Sanctuary

by Courtney McPhail

  “Of course, that’s what fireflies actually are. The pond was a door to Fairyland.”

  Quinton smiled at the memory. When they had first moved out to the cabin, their mother had told Veronica and Quinton that the fireflies were actually fairies and, for each one they caught, they could make a wish before letting them go. It had been a fun game and one that Quinton and Veronica had passed on to their little sister when they had gone back to the cabin on their summer vacations.

  “What’s Fairyland?” Hannah asked.

  “That’s where the fairies live,” Claudia told her and the girl smiled up at her. “There are special places in our world that connect to their world and let them come visit us.”

  “Fairies aren’t real,” Matthew said, side eyeing all of them. “Fireflies are just bugs.”

  Quinton saw both Hannah and Ruthie’s faces fall at hearing that and he felt bad for them.

  “Are you sure about that?” Quinton said. “Isn’t it weird that fireflies have butts that light up? Why would anyone want a butt that lights up?”

  Matthew and Mark giggled at that.

  “I’ll just tell you what I know,” Quinton continued. “When I get down to the water, I’m gonna catch a couple and when I let them go, I’m going to make a wish.”

  Mark frowned, his brow wrinkling. “Why are you making a wish?”

  “See, that’s the best part of catching them,” Claudia said. “For the fairies it’s a game. They want you to try and catch them. If you do, the fairy will grant you a wish when you let it go.”

  “Can’t I keep the fairy?” Ruthie asked.

  “Well, you can,” Quinton told her, “But you’re wish won’t come true.”

  Ruthie chewed on her bottom lip, her brows drawn together as she thought quite hard for a moment. “I’m gonna wish that I can keep one of the fairies.”

  Well, that certainly was a smart way around the rules.

  He looked back at Janet and smiled. “She’s good with the loopholes.”

  “She is,” Janet replied. “You have no idea how many times she’s almost backed me into a corner over giving her a pony.”

  He let the kids get ahead of him as they peppered Claudia with more questions about fairies and he fell into step with Janet.

  “I thought you were going to relax with a book tonight,” she said.

  “That had been the plan but then I got to thinking about the supply run and thought of a few things I wasn’t sure were already in our stores. It was bugging me so I went to check the clinic,” he said, the lie easily falling from his lips.

  Just because it came easily, that didn’t mean he was guilt free. He hated that he had to lie to Janet but there was no way around it. He’d given his word and even if he wanted to break it, he knew that Janet would not be able to keep it to herself. She would tell her brother and then it would all be over.

  “Well, I’m glad that we ran into you,” she said and threaded her arm through his as they walked.

  The setting sun had turned the clouds a soft pink and lilac, the water indigo beneath them. He could spot the green specks of light hovering over the reeds and grass along the shoreline. The kids took off running towards them, Claudia jogging along with them.

  The boys went tearing into the tall grass, sending dozens of the fireflies flitting into the air. They laughed as they swung their arms around wildly, trying to catch them in their jars. The girls stood next to Claudia, staring up at the twinkling lights in awe, mouths opened in little Os as they watched them flit around.

  Claudia knelt down in the grass and scooped up one of the bugs that was crawling around and showed it to the girls. Ruthie reached out to touch the bug and it flitted off Claudia’s palm causing the girls to squeal in delight.

  “You gonna catch yourself a fairy and make a wish?” he asked Janet.

  She shook her head. “We’ve been given so many good things here, I wouldn’t want to be greedy and wish for more.”

  He wrapped his arm around her waist. “You’re a good woman.”

  “I know,” she replied with a teasing smile. “Are you going to go make a wish?”

  “No,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to steal any wishes from them.”

  Claudia had left the girls to catch the fireflies that were on the ground so she could show the boys the proper way to catch the ones in the air. Matthew held up his jar with a cheer, proudly showing off the two bugs that flashed inside his jar.

  “Look, Mom, two wishes!” he yelled out. Well, looked like someone was starting to believe in the fairies. “Come on, you guys, come catch some!”

  He looked over at Janet and smiled. “We can give our wishes to them?”

  “Come on, let’s go get some fairies,” she said, threading her fingers through his and pulling him along with her.

  Soon they all found themselves competing to see who could catch the most as the sun disappeared and the stars came out. The young girls squealed each time the fireflies flitted close to their faces and the boys cheered each time they caught another one in their jars.

  Quinton was glad that he had been pulled away from his book. He would have missed this if he hadn’t. The children’s joy was contagious and he hadn’t felt this light in a long time.

  By the time the fireflies had dispersed out over the water or into the trees to escape them, everyone had made all the wishes they wanted and Ruthie was starting to yawn.

  “I think it’s time to head to bed, guys,” Janet said, lifting Ruthie up so she could ride her hip.

  “Oh, Mom, c’mon,” Matthew whined. “Just a couple more, you can see them over there in the trees.”

  “Nah, you don’t want to scare them off,” Quinton told him. “Then they won’t be here tomorrow night.”

  Matthew reluctantly nodded and fell into step with his brother, the two of them starting to argue about who was better at catching fireflies.

  They got to Janet’s cabin and the kids went inside under Janet’s strict instructions to brush their teeth and change into their pajamas.

  Claudia gathered up the jars and headed back to the kitchen to wash them. They would need them come fall when it was time to can the fruits and vegetables from the garden for winter.

  “I’ve got to put the kids to bed, read Ruthie a story and sing her a song,” Janet said as she stood on the porch steps, “But if you want to come back a little later, I’ll be free.”

  He stepped up to her, slipping his hands around her waist and looking up at her now that she had the height advantage. “I’d like that.”

  She ran her fingers through his hair and leaned down to give him a soft kiss. “We can’t go too far from the cabin but I’m not opposed to putting a blanket out here and watching the stars.”

  He wanted that desperately, his body going hard at the thought of her in his arms. They hadn’t found time to sneak off in the last few days and he was missing her.

  “That would be great,” he said, getting on his tip toes and kissing her. This one was deeper than the one she had given him, his tongue teasing her lips open. She sighed and melted into him, her hands fisting in his hair and giving it a gentle tug. The slight twinge of pain zinged through his blood and he groaned low in his throat.

  “Mom, I can’t find my superhero pajamas!”

  They broke apart and Janet turned around as Matthew came up to the screen door. “Where are they?”

  “Check the bottom drawer of your dresser,” she told him and he disappeared from the doorway. She turned back to Quinton and gave him a guilty smile. “I should get in there.”

  “Go ahead, I’ll go get us a blanket,” he said, letting her go and stepping away from the porch so she could head inside.

  He headed down the path to his cabin, a skip in his step. Tonight was shaping up to be exactly what he had wanted for his night off. Spending time with Janet and her kids was quickly becoming the highlight of his days. It felt right being with them and though he wasn’t about to press her to let him be a more permanent
fixture in her family, he hoped that she was seeing that he had a place with them.

  Though he had told Janet he hadn’t wanted to take away any of the kid’s wishes, when he had been releasing one of the fireflies he couldn’t help himself from making one wish.

  I wish that all of us can be this happy every night.

  Subject File # 745

  Administrator: You seem much happier today.

  Subject: ‘Cause I’m finally outta that damn cabin, bein’ of use to people again.

  Administrator: Jackson, no one thought any less of you because you needed time to heal. You need to give people more credit and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. No one sees you the way you see yourself.

  Subject: Maybe y’all ain’t lookin’ at me the right way.

  Jackson came back to the cabin from his watch shift, feeling valuable for the first time in weeks. He’d seen Quinton that morning, who’d declared his ankle healed. He would still have to wear the sling for a few more weeks but he could walk again.

  At that news, he’d gone to Malcolm and asked to be put back on the watch schedule. He might not be able to hold a gun but he could use the radio to call if he saw anything. It would also give him something to do, which he was desperate to have. His days laid up in the cabin had him going stir crazy and if he had to sit around doing nothing much longer, he was going to snap.

  He hadn’t done much, just sat on the east side cliff watching the water, but it still felt like he accomplished something. Better than laying on that damn couch another minute longer. He’d come to hate that brown corduroy bastard so much, he was considering sleeping in that damn antler room tonight.

  Faint light spilled out onto the porch through the screen door and the front windows were wide open, the dust cloths they had hung up as curtains pulled back to let air circulate inside the cabin. The days had only gotten hotter and more humid, the cabins turning into stuffy hot boxes if they shut the windows and door. The trade-off for keeping the windows open and uncovered was that they couldn’t use electricity in the cabins, in case the bright lights were spotted by someone on the water. They’d taken to using lanterns and flashlights at night and it had been worth it to sleep with a cool breeze circulating around them.

  As he climbed up the steps, he could see Veronica sitting on the couch with the girls through the screen door. The girls were on either side of her and she had a book in her hands, reading to them by the light of the lantern on the table.

  A few days ago, Lorraine had discovered a hidden crawl space in the lodge by accident. She had been having trouble sleeping that night so she went to the lodge in search of a book. As she was looking over the shelves, she had noticed a light switch panel on the wall between two of the book shelves. She had flipped the switch but when nothing had happened, she had gotten curious. When she turned off the other lights in the room, it had been easy for her to spot the strip of light on the floor behind one of the wingback chairs.

  When she had moved the chair out of the way, she had realized there was a small door, no more than four feet tall with a small handle. Inside had been a narrow crawlspace that ran beneath the elevated hallway and office. Most of it was taken up by the ventilation system for the fallout shelter underneath it but there were also some boxes that contained relics from the time the island was a resort.

  Baseball bats and mitts, badminton sets, lawn darts, even a bunch of horseshoes. There had also been boxes of books that were actually entertaining, including one full of kids’ books.

  The last few nights, instead of him describing his favourite movies, Veronica had read to them from The Secret Garden. He had thought he would be bored out of his mind with what he considered a girly book but he was willing to sit through it for the girls.

  Except he had found himself liking the book and as he walked into the cabin, he was a bit disappointed that he had missed the next chapter.

  Ah well, he could always read what he missed when the rest of them were in bed and they’d be none the wiser.

  They all looked up from the book when he came through the door and Veronica smiled at him.

  “How was your watch?” she asked.

  “Good,” he said. “Don’t let me stop ya. Keep readin’.”

  “No, it’s okay, we were finished for the night,” Veronica said, dropping her bookmark between the pages and closing the book. “Hannah has to get up early to help Janet make some more bread.”

  “Ya helped make the bread?” he asked as he sat down in one of the chairs. “Tasted pretty dang good.”

  “Janet said I am the best kneader she’s ever seen,” Hannah boasted proudly. “Tomorrow she’s going to show me how to make buns.”

  “Alright Squirt, go brush your teeth,” Veronica said and the little girl climbed off the couch and ran to the bathroom, her bare feet tapping across the hardwood floors. “You too, Audrey.”

  “I want to talk to both of you about something first,” Audrey said, folding her hands in her lap as she looked between them.

  Jackson exchanged a look with Veronica to see if she knew what this was about but she shook her head, looking as clueless as him.

  “Trey said he’s going over on the supply trip in two days,” Audrey said. “I want to go too.”

  “Ain’t gonna happen,” he said at the same time Veronica shook her head. “No way.”

  The calmness Audrey had been trying to put on dissolved in an instant and her face screwed up with anger.

  “That’s not fair! I don’t want to be stuck here with the babies!”

  “Really? Babies?” Veronica asked, her tone exasperated. “Jackson and I are staying here too you know.”

  “You never let me do anything. I can do this. You said I did great when we went to the warehouse.”

  Veronica sighed. “You did but the only reason you went to the warehouse was because we had no other choice. You don’t have to go on this run and you certainly aren’t going if Jackson and I aren’t going”

  “Then go so I can go too,” Audrey said, pushing out her bottom lip in a pout.

  “We have to stay to watch over the island,” Veronica explained. “You can sit on watch if you want.”

  “That’s so boring,” Audrey groused.

  “Then ya can sit here and sulk all day,” Jackson told her and she glared at him.

  “You know, you won’t be able to keep me here forever,” she said. “One day I’m gonna be old enough to do what I want and I’m gonna go over there.”

  “Fine but ‘til then ya gotta do what we say,” Jackson said with a shrug. He had learned that the best way to deal with her teenage petulance was to ignore it.

  She let out a frustrated noise and shot to her feet. “You guys are the worst!”

  She stormed to the bathroom, telling Hannah to get out of her way as the little girl came out, a blob of toothpaste still on her chin. Audrey slammed the bathroom door closed and Hannah rolled her eyes.

  “Audrey’s in a mood again,” Hannah said, drawing out the last word and Jackson had to hide a snicker. Even the little girl was used to her sister’s snits.

  “Ignore her,” Veronica said as she got up off the couch and went to the little girl, bending down to wipe the toothpaste off. “You ready to be tucked in?”

  Hannah nodded and ran over to him, arms outstretched for a hug and he did his best with his one good arm. “Goodnight, Squirt, sleep tight.”

  “You’re on monster patrol, right?” she asked him, as she did every night.

  “Always lookin’ for ‘em,” he replied, ruffling her soft hair before she took Veronica's hand and they disappeared into the girls' bedroom.

  He started to take off his boots, the laces always slow going with his one good hand. He was getting better at it, just like he was at getting his clothes on. He’d started practicing right after he was injured, not wanting to depend on someone else to help him get his own drawers on.

  He still couldn’t forget the night that Veronica had to help him take a
piss. She’d been polite enough to never mention it to him, for which he was grateful.

  Though sometimes he found himself wondering about that night and what he thought he had heard before he fell asleep. I love you. He was pretty sure it had to be a dream or a hallucination from the pills. She hadn’t been acting any differently towards him than before. She hadn’t asked to talk about it, which he was pretty sure wasn’t right if she had said it. Women liked to talk about things like that, right?

  But there were times when he caught her staring at him over the last couple of weeks and thought, maybe it was real.

  Which just scared the shit out of him. What did she expect of him? Did she want him to say it back? He sure as hell wasn’t about to do that. Only woman he’d ever said those words to had been his Gran. Truth was she was the only person in the world he had ever loved.

  Well, that wasn’t quite true. He was starting to realize that he loved the girls. Somehow they had wormed their way into his heart and there was no getting them out now. But he knew that the love he felt for them wasn’t the same sort of love that scared him.

  He’d never been in love with someone. There’d been girls and women that he’d been with, ones he had called his girlfriends, but he had never been in love with them. That kind of love was uncharted territory for him and he didn’t have the first damn clue how to navigate it. That was why he was happy to follow her lead and pretend it never happened.

  Which it might not have, and that made it even more important to keep his trap shut. He could just imagine what she’d think if he told her he’d dreamed her telling him she loved him. It would be humiliating, even worse than her humming in his ear while he took a piss.

  Audrey came stomping out of the bathroom, not sparing him a look as she disappeared into her room. It wasn’t long before Veronica emerged from the room, closing the door almost all the way but leaving it slightly ajar to let the air circulate.

  She rounded the couch and perched on the arm, running her fingers through her hair. He had learned that was a sign that she was frustrated.