Broken: A YA Paranormal Romance Novel (Volume 1 of the Reflections Books)

by Dean Murray

  Chapter 8

  I was midway through brushing my teeth before I realized I'd had another night filled with nothing but regular dreams. I'd walked into two different classes and found out that there were tests I'd forgotten about, been stranded at the side of the road, and been chased through some kind of rain forest, but while some of those dreams had been plenty terrifying, none of them had even a touch of the surreal vividness of the ones I'd had my first few nights in Sanctuary.

  Maybe they were just some kind of psychological defense mechanism popping up in response to all the changes. If so, I kind of wished I could be sick still. It's a heck of a thing to not want to be healthy, but I'd gone to bed most every night hoping I'd get to experience another one. It was depressing to think that I probably had one less thing to look forward to.

  Looking at the clock, I saw that I was a bit behind schedule. The bus would be here in about ten minutes, and Britney was supposed to arrive just a tad before that. It was sad, but I didn't trust her anymore, so I'd probably take the bus if she didn't show up before it did. I just couldn't risk her leaving me here without a ride. She'd been way weirded out after my collapse. I wasn't sure even the promise of Brandon's continued presence would be enough to convince her to come through on her word.

  I hurried downstairs and grabbed my liquid lunch replacement out of the fridge. I was in such a hurry I almost didn't see the new note on the white board.

  Sorry I missed you last night. Found a really promising spot. Left early--looked like it might work if I was there at sunrise. --Mom

  I wasn't sure what to think. In theory she might be working on stuff for the brochure, but somehow I knew she was busy chasing her dreams once again.

  Good luck, I'll see you later. --A.

  My backpack creaked and groaned as I picked it up. Luckily most of my classes weren't moving as fast as I'd expected. I was far enough ahead I could start picking a few subjects and working on them every night instead of bringing home my entire locker every day.

  As always, it was already heating up despite the sun having only barely cleared the mountains. It did seem like it wasn't quite as hot though. Maybe it was getting late enough in the year to bring the temperatures down slightly. It was too much to hope it would actually drop to the low seventies, even when December came around.

  I made it down the lane and then started worrying. It was like I couldn't win. If Britney drove all the way out here and I was already gone because I'd taken the bus, she was going to be really mad. On the other hand, if she didn't show, I had no other way to get to school, and Mom would freak out. Part of the reason she felt like she could be gone so much ever since the accident was the fact that I always did the responsible thing. If she started thinking I was cutting class, she was going be furious. It would be like I was behaving irresponsibly and taking away her ability to pursue her art, all at the same time.

  It was past time for the bus to arrive, and she still wasn't here. A car zipped around the corner driving way too fast, just like Britney always did, but it wasn't white. I looked past it, hoping to see another one following it.

  My mouth nearly hit the ground when I recognized the throaty roar and dark paint job of Brandon's Mustang.

  "I knew you'd be sitting here worrying she wouldn't come."

  It took a minute for the words to make sense. "Fine, but that doesn't shed any light on why you're all the way out here."

  The gray eyes just visible in the slowly growing light crinkled up in a smile. "I called her and told her I'd pick you up. She can take you home, I'll come pick you up every morning."

  My head was spinning. Why would the most popular boy in school want to pick me up for school every morning?

  "You don't need to do that; I can always just ride the bus."

  Brandon flipped open the passenger door and motioned for me to get in. I started around the vehicle, stumbling and nearly falling before I finally made it to my destination. Brandon waited for me to get my seatbelt on and then gunned the engine, flipping around a hundred and eighty degrees in a maneuver I'd never seen anyone perform outside of the movies.

  "Of course I don't have to pick you up. It's more a matter of wanting to, if I can say that without making things all weird. I have obligations at school, people who depend on me. I can't spend the time I'd like getting to know you there, so it just made sense to free up some time in the mornings to make that happen."

  Everything was just too unreal. I couldn't believe it was all happening, so I chose to ignore the implications of what he was saying. Boys like him didn't go for girls like me. They didn't even acknowledge the possibility unless they were after something.

  We'd been driving in more or less comfortable silence for several minutes before I decided to act before things got uncomfortable. "So, tell me about yourself."

  "There isn't much to tell. I was born here, and I'll probably die here."

  "More of the obligations you were talking about?"

  Brandon nodded, staring off in the distance for a second. "Yeah. It sounds pretentious, but a lot of people depend on my family. Half the businesses in the town are owned by my family, the other half are owned by Alec's mother."

  The revelation was a bit of a shock. I'd known all along they were both ridiculously rich, but them owning the livelihood of nearly every person in the town was mind-boggling.

  Brandon seemed to know where my thoughts were headed. "Pretty amazing, huh? Anyways, I've been raised to believe I have an obligation to the town, to the people who work for us. Part of that includes making sure other people with substantial resources don't abuse their power."

  It was probably about as good of a chance to find out what was going on under the surface as I was going to get, but something inside me shied away. It was like I'd be entering a new world, one in which some of my illusions would be shattered. I'd have to face a colder interpretation of certain people's actions.

  Brandon successfully defused any awkwardness, chuckling as he pulled into the school parking lot. "You really didn't know any of that?"

  I shook my head, more or less speechless, and he reached out and playfully tapped the side of my face with one finger. The touch left my skin warm and tingling.

  "That's what's so amazing about you. Almost everyone else at school was born here. They essentially look at every action as choosing between Alec and I. Britney, who could have legitimately stayed neutral, has been trying to get in my good graces almost since she arrived. You, on the other hand, couldn't care less who has the most money."

  It was an explanation. Not an iron-clad one, but good enough for now. I thanked Brandon for the ride, and was rewarded with one more wide, open smile before we split up and headed our separate ways.

  I kept telling myself not to get caught up in the idea of being with someone for the first time in my life, but still went through the first two classes more or less in a daze. Mrs. Sorenson was just as nasty as she'd been every day this week, but I didn't care when she managed to stump me on her second question.

  I found myself subconsciously comparing Heathcliff with Brandon during English, and Mr. Whethers had to ask me a question at least twice before I realized he was talking to me. I hardly even blushed at the inevitable giggles. I made a mental note to find out from Britney if I'd caught his question on the second or third repetition, but I rather suspected I'd forget.

  In fact, when class finally got out I remembered my question, but just didn't feel like asking. Instead, I just wanted to get away from her and the never-ending gossip. I waited until she stopped to talk to one of the cheerleaders about who was dating who, and then mumbled something about the bathroom, and made a break for it.

  Not wanting to out-and-out lie, I ducked into the nearest restroom. It was empty except for a mousy brunette I'd only seen a couple of times before. I smiled and started to open my mouth to say hi, but thought better of it. This was Sanctuary. She wasn't going to acknowledge the new girl was even breathing, let alone sentient.


  It should have bothered me, but I just shrugged it off and went to the far stall. A split second after I'd closed the door I heard the heavy wooden outer door open. Normally that wouldn't have caused me to even pause in my normal routine, but it suddenly felt as if the stall was too small.

  "I told you to stay away from him, you stupid whore."

  I didn't recognize the voice for all that I felt like I should. It was a snarling alto that even distorted by anger had traces of smooth velvet, the kind of voice guys occasionally fantasized about, when they weren't thinking about other, less subtle, feminine features. Something hit the stall next to me, hard enough to leave dents.

  I was scared, I should have been terrified, but I was too busy trying to breathe. It was like the air had become thick, and although the fine strands of hair on the back of my neck hadn't moved, it felt like they should be standing on end.

  I heard indistinct sobbing, and then the voice returned and made me shiver. The sensation started somewhere on my back, and traveled forward like it was clawing to get out of my face.

  "I know you're sorry, just like you were sorry before. Only I don't really believe you, so we're instituting a new policy. If I catch you sniffing around him again, I'll kill you. No questions asked."

  My pulse skyrocketed as the raw terror hit. I'd heard death threats a couple of times before. You don't go to a school of any size without seeing fights, and usually by the time girls resort to physical confrontations they really are serious about hurting the other person. When girls say they're going to kill each other, they mean it. This was something else entirely though.

  Whoever was on the other side of the flimsy metal door I was hiding behind didn't just believe she would kill the other girl, she knew it, like someone who'd killed before. As scared as I was, I should have been a gibbering wreck, but strangely enough part of my mind was coldly rational. If I walked out right now I might be okay. If however they did kill the brunette, they'd come after me too.

  It was possible, it turned out, to be rational but still completely paralyzed by indecision. The girl was sobbing now, and my heart felt like it was about to tear itself into pieces.

  The creak of the bathroom door opening should have been a relief. I was expecting the tension to evaporate once there were more witnesses. I couldn't have been more wrong. The air had felt heavy before, now it felt alive, like ground zero of a lightning strike a split second before the soil was blackened by three hundred thousand volts.

  "Get out."

  "Go to hell."

  I expected whoever it was to leave, I would've. I didn't expect for them to tell monster girl off, or that I'd recognize the new voice as belonging to Cassie.

  The first girl was still whimpering. It nearly covered up the distant sound of some kind of machinery kicking on and creating a barely-audible two-part growl that made the air shiver.

  "You can't get away with this." Cassie's voice was barely recognizable, a tattered shadow of her usual arrogance.

  "I already have. I've already told Lucy where she stands with Ben. If you get in my way, if you approach him on her behalf, if you even think of acting on any of the hundred things going through your mind right now, I'll kill you too."

  My knees were weak, but I had to get out now. For all that I hated Cassie, there was no way this crazy chick would act on her threats when there were three of us to corroborate each other's stories. I quietly swung the stall door open and felt my eyes go wide as I saw Lucy curled up, sobbing, at Jasmin's feet.

  Neither of the other girls even bothered to look at me as I carefully moved to the door. Jasmin took half a step to the side, giving me room to get around her, but there wasn't even a slight drop in the level of menace she was radiating. It was like I didn't even exist.

  I was still shaking on my way down the hall. By the time I made it into Algebra, I thought I was going to throw up. I felt like a complete coward, but I wasn't willing to go back there. I rationalized it by saying there wasn't enough time before the bell rang, but I was really just scared.

  Britney gave me a questioning glance from across the room, but I just shook my head. I couldn't tell anyone about what'd happened. Not yet at least.

  Mrs. Campbell obviously knew something was wrong, but as soon as class ended I dodged out of the room and headed towards the relative safety of the lunchroom. Britney's proclivity towards gossip was a complete godsend when you wanted to find out information about someone.

  "Jasmin? I don't know, people don't say very much about her. She's got an incredible temper though."

  "She's dating Alec right?"

  Britney nodded emphatically. "I've never seen them kiss or hold hands, but they've got to be. She's totally rebuffed everyone, and he's never evidenced even the slightest interest in any other girl. Plus, they're like the two hottest people in the entire school. How could they possibly date anyone else?"

  It was hard to argue with that. Jasmin was the kind of brunette who disproved the old saying that gentlemen prefer blondes. Any guy with a pulse would want her. And Alec was like a composite of every gorgeous model ever born. I could get past that and see he was a jerk, but that was just because girls seemed to be wired a little different.

  None of it made sense. If Jasmin was dating Alec, why was she so mad at Lucy for talking to this Ben boy? I hadn't seen any other boys who were even close to as attractive as Alec and Brandon, and Jasmin didn't seem like the type to pick substance over form.

  Britney had wandered off to other, safer subjects. I nodded a lot and tried to avoid thinking about what life was going to be like if Jasmin was determined to kill me. There was just no way to know if I'd made the right choice in leaving when I did. Would Cassie hate me a little less because we were both potentially in Jasmin's crosshairs, or would she hate me all the more because I'd seen her humiliated and forced to back down?

  I finally finished the little can that represented my lunch. I wasn't particularly hungry, but I couldn't lose much more weight without Mom dragging me into a doctor. Besides, it gave me an excuse to try and ignore the fact that half of the people in the room seemed to be staring at me when they thought I wasn't looking.

  I finally worked up enough courage to look across the cafeteria as I peeled the label off of the can. Alec wasn't at his usual place, but Brandon was at his normal table, surrounded by a smaller than normal group. The discussion looked way more intense than normal, and seemed to center around him and Cassie.

  It was all so crazy. Two weeks ago my life had revolved around my inability to think of certain things without collapsing. That hadn't changed, but now there was a distinct possibility Jasmin was going to hurt me just to ensure I stayed silent. Oh, and I was actually considering opening myself up for some very nasty ridicule, just on the infinitesimally slim chance a boy who was so popular, rich, and gorgeous that he shouldn't even know my name might be interested in me.

  Life was supposed to get better as you got older, but it was starting to look like it just got more complicated.

  Just before I looked back down at the shiny aluminum of my now-naked can, Brandon looked up and caught my eye. The smile on his face seemed to say all kinds of things. I'm sorry I can't come over and talk. They all really depend on me. This whole thing with Jasmin is really crazy; we've got to figure out how best to handle it.

  Maybe it really said all of those things, or maybe I was completely deluded, but it was definitely a smile. That alone was enough to make my heart skip a beat, and send a warm tingly feeling lapping through me like a wave of distilled happiness.

  I was halfway through History before I realized there'd been something odd about the discussion at Brandon's table. Luckily, Mr. Simms started out the class in usual form. It was virtually guaranteed we wouldn't learn anything which was fortunate or I might have missed something. Once my mind latched on the question of what had been different than normal, I didn't hear a word anyone else said.

  It wasn't until I was back at my locker and midway between switching
out my History book for my Physics notes that I finally realized what it was. Normal juniors didn't sit at a lunch table and figure out what to do about anything. They complained, they gossiped, they boasted about what they were going to do, but it was all just an exercise designed to reinforce the social order. I'd seen it played out in multiple grades, among groups ranging from the jocks down to the lunatic fringe, and while the details changed, the overall form didn't. It was a universal constant, like the speed of light or maybe gravity.

  Only Brandon's group hadn't been gossiping. They'd been discussing, brainstorming even. I didn't know what it meant. I didn't even know if it was a good thing. It made Brandon more intriguing, but he hardly needed any more help there.

  With a sigh of frustration, I walked into Physics, smiled at Mrs. Alexander, and took my normal seat. I could pretty much set my watch by Alec's arrival. Apparently it wasn't cool to be caught inside a classroom more than fifteen seconds before the bell rang.

  It was a sign of just how far removed from reality I was that he was able to sit down in the other corner before I even realized he'd stepped through the door. I realized I must have been woolgathering for longer than I'd thought, and reached for my notebook.

  Only the bell should have rung by now, and it hadn't. I looked up at the clock and it confirmed that there was still at least a minute before class started. A slight rustle to my right brought my head around, and I looked up to find Alec smiling at me. I couldn't remember for sure if he'd ever smiled at me before, but I found myself suddenly positive he hadn't. I would have remembered such a strangely innocent expression.

  Brandon's smile was one of the most genuine I'd ever seen, the kind of thing that only the most deceptive person could possibly pull off and not mean. Alec's smile was like the first bloom on a flower, something so new, so unpracticed that there wasn't any possible way it was anything other than sincere. It made me tingle all over, and want to giggle like I was still six.

  Several seconds passed before I realized I'd been unconsciously returning his smile. I felt a blush slowly rising past my throat, but I couldn't look away. Luckily the bell broke my strange fit of paralysis, and I was able to regain some of my composure while Mrs. Alexander struggled her way through the role.

  "I've been thinking about the fact that I didn't really give you young people a chance to ask any questions that might have come up during the course of your work on our section regarding light. Now's your chance, please ask away. If I don't know the answer, I'm sure that together we can find an adequate explanation for whatever you might have come across."

  The class was quiet for several seconds, before a hand finally shot up. I could have predicted who it would be. Every class has at least one teacher's pet. Some of the kids end up that way because they have this bizarre thirst for knowledge, some go that route because they like to make everyone else look stupid. Sammy was in the latter group. She'd probably been saving a question about light since we'd started the unit. Just in case an opportunity presented itself to earn some brownie points.

  "Mrs. Alexander, I read something about water around reactor cores giving off a blue light. Can you explain how that works?"

  I'd expected something stupid, but glowing water made me think of the vivid dreams. I listened as intently as I'd ever listened to anything, and did my best to follow all of the diagrams as Mrs. Alexander attempted to break a college-level concept down into something fairly average high-school students could follow.

  "So, in short, really it's a matter of the hydrogen and oxygen atoms attempting to shed the excess energy they've gained from the radioactive particles emitted from the core. The energized electrons give off radiation in the visible light spectrum during the process of dropping down to a lower energy state."

  Hmm, an interesting concept, but still not an explanation for how the water in my dream had given off a soft golden glow, one that had rippled with the movement of the water. Almost before I'd realized it, my hand shot up.

  "Is the light always blue? Is it ever a whitish-gold color?"

  Mrs. Alexander looked slightly startled, like she'd never thought of such an idea, or maybe just that she hadn't been expecting a question from anyone other than Sammy.

  "Not that I'm aware of. The water will actually emit quite a bit of ultraviolet light, but for whatever reasons, the electrons don't ever seem to release any electromagnetic radiation down in the lower energy levels like infrared, or even the visible red. You'd need red and all of the other colors to generate a true white light."

  It was obvious we were on the wrong track here. "What about some other mechanism? One that wouldn't just make water glow with a dancing gold light, but plants too. Do you know of anything like that?"

  I heard something snap off to my right, but I was too busy blushing from the chorus of giggles coming from the front of the classroom. Even Mrs. Alexander had an amused smile on her kind face. "While there are certain types of vegetation that do indeed glow, I'm afraid I don't know of any natural phenomenon that would create the kind of effect you're referring to. Such a thing is still the provenance of science fiction writers."

  I knew I'd gotten a little carried away. The prime rule of high school survival involved avoiding situations people could use to ridicule you later, but I'd really wanted a rational explanation for my dreams. They seemed so real. I needed a friendly face to get me through the rest of class.

  Remembering Alec's smile from earlier, I looked over at him, hoping he'd return my sheepish grin. It was almost like he was a different person. The smile was gone. It'd been replaced with a steely mask that almost completely hid his emotions. Only the look in his eyes, and the mechanical pencil in his hand, neatly snapped into two pieces, told me he was mad, that something very much like hatred was washing through him.

  I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach. It shouldn't have mattered. I'd known he hated me pretty much ever since I'd met him. Somehow it did matter though. To have his friendship dangled out in front of me only to be yanked away a heartbeat later was somehow crueler than I'd ever guessed it would be.

  It all fit together though. Jasmin had told him I'd overheard her death threats, and he'd decided to use his good looks to convince me to keep quiet. Only he hadn't been able to keep the act up for more than just a few seconds. I must really repulse him.

  Physics was my own little personal hell for the next forty minutes. I absorbed absolutely nothing from the rest of the discussion about calculating mechanical advantage, and when we were finally released into our groups Alec and I didn't even look each other in the eyes. I gutted out the last five minutes by pretending I was completely absorbed in a reference book while Alec started running preliminary calculations.

  He was out of his seat and halfway to the door by the time I'd even realized the bell had rung to dismiss us.

  Spanish was both better and worse. Better because without Alec sitting six feet away from me I was able to think about something other than him, worse because we had a pop quiz and I barely placed in the A- range despite having spent a fair amount of time on my vocabulary. Math was plain and simply burning up too much time. Something needed to change because my only hope of going to college was to get a scholarship, or load up on student loans, and I had no desire to graduate sixty thousand dollars in debt and spend the next fifteen years trying to pay it all off.

  By the time I met up with Britney in the hall I was emotionally exhausted and could feel an attack hovering in the wings. Much as I'd have liked to, I couldn't continue to blow her off. She was my only friend, and I definitely didn't want her spreading the kind of rumors about me that she routinely spread about everyone else.

  "Wow, you look like crap. Are you going to collapse like you did last night?"

  "Thanks, Brit. You look ravishing too, and no, I'm not going to collapse. I just haven't been sleeping very well lately. I'm probably coming down with something."

  Britney shrugged with the supreme indifference of someone whose world exte
nded only a few feet beyond their immediate person. "Just don't get me sick if you do. Ashure Day isn't that far away."

  We were halfway to the tutoring lab, and the halls were nearly empty. Everyone was always in such a hurry to get out, to go home, or to a party. Anywhere but here. "Oh, speaking of boys, I saw Brandon between fifth and sixth period. I made sure he knew I'd get you home after tutoring. He's so gorgeous. I don't know how you're doing it, but whatever it is, don't stop. He's the surest ticket ever to the A-list."

  I wanted to throw up a little, but I managed to smile and hold the door open for her. If I made it through the next two hours without having an attack it would be a miniature miracle.

  Halfway through the walk to my normal table I looked up and saw Rachel smiling at me with almost the exact same innocent, convincing smile her brother had used on me just a couple of hours before. My insides simultaneously tensed up with hurt and relaxed in happiness. The best I could really have expected out of the experience would have been to stay on an even keel, but instead it was almost as if part of my frustration evaporated. I still wasn't ready to get up and sing any songs, but it was starting to at least look like I might manage to finish out the day.

  Especially surprising considering my current mental state, it only took me half an hour to finish up the two Algebra sections I'd assigned myself. Mrs. Campbell stopped by my desk a few seconds after I finished up. "We don't really need the extra help until later. Is it okay if you just start at the same time you did last night?"

  She accepted my nod at face value, but then paused in the act of turning away. "Is there anything wrong? You seemed awfully distracted in class today."

  My headshake wasn't very convincing. I'd known it wouldn't be, but couldn't manage anything more. It was a relief when she chose not to press for more information.

  By the time people started trickling out and my shift started, I'd spent plenty of time watching Britney pout, and very little time actually working on my homework. I think it was really starting to sink in that she wasn't going to be able to get out of continuing to spend most of her afternoons here.

  Albert, Mrs. Campbell, and the other tutor all waved goodbye as they left. One of the cheerleaders, a particularly whiny specimen named Jackie, wanted help, which I was happy to offer, even in my current state. Unfortunately she thought that meant I'd just hand over all the answers. We spent a good ten minutes with her trying to offer a variety of covert bribes ranging from the insignificant to things she couldn't possibly deliver. I kept telling her I wasn't interested and that she'd just have to do the work.

  Surprisingly enough, once she accepted that, she actually buckled down. It only took another ten minutes to explain the Pythagorean theory to her.

  By the time I stood up from Jackie's desk, there were only four of us left. Britney was staring sullenly at her book. I thought about going over and seeing if she needed any help, but after helping Jackie I was feeling pretty good.

  I turned and headed back to my desk, smiling at Rachel as I passed.

  "Adri, do you have a sec?"

  The deadly nickname. Apparently I'd only thought I was doing better. The good feeling I'd gotten from helping Jackie had just been the deceptive crust of ice hiding the sub-zero deathtrap below. My desk was too far away. I wanted to try and gut it out, but the emotional extremes from the day had been too draining.

  I slumped into the empty chair next to Rachel and tried to concentrate on my breathing. Maybe I could lessen its impact, somehow have a mini-attack that made my mind blank out, but left me enough control over my body to remain seated in the chair. Rachel grabbed my arm, disrupting my concentration. "Are you okay? What's going on?"

  She had a cell phone out, partially hidden by her desk. Part of me wondered why I'd never seen her with a phone before. Most girls walked around looking like they'd had some experimental surgery that created a two-way graft between their phone, their hand, and their ear. It didn't really matter though. Cell phone or not, the biggest part of me was already floating away to somewhere safe.

  "I'll call Alec; he'll know what to do." She was still whispering, but the words sheared through the darkness, arresting my fall. I didn't want him here, didn't want to give him another reason to despise me. What if Jasmin came with him? The thought of lying helpless with her in the same room sent shivers of cold sliding down me.

  I couldn't see, so I reached out, blindly trying to find the phone before Rachel could dial Alec. My questing hand finally found the tiny, hard-plastic package, and I grabbed on with all of my fading strength.

  The darkness was still beckoning, but alternating images of Jasmin and Alec flashed before my eyes. I was so confused that I couldn't make sense of the flood of emotions that accompanied the pictures, other than the fact that terror came to the forefront as they sped up.

  Faster and faster the two figures changed places, and then they disappeared. It was like my mind was a computer that'd overheated and had to reboot. I opened my eyes and met Rachel's worried gaze. My pulse was still elevated, and I was breathing too hard. It seemed impossible for Britney and Jackie not to hear and realize something was up, but a quick look verified that they were still lost in their respective inner worlds.

  "You just had another fainting spell, didn't you?"

  I felt my eyes go wide. Nobody here was supposed to know about that. The more people who knew, the more pity I'd see in everyone's eyes. All that pity would then make it hard to want to continue fighting, hard to want to do anything other than just curl up in my room so I could avoid them all.

  Rachel shook me gently, apparently not convinced I was mentally where I was supposed to be. "Britney's been telling people you collapsed yesterday after school. This makes twice in two days, and I know that yesterday wasn't the first time."

  The tired, dreamy remnants of my attack were suddenly burned away as I registered the meaning of what Rachel had just said. Vague suspicions that people had known about Jasmin's threats vanished, driven away by the truth that Britney had been gossiping about me just the way she gossiped about everyone else.

  Rachel grabbed my arm as I tensed up. "I don't know what you're going to do, but maybe you shouldn't get up yet."

  I looked over at Rachel's concerned face and opened my mouth to thank her for whispering, for keeping my secret, only the words didn't come out. Instead the image of Alec, the one that had burned itself onto my retinas a few seconds previously just as it had done in physics when I'd looked over to see his broken pencil, flared back into life before my eyes.

  "You knew there was another time. Alec told you about Physics."

  Rachel opened her mouth, probably to deny it, but the look in her eyes told me it was true. She couldn't possibly be that scared about me putting two and two together if he'd been saying nice things about me. He hated me, and she was scared of him, scared of what he'd do if he found out she'd let his secret slip.

  "It's not like that, Adri. It's..."

  I didn't even have to cut her off. She couldn't finish her own thought, couldn't come up with a lie that was believable. I shook my head and went back to my desk before my invulnerability wore off and she brought on another attack.

  I missed them both so badly. Dad had always been there to listen when I got into problems like this. He'd known how to deal with the world, how to work with circumstances so that what resulted was beneficial, or at least something I could live with. And Cindi. If she were still here this would all be a moot point. I hadn't ever needed any other friends while she was alive, hadn't ever had to really put myself out there where I could get dragged into the kind of stupid infighting I'd read about for so many years growing up.