Beck

by Toye Lawson Brown

  When I gathered the strength to look at them, I realized this wasn’t a dream. That body and the expressions of pleasure were a trademark of Eddie’s.

  The woman’s head was thrown back as she cried out, “Fuck me harder!”

  His big hands gripped her hips so tight that red streaks were left on her skin as he rammed into her. The gold bracelet around his wrist gleamed against his dark skin. The bracelet that I’d given him for Christmas. Last Christmas.

  “Fuck me, Eddie! Oh! I’m coming. Oh, baby, I love you!”

  His body trembled, his jaw clenched, sweat pouring down his face. His lips were tight when he said, “I love you too, girl. Damn, your pussy is mine. Do you hear me? Mine!”

  Unable to control my emotions. I alerted them to my presence. “You sonofabitch!” My voice barreled through the small bedroom. Their heads snapped up.

  Eddie’s eyes locked with mine. “Abbie.” He stopped moving, staring at me with lust-filled eyes. “What the hell are you doing here?” He grabbed the blanket on the bed and covered himself, hastily pushing the woman down on the bed.

  “You can’t fucking explain this!” I said as tears begin to flood my vision. “You… you… piece of shit!” My limbs tingled, and my breathing was so shallow that I thought I’d pass out.

  Everything around me was spinning. I heard my heart thumping rapidly in my ears. I stayed focused on the two people in front of me. If I had a gun, I’d kill them both; that was how hurt and angry I was.

  How long had this been going on? It was clear to me now that the text he’d sent earlier was not meant for me but for the woman whose big ass was in the air while he fucked her from behind. The woman who seemed very satisfied with my man’s lovemaking. The woman also looked at me with hate in her eyes.

  “Eddie, who is this woman?” The full-figured woman sat up, covering her big breasts with the sheet. Sheets I had bought, by the way. Her hair was dyed blonde—she wasn’t natural; the dark roots were a dead giveaway.

  I just glared at her, wanting her to make a move for me. The itch for a fight hyped the anger in me. I wanted to beat both their asses.

  Eddie got off the bed, making sure to keep the blanket secured around his waist. Which was good; I didn’t need to see his sex dripping with her essence.

  His dark skin glistened with sweat. His pecs flexed as he reached for me. “Baby, let me explain.”

  “Baby? I am far from being your baby.” I put my hands on my hips. “Nothing you can say will fix this. Nothing.”

  “This is not all my fault, Abbie. First, it was the long-distance shit, and now the hours you work. None of that was working for me. Remember, you left me.”

  “I left to go to school, Eddie. I’ve been back how long? And I didn’t leave you. Last I knew, we were working on taking our relationship to the next level.”

  “I never agreed to any of that, Abbie.”

  The tears wanted to fall, but I wouldn’t allow it. “I guess like you didn’t agree to sleep with anyone else.” I took a breath to calm my nerves and stop my tongue from flapping a mile a minute. “Like I said, you can’t explain this away.”

  He remained steady as steel. “I’ve been unhappy for a while.” He sighed, running his hands over his bare chest. “Flying to New York every weekend was out of the question. My pockets aren’t deep like yours.”

  “Why are you harping on old shit, Eddie—we’re in the same state now, asshole.”

  “I’m just saying.”

  I was shaking with anger “Fuck you! I guess you were too busy to be with me but had plenty of time to hook up with that weathered-down trick.”

  The woman frowned and attempted to move from the bed; Eddie put a hand on her shoulder. “Stop it, Abbie. You don’t know her and have no right to call her names.” His tone turned spiteful. “In fact, you shouldn’t even be here.”

  The fucker was protecting her. Was he serious right now? I could kill him.

  My stomach was in knots as I nodded. “You’re right, I don’t know her. But if she knew about me, then my assumption of her stands.”

  He shook his head. “She didn’t know about you. I didn’t feel I needed to bring you up, since our relationship was up in the air.”

  “Wow, how convenient to play the stupid man game. You could have picked up your phone, sent me an email or a text, and said, ‘Hey, this isn’t working, Abbie. I’m calling it off.’ Instead, you chose to sleep around behind my back!” I shouted, but my words didn’t seem to penetrate his skull.

  He stood there, completely apathetic. “That was all it would take? You would’ve walked away, no questions asked?” He scoffed. “That’s not you. I tried to end it when you left, and how did that work out? Not that I set out to hurt you, but now you got the message.”

  I stepped back, shaken by his words. And then it sank in: he had no intentions of easing the situation. He wanted to further damage my broken heart, justify his infidelity; make it my fault.

  His voice was empty and cold as the words tumbled out of his mouth. “What we have wasn’t enough, Abbie. It’s better this way. Your job is demanding. I need a woman who puts me first.”

  “The famous words of cheaters,” I said. “You’re a fucking coward. You kept me in the dark in case this love tryst didn’t last.”

  His eyes were cold and devoid of any love that he once held for me—if he ever felt any love for me.

  It took every ounce of energy in me not to slap his smug ass. “I don’t deserve this!” I screamed in his face.

  He shrugged nonchalantly. “I wanted and needed more. Sasha’s my woman and takes care of all my needs. I love her,” he said, utterly uncaring that he’d ripped my heart out of my chest without the benefit of anesthesia.

  How I wished we were alone and not doing this in front of her. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me! I would never do anything so degrading to you.”

  He stepped back, turning his hard stare to the door. “C’mon, Abbie; it’s been over for a while. Don’t act like you didn’t know this was coming. And honestly, I didn’t want you to find out this way.”

  “Finally, we agree on something.” I glared as moisture returned to my eyes, threatening to spill over. Not today, Satan. I pushed the tears back and let the fury burning within me take their place.

  The tension rolled off his shoulders as he shifted and then snapped, “I wanted to talk to you weeks ago, but you didn’t have time. I called you at work—you couldn’t talk, remember? You never have fucking time for me! Blame all this on you, sweetheart.”

  He had tried to talk to me last week, but I had a lot going on with work. We hadn’t connected after that—until now.

  My eyes narrowed. “That may be true, but the difference between you and me is I would’ve had the guts to tell you to your face if I was sleeping with someone else. You wouldn’t have caught me fucking another man. But this would’ve never happened if you had checked to make sure your text message went to the right person.”

  His eyes briefly showed surprise before going cold again. Yeah, now he knew why I was here, and it could have been avoided with a simple check of his phone.

  Without another word, he walked to the door and stood by it—his way of dismissing me. The conversation was over. Our years, and any happily-ever-after, shattered forever. I was an educated woman, but suddenly felt like the stupidest person in the world.

  When I looked at the skank sprawled on the bed, the smug smile on her face said it all—she had won. Eddie was her man, they were happy and apparently in love.

  I refused to let that bitch see me walk out of that funky-ass bedroom defeated. My head would stay held high; my dignity intact.

  As I walked through the living room and out the front door, I felt something sharp in my palm. It was Eddie’s key.

  I dropped the key on the ground, stepping on it as I walked down the driveway and to the car parked by the curb.

  Heartbroken, I refused to shed one tear—not here, at least. My chest ached, my eyes bu
rning from the tears waiting to fall. What just happened couldn’t be real. I gasped for air, trying to fill my suffocating lungs. Beck was out of the car and holding the door open for me to slide inside.

  He stopped me from getting inside when he saw the despair written over me in bold letters. The tears that prickled and burned at the back of my eyes spilled. I couldn’t hold them back.

  “Abbie, what happened?” He looked to the house and then back to me. “Abbie, talk to me. Did he hurt you?”

  I stood stoic, unable to move my lips. I was numb all over. Beck’s deep voice barely registered in my ears.

  His eyes narrowed as he began to walk toward the home I had once made myself comfortable in. I reached for him, catching his elbow. “Don’t, Beck,” I finally muttered.

  “I need to know if he physically put his hands on you before I kick his ass.”

  I knew I had to quell the situation before it got out of hand. I didn’t need him fighting my battles.

  “He didn’t hit me.” There was a long pause before I could let myself say it. “I caught him and another woman having sex.”

  “Shit, Abbie.” Beck held me close to his chest. “It’s going to be okay,” he murmured quietly in my ear.

  I had nothing left to hold me together as I crumbled in complete devastation against his hard chest. With the pain I felt, it would never be okay again.

  Chapter Seven

  Beck

  It was early, barely dawn, and Abbie was up already. I assumed she hadn’t slept much, and she had work this morning. On the ride home, I hadn’t encouraged her to talk and gave her the space she needed to deal with what happened.

  What that asshole had done to her was uncalled for. I might not know either of them, but to hurt her like that was a cowardly move on Eddie’s part.

  Joanie might have slept with her asshole while with me, but at least I hadn’t walked in on them. I probably would’ve snapped and killed him.

  Seated at the kitchen island, I watched Abbie relax on a float in the pool. She looked so sad and beaten. If she needed to talk, I was here for her. But the guidelines said I was not to get involved in the client’s personal life.

  Last night, I’d heard her on the phone talking to someone, probably her mother or a girlfriend. Maybe she got most of the burden off her chest with them. The little comfort I had afforded her was the best I could do in my situation.

  Hell, my own heart had a hole in it the size of Texas. Holding her in my arms while she cried gave me comfort too. I hadn’t cried, and I would not cry because of my pride. But men were wired differently. Abbie had to cry it out.

  I slid off the stool, wandered out to the deck, and sat in a chair. The morning birds had started with their loud chirps. The sun wasn’t up yet, but the babies were hungry.

  It wouldn’t be long before I had to put on a suit and tie and sweat to death. It was going to be a hot day. Abbie had a segment to do at a bakery this morning. But she hadn’t made a move to do anything but sit in the dark, in the pool.

  Her fingers dredged the water, making ripples. Her head was back, her eyes closed. They were probably puffy and red from crying. What caught my attention was the black-and-white polka-dot bikini that gave me a view of too much of her skin. With the water illuminated by the pool lights, I could make out her shape.

  Going in, I knew this job wouldn’t allow me much of a life. At that time, I didn’t want one. Staying focused on my work was my therapy. Talking with Joanie had helped relieve some of the anger, but not all of it, since she’d hung up on me. That door was closed, and I couldn’t open it again.

  I could identify with Abbie and all the raw emotions tearing at her. The blame, followed by hate, and, last, the rage to hurt him. I knew that too well. Her ability to function on an average level was shaky. She would march through, restraining her frustrations. She would have to answer questions when people asked why she wasn’t with the one she loved anymore.

  I’d bet my life that all those scenarios were running through her head, and the reason she’d put distance between us. She need not worry about any of those questions coming from me. I knew she would need space and quiet to work through it.

  In time, another man would draw her attention, and that asshole Eddie would be forgotten. She would even come to laugh about it and wonder what she’d ever seen in him.

  For me, it wouldn’t be that easy. I’d have too much to explain. Too many fingers pointing at me, judging me before knowing who I was as a person.

  Life was fucking cruel at times. For now, I wouldn’t do one-night stands, which I had ceased once college was behind me. I could do friends with benefits, though. That would work, since neither of us would be looking for a permanent situation, and would only see each other to fill that specific need. No dates, meeting the family, or any of that bullshit. And no possibility to fall in love.

  A small smile curled my lips at that thought. If I could find a fuck buddy, I could regain some balance in my life.

  The water splashed, drawing my attention back to Abbie. She had slipped off the rubber raft and swum through the water, reaching the edge of the pool. As she lifted her wet legs to walk up the pool ladder, my dick shifted.

  The water dripping off her brown skin was sexy as hell. She had a body worth showing off. Her breasts were the perfect size to palm, her ass round and firm. Don’t get me started on those legs and what lay between them.

  I adjusted my cock from against the zipper of my pants to a comfortable position. Abbie grabbed a polka-dot sarong from a chair and wrapped it around her waist before slipping her feet into flip-flops. Her hair was piled on top of her head, exposing a long sleek neck.

  What was wrong with me? I had a specific type of woman that attracted me. I didn’t have anything against women of color, but I didn’t grow up with many in my neighborhood. At the police academy, the majority of black people I hung with were men. I got along with everyone. I was raised to treat people like I wanted to be treated.

  Women, however, were a different story. I was drawn to blonde or brunette women with long hair, and blue or green eyes were a must. If having a preference made me anything but honest about what I wanted, then that was on them. I didn’t feel it necessary to explain a damn thing.

  But for some reason, my dick had a mind of its own. Was I so pressed I’d go outside my preference to get laid? Maybe, but not with a client. And not with a woman burned by her boyfriend.

  Abbie strolled up to the table. “I’m going to change for work. I have to be there in two hours.”

  The scent of coconut drifted from her body. Probably from the lotion or oils she used.

  I nodded. “Okay. I’ll be ready.”

  *****

  The aroma from the baked goods caressed my nose deliciously. It reminded me of home and my grandmother baking for the holidays. Trays of donuts, cookies, and pastries were waiting to be purchased by hungry customers in a long line that reached down the block. Word had gotten out that Channel 7 was live in the bakery, doing the morning segment.

  My stomach growled. I had not eaten today. Abbie spoke to the cameraman and then with the owners of the bakery, but I stayed out of the way.

  I sat at a table near a window, blending in with the customers who packed the tiny bakery. The temptation was too much, and I accepted the donut and coffee the owner’s assistant offered me.

  She was cute, with short blonde hair and bright aqua-green eyes. It was apparent she was flirting with me. And I probably would’ve teased back, had I not been on the clock. But I kept it professional, thanked her for the food, and gratefully ate it.

  I bit into the chocolate-covered treat, only to be surprised it didn’t taste as good as it looked. Even the coffee was bitter. I finished both because of hunger, and I didn’t want to appear rude.

  “All done?”

  It was the perky assistant reaching for the dainty little dessert saucer and the coffee mug.

  “Yes. Thank you.”

  “My pleasure. Did y
ou enjoy the donut?”

  I could still taste the greasy cream of the chocolate in my mouth. “It was great and hit the spot,” I replied, and patted my stomach.

  Her smile was bright and lit up her eyes. “Wonderful. Are you a reporter at Channel 7?”

  “No. I’m not affiliated with the show. I help Ms. Parker get around town.”

  “Oh.” She scanned my hands. Yeah, she was looking for a wedding band. “Would you be interested in having dinner with me tonight?” Her voice trailed off so the other customers wouldn’t hear her.

  I wanted to accept. This cutie could be the buddy I needed, but I couldn’t. The look in her eyes said her heart was looking for more. I couldn’t give her more. “I’m sorry, but I’m working tonight.”

  “Can we do it another time?”

  “My schedule is wacky, and I have no idea when I’ll have a day off. But I am flattered that you asked.”

  She took my hand and slipped a card in my palm. “I appreciate the honesty. Call me when you’re free. I have to get back to my customers.”

  I watched her walk behind the counter to help with the customers. I forgot to add that I loved determined and strong women too.

  It wasn’t long before Abbie came from the back of the bakery with the owner. She was a different person from earlier. The woman had morphed into business mode. She was dressed in a light grey summer suit with a crisp white blouse, her legs bare, and she wore open-toed black pumps. Her black hair hung in curls around her shoulders. No one would’ve known what had happened to her less than twenty-four hours ago.

  She interacted with the customers, talking to the viewers through the camera without missing a beat. Her voice was articulate, her posture poised and professional.

  After the segment ended, Abbie shook hands with customers and signed autographs. She even took selfies with the kids. I only knew what was wrong because the smile on Abbie’s face didn’t reach her eyes. It was drawn on for the public, and she was pushing through.

  She walked over to me. “I’m done here. I have to go to the station to finish my day, then we can go home,” she said. She hoisted the strap of her black leather bag on her shoulder.