From across the parking lot, Sean’s eyes met hers. He hadn’t even done a sweep of the place. It was almost like he knew exactly where she’d be.
She froze. She wanted to stand, but she didn’t trust her legs, so she kept sitting. Sean walked over, confidant, his long strides taking him right to her in no time at all.
Suddenly he was standing right there, a few inches away. He hesitated and she realized he was waiting for her to make the first move. She shuffled over to the far side of the bench and looked pointedly at the empty space. He took the hint and sat. The leather jacket creaked and creased with his movement. His jeans strained tight across his legs and- and other places, but she quickly averted her eyes and didn’t bring them back down to those spots.
Those sea green eyes of his met hers. He didn’t smile. He didn’t say anything at all. Her heart hammered in a frantic tempo that she couldn’t regulate or force back to a more normal pattern.
“I- uh- I didn’t think you were coming.” She swallowed hard and finally forced something out to break the awkward silence.
Sean didn’t break eye contact, which was a little unnerving. It was like he was trying to see right through her, inside of her, into the places she kept walled up and hidden away, places she kept safe from other people because they’d been wounded before.
“Sorry. I was trying hard to finish the bike. I wanted to bring it. I thought it was good to go, but it had an issue that I had to bring it back to the shop to fix up. It only took a few minutes, but it made me late. I thought maybe you would have left.”
“No, I would have sat here until I had to be home.” The painful heat of embarrassment spread as soon as she said the words. She closed her eyes and hoped that he would just disregard that statement. It made her sound so damn desperate. Or pathetic. Probably both.
“I- well, I’m glad.” Sean nodded. His eyes roved the park then, like he was looking for someone or something. Like he expected something to be there watching them. He finally shifted his attention back to her, obviously satisfied that there were no ghosts or villains hiding behind the trees.
“My dad says you moved to Miami from Detroit.” She wanted to wince again. Maybe asking about his past wasn’t the best way to try and get to know him. Was there a best way to get to know him, being that she shouldn’t even be there? Maybe cutting right to the point was the only way to get there at all.
Sean tensed. His shoulders moved back so far that the leather jacket actually protested the movement. “Yeah,” he finally said in a low voice. “I moved here from Detroit.”
Carrie searched his face for signs that he wasn’t telling her the truth, but she could see that he was sincere. Not that he had a reason to lie. Why did she think that for some reason he had a past he wanted to hide? Because I’m as bad as my dad, thinking that tattoos mean that someone isn’t trustworthy.
“I- I lived here all my life,” she volunteered. She figured if she talked about herself and opened up right away, it would make things easier. She usually found it worked that way. She had a designated set of information she was willing to share. Surface level shit she didn’t mind people knowing. “I mean, I did. I went away for college. I wanted to try something different, so I was living in Boston. I missed my dad a lot though. I came home for breaks and stuff. He paid for my tickets every single time. I was- I was in my second year when I found out I was pregnant. It was a surprise. I, I mean, as much of a surprise as it could be. The father- he didn’t want anything to do with the baby. I left school half way through. I was really sick and I couldn’t keep up with the classes. It also messed with my head a lot, having that stress and pressure. I had no idea what I was going to do. I was so worried about telling my dad. I thought he was going to kill me. Or maybe he’d disown me. At any rate, I knew he would be so ashamed.”
Sean sat there, hanging on every word. He leaned forward, face so intense it was a little surprising. It was like what she was saying actually mattered to him. Like he really cared, even though they were just strangers.
“But your dad wasn’t angry.”
“No, he wasn’t. It’s probably hard for you to imagine, given how he freaked out about your bike.”
Sean shrugged. “I don’t know the guy. People are different at work. A lot of people have this other side, this side that people see and there is often way more. The whole what they don’t want the rest of the world to know. Sometimes that’s bad. Sometimes it’s good. I’ve just learned that people are real hard to guess at.”
“He wasn’t mad. He was actually a little disappointed, but he understood that things happen. I was seeing a guy at the time and I thought it meant something. He knew I was careful and that it happened anyway. He immediately started me seeing a doctor and made sure I was eating right and taking care of myself. He told me everything would be fine and I believed him. Now I have this beautiful daughter who never sleeps and likes to scream most of the time, as you saw, but she adores her grandpa and he adores her. I know she’ll grow out of whatever phase this is. When she gets older. I hope.”
“That’s very brave, having a daughter on your own.”
Carrie actually laughed before she realized Sean was serious. She swallowed it down as the heat rose back into her cheeks. “Sorry. I just- I don’t think it’s brave. I’m scared as hell half the time. Being a mom doesn’t come with an instruction manual. I’m lucky I have my dad. He raised me by himself.”
“Really?” That seemed to catch Sean’s attention. He leaned forward even further. He folded his hands and tucked them onto his knees.
“Yeah. My mom took off when I was little. I don’t know what happened really. He doesn’t like to talk about it. Correction, he doesn’t like to talk about anything. He was raised by his grandparents for the most part. I just think my mom was young and she didn’t want a family. From what my dad said, she had some real mental health issues.”
“I’m sorry. That’s a real shitty hand to be dealt.”
“Not really. My dad gave me everything. He worked hard to make sure I had all the experiences he himself didn’t have a chance to have growing up. He’s the one who had some pretty shitty hands dealt to him and somehow he’s still the most caring and loving person that I know.”
“I honestly can say I wouldn’t have pegged your dad for it, but we all have our other side. Our secrets and our pasts that no one else knows about. Some are worse than others, but it doesn’t make a bad person. Usually it’s the opposite.”
Carrie paused. She had the distinct feeling that Sean was trying to tell her something. Or warn her. A chill traveled up her spine, but she shook herself. She was probably just imagining things, because a second later, he smiled at her softly.
“I know. No one would. My dad doesn’t show that stuff on the outside. He filters it all down and just gives me and Jennie the best of himself. He’s very closed off with everyone but us.”
“And he clearly hates bikes.”
“I guess so. I don’t know what that’s about. He was raised by his grandparents and I think they were pretty strict. He doesn’t have any tattoos. He’s a pretty straight laced guy. He never enforced those values on me, but he did have a set of rules I had to follow. Bath night when I was young, bed time, brush my teeth, comb my hair, keep my room clean. As a teenager I had a curfew and I knew that I wasn’t allowed to drink and smoke and he didn’t like me going to parties. I never really did that stuff anyway, not even in college. It just never appealed to me.”
“I can see that. You look like a good girl.”
“I’m not a good girl. I have a baby and I’m twenty-three and I’m alone.”
“Like you said, sometimes things just happen. That certainly doesn’t mean you’re not a good girl. Like you said, you were seeing the guy. You probably trusted him. I would say you’re actually one hell of a strong person.”
“I don’t know…”
“If I’ve learned anything over the years it’s that we’re not defined by the things we’ve done.
Not just that. We can have a shit pile of regrets and still want to make something of our lives.”
“Oh?” She pursed her lips thoughtfully. “And you know this from experience?” She didn’t want to come right out and demand to know what kind of a past he was talking about. The guy was heavily tattooed and liked to drive a bike. That of course didn’t mean anything, but he talked like he’d done things he didn’t want her to know about.
“Yes.” He nodded. “I do know it from experience.” His eyes shifted around the park again. It had long since grown dark.
“I guess I shouldn’t be sitting here talking about myself, blabbing on and on. I… I don’t even know why I’m here. I guess I needed a break.”
“A break?”
“From everything. Just a breather. A few hours out of the house. I haven’t had that since Jennie was born. I’ve been with her constantly.”
“So I’m a distraction.”
“No!” Her eyes flew back to his face, but she was relieved to see that he was clearly just poking fun at her. He wasn’t actually offended. She shifted and pulled her phone out of her tote bag. It was surprisingly late. “I’m going to have to go soon. I only had a few hours.”
“And I wasted some of that by being late.”
“I guess so…”
“What if I said I wanted to see you again?”
“I don’t… I don’t think that’s a good idea. This was supposed to be a onetime thing.”
“Oh right. The break.”
“Not just that. I… I couldn’t help myself. I never should have suggested sneaking out and meeting you. It’s not right.”
“Why did you?”
His eyes studied her intently and she felt the wicked heat of a blush creep up on her. She knew her face was probably a vibrant shade of red. “Because I couldn’t help myself.” She cursed herself again for being so brutally honest. She hadn’t had to lie to anyone for a long time and she was clearly out of practice. Sean’s eyes actually twinkled with amusement. She thought she detected the shadow of a smile. “Guys like you… you’re bad for me though.”
“How do you know that?” This time he didn’t bother to hide his smile. He grinned openly at her, like he found her hilarious.
“All guys are bad for me. At least, it seems that way.”
Sean shifted on the bench. He was so massive he took up most of it. He leaned in and she could go absolutely nowhere. She was trapped between him and the iron arm on her side of the bench. It pressed coldly into her leg. Her breath stopped again. The pulse at the side of her neck started a wild leaping motion as her heart kicked up a wicked pace.
“Can this guy, this guy who is so bad for you… can he kiss you?”
“I… why are you talking about yourself in third person?”
“Yes or no?”
“It’s not that simple!”
“Yes or no.”
She let out a harsh, raspy exhale. “Yes,” she breathed painfully.
She sat there, waiting, waiting for him to press into her a little more, bring their faces together, plant those gorgeous warm lips on hers. She wanted it so bad, worse than she’d ever wanted anything in her life. She’d imagined kissing him, on nights when she couldn’t sleep. She’d imagined his touch to the point she craved it. She’d driven herself mad with a thousand illicit thoughts. It all led her to the moment it might actually become real.
He pulled away. He actually put enough distance between them that he was no longer touching her, their sides grazing. His heat was gone and she felt painfully bereft at the absence. She nearly screamed in frustration and despair. What the hell is wrong with me?
“It’s probably best that you never see me again.”
“What?”
“I just wanted to know if you’d let me kiss you. I never said I’d actually do it. I know and you know that it’s for the best that we don’t keep this up.”
Carrie’s insides formed themselves into a painful mass of knots. She sat there and Sean sat there. Both of them stared at each other. Neither of them broke eye contact or said anything for a long time. For a very long time. The park was so silent the call of birds and the chirps of insects were audible over the occasional car that passed through the parking lot. Foot traffic and otherwise, there was little that disturbed the silence. It felt like it was just them, alone in the world.
She knew if she never saw him again it would break something that was already fragile and wounded inside of herself. She still knew nothing about him. Her dad still hated him. She had still snuck out and would have to do it again. He still drove a bike and had a past. They both knew it was wrong and that it couldn’t go anywhere.
“Meet me,” she demanded. “Tuesday night. Same place, same time.”
He didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”
And then he stood abruptly and walked away without looking back. She sat there frozen, watched as he threw on his helmet, settled himself on the bike, navigated it out of the parking spot and drove off down the parking lot. The roar of the bike faded long after he was out of sight. It was just like the way he’d come, only in reverse.
She sat there longer than she knew she should, body aching, lips pulsing, heart hammering, sweat starting to bead at her hairline, chills racing up and down her spine.
She’d never been so worked up by a kiss that didn’t happen.
Chapter 8
Butterfly Kisses
Sean
Even though he knew better, even though he knew that he shouldn’t go to the park again, he did. He made sure he was early and this time, it was him doing the sitting and waiting. He didn’t mind. The park was peaceful. It actually gave him a sense of solitude and eased the loneliness that was his constant companion.
He’d given himself every kind of pep-talk under the sun. He’d even promised himself he was going to stay away. Just that morning Sean was convinced he could do the right thing. He knew that if he had nothing to do with Carrie, she’d be safe. Sweet Carrie who was so open and pure and kind. Who had been hurt by men before. Who was guileless and innocent and everything that he wasn’t. He thought he’d made up his mind, but as the evening rolled around, he found himself jumping on his bike. Just to go for a ride. That’s all. He wound up at the park, on the bench all the same. Waiting.
Sean wanted to get up and leave. He tried to make himself desert that bench, get back on his bike and ride away, but he remained glued to the seat. When he saw Carrie approach, dark hair curled and hanging loose around her shoulders, a touch of makeup and a black maxi dress that made her look like a dark petite little fairy, he knew it was too late.
He stood before she could reach the bench. She froze in her tracks. Her dainty lips parted and her eyes swept to his face. The emotion smoldering just below the surface hit him right in the chest.
He wasn’t one for emotions. He never had been, because he never truly allowed himself to be. Running with the guys- emotions were just trouble. She made him want to change. She made him want to feel. She made him want everything he’d never truly experienced before. Even if it was wrong. Even if it was dangerous. He’d tried so hard not to be selfish, but he couldn’t let her go.
“Hey…” she blinked at him, those long dark lashes sweeping down to her alabaster cheek and fluttering back up.
Butterfly kisses. Lord, he wanted to feel those lashes on his own cheek as he pressed his face against hers. She’d be so soft, so soft and sweet everywhere. Stop. I have to tell her this has to stop. I have to try and make her understand.
“Do you want to go somewhere else? Somewhere we can really talk?”
She hedged. A glance around the park told him that she wasn’t exactly sure about him yet. She didn’t trust him, which was for the best. She had more good sense than she knew.
“I- where?”
“I know this place. It has a lookout. You hike up a couple minutes and you’re there. You can see the water from there.”
“It sounds nice, but I don’t think we have time.”
“Right. You’re right. I should have thought of that.”
“No- I- maybe we can still go. Maybe if we take your bike. We have two hours. I was able to leave the house a little earlier than I thought I could.”
“Alright.” He didn’t actually expect her to agree. Her easy faith in him shook him to the core. If only she knew that everything she saw before her was a lie.
“I don’t have a helmet for you.”
“Oh.” Her eyes swept the park again. “We could take my car. I could drive us.”
“Take your car and you can follow me. That way you won’t have to drop me off anywhere after. You can go right back home. It’s not far from here. A twenty-minute drive, maybe, if that.”
“Okay.”
He was trying to keep her safe. To give her an out. That way she wasn’t dependent on him. She could leave at any time. What a noble fucking knight I am.
He didn’t wait around for any more small talk. As he drove, leading the way like he’d said he would, he debated about trying to lose her in the city. What he should do was get lost for real. Pack up his bags and leave Miami. Spare Carrie any kind of attachment with him. She’d been left by some asshole once. Probably had her heart broken. He was going to hurt her. Whatever happened, that was an inevitability.
The ridge was really just a small hill that overlooked part of the water. It was Miami though. Half the city seemed to have some point or other that overlooked a body of water of some sort, man-made or otherwise.
He parked his bike on the side of the road and watched as Carrie parked her car. She got out and she was smiling. It hurt him in so many ways, that sweet, dazzling smile. The spark of life in her eyes. The way she blushed, almost imperceptibly, when she looked at him.
She drew close and he could smell her perfume. It was sweet and dainty. Roses. She smells like roses. He’d worn a pair of jeans again, because that was all he damn well owned. He could feel his cock responding, even as he tried to take in a breath that didn’t involve Carrie’s heady scent. He willed himself to keep it under control and he was half thankful when she turned and took the lead.
Hard and Dirty: Bad Boy MC Romance Page 4
