the island.”

  “We’ll be there before you know it,” he replied, his eyes showing relief at her understanding.

  “Goodnight, Quinton.”

  “Goodnight, Janet.”

  She headed back to her tent, her stomach quivering but this time it wasn’t anxiety twisting her up inside. This was the gentle butterflies of desire and attraction fluttering around.

  It brought a smile to her face but it quickly morphed into a yawn as she knelt down to unzip the tent. She was finally ready to get the sleep that had been eluding her.

  Subject File # 744

  Administrator: Fairview is another place the others bring up.

  Subject: Yeah, that one still makes me angry. I know that we made mistakes, we were too focused on just getting out of there, but what happened was so unfair.

  “Time to turn on the radio.”

  Kim nodded at Malcolm and switched on the radio she held. It beeped as it came to life and she turned it to the channel they had all agreed upon. Every vehicle in the convoy had one and the agreement had been that they would turn them on once they entered the city limits of Fairview.

  The drivers had studied the map that Malcolm had marked with potential routes to the bridge but the radios were another back-up. If they were forced to split off from the convoy, they would have a way to talk to the others. Though they had planned a rendezvous point on the other side of the river, the radios gave them the extra security they needed after yesterday’s events.

  Kim could feel the tension radiating from Malcolm as he sat in the driver’s seat. He had been like this since they had left the paver’s. He was worried about what lay ahead.

  “Car One checking in,” Kim said into the radio.

  “Car Two checking in,” Janet’s voice came out of the radio.

  A beep signalled Veronica chiming in. “Car Three here.”

  “Car Four checking in.”

  Kim could hear the bleakness in Alan’s voice even through the radio. When they had packed up that morning, Jenny had opted to ride with Janet and the kids instead of with Alan in the cube van. It seemed that the young couple was at an impasse.

  Kim couldn’t blame Jenny. Alan had been frightening when he had come back to the camp, panicked and frantic. He had hurt her in his panic and that was something Jenny wasn’t ready to forgive. Kim would do the same in her position.

  She shook off the thoughts of the Wakefield’s marriage and focused back on the road. The streets of Fairview were empty, at least of people. Cars dotted the side streets, some parked neatly on the side, others obviously abandoned, left at strange angles that blocked the streets.

  It sent a chill down her spine to imagine the reasons why people would stop so suddenly. She noticed military vehicles among them and she wondered if the people of Fairview had been subjected to the same treatment they had faced on the road outside Fort Lee.

  They kept at a steady twenty five as they drove down the streets, everyone’s eyes glued to the dark buildings and the empty storefronts. Some of the windows were shattered, contents from the stores strewn here and there, signs of the looting that must have struck here.

  She noticed empty shells on the ground in front of a liquor store with bullet holes in its door as well as a splash of what looked like dried blood. She could imagine the deaths that had happened here but she noticed that the place was absent any bodies. She’d expect to see at least a few rotting in the streets. They were hard pressed to pass through any place where people had lived without spo
tting a couple of corpses in the street.

  “There it is.”

  Malcolm’s statement had all of them leaning forward to look through the windshield. The steel beams of the bridge could be seen up ahead, painted Kentucky blue. The road ran straight up to the bridge, concrete walls lining the edge of the road after it passed the last intersection and began to ascend.

  Malcolm kept his head twisting side to side as they passed through that final intersection and between the concrete barriers. At this point, they were on a straight away over the river and if they just kept going, they’d be on the other side in no time.

  The road inclined and Kim heard the change in the sound of the tires on the pavement as the road moved away from the ground.

  As they passed beneath the beams of the bridge, Malcolm leaned over the steering wheel, nearly pushing his nose against the windshield.

  “What the hell?” he said and then the radio beeped with an incoming call.

  “Guys,” Alan said, “We’ve got company behind us.”

  “And up ahead,” Malcolm said, hitting the brakes. “Shit!”

  She looked up ahead and saw that the ramp down from the bridge was blocked by two cars parked in a V and three people stood in front of them. She had a sneaking suspicion that the objects in their hands were guns.

  “How many are behind us?” Malcolm asked and Kim relayed the message over the radio to Alan.

  “Ten,” Alan said, “And they moved a bunch of cars to block off the road.”

  “Shit!” Malcolm slammed a hand against the steering wheel. “They fucking boxed us in!”

  “One of them is coming up the bridge,” Alan radioed back.

  Malcolm leaned over to look in the side view mirror as he rolled down his window. Kim looked in her own mirror but couldn’t see anything. She twisted around in her seat but all she could see was Quinton and Janet in the van behind them.

  “First things first,” a man’s voice called out, “We aren’t going to hurt anybody if we don’t have to.”