Sanctuary

by Courtney McPhail

  Subject: Yeah, I wish I learned that lesson. Well, not the part about straight girls. After talking to Audrey about her unrequited crush, I’m starting to realize I might have one of my own.

  When Veronica had come back from doing the dishes, a rousing game of Sorry! was under way between the kids as they sat in front of the fireplace. Trey had found the stack of board games under one of the beds in his cabin and judging by the wear on them they were remnants from when this place had been a resort.

  Janet and Jenny had joined the kids around the game but she noticed that Audrey was absent. It took her a moment to notice her sitting in one of the wingback chairs in the corner, a book in her hands but Veronica could see her eyes weren’t on the pages. They were on the group playing the game. She knew the others would have invited Audrey to play so this was self-seclusion. She better find out what that was about.

  “Hey, do you mind?” Veronica said, nodding to the arm of the chair. Audrey shook her head and Veronica perched herself on the padded arm. “You okay?”

  “Yeah, fine,” she replied, her fingers fiddling with the dog eared corner of her book. “Why?”

  “You aren’t playing the game with everybody else.”

  Audrey shrugged her shoulders. “I’d rather read.”

  Veronica leaned over to read the cover. “Field Guide to Medicinal Plants. Well, at least it’s constructive reading.”

  Well, Veronica knew there was one thing that was likely to get the girl genuinely excited.

  “Tomorrow we’re going to go fishing with Lorraine. She’s going to teach you, Elaine and Mendez.”

  She had expected excitement, having put up with plenty of begging on the girl’s end after she had seen the rods in the boathouse. The sour face that Audrey made was completely unexpected.

  “What’s that face for?”

  Audrey’s gaze dropped, her fingers picking at a tear in the knee of her jeans, avoiding the question.

  “Come on, I thought you wanted to learn to fish. Here’s your chance. You should be pumped.”

  Audrey didn’t look up and gave a half shrug. “I don’t know, I just don’t like Mendez is all.”

  Well, that was the first she was hearing of this. Though there hadn’t been much interaction between Audrey and Mendez on the road, as far as Veronica knew, the woman hadn’t done anything that would bring on dislike.

  “Why don’t you like her?”

  Audrey shrugged again, eyes downcast, the picture of teenage stubbornness and inability to articulate their feelings beyond sullen moping. Veronica took a relaxing breath as she drew on the patience she had used during her years as a teacher.

  “Did she say or do something to you?” A sullen head shake. “Did she say or do something to someone else?”

  Audrey’s head rose and she glanced towards the bar and Veronica turned her head to see Jackson and Malcolm talking with Banks. Mendez and Angela had been with them earlier but they were nowhere to be found.

  “I don’t like the way she thinks she’s part of the group,” Audrey said, her mouth twisted in a frown.

  “Aud, she is part of the group,” Veronica replied but Audrey shook her head.

  “No, not the real group. The group we started out with.”

  “Audrey--”

  “She kissed Jackson.”

  Veronica had to bite back an audible gasp. She couldn’t believe that Jackson, the man who flinched when you accidentally brushed him had been making out with someone, let alone someone he just met.

  Of course, it wasn’t that she thought Jackson was asexual, she just assumed that he’d need time to warm up to someone. That he could hook up with someone who was basically a stranger didn’t seem like the Jackson she knew. She had always figured if he was going to hook up with anyone, it would be--

  “Right there at the bar, she leaned over and kissed him on the head before she left with Angela.”

  Veronica looked at the girl, confused for a moment until she remembered she was dealing with a barely thirteen year old girl.

  “That’s all that happened? She kissed him on top of his head?”

  “I also saw them down at the pumphouse,” Audrey told her. “They were sitting there, talking and Jax was actually laughing, which he almost never does when he’s hanging out with us.”

  Though Veronica knew it was stupid, she still had a pang of jealousy flash through her because Audrey was right. They’d gotten a chuckle or two and some smiles out of Jackson but he rarely laughed with them. Sure, great sense of humour was something you looked for in a significant other but that didn’t mean Jackson was into Mendez.

  And even if it did, it wasn’t like she had any right to be upset about that.

  “That’s not a reason to dislike Mendez. Jackson is allowed to have fun with whomever he wants,” Veronica told her.

  Audrey’s gaze drifted from Jackson back to the board game, where Trey was laughing with Claudia.

  “It’s not just about having fun, it’s more than that. You know when you look at them together that it’s different.” Audrey sighed and turned away from them to look up at Veronica with sad eyes. “How do you make a boy like you?”

  And here we are at the root of the issue.

  She was going to have to be careful with this one. She could damage the girl’s self-esteem or, worse, give her false hope.

  “You can’t make anybody like you. They either do or they don’t,” she began, careful to pick her next words, “And just because someone doesn’t like you, it doesn’t mean it’s your fault.”

  Audrey gave a skeptical laugh at that.

  “Trust me, as someone who is much older and has been down that path, there is a reason he doesn’t like you and it’s not because there is anything wrong with you. It’s because you guys aren’t compatible. If you were compatible, you’d both like each other. There is nothing worse than being with someone you aren’t compatible with. It’s a horrible, toxic relationship and in the end you are alone, worse off than if you had just moved on to someone else instead of wasting time with them.”

  “But what if I really like him?” Audrey asked, her gaze drifting to Trey and her eyes taking on a dreamy quality. “Like really, really like him?”

  Veronica laughed lightly, slinging an arm around Audrey’s shoulders. “Let’s face it, it is slim pickings around here when it comes to boys so it’s natural to have a crush on him but you are a thirteen year old girl. Over my dead body will you be dating an eighteen year old so, even if you could make him like you, nothing is going to happen.”

  Audrey rolled her eyes, her fingers going back to pick at the hole in her jeans. “Any chance on us getting some cute thirteen year old boys here?”

  “Well, I’ll advocate that we look for them on the next supply run,” Veronica replied, nudging the girl’s shoulder and they both started laughing.

  Veronica glanced over to see Jackson still sitting at the bar, deep in conversation with Malcolm and Banks. It wasn’t until she thought it had been taken away that she realized she had been keeping the possibility of being with Jackson in the back of her mind. It had just seemed that with the two of them in each other’s orbit, it was inevitable. It was just a matter of both of them being ready for it.

  Except she hadn’t thought about the possibility of someone else coming along and to take him. Even if what Audrey saw between Mendez and Jackson sounded completely platonic, that didn’t mean he wasn’t interested. She may have lost her shot with Jackson.

  Except, going by her own advice, if he was interested in Mendez, that meant she never had a real chance. Maybe the two of them just weren’t compatible and she was only making herself miserable by pretending otherwise.

  She patted Audrey on the knee and stood up. “Come on. I have it on good authority that there is plenty of cake left in the kitchen. Let’s get another slice.

  Audrey smiled and followed her as she led the way to the kitchen, making a point to avoid looking towards the bar. She didn’t want to waste an
y more time pining away for something that wasn’t likely to happen.

  Subject File # 744

  Subject: You know, as much as I knew this place would be good for us, I had some worries about coming here.

  Administrator: What were you worried about?

  Subject: I know it’s stupid and selfish but I was worried that things would change for me and Malcolm. I was worried that what was between us was just fuelled by what we were going through and the moment we were here and safe, it would fade away.

  Administrator: Has that happened?

  Subject: No. What’s between us has only grown stronger here.

  The view on the dock was beautiful. Billions of stars scattered across the black sky, the water flowing like ink below it, the occasional high wave reflecting the starlight. Kim had to admit that watch wasn’t so bad when you had a view like this.

  Over the last two days, she’d sat watch on the other watch points and she decided that the boathouse was the best. It was comfortable on the edge of the dock, a cool breeze flowing around her to make her forget the heat of the day.

  She knew she was missing quite a celebration. She had heard the occasional burst of laughter drift over from the lodge, but she didn’t mind it all that much. She had so little time to be alone with her own thoughts, she had enjoyed her time out here tonight.

  She heard footsteps on the planks of the dock and turned around to see a figure walking towards her. Though she couldn’t make out his face in the dark, she knew that ambling gait anywhere. Though she had been enjoying her time alone, Malcolm was a more than welcome sight.

  She kept silent as he settled next to her on the dock, his long legs nearly touching the water. He smiled at her, his eyes bright even in the shadows and she could smell a hint of scotch on his breath.

  “You feeling good?”

  “Mmhmm,” he purred, sliding his hand down her arm to lace his fingers through hers. “How you feeling?”

  “I’m good,” she replied and rested her head on his shoulder. “Better now.”

  “It’s nice out here,” he said looking at the lake. “You wanna make out?”

  She chuckled. “Now what kind of person would I be if I got distracted on watch?”

  “I think I’ve got some pull with the guy in charge. You wouldn’t get in trouble.”

  “I’ve got half an hour to go before Craig comes out to relieve me and then I’m all yours.”

  “You’re lucky you’re worth waiting for.”

  “Careful there or you won’t be getting lucky.”

  “Darling, I’m already lucky,” he said, lifting her hand up so he could press a kiss to it. “You chose me.”

  “Damn straight.” She leaned in for a kiss, unable to resist nipping his bottom lip and then sucking on it. He tried to deepen the kiss but she pulled away and she smirked. “Uh uh.”

  “Tease,” he said but his voice was loving. He wrapped his arm around her and she snuggled into him. “It’s nice out here. Makes it easy to forget what it’s like over there.”

  It was easy to forget. Somewhere in the darkness out there people were running from danger, trying to find a safe place to sleep, scrounging around for food so they didn’t go hungry. They had been those people only a few days ago and now they were here, sleeping soundly in beds with full bellies.

  “I realized something today,” Malcolm continued. “This could be the place where the twins and Ruthie grow up. This could be the place where Trey raises his kids. This could be the place where we grow old. I looked around here and for the first time I felt real hope. I saw our future here and it’s good.”

  “I like the sound of that.”

  “But it scares me,” he said, his chin dropping to his chest. “The greater this place is and the more we risk losing.”

  “We can’t think like that,” Kim said. “This place is going to live up to its name. This is a sanctuary and we won’t let it become anything less.”

  He lifted his head and looked her in the eye. “I am so thankful I have you. We’ve seen so many dark things but you’ve always been the light for me.”

  She felt her throat close and tears pricked in her eyes. She had heard pretty words from men before but she had never had one look at her the way Malcolm was looking at her now.

  “Don’t cry, baby.” He used his thumb to gently wipe away the tear that had slipped from the corner of her eye. “I don’t want you to be sad.”

  “I’m not sad,” she whispered. “I’m happy. I can’t remember a time when I’ve been so happy and that’s because of you.”

  She kissed him slowly, relishing the taste of him beneath the scotch.

  He pulled back from her and smiled. “We should go skinny dipping.”

  She let out a peal of laughter. “If I’m not going to make out with you here, what makes you think I’m going to go skinny dipping?”

  “My beautiful brown eyes and my tight black ass,” he said with a waggle of his eyebrows.

  She laughed again, punching his arm lightly. “You need to stop before I push you in the water to cool you off.”

  “Got you to stop crying, didn’t it?” He kissed the tip of her nose. “Sad tears or happy tears, doesn’t matter, I still don’t like to see you cry. I like to see you smiling.”

  She really had been blessed. Truth be told, she’d just about given up on the idea of finding love at her age. Love was an opportunity she had lost out on by avoiding it for so long. Now here she was at the end of the world with the love of her life.

  She cupped the side of his face and pressed her forehead against his until all she could see was him.

  “As long as I’m looking at you, I’ll always be smiling.”

  Subject File # 742

  Subject: “I’ve never been a fan of secrets. I think that’s one of the reasons I accepted the job at the CIA.”

  Administer: “I can see how that would work for the job but in civilian life, people are entitled to keep some secrets.”

  Subject: “Not if those secrets could hurt people.”

  Malcolm climbed the steps to the clinic with Elaine just as the sun was reaching its peak in the sky, turning today into a scorcher. He was thankful to get inside the shady interior of the clinic and away from the sun.

  He had woken up with a headache that he knew was from the scotch he’d drank last night and he hadn’t managed to shake it yet and the heat wasn’t helping. He’d considered taking something for it but he didn’t want to waste even one pill on his own stupid overindulgence. He’d just have to tough it out.

  When Elaine had told him she was going to perform her daily broadcast check, he’d been happy to join her, leaving the others and their loud power tools to keep working on the boathouse perch. He didn’t feel too guilty leaving the others to it. Jackson and Mendez had finally gotten the ATV running that morning and they’d joined in the build. Craig had plenty of hands to get the perch up and Malcolm was curious about the radio.

  The inside of the clinic was thankfully a couple degrees cooler than outside and he sighed in relief as Elaine sat down at the computer and booted it up. She pulled out a pair of reading glasses from her breast pocket and put them on as she logged into the system, fingers flying over the keys.

  He was hit with a wave of nostalgia, remembering countless times where Elaine had been hunched over a keyboard in the bowels of Langley, with him next to her, waiting for her to do her magic.

  “Just like old times, huh?” he said as he pulled the wheeled stool over beside her and sat down.

  She smiled as she brought up the satellite connection and entered her credentials. “We just need Kosnik stinking up the place with that god awful sausage he used to eat.”

  “Shit, I’d actually managed to purge that stink from my memories,” he said. “It was like a combination of rank cheese and dirty gym socks.”

  “He swore up and down that it tasted great but I could never get past the smell,” she said.

  The computer screen flashed as t
he satellite connected and an interface appeared, showing all data on the available channels. Elaine typed in a string of numbers and letters and a box popped up requesting a password. She went through another string of numbers and letters, her fingers moving too fast for Malcolm to see what she typed.

  “I have a recording that broadcasts on a civilian channel and one of the Agency’s secure channels. It repeats every ten minutes saying that I will be listening every day for an hour staring at noon eastern standard.”

  She brought the small microphone to her mouth and pressed the button on the base. “Agent ID number 8-9-Tango-Romeo-9-1-Lima. Engaging on security channel 7 under clearance Alpha-Delta. Any agents in range please respond. Channel will remain live until 1300 hours EST.”

  She let go of the button and went back to the keyboard, clicking more keys and the screen split, two radio bands taking up half the screen.

  “This is Elaine Haney broadcasting on channel 19. I’m here if anyone wants to talk.”

  She sat back in her chair. “The first few broadcasts on the civilian channel I identified myself as CIA and the calls I got back were devastating. People desperate for help who thought I was a sign the government was going to come rescue them. I hated giving them false hope and so I stopped identifying myself as CIA.”

  It made sense. Why tease them with the idea that the tanks and soldiers were going to roll in and fix all of this? If any government authority had survived they were only small enclaves, probably hiding in underground bunkers or isolated places like the island. They would be able to survive but mounting a rescue was beyond their capabilities.

  “I figure the Director knows my name so if he’s listening, he’ll respond,” Elaine told him. “Hopefully today’s the day he does.”

  He knew that the others humoured Angela’s belief that the Director would make it but she wasn’t here now. He hadn’t realized that Elaine was a believer.

  “Elaine, I hate to be the one to tell you but DC was bombed along with a bunch of other major cities a month ago,” he said.