Unfailing Love

by Kelsey MacBride

  “You’re right.” Courtney let go of her sister’s hand and stood up from the bed. “Well, I’m gonna let you get some rest. We have a big day tomorrow. I’ve got your dress and shoes ready to go for the wedding, and I’ve sent your sundress to the laundry to be steam ironed so that it is ready for the rehearsal dinner tomorrow night. I’ll come by and check on you before then. But in the meantime, if there’s anything else you need, just call me.”

  Courtney reached down and kissed her sister on the head. “Now, get some rest. I love you, Tra.”

  “I love you too,” Tracy said as Courtney walked out of the room and closed the door behind her.

  Her sundress, she thought. Oh yeah, she had brought a pale yellow sundress to wear to the rehearsal dinner. With the time lost from the accident, Tracy had not been able to make arrangements for her clothing, her hair, make-up anything. Thank goodness, Courtney was here to take over. And yes, she would definitely call her if she needed anything else.

  Call. That reminded her. Tracy looked over at the hospital table and saw her cell phone sitting next to the pitcher of water. She grabbed the edge of the table, rolled it over until it swung over her lap, and then pushed the button on the remote and lifted the bed until she was sitting up. She poured herself a glass of water and picked up her phone, certain that Esther must be worried sick about her by now. Tracy couldn’t remember if she had told Esther that the cell reception might be bad. But she knew regardless, Esther would have called to check up on her.

  Tracy slid her screen open and saw the voicemail icon in the menu bar. She tapped it and read the message: You have 15 new voicemail messages.

  Fifteen? Tracy couldn’t believe it. She had never, ever had 15 voicemail messages. Even when she had left Paul at the altar. She ran away from the church and disappeared for a few hours at the beach, far away from the peering eyes of her friends and family. Even then, her parents and sister had only left a few messages. And Paul had left a few of his own. But altogether that didn’t come close to the 15 she had now.

  Tracy hit the button and began to listen as Courtney’s voice went from playful to panicked over the course of several voicemails. These were mingled with a few motherly and kind check-ins from Esther, telling Tracy that she had kept her doctor’s appointment and she got a clean bill of health. Randall had left a few messages too. And even though he tried to mask his concern, it was evident in the tightness of his voice. Tracy listened as the messages played on, deleting each one when it was through. When she got to the last one, she inhaled sharply as she heard Joseph’s kind voice through the phone.

  “Hey, babe. I tried to reach you in your room, but no go. I sent you a few texts, too. I guess you’re just really busy. Anyhow, I know you’re okay because if you weren’t, someone would have called me. But call me old-fashioned, I’m just a little worried. I don’t want to crowd you or anything. I’ve just been thinking about you and want to make sure you’re alright.”

  Tracy continued to listen as Joseph paused before continuing. “I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I just want to make sure we’re alright.” Tracy felt the tears well up in her eyes as she thought of Joseph. “Well, anyhow, just call me when you can. Okay. I love you.”

  The message ended and Tracy let the voicemail prompts play before hitting 9 to save the message. She didn’t know what else to do. She wasn’t prepared to deal with Joseph now that she had reconfirmed her feelings for Paul to herself and to Paul. She hadn’t even forgiven herself for the hurt she had caused everyone four years ago. She didn’t know how she could cause that type of hurt to someone else now. But she knew she had to make a decision.

  Tracy turned her phone off and took a long sip of the water. She looked out the window of the room and watched the sun begin to dip behind the bright blue ocean in the distance. The water sparkled like a million pieces of glass, she and breathed in the air as if she were walking along the beach. She always felt so peaceful when she was at the beach. Whenever things were stressing her out or she needed to think, Tracy would go to the beach. And even though she couldn’t walk down there now, just looking at the surf and the water gave her a sense of peace and calm. She just wished she had some direction.

  “Dear God,” Tracy spoke softly. “Thank you so much for rescuing me. Thank you God, for keeping Paul safe so that he could get help. I’m just so very grateful that you brought us back together, no matter what the circumstances. I truly am.” Tracy swallowed hard as tears formed in the corners of her eyes.

  “I just don’t know what to do about Joseph. I don’t want to hurt him, God. I don’t think I can do that again, to anyone. But I know he’s not who I’m supposed to be with. I know now that Paul is the man you have chosen for me. But I feel stuck.”

  Tracy took another sip of water as she looked out on the beautiful sunset. “God, I guess I’m just afraid because I feel so bad about leaving Paul and hurting him so much. I know the damage that caused, and I don’t ever want to be responsible for that again. I have such a hard time even thinking about it ... because, because,” Tracy let the tears spill over. “Because even though Paul has forgiven me, I still haven’t forgiven myself.”

  The tears splattered softly on Tracy’s bare arms as she spoke. “Oh God, help me. I ask you to forgive me for my sin. I am so truly sorry for the hurt I caused and just want to know that you forgive me. Please God, help me so that I can forgive myself and move forward in my relationship with Paul.” She grabbed the tissues from the table and wiped the tears away slowly. After taking a deep breath and another long sip of water, Tracy sat back and closed her eyes as the sun disappeared behind the horizon. Right before she drifted off to sleep, she said, “Amen.”

  Chapter 14

  “Good morning, sunshine!” Paul said softly to a sleepy Tracy. He stood above her with a glass of fresh orange juice in his hands. “How’d you sleep?”

  Tracy blinked her eyes open and smiled slowly as the daylight came into focus. She looked out the window at the beautiful landscape and then up to Paul. If she had to be stuck in a hospital bed, this one certainly had the best view, she thought.

  “Good morning,” she said, the words thick off her tongue. “I’m good.” Tracy tried to push herself up and felt the pain in her ribs the second she moved.

  “Whoa, easy ...” Paul set the juice down on the bedside tray and reached over for the bed remote. “Here, let’s do it this way,” he said, pressing the button to raise the bed.

  “Is that good?”

  Tracy just smiled as she ascended to a sitting position. “Mmm-hmmm.” She reached over and took a sip of the orange juice, feeling the fresh citrus waken her taste buds.

  “Wow,” she said, putting the glass down on the table, “that is really good.”

  “Freshly squeezed,” Paul said, sitting in the chair next to the bed. “So they say, anyhow.”

  “What are you doing here so early?” Tracy asked, fluffing her hair so that it didn’t look like she had just woken up.

  “They discharged me,” Paul said, smiling that brilliant smile of his. “And they took my wheels away, too!”

  Tracy looked down and noticed that Paul was no longer in the wheelchair that he had been in the day before.

  “Oh, good for you! So you must be okay?” Tracy wanted reassurance that Paul was going to heal just fine. Even though she knew the accident wasn’t her fault, she still felt a little responsible for the whole event.

  “I’m much better now that I’m here with you,” Paul said, smiling like a schoolboy.

  Tracy felt her heart stir and then looked over at her phone. There was something she was feeling, something she couldn’t place. What was it? She tried to piece together the events of the previous day. She remembered being in recovery and then seeing Paul. She remembered what they talked about. And then she remembered the conversation with Courtney. And then ...

  “... maybe at the pool? Cee? Hello! Earth to Cee!” Paul waved a hand in front of Tracy’s eyes as he spoke.

 
; She snapped her head toward him and blinked. How long had she been lost in thought? she wondered.

  “What? I’m sorry,” she smiled, a little embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Paul. What were you saying?”

  Paul laughed and shook his head. “They must have you on some good meds.”

  “Yeah, I think they did,” Tracy said, remembering her prayer from the night before. She looked over at her IV and laughed lightly, going along with Paul’s joke. But in her heart, she felt the beginning of a peace she hadn’t felt in a long time. She knew that God was working on her and had begun the process of helping her forgive herself. She was ready to heal and was overwhelmed with gratitude.

  “I said,” Paul began, scooting his chair closer to the bed so that he could reach over and grab Tracy’s hand. “Hey. Are you okay?”

  Tracy’s face was wet with tears. “Cee, what is it?” Paul asked, concerned now.

  Tracy just smiled and shook her head slowly. “It’s nothing,” she said.

  “Now Cee, we can’t begin our fresh start on lies. Tell me what it is.”

  Tracy closed her eyes as the tears rolled down. “It’s just,” she opened her eyes and looked at Paul with joy in her heart. “It’s just that for the first time in four years, I’m at peace.”

  Paul’s face filled with a light Tracy hadn’t seen since they had stood at the altar. “Me too,” he said, leaning over and kissing her lightly on the lips.

  “Now,” Paul said mischievously, “let’s spring you from this joint!”

  Tracy nodded and took another sip of her juice as Paul disappeared down the hall to get Tracy’s discharge papers. Within minutes, he returned with a clipboard of paperwork and a wheelchair.

  “Okay, my fair lady. Even though I can do both of these things ... A nurse will be in here momentarily to disconnect your wires and help you get dressed.” Paul smiled that devilish smile that melted Tracy’s heart. “So I’ll be back in a little while to take you back to the hotel.”

  “Thank you,” Tracy said as Paul leaned in for another kiss. “I’ll be here!”

  When the door closed, Tracy looked again at her phone. She opened it up and saw that she had full service. She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and dialed Joseph’s number.

  Chapter 15

  The hotel shuttle brought Paul and Tracy back to the resort and the driver helped them up to their rooms. When Paul’s belongings were safely deposited, they made their way down the hall to Tracy’s room.

  “We’ve got it from here,” Paul said to the porter after Tracy’s bags were brought in. “Thank you for your service. Really appreciate it.” Paul held out a crisp twenty-dollar bill.

  “Oh, no sir, I cannot take that.” The porter waved his gloved hand in protest. “It is my pleasure to serve you. Is there anything else I can do?”

  Paul shrugged, looked at Tracy and then back at the porter. “I guess we’re all set. But thanks.”

  The porter tipped his hat and exited the room, closing the heavy door softly behind him.

  “Well, how are you feeling?” Paul asked Tracy as he sat down beside her wheelchair. “Are you tired?” Paul knew full well that patients often experienced exhaustion when they were released from the hospital, especially after trauma and surgery.

  “Actually,” said Tracy as she fiddled with the wheels of her chair. “I’ve got a little cabin fever.” She looked at Paul. “Or maybe I should say, cave fever.”

  “Yeah,” Paul said, walking over to the balcony and opening the curtains, exposing the glorious view of the island beyond. “I bet you do. Well, it’s a beautiful day. And we don’t have to be at the rehearsal dinner until tonight.”

  Paul spun around and came back to Tracy’s side. “How would you like to join me by the pool? We can sit by the water and take in the warm sun and beautiful tropical air. Nothing heals better than God’s greenery!”

  Tracy smiled up to him. “Sounds perfect!” She looked around the room as if searching for something.

  “What is it?” Paul asked, eager to help her with anything she needed.

  “I’m just not sure how I’m going to get into a bathing suit with this thing,” Tracy motioned to the bandages on her abdomen.

  “Well,” Paul said laughing. “I don’t think you have to worry about a bathing suit. Besides,” he said. “you can’t exactly swim with that thing, either,” he pointed to the cast on her leg.

  “Nor can you,” Tracy nodded at the cast on Paul’s arm before her gaze drifted to his foot. “How did you manage to get that and I got this?”

  Tracy was referring to the boot that Paul had convinced the doctor to give him. Tracy hadn’t noticed it the first day Paul wheeled into her room, but when the doctor had insisted Paul get a cast, Paul refused and instead convinced the doctor to provide a boot, on the condition that Paul stayed off his foot as much as possible. After the first day in the boot, he traded the wheelchair for crutches and didn’t even bother using those.

  “I have connections,” Paul said, winking at Tracy as he made his way into the bedroom.

  “Do you have a skirt or shorts or something else you’d like to wear?” Paul asked from the closet.

  Tracy looked down and realized Paul was right. A bathing suit wouldn’t cut it. But she certainly couldn’t go to the pool in her pajamas, either. She wheeled the chair around and started making her way into the bedroom, but Paul came out and stopped her.

  “Hold up. I know you’re independent, Cee. But with those ribs, you have got to take it really easy. Even using your upper body can slow the healing process. I’ll wheel you anywhere you need to go if you let me.”

  Tracy hesitated. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust Paul, she did. It was just that she didn’t want to be a burden on him.

  “And don’t worry, you’re not being a burden,” Paul said, reading her mind again. He bent down and pretended to tip an invisible hat. “It’s my pleasure to serve you.”

  They both laughed, and Tracy agreed to let Paul help her pick out a gauze skirt and tank top. After spending a few difficult minutes in the bedroom alone, Tracy emerged changed, but tired. Paul looked at her sitting in the chair with her blonde hair spilling over her toned shoulders. The white tank top had a blue and silver beaded collar that complemented the blue gauze of the skirt that hung lazily over Tracy’s broken leg. Her bare feet poked out from under the edge of the skirt and her chipped toenails and bruised ankles reminded Paul of just how fragile Tracy was.

  “Shoes?” he asked, unsure if they were necessary.

  “Nope. I’m on vacation,” Tracy said as he wheeled her toward the door.

  “Yes, you are, young lady.” Paul wheeled Tracy out the door and down to the elevator.

  They made their way down the meandering sidewalk that curved along the water until they arrived at the main pool. It was barely noon, and the patio was full of people lounging, lunching and swimming.

  “Where would you like to sit?” Paul asked Tracy. Before she could answer, a pool attendant appeared at their side.

  “Welcome to The Lagoon. Please, let me help you to one of our cabanas.” The attendant looked at Paul and Tracy, waiting for their approval.

  They looked at each other and shrugged. “Sure. Why not?” Paul asked, smiling cheerfully as the attendant nodded and escorted them across the patio to a blue canopied cabana on the north side of the pool. The sun was high in the southern sky and shone down brightly, making it halfway through the cabana. Paul wheeled Tracy inside and saw a large, padded double lounge chair with bright yellow cushions.

  “Would you like me to draw the curtains?” the porter asked.

  Paul turned around and noticed the yellow and white striped curtains that hung from each side of the opening. They were pulled back with ties, but if let down, would block the sun out completely. They would also block out the view of the ocean, the pool and the beautiful island foliage.

  “No, please leave them open,” Tracy said from her spot in the shade. “This is perfect.”

/>   “The refrigerator is stocked and there is a phone there ...” the attendant pointed to a black phone on the table next to the mini fridge. “If you need anything else, please do not hesitate to ring.” Then he backed out of the cabana, tipping his hat as he disappeared into the bright afternoon sunlight.

  “Wow,” Tracy said, giggling. “This is amazing! Did you request this?”

  Paul looked at her surprised. “No! I wonder if they know we’re with the wedding party.” Paul walked to the front of the cabana and looked out at the people splashing in the crystal clear water of the main pool the hotel had dubbed “The Lagoon”. It overlooked the blue lagoon tucked into a nook of land just off the north end of the resort.

  “Maybe they figured with the wheelchair and all ...” Tracy let her voice trail off.

  “Yeah,” Paul said, coming back over to her. “But either way, this works for me! How about you?”

  “Absolutely,” Tracy said. “It’s perfect.

  Tracy stared out at the ocean and watched as a windsurfer moved lazily on the calm water. Her eyes drew closer at the sound of squealing children playing in the pool. She moved her eyes further toward the resort and saw where the delicious smells were coming from as she watched happy couples and families enjoy gourmet lunches poolside. Her stomach grumbled at the sight of the sumptuous food. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had eaten something.

  “Are you hungry?” Paul asked as if on cue.

  Tracy laughed at their timing. “As a matter of fact, I’m starving!”

  “Okay,” Paul said, rifling through the mini fridge. “Let’s see what they’ve got.” He began humming happily as he prepared a tray of snacks and drinks and brought them over to the lounge chair.

  “Okay, now we just need to get you out of this contraption,” Paul said, one hand on his hip as he looked down at Tracy. “I’m going to have to lift you out of this thing. Are you ready?”

  Tracy smiled up at him. She had been ready for a long time, and she knew it. “Yes, I’m ready,” she said.