Lily held her smile until Thalia left her alone, and then regret washed over her. Through the window, she could see Jake and Mikayla laughing on the corner of the lanai, her hand on his arm. Her heart ached as she thought of how rarely Jake laughed with her. And when he did, they usually wound up fighting anyway.
She stepped back and sat on the bed, hating how jealousy consumed her. She couldn’t live like this; she’d surely go mad. She wanted to run, but pride had her wondering if it might not feel better to take him from one of his mistresses for once, rather than fading into the background the way she had for the others.
“Are you tired, angel?” Jake came into the room, rolling her bag behind him.
She didn’t reply, still toying with what her next move would be.
“What do you think of my grandmother?”
“She is definitely your greatest asset.” Lily turned one knee on the bed so she faced Jake.
“For now.” He joined her on the bed, his leg brushing hers.
“Did you get what you needed from Mikayla?”
His eyes narrowed. “It wasn’t the best news, but it’s what I expected. Do you want a detailed report?”
She shook her head, hating to think of what he might say.
“Good, because there is something I need to do.”
She expected him to get up, but instead, he leaned forward and surprised her with a chaste kiss. He pulled back with a smile, but she wasn’t ready to lose his attention yet. Placing her hands on either side of his face, she pulled him to her. She tasted his lips, smiling as he opened for her and slipped his hands around her waist. She leaned into the kiss, deepening it as she drifted her hands down his body to rest her palms over his racing heart.
“There you are, Jake.”
They broke apart to see Mikayla standing in the open door. Lily kept her hands where they were, not wanting to cower the way she had when Dee had broken in on them.
“Do you want me to take your bags to the bungalow?” Mikayla asked as if she hadn’t just interrupted.
“I’ll take care of anything he needs, thanks,” Lily said, plastering on her best debutante smile.
“Okay. Jake, if you need anything else, you just let me know.” The woman wiggled her fingers in a wave before she finally left.
“If you weren’t so damned sexy when you’re jealous, I might tell you to knock it off.” He tried to kiss her again, but Lily stood up and crossed the room to close the door.
“You don’t stay in the house?”
He shook his head. “I designed a bungalow a few years back. Want to see it?”
“Did you build it so you’d have more privacy? You have a woman everywhere you go, don’t you?”
The cold veneer washed over him once more, and he sighed. “You should write books instead of reading them. You have an amazing imagination. I’m not going to be rude to Mikayla just to make you happy. I trust her with my grandmother, and I don’t do that lightly.”
“You talked me into coming and into wearing your ring so your grandmother and I could have a better Christmas. If I catch you with Mikayla, I’ll tell Thalia everything. Absolutely everything. Won’t she be proud of you then?”
Jake stood and walked past her, not even pausing as he walked through the door and out of the house.
Chapter Twelve
Dinner was short and terse. Thalia might be frail, but she wasn’t stupid, and Jake knew she sensed the tension. They both knew Mikayla liked him more than she should, they’d even talked about it before, but it was Lily’s taut reaction whenever Mikayla tried to speak to him that had Thalia narrowing her shrewd eyes in a way he knew was an order for him to solve the problem. He wasn’t at all surprised when she claimed a headache and asked Mikayla to help her to bed.
Lily rose to do the same, but he grabbed her hand. “Let me show you the beach.”
“It’s getting late. It will be dark soon.” She blinked her big brown doe eyes at him, almost petulant in her excuse.
“There’s a full moon. We’ll be fine.” He tugged her off the veranda and onto the grass before she could launch further protests. If she wanted to have it out with him, she could do it on the beach, not in his grandmother’s home.
He found the path leading down to the secluded strip of shoreline with ease, guiding her through the dark ferns and overhanging branches of the koa trees. She kept pace with him, so he didn’t stop until he kicked off his sandals and dug his toes into the still-warm sand.
Lily stepped away from him, staring at the ocean as the white sand glistened in the waning light. The gentle waves lapped at the sand, the white foam decorating the shoreline like lace. The moon lit the crests of the surf, making them glitter an eerie silver. Above them, the stars studded a velvet sky.
Jake stood behind her and wrapped his arms about her waist, not letting go when she stiffened. “She thinks we need time to make up. We can’t go back right away. We should do something to pass the time.”
“Mikayla is the kind of woman you do to pass the time, not me. You should have asked her.”
“If I wanted her, I would have.” He rested his chin on her shoulder. “Do you really think I would do that to you?”
“Of course you would.”
“I know that you believe that up here.” He tucked her hair behind her ear and then nipped at the lobe. “But what about here?” His palm cupped her breast, able to feel her heart pounding beneath his hand.
“You and all your women won’t fit in there.” She tried to wrestle herself free, so he used the momentum to spin her around in his arms.
“What if it’s just me?”
“It never has been, and it never will be, and I’ll never be able to live with it, no matter how much money and power you have.”
“I’m telling you, it’s just me.”
She raised her chin, assuming the regal dignity he usually admired. “And I’m telling you, I have eyes. I’ve watched you tell people what they need to hear at work to make a deal. I’ve watched the way women look at you, the way they look at me like some stupid twit because I can’t possibly know what you do with them when I’m not around. Except I do know.”
“You don’t even hear me. When are you going to listen?” He frowned, exasperated. What would it take to get through to her?
“Me? I’ve been telling you for months that I won’t marry you, and today you put a ring on my finger.”
He shook his head. “You’re not listening to yourself. If you would just get past the jealousy, things would be so much easier.”
“For you!” She twisted herself free and stalked backward, away from him. “Do you think about how this would be for me at all?”
“All I do is think of you.” He pushed a hand through his hair, trying to come up with something, anything to make her believe him. And failing. He never failed.
“Then how can you ask me to live like that? Is it some kind of thrill for you, to see how low you can bring me? My father may have lost our money and our standing, but nothing you do will cause me to lose myself.” Her brown eyes glowed with a savage inner fire.
She tried to flee, but he caught her by the arm.
“I recall a few times when you nearly lost yourself, were more than willing in my arms.”
“That was just sex, Jake. Surely you know all about that. Isn’t that why you have so many women? You didn’t think your prowess had to do with anything more than experience, did you?”
He pushed her arm away from him and let her go, reeling back as if she’d hit him. Perhaps Dee had been right all along, and Lily was playing him for a fool. His instincts had never been so wrong. He watched her start back up the path to the house, but he didn’t follow.
Instead, he turned back to the surf and sat down, letting the water play at his feet. He still wanted her, wanted her to see him as worthy and capable, and he hated himself for not being able to walk away. He should, but he’d been trapped by the same emotional minefield that had ensnared his mother and stifled
Will Harris. He tried not to, really put every effort into not loving her, into keeping her an obsession, but now he was stuck beneath the weight of his own want, with nothing to ease the burden.
He knew better than to try to appease her each time she flew into a jealous snit. It never worked. Each rage would only intensify, until one day he’d be as defeated as his mother had been. Yet he knew living without Lily was impossible. He’d seen how Will had tried to move through life without Lily’s mother, but nothing could fill the gaping hole left in his heart.
Jake wanted a different life than the trap his mother had been snared in. He wanted a real family, but no matter how he tried he couldn’t see that without Lily. Until he’d met her, children had always been an abstract thought, but now they had her dreamy smile and soulful eyes. He saw their future so clearly, and she couldn’t see it at all.
…
Rays of sunlight warmed her face, and Lily woke to a new morning. As her eyes came into focus, she gasped, pulling the sheets around her. Jake sat next to her on the bed, his face set in a grim scowl.
“Did you cry yourself to sleep for me or because of me?”
Lily pressed against her eyes, finding the telling puffiness. Last night had been horrid, her worst nightmare come to life. He’d brought her all the way here, had her feeling there might be a chance for them to be happy together, and then swept it all away when she found he had a woman everywhere he went.
He’d tried to finesse her the way he did a business deal, and she’d nearly succumbed. Somehow, she’d found the strength to stand up for herself, but in so doing, she’d seen how deeply her words had cut him. Her eyes grew heavy now just thinking about the look on his face.
“I have some gifts to deliver to the families who help look after my grandmother. Mikayla is leaving with me, so if you need anything, you’ll have to fend for yourself.”
She wondered why he would rub salt in the wound like that. To tell her he was taking his mistress out on Christmas morning was completely unnecessary, unless he was trying to punish her for last night. She supposed she should be grateful he’d at least heard her when she threatened to tell his grandmother everything if she had to see him and Mikayla together.
Lily sat up, watching him as he stood. “What have you told Thalia? I don’t want us to have conflicting stories.”
He shook his head, his hand resting on the doorknob. “I’m telling the truth, Lily. I wish you knew how to listen to it.”
She wanted to ask which truth, but he was already gone. As she showered and changed, she wished she could think of something besides Jake and Mikayla sharing a passionate embrace deep within the jungle.
The image sickened her. She didn’t understand why there was no room in her mind for any other man, and yet he could have a different woman in his bed every night and not think anything was wrong with that. It might be the fundamental difference between men and women, but she couldn’t let that be an excuse.
She hated herself for hurting him, even in self-preservation. She hated him for being wonderful one moment and dreadful the next. It was such an unhealthy place to be in, she made up her mind to move out of the house as soon as she got back. The reprieve he’d offered in exchange for wearing the ring would only make matters worse. They had to cut their losses now before any more damage was done.
She wondered what he’d tell Thalia when everything was over. Lily had always wanted a grandmother, wanted someone older and wiser to confide in. She didn’t want to become too attached, but it felt wrong to brood in her room while the older woman was alone, so Lily went in search of her.
Thalia sat in a plush chair on the veranda, the rays of sunlight filtering through the leaves overhead that shaded her from the heat. She looked up from her book as Lily stepped outside.
“Are you all right, dear? Jakob said you weren’t feeling yourself this morning.” Her pale face drooped with worry.
“Just a little jet lag, I think. Fresh air is the best thing for that, don’t you agree?” Lily gave her best smile and took the seat next to the elderly woman.
“Of course. Jakob was concerned, but he is prone to worry, always trying to be responsible for everyone. You’ll have to help him make sure he looks after himself. He’s always so busy trying to lay the world flat for his friends. He winds up climbing every mountain alone.”
Lily wasn’t sure what to say to such a glowing opinion of Jake. “He was very kind to me when my father passed. I don’t like to think of what it would have been like if he hadn’t been there.”
“Of course he would be there for you. I’m so thankful that you’re with him, dear. He is wonderful, but only once you get past the moat of vulnerability that surrounds him. It’s to be expected after the childhood he had to endure. It’s a testament to you that he could overcome it. I always worried he’d never be able to admit his love for anyone after the way he grew up, and no woman who loved him would be able to suffer through that. It says so much about your character that he’s been able to trust you.”
Lily’s throat tightened at the words. Thalia was so warm and welcoming, she wanted to throw herself at the older woman’s feet and confess everything that had happened the last few months, to see if a lifetime of experience saw a better end than she did. But this was Jake’s grandmother, and likely to see everything he did through rose-colored glasses.
She cleared her throat, hoping she wouldn’t sound strained. “Jake told me about his mother. He said finding you has been a comfort to him now that she’s gone.”
Thalia smiled, her pale cheeks warming to a rosy pink. “I’m glad. I only wish we could have done more for our Rebecca, and for Jakob. It was a hard life for them, and I think her pride must have kept her from coming home. It was hard to forgive her for what she put him through. As a mother, I don’t understand how she could stay with a man who would be so cruel to her child. There is a limit to what love allows, you know?”
Lily nodded, her image of Jake changing in her mind. She’d known his childhood hadn’t been easy, but she hadn’t imagined the depth of darkness Thalia hinted at.
“I suppose in the end, justice was served. I think Jakob should have let the beast rot in a state hospital, but after the accident, he moved his father to the finest care facility he found. I couldn’t do it. I don’t understand why someone who routinely beat his son for defending his mother is allowed to live, even as a vegetable. It’s amazing how someone whose parents were so awful can still be a good son.”
Lily blinked, recalling how Jake had said he wished his father were dead. Their history explained why, though it didn’t account for why he made sure the man was cared for now. Shouldering responsibility was so ingrained in him, he’d take care of a man who’d had no regard for him even as a child.
“My daughter must have done something right as a mother for him to be such a champion to so many. All those girls from his old neighborhood that he supported through school or helped get set up in business have been his way of keeping them from the fate his mother suffered. Every new job she got, that man accused her of having an affair. I wish she would have, maybe then she would have found the strength to leave him.”
“Situations like that can be so complicated,” Lily offered, unsure what to say. It was hard to think of anything but a tiny dark-eyed boy trying to stand up to a grown man. He’d had to learn as a child the injustice of the world, had to see his mother punished for crimes she didn’t commit, had to shut down parts of himself to get through the abuse. It was no wonder he could throw a wall around his emotions. He’d been doing it all his life.
Thalia nodded. “Jakob likes to say it’s important for a woman to know she can take care of herself so she doesn’t feel trapped with a man she needs to escape. It’s very forward thinking of him. We fought for that in my generation, so it makes me proud that he lives the change.”
Was that why he’d given her time to finish her degree and learn to work these last few months? She’d felt ensnared, but he was the one who
’d made sure she knew what to do if she cut herself free.
“Oh dear, I’ve distressed you with all this. I shouldn’t have started.”
Lily shook her head, blinking back the tears prickling her eyes. “It’s not you, honestly.”
“He’s still holding back from you. He hasn’t told you he loves you, has he?”
She shook her head again, letting out a slow breath and reining in her emotions. “He wants a life with me.”
“He loves you, dear. I promise. Sometimes, with very strong men, it is hard for them to risk sharing how they feel, especially if they are unsure you feel the same.”
“But I—”
“You love him, I know. There was some advice my mother gave me once that kept me going through my marriage. She said that a successful man can make you believe anything he says, but if you want to know if that man actually loves you, you look at how he treats you and not at the words he uses.”
Lily smiled, having never received any motherly pearls of wisdom before. She had to admit that his angry words aside, Jake treated her like a queen. Still, she wondered how he treated his other women. She understood so much now, even his need to have many women love him. The one woman who should have loved him enough to protect him hadn’t, and so the love of one woman would never be enough to make up for that.
“Thank you for the advice.” Her chest tightened as the need to unburden herself swelled inside. “Jake wants things that I want, but there are people who will get in the way of that. I mean, right now he’s gone off with Mikayla to do—”
The older woman’s brows knit together. “No, he didn’t. He took her to her parents’ house on his way to run errands. She’s already called to tell me his mood had not improved any, and he’d simply dropped her at the door.”
Lily tilted her head to the side, unsure what to think. Maybe his grandmother sensed trouble and wanted to cover for him. Still, a part of her hoped the older woman was right. Learning that Jake helped out women from the neighborhood might be able to explain away his relationship with Susanna as well, but nothing could rationalize Dee Gibson.
The Billionaire's Reluctant Fiancee (Invested in Love) Page 13
