Friends with Benefits

by Margot Radcliffe

  He chucked another old notebook into the trash, the contents opening up inside the can. Peering into the bin, he noticed the old spiral-bound book had opened to a conversation he and Alexa had written in high school. He’d recognize her swirly handwriting anywhere. Plucking the notebook out of the trash, he tried to determine a year and found that it had been the same year her parents died.

  He read the conversation, a smile tugging at him despite his shitty mood. Nothing important was said, just what are you doing after school, want to go swimming, did you talk to so-and-so at lunch. Kid stuff, but something tugged at the back of his memory. He flipped the page over and saw the yes or no boxes where he’d asked her to junior year homecoming. She’d filled in every space of that yes box, leaving no white visible. They’d never made it to the dance, though, because her parents had died the week before.

  Taking a deep breath, he set the notebook aside, wondering if Alexa remembered it. Probably not, since he’d forgotten, too. But at the time it had been a big deal for him. Months of preparation had gone into those two boxes precisely measured on the back of a piece of notebook paper. That year, world history had been their only class together and he’d planned to ask then because she sat in front of him, so he wouldn’t be able to see her face and she couldn’t see his if she said no. But she’d said yes. Between that day and college they’d become best friends, though, and everything had changed.

  Was it possible that they’d been on a trajectory to being together romantically with that homecoming, and after her parents died he’d become something way more precious than just another transient high school boyfriend?

  He threw more cords into the recycling bin, determined to stop thinking about Alexa. The garage wasn’t air-conditioned, and a bead of sweat fell into his eyes. He wiped it away and by the time he was finished throwing stuff away and reorganizing the remaining boxes, his head was marginally clear.

  Grabbing a beer from the fridge, he sank down onto the sofa, contemplating his future, when John Lawson called.

  “You really screwed the pooch on this one, C-dog,” John blustered when Carter answered.

  Carter bit the side of his cheek. “You don’t say.”

  “That girl is still on a warpath about you buying the casino.”

  “I’m aware.”

  “Well, you’ll excuse me for saying I told you so. I saw your point, that she was only selling it to appease me, but son, we all know that I have more than enough money to retire. All she needed to do was say the word and I would have given it to her. She wanted the money, son.”

  Carter ran a hand through his hair. John hadn’t wanted to sell, but Carter hadn’t really given him much of a choice.

  “So she’s still in Vegas?” he asked. At least she hadn’t run too far away from him.

  “Yep. She’ll be at Halcyon tonight in case you were looking for her.”

  “I’m not,” he said, emphasizing the words to prevent any of John’s future meddling.

  “Now, boy, that’s a damned shame. A woman like Alexa Lawson doesn’t come around your house declaring her love for you every day. I know you’re some big-time stud in the city, but you two were just kids when you fell in love. Don’t take that for granted.”

  Carter closed his eyes against the wave of guilt that threatened to undo his resolve. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  John coughed, but didn’t end the call. Then he cleared his throat.

  “Just maybe go on over there to Halcyon tonight. She might be in a mind to talk.”

  John ended the call, but Carter had no intention of going to Halcyon anytime soon, especially if Alexa was there.

  Except if she was in trouble of some kind. But if she were, John would have just said so. Fucking hell. The last decade of uncomplicated, no-strings-attached sex flashed before his eyes as some kind of utopian existence he’d previously failed to appreciate.

  He took a deep pull from the beer bottle and put his feet up on the coffee table. Flipping on the television, he decided he’d finish that documentary he and Alexa never got around to. Halfway through, his sister appeared in his kitchen.

  He really needed to reprogram his locks.

  “I’m fine,” he told her. “I don’t need a pep talk.”

  “I don’t care about you,” she grumbled. “I just quit my job and I know you have beer. Now that I’m unemployed I can’t afford to buy it.”

  She pulled open his fridge and took out two bottles, joining him on the couch in a defeated slump.

  “Care to share?” he ventured.

  “Not really.”

  “Well, you can always work for me, you know. If you don’t want to do tech stuff, there’s always human resources or sales.”

  She turned to him, her blue eyes full of indignity. “I wouldn’t work for you if you paid me a million dollars.”

  “If that’s a salary negotiation, I’d advise you to start lower, since as a community theater director you lack a certain skill set.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Bite me. You’re impossible to be around and that’ll only get worse now that Alexa had the good sense to toss your pestilent ass to the curb.”

  “You know, you can just take the beer with you when you go.”

  He flipped the documentary back on.

  “I’m sorry,” Kara muttered. “But this crap between you and Alexa is stupid. And, you know, I also might be homeless soon, so forgive me for the bad mood.”

  “You’re not going to be homeless. Are you sure you just can’t go back?”

  “I probably could, but I don’t want to. I want to direct new stuff by local writers, not tired and dated stuff that everyone already knows. But the theater owner isn’t interested. I’m done with it.”

  “Just hold acting classes and charge for them,” he told her. “Then you can do what you love most, working with people and putting on whatever plays you want.”

  Kara stilled beside him, beer bottle poised in midair. “Oh my God, you’re a genius.”

  “Yeah,” he agreed. “Glad you’ve finally figured out what the rest of the free world already knows.”

  She glared at him.

  “And why don’t you ask Alexa if you can use one of her theaters at the casino? She’d love to have you. Don’t know why you haven’t thought of that before either.”

  Carter could feel Kara’s eyes on him.

  “I do have an IQ of 142, you know. I’ve been a member of Mensa since I was sixteen.”

  Kara groaned. “I wonder how many more birthday candles I need to blow out for you to finally become mute.”

  “Barring a freak accident, the chances of me suddenly becoming mute at this stage of life are very slim.”

  Her lips pressed in a thin line, Kara glared at him again.

  He shrugged. “Any more of life’s quandaries you’d like me to effortlessly solve for you?”

  “Yeah, are you going to man up and go get Alexa or are you going to continue sulking here like a little baby?”

  Okay, he’d quite literally asked for that.

  “I think you should be directing that barrage of nonsense to Alexa.”

  Kara rolled her eyes again. “She did the scary thing and told you she loved you first—”

  “Yeah, and at the first sign of trouble, she tried to cut me loose.”

  “It doesn’t matter. She went first and that takes guts. Then you lied to her about the casino and instead of figuring out a way to make it up to her you just yelled at her and walked away.”

  That was an extremely skewed version of events, but he didn’t feel the need to justify it to his baby sister.

  “You guys have been friends ever since I could remember, especially after Alexa’s parents died. She really relied on you, on all of us, but she was never one of us.”

  “Is there a point to this verbose Hallmark card?�
��

  “Yes, you asshat. The point is that we’ve never lost anyone and have no idea what it’s like to feel so alone in the world that losing a friend feels terrifying. So why don’t you go be nice to your best friend. You know, the one who sold casinos she loves more than anything in the world to make her uncle happy and stayed married to you to help your company so you could expand to San Francisco even though she asked you multiple times not to move there. And she did all that without asking her own best friend for any support and then watched as that same best friend walked out on her a second time instead of talking through a problem. Maybe you should go see how that person is doing instead of sitting here like the world’s biggest douchebag.”

  He stared at her, blinking.

  “Who’s the genius now, jerk?” she said, cackling, downing the rest of her beer and cracking open the other one.

  “Talk to her about a job for me when you get there, won’t you?” she called, but he had already left the room.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  ALEXA HAD NEARLY everything ready. It had taken her a couple of days to think of a plan, but once she’d set her mind to it everything had fallen into place. After a couple of sleepless nights imagining herself alone on the floor of her house surrounded by teetering notebooks of her own bad poetry and empty plastic buckets of ice cream, she finally went to work. She still wouldn’t mind some ice cream, but she was going to make sure she got her happily-ever-after if it meant dragging Carter to the altar herself. She wasn’t above it.

  Eventually, she’d calmed down about him buying the casino, gained some perspective over copious bottles of wine with friends, including Kara, and realized that Carter was right. She wasn’t alone because her parents were gone and it wasn’t her fault they were gone, either. Those were easy enough words to say and feel, but more difficult to accept. That way of thinking was just a bad habit and she’d just been using it as an excuse to not commit fully to Carter. But she was determined now. Fear and guilt were not things she was going to let destroy the best part of her life.

  When he came racing into Halcyon three days later wearing a black suit with a white shirt and black polka-dot tie, she knew she’d made the right choice. The man had definitely learned how to dress. His tortoiseshell glasses were on, too, and her heart fluttered a bit.

  Her home was here and she’d been waiting for so long to feel safe again, she couldn’t believe she’d denied herself for so long.

  Eyebrows drawn together, he looked serious, carrying an enormous Hermès bag as he strode across the casino floor.

  “Please hear me out. I just want to apologize,” he said, stopping in front of her.

  Upon closer inspection, he looked tired, bags under his eyes, skin a little paler than usual. It was nice to know he’d been miserable, too.

  “Alexa, I’m an idiot, but you already know that about me and you’re still around. The truth is that I was the one afraid of losing you. I feel like every time you dated someone I lost you a little. Every year we weren’t together felt like more distance between us because I wanted you so badly. You left all those guys so easily, without a backward glance. I needed to know I was different, and even though you’ve shown me that over and over, part of me still didn’t believe it.”

  She shrugged and tried to look bored even though a lightness had taken hold of her chest, like all the pieces of her life were finally falling into place.

  “I don’t ever know the right things to say to people, specifically you in this instance if that isn’t clear, but also to most people. I’m not good at being jovial or charming or easygoing like you, but you wouldn’t like it if I were those things. It’s fair to say I’m not a people person, but you’re the one person who has always made me happy.”

  His eyes searched hers then, quiet desperation in them, but she waited for him to continue. “So you can tell me to go to hell or whatever else I definitely deserve, but just know that I am never not going to be a part of your life. Even if you want to marry a goat or whatever, I’m here for the long haul, for every day, and for forever.”

  He lifted the Hermès bag and a corner of her mouth lifted.

  “This is all the scarves they had in the store, so I figured it was a start. I won’t be needing to buy them for anyone else now.”

  She was trying to really pay attention and remember the moment but when she still didn’t speak, he continued, “Which now that I had to buy a casino at an exorbitant rate was a bigger hit to my wallet than it might have been in the past.”

  That pulled her back to her plan. “You’re selling Halcyon,” she finally managed, pointing to a lawyer sitting at one of the empty roulette tables. She’d cleared the whole top floor of the casino for this. “So your net worth will be restored shortly.”

  He dropped the bag to the floor.

  “Do you mean selling it to you because that’s the only way I’m parting with it. You love Halcyon, Alexa. You should have what’s yours.”

  “I do love Halcyon,” she admitted, “but I’m ready for a new challenge. I loved Halcyon so much because I designed it, but my uncle helped, too. I’ve got a concept for a new one that’s all my own, the design, concept and money.”

  Carter still looked uncertain and off-kilter, which was such an anomaly in itself that she nearly laughed.

  “Who is buying Halcyon?”

  “Let’s just say I charmed a certain shipping magnate.”

  Understanding dawned on his face as he remembered one of the investment creeps he’d been forced to meet, a crease forming in his cheek.

  “Nicely done, Alexa.”

  She nodded. “Sorry if you were really looking forward to being a casino owner,” she told him.

  “I was not,” he confirmed with a slight grimace.

  She laughed at his quintessentially Carter understatement.

  “I’m sorry, too,” she said, acknowledging his apology. “You were right, I was scared. Not the best defense, but I’d rather cut my own arm off in a cave than not have you in my life.”

  “You need to stop watching that movie.”

  “I can’t help it. Sometimes I get an overwhelming urge to go hiking at Red Rock and need a sufficient excuse not to go.”

  He gave her a soft kiss on her forehead. “Makes total sense.”

  “I’m glad you see it that way.”

  “You know I had a good plan that you screwed up,” he complained, drawing back and looking in her eyes. “I had that bag of scarves and I was going to have us play roulette to see who took Halcyon. Of course, I paid that dealer over there to fix the wheel.”

  “Subterfuge,” she nodded knowingly. “I expected nothing less.”

  “You knew,” he deadpanned. “I literally just thought of it two hours ago.”

  “It’s what I would have done.” Alexa shrugged, giving his tie a playful tug. “Were I the total douche who bought my best friend’s casino without telling her.”

  He scowled, which was adorable.

  “Also, my employees tell me everything,” she admitted. “Especially that one, since along with most of my staff, he’ll be opening my new casino with me.”

  He shook his head at her plans. “Can we get out of here? We have a lot of lost time to make up.”

  She nodded. “But I have question first.”

  Alexa’s heart beat double time as she pulled the piece of paper out of her pocket. She was about to do the unthinkable and that included possibly vomiting and peeing her pants at the same time. It was the total wrong sequence of events for what she was about to do.

  She met Carter’s impatient eyes and held out the piece of paper for him to see.

  When he saw it, his eyes widened in surprise and then sheer delight.

  “You’re just always going to steal my thunder, aren’t you?”

  “You already got me the perfect ring,” she explained. “I
just created the perfect proposal.”

  He crushed her into his chest, their mouths meeting in desperate happiness, a mixture of relief and joy in her heart.

  “I couldn’t wait any longer to be your wife for real,” she murmured against his mouth when the kiss ended.

  “Well, can I get a pen?” he laughed.

  She pointed to the closest table on which were a pen and an empty picture frame.

  Taking the pen, he filled out the yes box after her written question: Will you marry me?

  She swiped it out of his hand before he could change his mind and placed it in the frame and gave it to him.

  “Just so you always remember that I went first.”

  Carter picked her up and kissed her as her uncle and some of her employees filtered in from the hallway to watch the show.

  When he put her down, he whispered in her ear, “We both know that’s not true considering the very nature of the proposal. I’m the one who asked all those years ago.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Shut up and go sign the papers. I have a new casino to open.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  * * *

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