You Make Me Weak

by E. L. Todd

  You Make Me Weak

  Book Thirteen Of The Forever and Ever Series

  E. L. Todd

  “Things we lose have a way of coming back to us, even if it’s not always in the way we expect.”

  J. K. Rowling

  Chapter One

  Thomas

  The company was hosting a charity gala at a renowned hotel in the city, and unfortunately, we were all required to go. I was as eager as the next guy to get involved with charity work, but I’d rather just make a donation and skip the dinner. I didn’t like most of the men I worked with, and there were other things I’d rather be doing.

  I knew Rome would be going as well, and I didn’t like that idea at all. She’d probably wear a gorgeous gown that highlighted every stunning feature. It’d be hard to walk around and ignore her, especially since I was the only person she actually liked at the company. I wouldn’t be able to hide in my office like usual.

  On Friday, I turned off the lights and left my office.

  “Are you ready for the gala?” Rome asked as she rose from her desk.

  “Well, I have my suit, if that’s what you mean,” I said with a chuckle.

  “I’ve never been to one of these. Is there anything I should know?”

  “Just smile and make an appearance in front of Mr. Norwalk, eat your dinner and have a glass of wine, and then slip out.”

  She chuckled lightly, and the sound was beautiful. “You don’t enjoy these things, I take it.”

  “Since I don’t like most of the men I work with, I can’t say that I do.”

  She nodded. “Do I need to make a donation?”

  “No,” I said immediately. “We’re expected to, but the assistants aren’t. There will be a silent auction though. Sometimes they have enticing items. There’s usually a trip for two to Hawaii.”

  “Hawaii?” she said. “I’ve never been.”

  My instinct was to invite her on a weekend getaway, but then I remembered I couldn’t. “It’s beautiful. You should make time to see it someday.”

  “I will,” she said.

  I stared at her and felt heat flush my body like usual. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Yeah.” She gave me a smile then pulled her purse over one shoulder. She seemed to be leaving too.

  Awkwardly, we walked out together. When we reached the sidewalk, I headed for the parking garage. Again, my instinct was to offer her a ride home, but I remembered what happened last time I did such a thing. I just nodded at her and walked into the garage, pretending she didn’t make my heart beat a million miles an hour just from flipping her hair over one shoulder.

  ***

  I wore a Hugo Boss suit with a black tie. I preferred to wear dark colors because my hair was dark and my skin was fair. My personal shopper took care of my clothing needs, and the outfits she chose for me were always dark. I took her advice and haven’t regretted it.

  While I dreaded attending the gala, I was excited to see Rome outside the office. She was interesting, intelligent, and of course, beautiful. I could stare at her for hours and not say a word. If only I could do that and not be caught.

  I took a cab because my car would be a pain to park, and it would be impossible to get past traffic. Walking would be much easier if I was forced to. Besides, I’d hate for someone to scratch my car. Someone dinged the door last year, and it cost me a small fortune to fix it.

  Once I arrived at the hotel, I handed over my invitation so I could be admitted. They even checked my ID to make sure the invitation was actually meant for me. Then I walked inside and saw the crowd. Women wore ball gowns, and every man looked the same in their dark suits. Waiters held their trays high above everyone’s head, and glasses of bubbly alcohol were snatch by passers-by.

  I hadn’t brought a date because I didn’t mix my personal life with work. Unless I was married, I’d never bring a woman along. Besides, my colleagues would look at her like a piece of meat. And if she was my wife, I’d have to kill them all and burn their eyes just for good measure.

  I mingled then located a few guys from work. They were stiff around me, obviously intimidated by my fierce protection of Rome. I was young, strong, and healthy. If I wanted to kick their ass, I easily could. You definitely didn’t want me as an enemy. We made small talk but stuck to work related topic, something they knew wouldn’t set me off.

  I made my way to my boss, Mr. Norwalk. I complimented the event and the wonderful decorations that his wife had picked out. She was on his arm the entire evening, and I wondered if she was really blind to all the affairs he had since I’d known them. Were women that gullible? Or did they not care as long as their husbands were rich? Either way, it didn’t settle with me right. If I ever married, I would never cheat on my wife. If I still wanted to play the field, I wouldn’t settle down at all. And if I did cheat on her, I’d want her to kick me in the balls instead of turning a blind eye.

  After I made my rounds, I grabbed a drink and stood near the bar. I preferred watching people force their smiles and pretending to have a good time. After the pain I’d been through, I was selective with the people I spent time with. I didn’t need a lot of friends to be happy. I cared more about quality than quantity.

  “Hugo Boss again?”

  I turned at the sound of the beautiful voice. “I admire his suits.”

  Rome wore a gray dress that highlighted her green eyes and dark hair. It was long and tight, showing every endless curve. She didn’t wear her reading glasses, and her face was clear to view. Her full lips were red, and her eyelashes stood up from her mascara. She was already beautiful, but tonight, she was exceptional. “You look beautiful.” I stared at her openly, hoping the compliment wouldn’t be taken the wrong way.

  “Thank you. You look very handsome yourself.”

  “Thanks.” I sipped my scotch. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No, thank you. I already took a shot before I came to kill the nerves.”

  I smiled. “Good idea.” I was pleased she came alone and didn’t bring a date. I assumed she didn’t have a boyfriend, but she could easily land a guy to bring along if she wanted to. She didn’t mind going places alone, and I admired that. Most women needed someone beside them otherwise they were too scared to go anywhere. Rome wasn’t like that.

  “So, how long is this gala?” she asked.

  “A few hours,” I said with a sigh.

  “Well, at least it’s an open bar and for a good cause.”

  “Yes,” I agreed.

  She came closer to me and looked around. “There are a lot of people here…”

  “Mr. Norwalk knows everyone in the city, especially all the rich people. He may be boring, but he sure knows how to throw a party.”

  “I’ll say,” she said with a smile.

  I watched her face for a moment, unable to stop.

  She stared back, maintaining her confidence. “Did you bring anyone?”

  Judging by the tone of her voice, she already knew the answer. “No.”

  “I’m surprised someone so sweet and handsome doesn’t have a girlfriend…”

  I drank my scotch then looked away.

  “Is there a reason why?” she asked.

  I turned back to her. “I’m just not looking for anything serious.”

  “Then what are you looking for?” She spoke casually, like we were discussing the weather.

  “I’m not sure, actually. I just like to live in the moment.”

  She stared into my eyes and didn’t look away. “Shayla seemed pretty desperate to talk to you when she called.”

  I hadn’t spoken to Shayla in months. Honestly, after she left my apartment, I hadn’t thought about her once. “We had a short-lived romance. She didn’t seem to want it to end.�
��

  “Why did you end it?” She seemed curious.

  “I didn’t want anything serious with her. When we first met, I told her that. I guess she hoped I would change my mind down the road…which I didn’t.”

  “So, are you playing the field?”

  “You sure seem interested in my personal life,” I noted.

  For the first time, she blushed. “I apologize. I’m being rude.” She looked away, her confidence gone.

  “No, it’s okay,” I said immediately. “I just thought it was interesting…” The more I spoke to her, the more I thought she wanted something with me. What? I didn’t know. Did she want to know if I was looking for a wife? Or did she want to know if I was looking for a fling? “To answer your question, yes, I enjoy playing the field. I’m not against marriage but I don’t plan to marry.”

  “Ever?” she asked.

  “Maybe one day, when I’m older and more mature.”

  She smirked slightly. “You’re one of the most mature men I know.”

  I laughed. “No, I’m totally clueless just like every other man on the planet.”

  “I don’t believe that,” she said seriously. “Ever since we met, you’ve treated me with respect and understood I was uncomfortable with the atmosphere at work. I never had to tell you. You took care of it and looked after me. Anyone who takes care of someone else is never immature.”

  I drank from my glass and looked away again. “What about you?”

  “What about me?” she asked.

  “Do you want to get married?”

  “No.” She said it simply and without emotion. “I don’t believe in marriage.”

  That was the last thing I expected her to say. It caught me off guard. “Really?”

  She nodded. “It’s a legal way to bind you to another person. And when you try to get away, you can’t. It forces you to feel obligated to another person even if the love has died. It creates stressful and dangerous situations.”

  We both didn’t want to get married but we had very different reasons why. I just didn’t want to settle down and commit to a girl. Also, I’d never met anyone I’d want to spend forever with. If I ever did, it might change my mind. But I never thought about it in that way. Legal obligation was a huge factor in the marriages of my colleagues. Most men knew they would lose half of their assets in a divorce, so they stayed married and carried on with affairs. Even if they weren’t happy, they would still stick around. Maybe she had a point. “That’s an interesting way of looking at it.”

  “Marriage was established by civilization a long time ago. It’s not an absolute truth. You don’t have to be married to be happy. Whenever people are single, they’re labeled as loveless and sad. In reality, people who stay single longer tend to have the most joy and the least amount of stress.”

  The one thing that irritated me about Rome was how interesting she was. I could talk to her forever and never grow tired of it. She was analytical and observant. She was far too intelligent to be a secretary. “Why do you work as an assistant?” I blurted.

  “I need money,” she said simply. “And it comes with benefits. A lot of places don’t offer that.”

  “But you’re too smart to be a secretary.”

  She didn’t agree or deny it.

  “Did you ever go to college?”

  “I did for a semester,” she said. “Then I dropped out.”

  “Why?” I asked.

  “Health reasons…”

  I didn’t ask what her illness was specifically. That was none of my business. And if she wanted me to know, she would have told me. “You never went back?”

  “It became too difficult and I needed money. I started working instead.”

  “What did you want to study?”

  “Liberal arts,” she said. “I wanted to be a kindergarten teacher.”

  “Any reason why?”

  “I love kids.”

  She didn’t want to get married, so how would she have kids someday? By herself? On a teacher’s salary? That sounded impossible. “Teaching is a noble job.”

  “It is,” she said. “Ever since I was little, that’s what I wanted to do.”

  “It’s not too late,” I said. “You’re very young.”

  “Not really,” she said. “I’m twenty-two. Most people who graduate from college are that age…”

  “Learning has no age limit. You could always take night classes and slowly get your degree. It would take longer, of course, but it could happen with perseverance and hard work.”

  “Money is more of the issue,” she said honestly.

  I almost offered to pay her tuition, but I knew that could be taken offensively. It might seem like I’m showing off. I kept my mouth shut even though I didn’t want to. “Education can be expensive. Actually, it’s never been as costly as it is now.”

  “I know…we live in hard times.”

  Now I felt like an asshole. I was rich and had everything I wanted. All she wanted was to be a teacher and she couldn’t. It was a waste of potential and spirit. It reminded me I should be grateful for what I had. No one helped me get here, but I never had to worry about my health. It was a blessing I took for granted.

  “We should sit down,” she said. “Dinner will be served soon.”

  “Yeah…”

  We sat side-by-side at a table in the rear.

  She looked at me, her eyes bright from the reflection of the chandeliers. “Do you mind if I hang out with you tonight?”

  “Not at all,” I said. “You’re wonderful company.”

  “As are you.”

  I gave her a smile and felt my body tense at the same time. Being around her was tortuous. There were times when I wanted to grab her hand and hold it in mine. I’d thought of kissing her more times than I could count. I wasn’t just physically attracted to her, but emotionally as well. Since that never happened before, it scared me. Sometimes I wondered if she meant a lot more than I would admit to myself.

  She tucked her hair behind her ear and revealed her beautiful neck. She had flawless skin. It was fair like a cold morning, but not a single blemish touched her skin. I wanted to run kisses across it, tasting her while her legs wrapped around my waist. Her mouth pressed to my ear and quiet moans escaping her lips. She wanted me the way I wanted her. She wanted me because I was special, because I could take care of her and fix all her problems. She wanted me because she respected me; saw me as someone who could keep her safe. She said that to me once, that I was one of the few people that made her feel comfortable in her own skin. Did she feel this connection too? Or was it just me?

  “So, do you have one-night stands or relationships with women?”

  Her question brought me back to earth. A few people were seated at our table, but she kept her voice low so only I could hear her words. “I have short-lived relationships,” I explained. “We usually spend the weekend together in a tropical place. When we return, we go our separate ways.” We never talked about our personal lives so openly before.

  “Is there a reason why?”

  “I don’t like one-night stands because they’re awkward. You need to have some sort of connection with the other person to make it enjoyable. And you usually need to do it a few times before you understand what your partner likes and dislikes.”

  “Why not real relationships?” she asked.

  “They are impossible.”

  “Why?” she pressed. She crossed her legs, and her toned thigh was revealed. Her legs were beautiful, elegant.

  I tried not to stare. “Women only want me for my money, looks, and power. Just like everyone else in my life, they don’t care about who I am on the inside. I will never find anyone who truly cares for the person underneath. So I don’t bother.”

  Her eyes fell in sadness. “Why do you think that, Thomas? You’re a beautiful person…”

  Her words moved me in ways I could never articulate. “But they don’t see that until later. And frankly, they don’t care. They don’t care abo
ut my opinions or beliefs. They just care about the car I drive, the cost of my suit, and the lifestyle I could give them if I were stupid enough to marry them.”

  She shook her head. “Forgive me, but I think you’re wrong. I know women want you for more than just those things.”

  “Not all women are like you, Rome.” I wasn’t sure what I was implying when I said that, but since I already blurted it out, it was done.

  “A lot more than you think. You know what women really want? And I mean, all women?”

  I held her gaze, interested in what she would say.

  “All we want is for a man to love us so fiercely, to be so infatuated with us, that nothing else matters to him. That we are loved, and there’s never a doubt that he might change his mind and take that love away. We just want to feel safe, to have a partner that can protect us, and to return that love with the same intensity. It has nothing to do with money or cars. That’s what it all comes down to.”

  “Really?” I asked.

  “Of course.”

  “Or is that just what you want?”

  She took a moment to think. “It is what I want. But I think it’s what all women want too.”

  I wanted to give that to her and I wasn’t sure why. When it came to Rome, I wanted to fix all her problems and make her happy. Her woes were my woes. I cared about people in general, but with her, my sense of protection had new heights. “Have you ever been loved that way?” It was an inappropriate question but I asked anyway.

  “No.” She held my gaze as she said it.

  I found that hard to believe. Any sane man would want her for the rest of his life. They would kiss the ground she walked on just to see her glance their way. They would do anything just to get her to stay.

  I was starting to think I was one of them.

  “Have you ever loved someone before?” she asked.

  “No.” Not even close. “Have you?”

  “No.”

  She and I sounded like the same person.

  Dinner was served and our conversation was interrupted. We ate together silently, ignoring the other people seated at our table. Then the host of the evening stood up and announced the winners of the silent auction along with all the money that was raised. Everyone applauded.