Welcome to the Apocalypse

by Cathy Gaitan

  “No,” Carmony objected. “Find something else to do.”

  “Were you already planning it? Is that why everything’s pink,” asked Paisley.

  “Yes,” I immediately agree.

  “No,” Pinkerton simultaneously denies. “She’s wearing my face on her t-shirt. Pink is for Pinkerton.”

  “He made me wear this,” I explain. “You know I wouldn’t willingly wear it otherwise. Don’t you?”

  “You have his name tattooed on the back of your neck,” Carmony says with a roll of her eyes.

  “He made me do that,” I gasp. How could she think I’d do it of my own volition. “Because I lost a bet.”

  “The pink heart in your nose, the pink dye on the shaved part of your hair,” Carmony pointed out.

  How dare she? “Those were because I lost a bet. You know that!”

  Titus chuckles, “It sounds like you have a gambling problem. Maybe you should get some help with that.”

  “Nobody thinks you’re funny,” I hiss completely ignoring the fact that everyone seems to think he’s hilarious.

  “Not true. The witch thought his jokes were a riot,” was Julia’s dry response.

  Titus looks at Pinkerton and shrugs. “The witch has a bit of a crush on me. Can I help it if I’m charming?”

  I feel myself gag a little. “I’m sure she found it charming that you’d pay her a bunch of money to bring the undead back from the undead. Great trick!”

  Titus thinks about it a moment then looks at Julia. “The witch took us for a ride on her broomstick didn’t she,” he asked her.

  “I guess she did,” muttered Julia. “There was something really weird about her though. She knew stuff.”

  I look at her in confusion. She shook her head. “I’ll tell you tonight. I think I’m gonna need a few drinks first.”

  “I could use a few myself,” Carmony sighed. She’s not much of a drinker usually. This should be interesting.

  ********************************************************

  Since the guys were heading to the town’s only bar we end up at Molly’s house. She has a bar in the backyard and a ton of twinkle lights. It looks like the whole constellation settled there.

  She also has lots of yard decorations. Tires shaped into flowers and filled with plants. Multi-colored pinwheels, spinners and wind chimes. A ton of rosebushes and plants with blooms in every color of the rainbow.

  There’s so much seating it leads me to believe she hosts a lot of gatherings. There’s a fire pit for cold nights or just weenie roasts and marshmallow toasting.

  Molly steps behind the bar. “I think I’ll make some Margaritas,” she tells us. She pulls out two pitchers and gets to work.

  “Just don’t skimp on the tequila,” orders Julia. I’m pretty sure she just gives orders so everyone remembers she’s in charge. And also because her head is probably pounding and she wants to dull it with liquor. Poor Julia. I kicker her ass.

  “I wish Caine and Abel could be here,” sighed Mary Mary.

  Carmony rolled her eyes and grabbed a shot glass and a bottle of whiskey from the top of the bar. “I’m just gonna get started on this while were waiting on the Margaritas.”

  “I’m with you. Can you pass me a shot glass?” Julia looks relieved to not have to wait.

  I’ll wait for the Margaritas. When Molly starts up the blender I move closer. My favorite part is watching the drinks get assembled. They look so pretty when they’re done.

  Mary Mary and Paisley are starting up the fire pit. Paisley has a bag of marshmallows beside her. This night just gets better and better.

  Carmony tosses back a shot and squeezes her eyes in either pain or bliss. It’s kind of hard to tell. Bliss I decide when she sighs and says,” I really needed that.”

  Julia downs her own drink but doesn’t say anything. She just refills her glass and tosses back another.

  “What’s up with you,” I ask Carmony. I don’t bother asking Julia.

  Carmony looks at me then over her shoulder at Mary Mary laughing with Paisley about something the Woodley’s said. “I survived what was possibly the worst road trip in history. That girl and her fan club were driving me crazy!” She turns to Julia. “I am not going back on the road with them. I won’t do it.”

  Julia just shrugs her shoulders like she hasn’t a care in the world. “Then don’t. She taps Carmony on the chest with her pointer finger. “You do you.” She’s slurring her words a little. I think the numbness might just be kicking in.

  Carmony looks at me. “If she doesn’t remember this tomorrow you’re my witness.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ve got your back,” I reassure her. “Sisters have to stick together.”

  Julia tries to point at herself and accidently pokes herself in the eye. “I’m your sister too, Mercy,” she vehemently insists. Wow, she really wants to be my sister!

  “This sisterhood lives! And that’s that,” she proclaims loudly.

  Carmony laughs so hard she’s bent in half. “You are so drunk, Julia,” she giggles.

  Molly slides a Margarita in front of me but Julia swipes it before I can.

  “Hey, that’s my drink,” I object. “Sisters don’t steal each other’s drinks.”

  She grins at me triumphantly. “This one does. Get over it.”

  Molly slides me another one. “No need to fight. There are plenty of drinks to go around,” she tells me.

  Because Molly hates arguing I let the matter go. But I’m not happy about it. I sip my drink. “That’s really good, Molly.” It’s salty, sweet, cold and lethal. She definitely did not hold back on the tequila!

  Julia’s kind of swaying back and forth on her feet. I grab he by the arm and lead her to a sofa by the fire pit. I’m seated on one side of her and Carmony’s on the other. Her own Margarita is gripped tightly in her hand.

  “So, give us the 411 on you and Titus,” I say because this might be the only chance I’ll get. Julia’s usually so guarded.

  “What’s to say,” she asks. “Titus is crazy about me,” she’s making the swirly sign beside her head to indicate ‘crazy’ and almost takes Carmony out with her elbow.

  I sip carefully at my drink. I’ve got to be careful. I don’t want to get smashed like Julia. “And are you crazy about Titus,” I ask her. Carmony leans forward to hear her answer and almost falls in Julia’s lap.

  Julia uses her arm to push her around and accidentally shoves Carmony to the floor. “Oops. I guess I don’t know my own strength,” she tells her. Apparently she’s not concerned about it because she doesn’t try to help Carmony get back up. She just leans back in her seat and casually says, “He’s okay.”

  Carmony drags herself back onto the couch and says, “Titus is mentally unstable but he’s hot.”

  Julia’s face froze and for a minute I worried that she was going to go after Carmony for saying that but she didn’t. Instead she broke into a huge grin and loudly agreed. “I know! Right?” Her expression turned dreamy. “His beard is so-o-o soft.”

  I feel bile rise in my throat. “Now you’re just grossing me out,” I tell Julia.

  “What?” Carmony sounds shocked by my confession. “You can’t tell me you have had a fantasy or two about Titus.”

  I’ll admit I’ve fantasized about his beard. The feel of it in my hands as I take a razor to it. The horror on his bare face when he realizes what I’ve done. It’s good stuff. I don’t think Julia will appreciate it though so I keep that little tidbit to myself. Instead, I shake my head in denial. “Nope. He’s not my type.”

  Carmony grins at me. “You prefer someone more like Pinkerton?”

  I am so not going there with her. They’re wasted. I’m not. Therefore, I control this conversation. I ignore Carmony’s question altogether and instead focus on Julia. “Tell me about the witch trying to poach your male.”

  Julia’s expression turns fierce. “If she doesn’t back the hell off of Titus I will personally drop a house on her.” When Carmony looked c
onfused, Julia clarified. “She’ll Bibidee Bea dead.”

  Carmony nodded her head in understanding.

  “Wait. Is that her name. Bibidee Bea,” I ask her. “I got a message from her asking me to hook her up with Titus.”

  “Yeah, know. Thanks for giving her the kiss-off.” She looked genuinely appreciative.

  “No problem. I hate when women do that. I’m just like, do your own legwork. I’m not your pimp,” I complained. “And the sisterhood code thing.” I say it like it’s no big deal. The truth is the only thing I thought when I saw that message was the sisterhood code.

  “Does anyone want another Margarita,” asks Molly. I down my drink in one huge swallow hissing when I feel the brain freeze hit. I hold out my glass for a refill and shake it when she takes too long.

  Bottomless Margarita glasses, toasted marshmallows and a game of truth or dare. There’s nothing more to see here. Remember, what happens on girl’s night stays on girl’s night.

  14

  Chapter Fourteen

  What’s the most painful way to kill a witch?

  -Julia Caesars drunken Google search

  Nice try Queen Z but this witch is too wicked to waste!

  -Google’s answer

  Pinkerton Floyd

  The day after Girl’s Night, Team Pinkerton’s Headquarters

  Girl’s night must have been a blast. Julia, Carmony and Mercy are all sitting around the conference table wearing pink sun glasses. That’s the only color this town carries now. I made sure of it.

  The good news is Mercy and Julia seem to have buried the hatchet. Luckily not in each other’s backs. They’re mumbling words to each other. I think they must have created their own language last night because I don’t understand anything they’re saying.

  Mercy’s T-shirt is backward. I kind of like it. ‘I Dream of Pink’ is proudly on display. Her hair is a mess but that’s actually normal for her unlike Julia.

  Julia is usually perfectly groomed. This morning her braid is so crooked. Half her hair is hanging in tangles around her face. It is not Julia’s finest moment.

  Carmony looks fine. Well, except for the smear of lipstick down her chin.

  I take out my phone and snap a few pictures. Titus does the same. Some moments are meant to live forever.

  “Put down the phones or I will kill you,” growled Julia only her voice is so gravely this morning the growl sounds a little like a chainsaw.

  “I’ll help her,” Carmony volunteers.

  “Me too,” Mercy says. “And it will be painful,” she promises.

  “I guess the sisterhood really is alive,” grumbled Titus.

  “Yes, it is,” Kailani, Mary Mary and Paisley agree in unison.

  Awesome. And by awesome I actually mean the opposite. “Whatever, this meeting is officially in session,” I pound the gavel. It’s pink. A gift from Molly which I thought was really sweet. “Mercy and I called everyone together to discuss the direction of this movement.”

  Mercy shoves the sunglasses to the top of her head and I wince. Her eyes are bloodshot with dark circles underneath. I almost tell her to put the glasses down again but I don’t because she’d probably bite my head off.

  “Happyville has officially joined our revolution. I move to make this town our home base. We’re using this farm as our training facility,” she’s speaking really fast in excitement.

  “We have a recruitment team,” I add because I’m really proud of the work the guys are doing. Wendell is a huge part of that.

  Julia lifts her own sun glasses. She looks worse than Mercy but it doesn’t matter. She is definitely interested.

  “Wendell and his team have recruited steadily since we put the team together. Right now they’re in Washington responding to the potential recruitment of what we suspect is a large group of Zombies.”

  “How many have you recruited so far,” ask Titus. He’s leaning forward. This is his favorite topic. It’s his area of expertise.

  Mercy and I look at one another. “I guess it’s a little over a hundred. That’s not including the residents of Happyville.” Mercy nods in agreement.

  “That’s great!” Julia is really excited now. “Last week Titus recruited forty and that was just through social media.”

  “I’d like to talk to Wendell,” Titus remarked.

  “That’s the plan,” Mercy replies.

  I nod in agreement. “We were thinking it would be good for all of our current and potential recruiters to have a training/ brain storming session.”

  “Wendell’s a natural recruiter. We think there may be a few recent recruits that might be as successful with the right training,” Mercy explains.

  “Our hope is to have a group working through social media and another making runs into rural areas with increased likelihood of Zombie habitation. Since this is Titus’ specialty we thought he should be the one to head that division.”

  “Hell yeah,” Titus grins. “Oh, man this is gonna be fun!”

  Julia smiles at him then says, “Great job Mercy and Pink. I think this could be the start of an amazing turn for our rebellion. I want recruiter lists from every team. Give me names of both active and potential recruiters. Mercy, Pink and Titus are the points of contact.”

  Mercy was grinning from ear to ear. I barely even noticed her bloodshot eyes. “An idea came to me last night,” she’s looking at Julia warily. “I know you probably won’t like it but just hear me out.”

  Julia’s eyes immediately narrowed when Mercy said she wouldn’t like it. “What idea,” she turns fully in her seat to give Mercy her undivided attention. Either that or she was trying to get in a better fighting position. I hate to say it but I’m betting on the latter.

  “Well,” Mercy scoots her chair away from the table in case she needs to get away in a hurry. Good idea. I give her a wink and nod. Self-preservation is always a good idea.

  “We’ve talked about the rebellion needing allies. Most of our attention is directed toward other Zombies but I think we need to also think about groups outside of our kind.”

  Mercy looks at me to make sure I’m on the same page. “I know we have Human sympathizers. We’ve all seen it in social media responses. Some of them don’t want to transition because they have families or other ties to the Human world but that doesn’t mean they wouldn’t help us if we needed it. It might be just under extreme circumstances but it’s still worth fostering a relationship.”

  She stops and looks around to see how the others are taking it. When nobody says anything she continues, “We don’t know what will happen with the revolution. Networking will help us to at least have somewhere to go if we need to lie low. You had a few connections back home but we need to extend that further.”

  Julia contemplates Mercy’s words for a moment then agrees. “Your right. We can’t afford to let pride interfere with survival. We need to think of the welfare of our species as a whole”

  Mercy takes a relieved breath. “I’m glad you feel that way because I was thinking that those in the Wiccan community might also be useful allies.”

  As she’s speaking Julia’s blood shot eyes flare. When Mercy finishes speaking Julia slams her fist on the table making Carmony jump. “Over my dead body,” Julia screams.

  Titus starts laughing. He ignores Julia’s glare and ducks when she tosses her pink sun glasses at his head.

  “You better shut up, Titus. If you don’t watch it that twisted sense of humor is going to get you killed,” she hisses.

  “I’m not worried. Apparently Zombies can’t die,” he smirks.

  “I’d find a way,” she yells in response. I think she might be losing her mind. I guess being in a relationship with Titus will do that to you.

  Titus turns to me and says in a loud whisper, “Ten to one the witch would just try to bring me back.” Julia reaches for her side arm but she’s not carrying thanks to girls’ night.

  Those are great odds. Before I can respond Mercy orders, “Stay out of it Pinkerton
.” She ruins everything.

  Carmony stands up with her hands raised. “Everyone just needs to calm the hell down. Titus you better to quit while you’re ahead. Julia may not be able to kill you but she can make you wish you were dead. Remember that.”

  “Obviously the witch is a sore subject,” Mercy says.

  Julia glares at her. “Oh, you think?”

  Titus of course ignores Carmony’s warning. He looks at Julia and clucks his tongue. “Don’t worry Julia. Being allies with the witch doesn’t mean I’m interested.”

  And just like that Julia jumps the table and grabs Titus by the beard. He yelps in pain and she says, “Do you still think it’s funny?”

  Titus hisses. “Well, not at this very moment. No.” The idiot is still grinning though. Twisted is right.

  “Then why are you smiling,” Julia growls.

  “Because you are my kickass Zombie Queen and nobody, including that witch, can hold a candle to you.” I think I might puke. I glance at Mercy and she looks like she feels the same.

  “Mercy’s right about the allies. We need every one we can get and you know it,” Titus tells Julia. She’s stopped pulling his beard and is now kind of stroking it.

  “Okay,” she agrees. k`1`2

  Carmony starts laughing. When Julia and Titus glare at her she shrugs. “You both are insane.”

  Inwardly I agree with her one hundred percent. Outwardly I’m Switzerland. “Okay, so yes to forming alliances with agreeable members of the Human and Wiccan communities,” I announce. “Are there any other suggestions or concerns?”

  “Yes,” Carmony says. “I think we need to be careful on who we select to represent us to the Human and Wiccan communities. A lot of us are not exactly people friendly. She gives Julia a pointed look. I think Mary Mary, Molly and Torin would be great ambassadors for the Human alliance. Pink and Mercy for the Wiccan alliance.”

  “I second that,” announces Julia.

  “Okay, then that’s settled. Does anyone have anything else to add,” I ask. When everyone shakes their head I pound the gavel to close the meeting.