Listen

by Kris Bryant

  “Where did you go to school?” She shifted on the couch so that she was facing me.

  “Um, I went to Princeton,” I said.

  “How did you end up in Chicago?” She reached for her almost empty wineglass. I refilled it, and topped off my glass to make it fair. The first glass had relaxed me. Maybe the second glass would stop me from shaking at her nearness.

  “Word of mouth, actually. One of my instructors at the university was related to Jason Banks and recommended me for a position there. It’s really the only job I’ve had since graduating.” I leaned back and tried to relax. I wanted Hope to hold my hand again but I didn’t want to ask, and I certainly didn’t feel comfortable reaching out for hers.

  “I almost failed algebra,” Hope said. We both laughed. “I had the worst instructor ever. Even if I had an inkling of understanding it, he squelched my need for more.” Hope shook her head at her memory.

  “I love it so much, but there was no way I could ever be an instructor. I’m horrible in front of a crowd. I even have a problem just talking to one person.”

  Hope reached out for my hand. “You’re doing fine. I’m having a good time with you.” She looked at her watch and sat up. “Oh, my gosh. It’s so late. I really hate to do this, but I have to go. This is my hell week and I’m needing to get some sleep.” She pouted at me, indicating she didn’t want to leave.

  I didn’t want her to leave either, but I stood up and walked with her to the door. The quivers in my stomach fluttered up and down my body the closer we got to saying good-bye.

  She reached down for my hand again. “Thank you very much for tonight. The food was great, but the company even better.” She leaned forward and kissed me softly.

  I didn’t know if I was kissing her right, but I knew she liked it because she moved closer to me until our bodies touched. I felt the soft tip of her tongue stroke my lips, and I opened my mouth to kiss her back as decadently as she was kissing me. I moaned when I felt her body next to mine. I couldn’t help it. I felt her hands slide up my back to wind in my hair. She took complete control of me and I loved it.

  “Thanks for coming over. Let me know when you make it home safely,” I said. My insides churned with nervous energy, but my voice was calm as if Hope kissing me was as normal as breathing. She answered with a sweet smile. I almost reached out to touch her face, but I stopped myself. I didn’t know how to be romantic and I didn’t want to act on my impulses like a teenager, so I just stood there. She kissed me again and slipped quietly through the door. I closed it and leaned up against it.

  “We did it, Clio. Thanks for helping me.” I headed over to him, but he scampered off, knowing full well he was in for another swing around the room and clearly not wanting any part of it.

  Chapter Nine

  “So how was it?” Hope greeted me with a smile that almost made me crumple to the floor. It was flirty and sexy and made my knees weak. The last time I saw her, her body was pressed against me and her mouth was slowly seducing mine. I liked kissing Hope. A lot.

  “It was nice. I liked the people I worked with there. At least the ones I talked to,” I said. Hope stayed in my personal space, and even though I felt skittish, I didn’t back away. I wanted her next to me. It was just going to take time for me to get used to her closeness. We were alone in the foyer. She ran the pad of her thumb softly on my bottom lip and I stopped talking.

  “Can I kiss you?” she whispered.

  I nodded.

  She leaned into me, her right hand above my hip, her left hand cupping my cheek. It was a swift and sweet kiss, but it packed a punch that had me breathless.

  “I really like kissing you,” I said.

  “I really like kissing you, too.” She took a step back, ran her hand down my arm, and laced her fingers with mine. The chills quickly followed the path of her fingers and I shivered. She smiled. She clearly knew what her touch did to me. “Come on, I’m going to put you to work. We can put your things in my office.”

  I followed her up to the third floor and into her modest office. It held few personal items. She noticed my reaction.

  “Yeah, I know. I need to make it more inviting. I think you are the only person who has been in my office aside from the staff.”

  “You haven’t been here that long, though. It takes time.” I thought about my bare walls at home. Sometimes it takes years. Hope didn’t strike me as the kind of woman who would take that long, though. She wasn’t broken. She welcomed color and fun things.

  “I should make the effort, though. Anyway, what can I make you do?” She looked at me innocently, but winked.

  I blushed and nervously played with the collar of my blouse. “Ah, anything really. I can help set up chairs, decorate the hall, put food out,” I stammered. Her flirtatious manner threw me, but in a good way. I wanted her attention.

  “Let’s decorate. I can always use help.” She handed me a bag of various items I wasn’t sure what to do with.

  I looked down at my outfit. I should have brought a change of clothes with me. At least I was wearing slacks. My blouse was kind of tight, but not too restrictive. I wanted to look good for Hope, so I took my time getting ready and an even longer time freshening up before I arrived. B&T said good-bye to me, but I didn’t leave the building until twenty minutes later. I slinked out, hoping nobody would see me.

  I followed her down to the foyer where we hung paper streamers and tiny white lights encased in paper lanterns of all different colors. They added a welcoming flair to the entrance. I liked the blue ones the best and decided it was the perfect accent color for my living room.

  “I think we did a good job.” Hope stood back and admired our work.

  “Miss D’Marco. Can we practice a bit before tonight?” Tony walked in, clarinet in hand. His excitement was evident by the ear-to-ear smile and his small dance when she nodded at him.

  Hope turned to me. “I’m sorry. If you want, you can wait in the concert hall, or up in my office while we practice. Or just walk around and do whatever,” she said.

  “I can loiter, if you don’t mind.”

  “Loiter away,” she said and followed Tony into a room.

  I hung out in the foyer because I wasn’t sure what rooms were occupied and which ones weren’t. I wasn’t comfortable enough peeking in the windows either. I sat on a brown leather wingback chair and picked up this week’s Masters of Music magazine. I was completely out of the loop on the latest anything. I wasn’t sure who was still performing or who was the next best thing. I put the magazine back down.

  “Oh, Lily. Can you help me?” Agnes came over to me waving her cell phone. “I need your help. Can you please sit with Kylie for a minute while I take this call? It’s really important,” she whispered.

  I looked at her as fear coursed through my body. What did she need me to do? I automatically nodded and stood up. “What?” I was confused.

  She grabbed my hand and dragged me into one of the therapy rooms.

  “Just keep an eye on Kylie. She’s one of our music therapy students. I’ll be back in two minutes.” She disappeared, quietly closing the door on her way out.

  Kylie, a cute little girl who looked to be about eight or nine years old, sat next to a standard Yamaha upright that you could find at any music school. The piano wasn’t much to look at but produced a decent sound from what I remembered. I tentatively introduced myself to Kylie because I had no idea what else to do. She was so focused on the piano that my introduction did nothing to distract her. I walked over to the piano and stared at it, too. We both probably had different reasons for our infatuations.

  “Kylie, what do you like to hear?” I was sure her answer was “anything,” but I stared at the keys waiting for my internal battle to work itself out. I needed to do this for Kylie, but I really needed to do this for myself. I brushed my fingertips over the keys but didn’t press down. The smoothness of the keys made the corners of my mouth twitch in recognition. I didn’t know if it was happiness I felt, or reso
lution. I wanted to play. I wanted to create something. Kylie made a noise at me.

  “You want me to play?” I asked. She smiled, or maybe was always smiling and I just noticed. I took a deep breath and hit a key. The sound resonated around me, inside me, but didn’t break me. I hit a second key. Then I played a few notes. I felt my heart race inside my chest, chasing the demons out, and played an entire scale without even thinking about it.

  Kylie laughed.

  “Did you like that?” I asked. I wasn’t brave enough to sit on the bench, so I hunched over and played “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star” before I took a step back from the piano. I took a deep breath again and looked at Kylie. The smile on her face couldn’t have been any larger. Her reaction made me smile. For just a moment, it gave me peace.

  “Thank you so much for watching Kylie.” Agnes busted in the door, her voice breathless and rushed.

  “It was no problem.” I nervously tucked my hair behind my ear and excused myself.

  “You can stay if you want,” she said. I waved her off and headed for the door.

  Once it was safely shut behind me, I smiled. I did it. I didn’t let the fear of the piano get to me. And I made Kylie smile. She was genuinely happy about the quick, simple song I played, and so was I. It wasn’t anything profound, but it was life changing. I sat back in the wingback chair and waited for Hope. I wished I could share this momentous occasion with her, but she didn’t know my struggles. Only Dr. Monroe knew, and she was probably unavailable. I would email her later. I stood because I was too excited to sit, but had nowhere to go so I sat again. It was close to five and the concert began at six. Why did I show up so early? A vision of Hope popped into my head and I smiled. I was here because I wanted to impress a girl. I stood again when two people walked into the foyer.

  “Do you work here?” the woman asked. I panicked and shook my head at her. “Oh, I’m sorry. We are here to pick up our daughter Kylie.”

  My eyes lit up at her name. “She’s with Agnes in room B.” I pointed behind me.

  They nodded and sat on the couch. For fear of looking like a total freak, I sat back down and waited with them.

  “Do you have a child here?”

  I didn’t want to have a conversation, but I had to be polite for Hope’s sake. “No. I’m just here for the concert. I’m friends with Hope.” I nervously traced my finger along the small cracks in the arm of the leather chair, desperately wanting to avoid a conversation with Kylie’s parents.

  “Oh, Paul. We should stay for it. Kylie would love it,” she said. Paul grunted something noncommittal. His body language reminded me of every person who was dragged to my concerts and didn’t want to be there.

  “You know.” My voice squeaked. I cleared my throat and started again. “You know, I saw how excited Kylie was when Agnes played the piano. I think a concert would make her happy.” I felt tiny beads of sweat pop out on my temples. I was injecting myself where I didn’t belong. “And it would be so great for the kids to have a bigger audience.”

  “Settled. We’re staying.”

  I avoided eye contact with Paul.

  “What about dinner?” he asked.

  Again, I couldn’t help myself. “I know they are going to have snack-type foods out here in a bit. Plus, there’s a little diner only a few blocks from here that serves great comfort food.” My voice trailed off when I did look at Paul. He wasn’t impressed with my suggestion.

  “Oh, we didn’t have anything else planned. We can nibble for a bit and then leave the concert early if Kylie gets fussy,” she said. More like if Paul gets fussy, I thought. I smiled at her in approval. At least Kylie was going to hear more music.

  “Here we are.” Agnes pushed Kylie’s wheelchair through the door. Kylie’s smile lit her entire face, and by the time she reached us, we were all smiling along with her. “We really enjoyed today’s session.”

  “Did you have fun?” Kylie’s mom stood and leaned over to kiss her daughter.

  It was apparent that music had lifted Kylie’s spirits. I felt another shift inside. Tiny, but enough of one to make me notice. Or maybe it was a spark. Kylie looked right at me, and for a few seconds, I felt like I was responsible for her happiness. When I played before, it was for an entire audience and not for just one person. Kylie’s reaction was so precious, I was sure I could do it again. Maybe, just maybe, I could ease back into the piano one note at a time, one person at a time.

  Chapter Ten

  “Thank you all for showing up and your generous donations,” Hope said after applauding all of the children who bowed to their audience.

  I’d stayed the entire time. I was drenched in sweat and afraid to leave my seat, but I’d survived all of it. The hardest was when Hope played. I was on edge and trying hard not to mentally critique her. She only messed up once on that same damn transition as before. Our eyes briefly met when that happened. I saw her shoulders sag for just a moment when she realized she waited too long. I applauded a little harder when she and Tony were done because I knew she was beating herself up about it. I didn’t move from my chair until most of the people cleared out.

  “I know, I screwed up.” Hope sat in the chair in front of me and turned her body so she could face me.

  I reached out and put my hand on her forearm. “You were great. All the kids were wonderful. I’m glad I stayed the entire time.” I smiled encouragingly at her. Her smile back didn’t meet her eyes. “Seriously, you did a wonderful job. I’ve heard that piece a thousand times, and you still made my heart leap in my chest.” The emotional response to music was a universal understanding among musicians. The fact that I said it to somebody I was interested in only made me sound desperate. Hope didn’t know I was a musician. She thought I was a music aficionado. I had to backpedal to avoid sounding creepy. “I mean, you played it so well that I barely noticed your stutter.” I wasn’t going to pretend that I didn’t hear it because I didn’t want to lie to Hope, as hypocritical as that was.

  “You’re sweet to say that, but I get nervous with you in the room,” she said.

  I almost snorted. I shook my head at her. “You shouldn’t be. You are a wonderful teacher to these kids and you know music better than most instructors.” I looked down because I couldn’t look into her brown eyes any longer. She was intense. And very close to me.

  “Do you still want to have dinner? Go celebrate?”

  “What are we celebrating?”

  “We are celebrating the completion of your project, tonight’s successful concert, and maybe we could celebrate us, too,” she said.

  I really wanted a hot shower, an ice-cold water, and to plop down on my couch. There was so much stimulation in my day that I felt overwhelmed. “Would you be upset with me if I wanted to go home? Today was just…” I paused because I didn’t know how to tell her that it wasn’t her, it was everything else. “Today was a lot for me to take. It was all good, just a little much.”

  The smile slid off her face and she nodded. “I understand.”

  “Let me help you clean up,” I said and stood when she did.

  “No, it’s okay. It doesn’t take long to clean up. The eight of us can knock this out in no time. Let’s go get your stuff.”

  It was hard to keep up with her as she took the steps two at a time. I’d upset her and I didn’t know how to make it right. This was all so new to me. Relationship rules. I didn’t know them, only what I read about in books and saw in movies. She handed me my messenger bag and my purse. I reached out for them but stopped myself from taking them. I needed her to understand me, and if she was holding my stuff, she was less inclined to bolt.

  “Hope. Stop. Can I please say what I need to?” I asked.

  She took a deep breath and looked at me.

  “I enjoy spending time with you. I loved the concert. It was incredible to see the children get so into the music and play. A lot happened to me today. I’m not used to attention at all. I’m not used to being around a lot of people, and I’m just drained
.” I was trying hard to keep it together, but how do you explain that you’ve been an isolated freak almost your entire life? “I know I can’t explain my problems to you. They are mine and I need to deal with them. This is a big day for you, and you should go out and celebrate with everybody involved. I don’t want to bring you down. I just want you to know that I’m thinking about you and I want to get to a place where being around a lot of people for a long period of time doesn’t affect me as much as it does. It’s just going to take time.” I sniffed and blinked back my tears.

  Hope leaned forward so that she was in my space. I didn’t shrink back. “I’m sorry for being a baby about this. I just want to spend time with you. I know that this isn’t easy and I should be more understanding,” she said.

  I smiled sadly, took the bags from her, and turned to leave when I felt her fingers slip into mine. She gently pulled me back around. This time, she didn’t ask. Very slowly, she pressed her lips against mine. The tip of her tongue briefly touched my bottom lip as she softly sucked it into her mouth. I whimpered. She deepened the kiss and pressed her body into mine.

  I stood there, bags in both hands, and tried hard to kiss her back. I wanted more. I dropped my bags and wrapped my arms around her, holding her in place. I heard a moan and almost smiled victoriously when I realized the sound was coming from her. I was doing something right. She ran her hands up and down my sides, and I felt my nipples harden when her fingers accidentally barely brushed the side of my breast. I wanted her to touch me, but I knew this wasn’t the place for any of this.

  “If you want to come over tonight, that would be nice,” I said. Surprise registered in her eyes and I quickly explained myself. “I mean, this is nice, but not because of this. I just need to step away from everyone, but don’t leave your celebration early.”

  She put her forehead against mine and sighed.

  “Why don’t you go home and relax? Get away from all of this. I know it’s been a long day for you with your project ending and then having to sit here for several hours.”