Friends with Benefits

by Margot Radcliffe

  Alexa shook her head and laughed. “You know I’m already an investor in your company, right? I did that a long time ago. Both Uncle John and I did. We believe in you, Carter.”

  She flopped down on the black leather couch in the corner, dramatically covering her face with her arm. “At least I still have Halcyon.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me you invested in my company?” he asked.

  “I honestly thought I did.”

  “I think I would have remembered.”

  “Well, we did. You’re the safest bet in Vegas, Carter,” she said, raising her head to give him a warm smile. “Always have been.”

  He met her eyes, his brow furrowed in thought as he watched the video again, another sound chiming in to draw his attention away.

  “What’s the matter?” she asked, sitting up on the couch to look at him. He didn’t look happy.

  He shook his head. “It’s nothing.”

  She sat fully up then, her feet dropping to the floor so she could meet his eyes. “You’re lying.”

  “Trust me, you don’t want to know.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Give me a break, Carter. If there’s anyone I trust with my most mortifying secrets, it’s you.”

  His blue eyes rested on hers then, a weird intensity she’d never seen before in them. “I remember you said yes.”

  “What?”

  “When I proposed,” he clarified. “You said yes.”

  “That’s it?” Alexa shrugged. “I was drunk.”

  He leaned back in his chair, considering her. “So not even a small part of you wonders if maybe we should stay married? That maybe we’re actually meant to be together?”

  Alexa’s pulse rate entered into a danger zone and her throat constricted, making it difficult to breathe. A relationship wasn’t part of the deal. They’d promised each other they would always be friends. “What?”

  Carter’s eyes pinned her to her seat. “You heard what I said and know what I meant. We know we get along, now we know that there’s unparalleled sexual chemistry between us, and we’re already married. Explain to me why we’re not trying to make this an actual relationship again? Because from where I’m sitting that sounds like a no-brainer.”

  Alexa’s fingernails dug into her palms. “We’ve discussed this already. Because our friendship means too much to both of us to fuck up with a casual relationship.”

  “We’re married, Alexa. News flash, it’s not casual anymore.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, but we’re not really married.”

  “And yet, when you were drunk you were fine with getting engaged for real.”

  “I also went to bed with you completely naked in a hotel room on the same night and yet I have no recollection of it. Shit happens when you’re wasted. It doesn’t mean anything.”

  “Do you think my family will hate you or something if we break up? Because they won’t. With or without me, you have them.”

  Alexa threw her hands up in the air, so mad she couldn’t even scream. “I’m worried about losing you, not your family, you idiot! Neither of us has had a real adult romantic relationship. I have no idea how it works and I’m not going to let the most important person in my life be my relationship guinea pig. It’s not worth it.”

  He rose from behind the desk, his big body swallowing up all the space in the room.

  “Scared Alexa isn’t what I expected to find after all this time. Do you think I couldn’t have had a real relationship? I didn’t have one because I knew I wanted you.”

  “That’s ridiculous.”

  Crossing his arms over his chest, so only the top of the logo was visible, he seemed almost menacing. He was not hiding his rage at all, which was something she was still getting used to.

  “I have wanted you for as long as I can remember, Alexa. So much that I agreed to this whole engagement charade. You don’t want to believe me? Fine. But we’re in a real relationship here, and both our feelings are and have been involved since the beginning. I’m sick of pretending otherwise just to make you feel safe.”

  “Oh, don’t do me any favors,” she bit off.

  “I just said I won’t,” he threw back.

  His angry gaze raked up from her bare toes, over her snug Lycra pants, to the tank with the built-in bra she was wearing, finally resting on her face. Heat pulsed from his eyes to her core, goose bumps dancing over the skin of her arms. It would be wrong to sleep with him now because she knew this had to end, but she didn’t think she had that kind of willpower. She needed him right now.

  “And for the record, if I were such a safe bet you would have taken it a long time ago,” he gritted out, stalking toward her.

  She gasped as he picked her straight up off the couch and into his arms. He ran his hand through the back of her thick hair and pulled her lips to his. He took his time with the kiss, his exploration deliberate, and she felt every swipe of his tongue, the taste of mint on his breath, the familiar mountain spring scent of his long-preferred laundry detergent. He sat her down on the couch.

  Leaning back, she pulled the tank top and bra over her head, revealing breasts that were peaked and aching for his touch.

  He drew a thumb over a dark pink tip and she watched him smile at her shiver.

  “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve imagined these,” he murmured, closing his lips over her nipple. He sucked harder as she squirmed against him, her head falling back with a moan. He let her go, running a thumb over her wetness. “But nothing lives up to the real thing.”

  He pulled off his shirt, the soft glow of the desk lamp casting shadows over his pale abdomen. Her fingers glided up his chest to his shoulders, reveling in the fact that touching him this way still felt so new.

  “You don’t feel like I imagined, either,” she admitted, her voice hushed in the quiet room. “You’re more.”

  Then she pushed at his shoulder and reversed their positions, needing to take control. Sliding his pants down slowly, her eyes met Carter’s and they were different than just her old friend’s eyes. Now they were serious and wicked and unbending. A shiver of anticipation raced up her spine.

  He helped her pull his pants down and off and she hesitated, enjoying just being able to look at him for once without rushing to touch him. The moment stretched and she felt him watching her watch him, his cock bobbing against his smooth stomach, waiting for whatever she chose to do next.

  But he took advantage before she’d had her fill, kissing her hard, letting their desire rage out of control. Her thighs grew heavy and languid against his as she leaned into the kiss, fingers tangling in his thick hair.

  Finally breaking away, she licked down his chest to his cock, teasing him with playful nips and sucks before taking him into her mouth. She loved the feel of hard softness in her mouth, like a living piece of Carter that was hers alone. He grunted when she took in the length of him, tasting, sucking, caressing until his leg muscles tightened in thick bunches under her hands. Her core squeezed in pleasure as the first drops of come greeted her tongue.

  His hands pulled at her hair in warning, but she didn’t care. Letting him come apart in her mouth was something she wanted because she wanted all of him, wanted to take care of him like he did her. There wasn’t a day that Carter didn’t make her feel loved and wanted, and she’d been denying him that in return. The realization fucking wrecked her.

  Lifting her head, she met his eyes, the blue dark and tumultuous.

  He levered off the couch, picking her up and sitting her down again.

  “Condom,” he explained, then strode over to his desk to pull one out of a drawer. She didn’t want to speculate why he kept condoms there and concentrated instead on what a spectacular sight it was. Thick thigh and bicep muscles contracted and bulged as he walked, his semi-erect cock glistening from being in her mouth. More than their other times together
, the energy between them tonight felt far more intimate and theirs. If this was a real relationship, she guessed it wasn’t that bad.

  Then he was pulling the drawstring out of his hoodie and her brain froze.

  He returned to stand in front of her in all his buck-naked glory, the thin white string dangling from his hand.

  “Are you going to use that?”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  She swallowed. “I don’t think you’re ready to go again yet.”

  He took hold of himself, keeping their gazes locked as he slowly stroked, his big hands lazily moving over the ruddy shaft. Heat jackknifed to her core, her insides pulsing as wetness pooled. Giving his cock a final squeeze, he was back at full staff.

  Grabbing the condom from his hand, she pulled him back onto the couch and straddled him. She slid the condom over him, wishing she could feel him bare inside her. Lifting up and over him, she sank down, inch by slow inch until she realized the only person she was torturing was herself. When he was buried in her to the hilt, stretching her inside, he kissed her with such a sweet, gentle kiss her heart ached with it.

  Then he was pulling her hands from around his shoulders and behind her back, where he tied them together with the drawstring. It drew her shoulders back so her breasts thrust out for his mouth and also took the control she’d thought she’d so handily had away from her.

  Now the only thing she could do was feel as his rough hands gripped her hips, moving her where and when he wanted. Starting slow at first, he increased the rhythm, faster and faster, her upper half completely within his control as she could barely balance on her own. It was a weird sensation, to be so helpless and on display for him. Her breasts bobbed in his face, but he kept his eyes on hers.

  His thumb brushed against her clit and she flamed higher, so ready to come. Her muscles gripped at him and she could feel the hair of his thighs rough against the soft skin of hers as she rode him, the intimacy of it decadent and lush. The unraveling hit her whole body at once, wave upon wave of drugging sensation dragging her under so the only thing she knew was Carter inside her and the feel of the heat they were making together.

  When he convulsed underneath her, he still didn’t let her fall, the fingers gripping her hips so hard that they’d probably leave marks. Part of her wanted a tangible reminder of Carter on her body.

  Coming down from his own release, he gently lowered her to his chest, where she nuzzled into his neck.

  He untied the string on her wrists and rubbed the skin there. “You okay?”

  “Yeah,” she murmured.

  “You like being tied?”

  She nodded because he knew she did; she liked power for herself and liked giving it to him, too. Most of all, she liked that she was able to trust Carter implicitly, without doubts and hesitation. He would never hurt her. He caressed her hair, dropping a kiss on top of her head.

  They sat that way forever, until her body had cooled and the reality and weight of what had gotten them to this point started to penetrate her sex brain.

  Eventually, he went to the bathroom to get rid of the evidence. Spotting his water bottle on the desk she threw her clothes back on and collapsed, exhausted, into his desk chair and downed nearly the entire bottle. The movement accidentally bumped his mouse and his computer screen woke up.

  She glanced over at the screen, not intending to read anything that was on his personal computer, but she saw her name and did a double take. His email account was open, displaying an email from a board member suggesting that the expansion would look better to investors if he was married. Not new news. However, there were several emails in the chain and the original was dated before they’d even gotten engaged.

  Sitting back, Alexa’s brain raced over the events of the last couple of weeks trying to figure out what the fuck this meant.

  Considering the date of the email and the subsequent events, it sure as hell looked like Carter had actually secretly been angling for a fake engagement. She couldn’t help but think he’d pulled her into that stairwell knowing they’d be seen, effectively backing her into a corner so she had to use him as her fake fiancé. It didn’t make any sense because he’d turned down being her fake fiancé at first, but then why did he drag her into that stairwell? Why that day of all days had he chosen to cross that line?

  Her gaze returned to the emails, double-checking the date, the sender and the content. The facts were there right in front of her. The week before Carter appeared in her casino with news about her general manager stealing, his board suggested he get married.

  And when she clicked on the email before that, it was as if her worst nightmare was coming true. The board also suggested he distance himself from her completely because of her reputation.

  Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy fucking shit.

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  ALEXA SET HER keys on her foyer table, thankful to be home for the first time in nearly a month. She hadn’t been able to fit all her stuff in her car, but she definitely wasn’t going back to Carter’s house, not after his betrayal. The closest person in her life had basically just gut-punched her emotions.

  How long had she been an embarrassment to him? She couldn’t help but wonder if that had been the reason they hadn’t been hanging out as much. She’d been busy with work, but maybe he’d been deliberately taking a step back from their friendship, and San Francisco was a part of that.

  Alexa wasn’t ashamed of her reputation. She treated men how men treated women and if people had a problem with it, well, that was kind of their problem. But the thought of Carter agreeing with his board or being ashamed of her had settled so deep. Regardless of whether or not he agreed about her reputation, he hadn’t stuck up for her and had been about to create the distance his board wanted by moving to San Francisco. He’d chosen something else, even if it was his company, over her and she hated it. She mostly operated under the assumption that she was the most important thing in Carter’s life, and the fact that she wasn’t was breaking her heart even as she knew how fucking messed up it was.

  That little annoying voice piped up in her head again saying that she put her business before him all the time, but why wouldn’t he have at least told her about the stuff with the board?

  Either way, she couldn’t live there. She couldn’t think about it anymore, either. She’d been up all night wrestling with how to deal with all of it, then in the morning met with her uncle to sell Hard Eight, and on top of that worked a full day at Halcyon. Her exhaustion was complete.

  Carter had texted her encouragement throughout the day about the sale, but she hadn’t responded. Who knew, he’d probably orchestrated the sale of her casino, too. He operated completely in secret, apparently. While she opened every part of her life to him from pictures of her breakfast sandwich to what she’d wear to events to top-secret casino operations, he was just over there in Carter-land being ashamed and plotting to get away from her.

  She blew out a breath. She was being irrational and needed to get with it. Or get to bed. That was the better option. The smart option.

  Instead of doing the smart thing, though, she changed into an old pair of pajamas and pulled her laptop onto her lap to read the email chain from Carter’s computer that she’d sent herself last night. She’d copied the email text and sent it as a document instead of forwarding the actual chain to her own address. So there was at least a chance he wouldn’t know what she’d done.

  She was halfway through the emails when she heard the front creak door open.

  “Fuck,” she breathed, knowing exactly who it was.

  Locking her bedroom door, she went over to her window to consider how far the drop to the ground would be. As soon as she pushed the window out, ready to make the jump, Carter banged on her bedroom door.

  “Alexa! Open up!”

  “Go away!” she yelled, the hurt and anger and panic she’d been fueling bubb
ling to the surface before she even had a chance to contain it.

  “The document you made of my emails was in my trash. You have to delete that separately, you know. Do you want me to teach you how to use a computer?”

  Alexa’s fingers dug into her palm. He was such a dick to try to make a joke right now.

  “If you’re so embarrassed to be my friend, then explain why you took us into the stairwell when you knew there were cameras in there.”

  “I have never for one moment been embarrassed to be your friend. Can you open this door so we can talk like normal people?”

  She blew out a breath and skipped to the really important question, the one that had kept her up all night. “Are you leaving Vegas to get away from me?”

  She stared at the door between them, waiting for his answer.

  “I don’t want to mess up your business,” she added, giving him permission to tell her the truth.

  “Are you kidding me? We’re still married because you’re good for my business. That email about your reputation was a direct result of the news article about how you’d gone nude watersliding with an entire country’s soccer team.”

  “Well, that just sounds dangerous,” she huffed. “And not true.” She’d partied with those guys and maybe she’d been topless for a portion of the evening, but certainly not on a waterslide.

  Carter continued. “Can we talk about what this is really about? That I told you I have feelings for you and now you moved out of my house and believed that I am somehow embarrassed of the person I’m most proud of in the world and want to get away from her?”

  Alexa wasn’t so emotionally stalled as to not recognize the truth of what Carter was saying. And maybe it was cowardly of her to run away, but really, exactly how honest did she need to be with herself about her feelings anyway? She and Carter had gone from friends to spouses in under three weeks; was she so wrong in looking for ways to create some distance? Of course, she loved Carter as she always had and adding the sex had been fucking amazing, but jumping from sex to a real committed relationship was huge. There’d be no casually dating Carter; they were already at date one thousand.