Sanctuary

by Courtney McPhail

  “Come on, let’s get everybody fed.”

  Subject File # 756

  Subject: It never gets easier losing patients.

  Administrator: How did you cope?

  Subject: Before I’d go to the research library or the lab. I’d figure out what I did wrong, come up with a way not to do it again. That’s the shitty thing about the infection. You can’t learn how to fix it.

  Quinton let the air out of the blood pressure cuff and it deflated with a quiet hiss. He pulled the cuff off Alan’s arm, noting how warm his skin was beneath the fabric. He pressed two fingers to his wrist, keeping an eye on his wristwatch as he counted the beats. Finally he put the thermometer in Alan’s ear, waiting for the read out.

  When it beeped he held his breath before he checked the digital read out. 104.5. His temperature had increased a full degree within the last hour. He’d given him some ibuprofen but it had done nothing to lower his temperature. This was beyond some basic infection.

  It was hard to ignore the sour odor that wafted from Alan’s head wound, even with the bandage that was covering the stitches. It was getting stronger by the hour but he knew the two occupants in the room weren’t letting it bother them.

  Jenny sat in a chair next to the bed, her hand entwined with his as she watched Quinton with hopeful eyes.

  “Is it getting better?” she asked.

  “The fever is getting higher,” he said and her face dropped. “How are you feeling, Alan?”

  “Aside from my entire body aching?” Alan said, grimacing as he shifted on the bed. “I’m doing okay.”

  “I can give you some more ibuprofen, it might take the edge off,” Quinton said, shaking out two pills from the bottle at the bedside and handing them to him.

  “Thanks,” Alan said before swallowing the pills. “So I guess this is it, huh? Fever would have gone down by now right?”

  Quinton didn’t want to lie to him. It was part of the job to be honest with patients even when the news was bad. “Yes. The only reason for your fever to continue to climb is because your body is fighting off an infection. The only plausible infection for you to have is from the freak.”

  Alan’s lips thinned as he nodded. Quinton expected an angry outburst from the man he had come to know as possessing a hair trigger temper, but it didn’t come. Instead he smiled and settled back on the bed.

  “You know, it’s funny. I spent most of my life being treated like a rock star. The minute I showed talent on the field, all anyone saw was a star in the making. People acted like I hung the damn moon and I loved it. If you had asked me to list the moments of my life where I was at my best, they’d all be on the field. But today? Helping those people, doing something good...man, that was the best damn feeling in the world.”

  Quinton looked over at Jenny and saw tears streaming down her face.

  “When I fell, it was like everything slowed down and I had this moment of pure clarity. Life isn’t about winning games or any of the bullshit I thought was important. It’s about doing good. No matter what, everybody dies. You can’t fight it and you know, it doesn’t seem so bad going out doing something good.”

  “You did do good,” Quinton said. “You were a hero today.”

  Alan smirked. “I wouldn’t go that far. I just didn’t want to go out a coward.”

  “And you won’t.” Quinton reached out to put a hand on his shoulder as Jenny buried her face in her hands to muffle her crying.

  Quinton stood up and crossed the room to begin the process of disinfecting the blood pressure cuff. It probably wasn’t needed but it gave Alan and Jenny the illusion of privacy.

  “Babe, don’t cry. It won’t do any good and you’ll just end up with a headache,” Alan said. Quinton heard Jenny sniffle before letting out a ragged sigh.

  “You’ll tell the baby about me, right?”

  A tiny sob slipped out but she fought it back. “Alan, you need to stop talking like this. There’s still hope, we don’t--”

  “Babe, it is what it is. I know we haven’t really talked about names but if it’s a boy, I’d like you to name him after my father.”

  “Of course.”

  Quinton moved over to drop the used alcohol swabs in the trash can and shot a look at the couple. Jenny had Alan’s hands clasped in both hands, clinging to him.

  “Tell the baby about the good stuff, okay? I’m not asking you to lie but just try to talk about the good stuff first.”

  “It’s all good stuff, babe,” she told him before leaning down to press a kiss on top of his hand.

  Alan smiled sadly. “I appreciate you saying it but we both know it wasn’t. I screwed up a lot. There were a lot of times I should have treated you better. I was stupid. The other girls--”

  “Alan don’t.” She wiped away the tears that were now dripping off her chin. “I don’t care about the bad times because the good times were so good. Those are what matter.”

  Tears appeared in Alan’s eyes as he looked at his wife. “I didn’t realize what I had and how lucky I was. I found my soul mate when I was a kid. I didn’t understand how special that was. I thought I was missing out on something when I should have realized I had everything I ever wanted in front of me. I should have been a better husband to you and I’m sorry for that. I was selfish.”

  “Alan, none of that matters now,” she said. “I’ve loved you for what feels like my entire life. I will always love you and I will make sure our child knows that. I’ll tell them about prom and the day you got your scholarship and the draft and our wedding. All the good times.”

  “My highlight reel,” Alan said with a smile.

  “God, I wish I could kiss you right now,” she said wistfully, reaching out to caress his face.

  “Me too, sweetheart, me too.”

  The door opened and Lorraine came inside. Quinton could see the same heaviness in her eyes that he knew was reflected in his own. No matter how long you’d been in medicine, it still hurt to lose someone.

  “Both of you should go get some rest, I can stay with him,” Lorraine said but Jenny was quick to shake her head.

  “I’m not going anywhere,” she said, squeezing Alan’s hand tighter. “I need to be here.”

  Lorraine seemed to know it was useless to argue with her but Quinton was okay with letting Lorraine take over for him. He was exhausted, mentally and physically, and he needed some time away from the sick room to recharge.

  He left the women to it and headed to one of the other rooms, finding it thankfully empty. He needed a moment alone.

  Jenny’s earlier words had been repeating in his head. She didn’t care about the bad times because the good times were so good.

  Maybe she was right. After all, if you cared about someone, getting hurt was inevitably a part of it. The only way to avoid it was to close yourself off from caring about anybody but was being alone really worth that?

  For Jenny it wasn’t. She didn’t regret any of it, no matter how it ended. She loved with her whole heart and that gave her a reason to fight.

  What had he been fighting for since this all started? Keeping his sisters alive because he loved them. If anything happened to either one of them, he’d be devastated and yet that didn’t stop him from loving them, even if it would protect him from the pain.

  And that realization made him see how stupid he had been behaving with Janet. He’d told her he couldn’t be with her now, pushed her away to keep himself from hurting if something happened to her on the road. Yet, if anything did happen to her, he would have lost his chance to tell her how he felt. He had been an idiot.

  A knock sounded on the door. “Housekeeping.”

  Well, looked like he was being given a chance to make up for his idiocy.

  He opened the door and Janet stood there, sheets in her hands and a smile on her face.

  “I brought some of the fresh sheets from the storeroom,” she said,. “We didn’t change the ones in here so who knows how old they are?”

  “Thanks,” he
said, holding out a hand for the sheets but she kept a hold of them and walked into the room.

  “I’ll help you make the bed,” she said, tossing the clean sheets on top of the dresser before starting to strip down the bed.

  “How are the kids doing?” he asked as he went to the opposite side of the bed to help her.

  “They’re asleep now,” she replied, “But it did take a while to calm them down after they saw those military guys. We explained that they weren’t bad guys like the ones we saw on the highway but I’m not sure if they believe us.”

  She sighed as she bundled up the old sheets and tossed them by the door before grabbing the new set. “I had no idea how much what happened on the highway affected them.”

  She shook out the new sheets with a snap of her wrists before she bent down to tuck the edges around the mattress. “They never said anything about it, even when I tried to talk to them about it. I feel like I let them down.”

  “With kids, it’s hard to gauge how they will process trauma,” he told her as he tucked the sheets in on his side.

  “I know, but tonight was the first time since all this started that they asked if they would be safe here,” she said, her voice hitching. “God, it broke my heart to see them so frightened. They are starting to figure out exactly what is happening out there. I wanted to hide it from them for as long as I could.”

  “Maybe it isn’t a bad thing that they are realizing what’s really happening,” he said. “Now that they know, they can start to learn how to protect themselves. Look at what Audrey and Trey did today. They went out there and they’re fine.”

  “I don’t want that for them,” she said, tugging sharply on the sheet to straighten it out. “They are my babies. I’m not Kim or Veronica, I can’t let my children take up guns.”

  “Janet, eventually they are going to have to learn. This world...the way things are...it’s not going to fix itself anytime soon. They need to learn to survive in this world.”

  “I can’t do it! I won’t let them become more of Malcolm’s soldiers,” she said, the sadness in her voice replaced with iron steel and her eyes flamed with a fierce determination. “They are never going to be that.”

  “Janet--”

  “No!” she cried out, balling her hands into fists. “The day their father died I swore it stopped with him. His children would never serve in the military. All that life does is take from you. I swore that I wouldn’t lose them like I did their father.”

  This was the first time she had spoken about her late husband outside a passing mention. Quinton had never pressed, not wanting to open that old wound and also not sure he wanted to hear what the last man Janet had loved was really like.

  He rounded the bed to stand beside her, reaching out tentatively to her, unsure how she would react to the contact.

  He didn’t need to worry as she fell into his arms, letting her head rest on his shoulder as she started to cry.

  “I know I don’t have children so I don’t know what you are feeling but I can tell you about what my parents did for me when I was a kid,” Quinton said as he stroked her back in a soothing motion. “My dad believed that one day the world was going to fall apart and he wanted his children to be ready for it. He taught us how to survive because he didn’t want us to get hurt. He gave us the tools to protect ourselves. If you don’t give your boys those same tools, you will lose them. That doesn’t mean you put guns in their hands and send them out on a run. You can start by being honest with them and telling them what the world is really like out there.”

  She nuzzled into his neck, her arms tightening around his waist as she sighed.

  “In my head I know you’re right but in my heart...they are my babies. I guess I thought that I could shield them until we got to the island and then when we got there they wouldn’t have to deal with it.”

  “No matter where we are, there’s always going to be danger,” he said. “Forewarned is forearmed.”

  “You’re right,” she said. “I don’t like it but you are.”

  He reached up to cup her cheek and smiled at her. “Well, if it makes you feel any better, you were right too.”

  “About what?”

  “Letting people in is worth it.”

  She smiled at him and it was then he knew he was making the right call. The way she made him feel when she looked at him like she was now was better than anything he’d felt in a long time.

  “Life is short,” he said, stroking his thumb over her cheek. “We shouldn’t waste any of our time worrying. We should be enjoying whatever time we’ve got on this earth.”

  Her big brown eyes grew dark with desire and she put her hand on his chest, her fingers teasing the collar of his shirt. “What’s the one thing you would enjoy the most right now?”

  “Being with you,” he replied honestly.

  The kiss between them was electrifying. Their first kiss had been soft and hesitant, only hinting at the passion that was between them. This kiss wasn’t hinting at anything. This kiss was pure desire, sending his heart racing as their tongues tangled together. She nipped at his bottom lip and it sent all the blood in his head rushing to his dick.

  God, he fucking wanted her.

  They tore their clothes off in a heated flurry, his desperate need to feel her skin rivalled only by her own need to feel his. They tumbled together onto the freshly made bed, sweat beading on their heated flesh as they explored each other with fingers and lips. She ran her hands over his chest and over his shoulders, her nails digging into his back as he kissed his way down her body.

  He was mesmerized by the way she would arch her neck when he let his hand dip between her legs to explore her wet heat. The way the lantern light glinted off the tips of her dark nipples when he entered her. The sound of the moan that tore from her lips when she reached her peak and he followed her, burying his face between her breasts as their bodies stilled.

  She was beautiful. That she let him touch her, be with her, this was the good that was left in the world. This was what he would remember when the bad times came.

  When he had caught his breath, he became conscious of his weight on her and he rolled onto his side, keeping her in his arms. She ran a finger up and down his arm, goosebumps breaking out along his skin. It felt good and he began to drift off but then a giggle from her had him opening his eyes and looking down at her with an arched eyebrow.

  “I was just thinking I’m glad I brought you clean sheets,” she whispered and he laughed as well.

  “Me too,” he said, pressing a kiss to her forehead and hugging her tighter. “Me too.”

  Subject File # 742

  Administrator: Kim has called you her rock.

  Subject: Yeah? Well, that’s fitting because she’s mine. I couldn’t do half of what I’ve done without her support. Her faith in me never wavers. She’s fucking amazing.

  Malcolm sat up on the roof of the trailer, Kim’s head resting on his thigh, her even breathing warming his skin through the denim. She had sat up with Jenny and Alan for part of the night, catching only a couple hours sleep before it was time for their watch shift. He had told her to stay in bed, especially with the rain that had started at some point in the night, but she hadn’t wanted to leave him alone on his shift.

  He had won in the end. She had drifted off with her head on his shoulder as they huddled beneath the umbrellas they had rigged up earlier. He had easily shifted her to his lap to let her sleep.

  Kim started to mumble in her sleep and he smiled down at her, thinking she looked adorable while she slept but then her forehead creased and she began to twitch.

  “No, no, no, no,” she moaned, her hand swinging out and he had to lean back to avoid the wild swing. She gasped and shot up, her eyes wild as she looked around.

  “Hey baby, I’m here,” he said, tightening his hold on her. “You were having a nightmare.”

  “Where are we?” she asked, her voice breathy as she looked around her.

  “We’re on wa
tch shift on top of the trailer. You fell asleep.”

  She wiped a hand over her face and sat up straighter. “You shouldn’t have let me do that.”

  “You needed it,” he said. “Besides, you look cute when you’re asleep.”

  Her confusion melted away, replaced by a sly smile. “You saying I’m not cute when I’m awake?”

  “Nah, you aren’t cute when you’re awake,” he said. “You’re gorgeous.”

  “Right answer.” She straightened up and gave him a long, slow kiss. When he reached up to cup the nape of her neck to deepen the kiss she pulled back and tapped her finger on his nose. “Uh uh. We’re on watch, mister.”

  “Oh, so you can sleep through most of it but I want to spend some time necking and you lecture me. I see how it is.”

  “Sorry but the guy who runs this outfit is a real hard ass. He catches us slacking and there will be hell to pay.”

  He laughed at that and she snuggled into his arms. She was right. Even though the night had been quiet and the sun was already turning the eastern sky purple, they had to focus on watching the road. The group’s safety was priority number one. When they got to the island there would be plenty of time to spend necking under the stars.

  “Any news from inside?” she asked and he shook his head.

  “Nothing new.”

  “We’re going to have to watch Jenny closely,” Kim said. “I don’t know how she’s going to deal with all this. She’s still hoping he’ll be okay.”

  “Yeah, it’s going to be a hard one for her to process,” he said.

  “I don’t blame her for it. There’s nothing scarier than being pregnant and alone. You add in running from the freaks and I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

  He looked down at her and it clicked for him that she was speaking from experience. Though it hadn’t been the apocalypse, Kim had once been a pregnant woman alone in the world. “You were scared?”