by Brown, Tara
“I love that winery,” Dee added.
“Right.” I forced a smile, making myself recall the way Aiden had sounded so smart and the winery people were completely impressed with him. “Then we went to a cool old church in a remote spot. It had this amazing backstory. The monks who worked there were Spanish and kinda old school. They told us a bunch of stories about the wars and how the church had been a spot where some French soldiers had hidden, using a path through the mountains to launch some shrewd attack.”
“Weird monks. This story isn’t ringing bells. I don’t think I’ve heard of this.” Bea kept up, clearly also trying to be connected to the story. “When was this?”
“Two summers ago, I think you were in Belize with Carter,” Linna recalled.
“Yes, I believe you’re correct. My entire feed was you and Fin off having a blast, and I was stuck with Mark’s parents in Surrey.” Dee nodded, her eyes narrowed as she backtracked her summers.
“Anyway?” Mary wasn’t buying what I was selling. She was like a hound, that one.
“Anyway, we went on a hike, not my favorite part. But the view at the top was cool and there was a group who were hiking, and we joined them and took photos. Honestly, it was all amazing. The people are so full of old traditions and influences from the countries around them. And the best part was seeing how much they love Aiden,” I gushed but this was where the story took a dark turn, and I didn’t want to lose them to the darkness.
“I recall all of this,” Mary noted.
“Right,” I said again. “It was great.” I crossed my fingers, praying they’d let it go.
“But they were actors, the whole thing was faked. The people were paid to be nice to Fin.” Linna wasn’t letting go.
“What?” Mary asked again, her tone briefly dipping into a dark and frightening spot. “What do you mean actors?”
“Except the monks.” I muttered, “They were silent, so no point in acting.”
“I am so confused.” Dee scanned our faces.
“I went on a planned trip where everyone was paid to be nice to me while secret photographers shot PR material.” That part sort of fell from my lips numbly. “To help promote the changes Aiden and your dad were doing. They didn’t tell me, wanting my reactions to be genuine.”
“Oh, Father,” Mary said with a sigh. “That’s it? The day trip was a PR hoax?”
“Not a chance,” Linna growled at me. “Tell them.”
“About two weeks later, at the end of my visit, I went to take a bath. I was just about to get in when I totally started craving some of that weird ricotta cake the baker makes.”
“It’s amazing,” Bea agreed.
“The best.” My insides tightened as I forced my mind to journey to the part I hated. “I came down the staff stairs, being sneaky, trying to hide the fact I was in my robe and heard Alex talking on the phone, hiding and speaking in Catalan—and you know how I’d been secretly taking lessons in London to surprise Aiden and I was almost fluent?”
“Oh God,” Mary and Bea said in unison.
My insides tightened, pronouncing my sinking heart. “She was laughing with whoever was on the phone.” My cheeks burned. “Mary, she said that your dad had done a beautiful job tricking me with this trip around the country and the people were paid and coached so they knew what to say and do and every bit of it was an act. And the photos had turned out beautifully. She had loaded them onto the website, and they would just wait for me to leave Andorra again and launch the sites.” I sighed, closing my eyes for a second. “Stupid Fin wouldn’t even know the pictures were there because she was forbidden to go on social media anyway. Aiden had made sure of that already.”
I opened my eyes to see Mary wince again as Bea furrowed her brow in confusion, and Dee started to shake her head.
“I guess the entire trip to Andorra and many of my other visits had also been photographed sneakily. But the icing on the cake was that my dating Aiden was approved only because they were using me to create a buzz about Andorra while the reforms and land purchases in France and Spain were going through. Also they were trying to make it seem as if they had a booming relationship with America, through me. Because they were expanding the borders of Andorra to the old map and wanted the support of America if the French or Spanish fought them on it. And apparently, I’m an excellent distraction for their politics. Send stupid Fin out and watch her screw up constantly and no one look over there.” I slumped, sickened from reliving it all.
“Oh, Fin, I’m so sorry.” Mary bit her lip.
“Alex said all this?”
“No,” I answered Dee. “She didn’t say all of it. When I got back to England, I went and found Alex’s mom.”
“Oh God.” Bea wrinkled her nose. “What did that old witch have to say for herself?”
“She hadn’t heard from Alex in ages, and she had lost all her friends. Her husband left her—”
“Rightfully so,” Mary snapped.
“Just wait.” Linna folded her arms over her chest smugly.
“She broke down crying, saying she hadn’t meant to be a part of it all, but the king made her help out. She explained that everything that had happened up to this point had been done to ensure I was a spectacle and in the papers. A sacrificial lamb for PR. The leaked tapes, the drugging, letting me date Aiden, all of it. All done to bring the spotlight to Andorra during the reform. Boost the country. And when it was enough, your father would ensure we broke up. He and Alex had saved horrible lies about me to go public with, so Aiden would realize I was not a sound choice as a wife.” Another large piece of my heart cracked off, like an iceberg, and floated away, melting into nothing.
Everyone wrinkled their noses, Tracy included. I hadn’t noticed him there, lurking in the shadows.
“It was a business deal and the king pretended to like me and said all those nice things so I’d agree to take the trip. And I believed he liked me. Meanwhile, he acted like he knew everything Alex was doing because he was powerful, but really, he knew about it because it was his idea. Paying Sheila, all of it.”
“Oh, Fin,” Mary whispered. “Is it possible Alex’s mom was lying?”
“No. Why?” I shrugged. “What does she have to gain? She asked me not to tell anyone and not to involve her in any way, that she had lost enough. She begged me to tell no one and so I didn’t.”
“You kept it secret all this time?” Dee asked softly, her eyes glistening.
“Two years, she kept it. She was beaten down and didn't tell anyone. She kept the secret so your dying dad wasn’t the villain.” Linna folded her arms. “Jess and I only found out the truth two months ago when they broke up. When he dumped her.”
“This is insane,” Bea muttered.
They had gone from frothing and gasping to silence. The quiet grew until it was too much, forcing me to keep talking, “I will say, Mary, I don’t think your mom was in on it. She was actually upset that I had turned out to be such a prize to your father. She hated that I was a useful asset, probably because it meant your dad agreed to mine and Aiden’s relationship.”
“How do you know that?” Mary asked, her cheeks red and eyes fiery.
“I overheard your mom and Aiden fighting about me, again. He thought I was sleeping, but I got my period and woke up. They were in the hall, whisper-fighting. He was saying how much of an asset to the country I’d become and that I had done more for the future of Andorra, though I was unaware I was doing it, than she ever had.” I sighed. “She said she hated me and wished we would break up. She didn’t sound like she knew about the PR nonsense or that there was a plan to break us up at a specific time.”
“He said you were unwittingly an asset to the country? He said it like that?” Bea asked.
“Yeah. I felt so stupid. But I have to admit, he got me. Your dad,” I said staring blankly. “The map was a genius idea to trick me into caring about those places, so they could lure me into photo shoots without me knowing. And how genius is it to get the brand-new, young and foolish
king to date some crazy American girl? Anything he does wrong instantly lands in my lap. The moment they get rid of me, all the bad things he did in the beginning years of his career are blamed on me. No matter what, he’s clean and free and loved.” I swallowed the acid burning in my throat and put the wine down. It didn’t taste so good mixed with wounded pride. Even stale wounded pride.
“Fuck,” Bea said after another awkward moment of silence.
“And Aiden knew about Alex and my father plotting and using you?” Mary asked the loaded question.
“I don't know. I still don’t know.” It was the one question I didn’t want the answer to. “At the time, two years ago, I told myself he didn’t. And it was one of those tricky situations where if I told him, it would cause another fight between him and your parents. Or I would find out that he knew and had been in on it, and I didn't want to know that. And honestly, it wasn't the worst your family has thrown at me. So I put it on the back burner and we spent those six months here together. Aiden came to St Andrews to finish his degree, and everything was kind of blissful.”
“But you were different.” Mary nodded along, her eyes taking a trip into the past as she recalled things. “I do remember you being quiet. Less—you. Colder and quieter, and you refused to come home to Andorra, at all. Aiden was so angry that you wouldn’t spend time with our dying father. I’ll admit I thought it was selfish of you as well. God, Fin. I’m so sorry,” she offered. “No wonder you didn’t want to see him.”
Bea and Dee were silent though visibly upset.
“How did the breakup happen?” Mary asked in a whisper as though she didn’t want the answer.
I took a deep breath, noting how robotic I felt as I spoke, “The day we broke up was the day after your dad got put in palliative care. I was angry and not considering what a hard time your family was going through.” A painful numbness surrounded me, smothering me, forcing out my words like tumbling blocks from a bag, “I said something shitty about your parents. Aiden snapped. He called me selfish and petty. We got into a huge fight and he’d had enough. He broke things off. And that was that.”
And I was clean of my secrets.
But by the looks I was receiving, I’d burdened all of them in my cleansing.
And the guilt sitting in the pit of my stomach was far worse than the anxiety of keeping the secret had been.
“I know I should have timed it better; him snapping wasn't his fault,” I defended him weakly. “He was so upset.”
“No, but come on, Fin. A person can only take so much before they lose it. Finding out they’re all laughing behind your back, using you, and including Alex in the schemes—of course eventually you’re going to say something shitty,” Linna defended me.
“This is insane,” Mary said with disbelief. “I’m not surprised about my father and particularly not about Alex. But Aiden? No.”
“I agree, Fin. Aiden would never do that,” Dee said softly.
“It doesn’t really matter now, does it? He broke up with me. He doesn't want to be with me.” I pointed out. “So let’s drop it. Because it’s killing me to talk about it.”
“Fine,” Dee agreed. “Of course.” She took my hand in hers, and I wasn’t certain which of us was sweating more.
“Yeah, we should drop it. I’m losing my appetite,” Linna moaned.
But we didn’t. They didn't.
We added curry and naan to the conversation that couldn't be dropped, no matter how much it hurt me to continue it.
A million pieces of the puzzle clicked in together, forming an even worse picture. Mary brooded silently while Dee, Bea, and Linna brought up new things to add fuel to the fire. Small things the king had said. Tiny details overlooked before. Alex needed to die by complications of gonorrhea.
It was not at all how I imagined my first night of the semester with everyone would be.
By the time it was over, we were drunk and sobbing and swearing to always be sisters. A vow I believed would outlast any boy.
Even a brother.
8
Time flies when you’re having fun, but it also flies when you’re dreading the end of something. In fact, I think it’s faster then.
Tea time
“I need to speak with you,” Mary said from the doorway where she leaned in her pajamas, drinking her morning coffee. “About Aiden.” She’d treaded carefully the last couple of days, ever since the horrible confession that had led to too much wine and crying. Though she had sworn not to tell him and not to get angry with her mom, who I believed was innocent; she was evil, just not to blame for this one.
“It’s okay. We don't have to tiptoe around the subject. Now that you know my reasons for not trying to mend things between us, let’s just all move on.”
“I can’t. I keep thinking that what you heard, or what was said, has to be wrong. I too heard Aiden speak often about how suitable you had turned out to be for the economy. Even your scandals brought us the limelight. But I can’t imagine he would have played along cruelly with my father on this, and particularly not Alex.” She came into the room and sat on the bed. “He would never treat you like that, laughing behind your back and such. He’s loyal to the death.”
“Maybe,” I agreed, fighting the urge to point out that few of the scandals were actually mine. Most of them had been set up by Alex and Mary’s father. “But you see the predicament, right? I can’t ask about it if Aiden doesn’t know anything. I don’t want him to learn your father treated me that way. Or conspired with Alex. I don’t want his memory tainted the way yours is now.”
“It’s not. I swear. Father was all about business. He was a cold and calculating man when it came to the furthering of our country. I learned that from a very young age and told myself so long as he was a warm and loving father, it didn't matter how he was as a king. And now he’s gone. It matters even less. Though I will say, now I’m rather disappointed about how he was as a king.” She paused. “And if you don’t tell Aiden, you’re letting Alex win. I can’t believe this. Every day she weasels her way in more and more. She plays the damsel and the damaged princess, acting as though she’s there for him in his time of need.” Her words sliced at me.
“What do you want me to do? Make him so angry he leaves Andorra and his obligations? Drive him crazy so he lives as a bitter shell of a human? How does my telling him solve anything?” It was my turn to get angry. I was done talking about this and done being made to feel somehow responsible for any of it.
“Okay, fine!” She lifted her hand in the air. “I thought you might consider apologizing for being petulant that day and let Aiden think you’ve grown.”
“But then the conversation would twist and turn and eventually end up with me telling him the whole story. And I’m tired, Mary. I’m tired of it all. There’s a lot of other things going on, apart from the Alex lies. The people of Andorra—the old-school citizens—hate me. The press hates me. Your mother hates me. And your dad, and possibly Aiden used me to further their land deals and constitutional reforms. That’s a lot of negativity to add to my life. I already have Sheila who hates me more than any of them. I don't need to add anyone else. You do see that’s not good for my state of mind and mental health, right?”
“I do,” Mary consoled. “I just wish you two could work things out. I hate seeing you separated with this between you and both of you suffering a broken heart. When the truth is you love each other more than anything. And you’ve had nothing but interference from people who swear they’re my brother’s loved ones. And he’s at home with a knife in his back. And he loves you. More than anything.”
“If he loved me, Mary, wouldn’t he have at least texted me after the funeral? We had sex. One text.” I regretted saying it the moment it was out there.
“Not after he saw the papers that morning, Fin.” Her eyes flashed something she hadn’t shared with me before.
“What?”
“Lucas Reid. The two of you kissing in the car the day you fled? And another of you i
n the park the next day, eating kababs.”
“Jesus.” I covered my eyes for a second. “I never fled or kissed Lucas Reid. I left Andorra like I was scheduled to, and caught a ride with Lucas. When I was being dropped off, he kissed my cheek, saying farewell, the way you British nuts all do. That’s all. Typical English goodbye, a quick kiss on the cheek.” Annoyance flittered about inside me again. “And I’m not the one who’s been prancing around all over for the last two months with Alex. Every photo that comes out of Andorra is of her and him. So don't make me the villain, please. It was the number one reason I never wanted to tell you. I said it was to protect your dad, but it was to protect me too. I don't want to be the bad guy.”
“I know. You’re right. I would never hate you. No matter what.” She leaned in, taking my hand in hers and squeezing softly. “Can you try to talk to him about what happened and what you heard and know? Give him a chance to understand why you were so angry, please. Just one conversation. For me? So Alex gets her just desserts?”
“Maybe,” I lied.
“Thank you.” She got up. “Also, I was hoping you might consider moving to the estate with us. All three of you. Bea’s coming. She’s moving out of her dorm.”
“What? Where is this coming from?” They had spent three days sleeping at our townhouse. I’d sort of assumed we were all going to live here.
“Well, it’s silly really. We will all end up sleeping here, crammed into each other’s beds and ordering takeaway and not having enough sitting space for movies. And meanwhile, Bea’s parents are paying for her dorm. And your parents are paying for this. And Johan and I have a massive house, equipped with staff—”
“Did Aiden ask you to ask me?”
“No,” she groaned, offended. “Not everything is a trap, Fin. I’m not my mother.”
I cringed, not meaning to hurt her feelings.
“I simply thought it might make more sense. And paying to stay here seems odd when you can stay with us at no cost. Mull it over. We don’t need three places to live when we spend all our time together.” She winked and left me alone. Something about her visit to my room bugged me, but I brushed it off and told myself I was cagey from too many burns.
