Peter Simple; and, The Three Cutters, Vol. 1-2

by Frederick Marryat

  Chapter XVII

  Mr Chucks's opinion on proper names--He finishes his Spanish tale--Marchof intellect among the Warrant Officers.

  We were all delighted when our signal was hoisted to "part company," aswe anticipated plenty of prize-money under such an enterprising captain.We steered for the French coast, near to its junction with Spain, thecaptain having orders to intercept any convoys sent to supply the Frencharmy with stores and provisions.

  The day after we parted company with the fleet, Mr Chucks finished hisstory.

  "Where was I, Mr Simple, when I left off?" said he, as we took a seatupon the long eighteen.

  "You had just left the house after having told them that you were acorregidor, and had kissed the lady's hand."

  "Very true. Well, Mr Simple, I did not call there for two or three daysafterwards; I did not like to go too soon, especially as I saw the younglady every day in the Plaza. She would not speak to me, but, to make useof their expression, 'she gave me her eyes,' and sometimes a sweetsmile. I recollect I was so busy looking at her one day, that I trippedover my sword, and nearly fell on my nose, at which she burst out alaughing."

  "Your sword, Mr Chucks? I thought boatswains never wore swords."

  "Mr Simple, a boatswain is an officer, and is entitled to a sword aswell as the captain, although we have been laughed out of it by a set ofmidshipman monkeys. I always wore my sword at that time; but now-a-days,a boatswain is counted as nobody, unless there is hard work to do, andthen it's Mr Chucks this, and Mr Chucks that. But I'll explain to youhow it is, Mr Simple, that we boatswains have lost so much ofconsequence and dignity. The first lieutenants are made to do theboatswain's duty now-a-days, and if they could only wind the call, theymight scratch the boatswain's name off half the ships' books in hisMajesty's service. But to go on with my yarn. On the fourth day, Icalled with my handkerchief full of segars for the father, but he was atsiesta, as they called it. The old serving-woman would not let me in atfirst; but I shoved a dollar between her skinny old fingers, and thataltered her note. She put her old head out, and looked round to see ifthere was anybody in the street to watch us, and then she let me in andshut the door. I walked into the room, and found myself alone withSeraphina."

  "Seraphina!--what a fine name!"

  "No name can be too fine for a pretty girl, or a good frigate, MrSimple; for my part, I'm very fond of these hard names. Your Bess, andPoll, and Sue, do very well for the Point, or Castle Rag; but in myopinion, they degrade a lady. Don't you observe, Mr Simple, that all ourgun-brigs, a sort of vessel that will certainly d----n the inventor toall eternity, have nothing but low common names, such as Pincher,Thrasher, Boxer, Badger, and all that sort, which are quite good enoughfor them; whereas all our dashing saucy frigates have names as long asthe main-top bowling, and hard enough to break your jaw--such asMelpomeny, Terpsichory, Arethusy, Bacchanty--fine flourishers, as longas their pennants which dip alongside in a calm."

  "Very true," replied I; "but do you think, then, it is the same withfamily names?"

  "Most certainly, Mr Simple. When I was in good society, I rarely fell inwith such names as Potts or Bell, or Smith or Hodges; it was always MrFortescue, or Mr Fitzgerald, or Mr Fitzherbert--seldom bowed, sir, toanything under _three_ syllables."

  "Then I presume, Mr Chucks, you are not fond of your own name?"

  "There you touch me, Mr Simple; but it is quite good enough for aboatswain," replied Mr Chucks, with a sigh. "I certainly did very wrongto impose upon people as I did, but I've been severely punished for it--it has made me discontented and unhappy ever since. Dearly have I paidfor my spree; for there is nothing so miserable as to have ideas aboveyour station in life, Mr Simple. But I must make sail again. I was threehours with Seraphina before her father came home, and during that time Inever was quietly at an anchor for above a minute. I was on my knees,vowing and swearing, kissing her feet and kissing her hand, till at lastI got to her lips, working my way up as regularly as one who gets in atthe hawsehole and crawls aft to the cabin windows. She was very kind,and she smiled, and sighed, and pushed me off, and squeezed my hand, andwas angry--frowning till I was in despair, and then making me happyagain with her melting dark eyes beaming kindly, till at last she saidthat she would try to love me, and asked me whether I would marry herand live in Spain. I replied that I would; and, indeed, I felt as if Icould, only at the time the thought occurred to me where the rhino wasto come from, for I could not live, as her father did, upon a papersegar and a piece of melon per day. At all events, as far as words went,it was a settled thing. When her father came home, the old servant toldhim that I had just at that moment arrived, and that, his daughter wasin her own room; so she was, for she ran away as soon as she heard herfather knock. I made my bow to the old gentleman, and gave him thesegars. He was serious at first, but the sight of them put him into goodhumour, and in a few minutes Donna Seraphina (they call a lady a Donnain Spain) came in, saluting me ceremoniously, as if we had not beenkissing for the hour together. I did not remain long, as it was gettinglate, so I took a glass of the old gentleman's sour wine, and walkedoff, with a request from him to call again, the young lady paying melittle or no attention during the time that I remained, or at mydeparture."

  "Well, Mr Chucks," observed I, "it appears to me that she was a verydeceitful young person."

  "So she was, Mr Simple; but a man in love can't see, and I'll tell youwhy. If he wins the lady, he is as much in love with himself as withher, because he is so proud of his conquest. That was my case. If I hadhad my eyes, I might have seen that she who could cheat her old fatherfor a mere stranger, would certainly deceive him in his turn. But iflove makes a man blind, vanity, Mr Simple, makes him blinder. In short,I was an ass."

  "Never mind, Mr Chucks, there was a good excuse for it."

  "Well, Mr Simple, I met her again and again, until I was madly in love,and the father appeared to be aware of what was going on, and to have noobjection. However, he sent for a priest to talk with me, and I againsaid that I was a good Catholic. I told him that I was in love with theyoung lady, and would marry her. The father made no objection on mypromising to remain in Spain, for he would not part with his onlydaughter. And there again I was guilty of deceit, first, in making apromise I did not intend to keep, and then in pretending that I was aCatholic. Honesty is the best policy, Mr Simple, in the long run, youmay depend upon it."

  "So my father has always told me, and I have believed him," replied I.

  "Well, sir, I am ashamed to say that I did worse; for the priest, afterthe thing was settled, asked me whether I had confessed lately. I knewwhat he meant, and answered that I had not. He motioned me down on myknees; but, as I could not speak Spanish enough for that, Imumbled-jumbled something or another, half Spanish and half English, andended with putting four dollars in his hand for _carita_, which meanscharity. He was satisfied at the end of my confession, whatever he mighthave been at the beginning, and gave me absolution, although he couldnot have understood what my crimes were; but four dollars, Mr Simple,will pay for a deal of crime in that country. And now, sir, comes thewinding up of this business. Seraphina told me that she was going to theopera with some of her relations, and asked me if I would be there; thatthe captain of the frigate, and all the other officers were going, andthat she wished me to go with her. You see, Mr Simple, althoughSeraphina's father was so poor, that a mouse would have starved in hishouse, still he was of good family, and connected with those who weremuch better off. He was a Don himself, and had fourteen or fifteen longnames, which I forget now. I refused to go with her, as I knew that theservice would not permit a boatswain to sit in an opera-box, when thecaptain and first lieutenant were there. I told her that I had promisedto go on board and look after the men while the captain went on shore;thus, as you'll see, Mr Simple, making myself a man of consequence, onlyto be more mortified in the end. After she had gone to the opera, I wasvery uncomfortable: I was afraid that the captain would see her, andtake a fancy to her. I walked up and down, out
side, until I was so fullof love and jealousy that I determined to go into the pit and see whatshe was about. I soon discovered her in a box, with some other ladies,and with them were my captain and first lieutenant. The captain, whospoke the language well, was leaning over her, talking and laughing, andshe was smiling at what he said. I resolved to leave immediately, lestshe should see me and discover that I had told her a falsehood; but theyappeared so intimate that I became so jealous I could not quit thetheatre. At last she perceived me, and beckoned her hand; I looked veryangry, and left the theatre cursing like a madman. It appeared that shepointed me out to the captain, and asked him who I was; he told her myreal situation on board, and spoke of me with contempt. She askedwhether I was not a man of family; at this the captain and firstlieutenant both burst out laughing, and said that I was a common sailorwho had been promoted to a higher rank for good behaviour--not exactlyan officer, and anything but a gentleman. In short, Mr Simple, I was_blown upon_, and, although the captain said more than was correct, asI learnt afterwards through the officers, still I deserved it.Determined to know the worst, I remained outside till the opera wasover, when I saw her come out, the captain and first lieutenant walkingwith the party--so that I could not speak with her. I walked to a posada(that's an inn), and drank seven bottles of rosolio to keep myselfquiet; then I went on board, and the second lieutenant, who wascommanding officer, put me under arrest for being intoxicated. It was aweek before I was released; and you can't imagine what I suffered, MrSimple. At last, I obtained leave to go on shore, and I went to thehouse to decide my fate. The old woman opened the door, and then callingme a thief, slammed it in my face; as I retreated, Donna Seraphina cameto the window, and, waving her hand with a contemptuous look, said, 'Go,and God be with you, Mr Gentleman.' I returned on board in such a rage,that if I could have persuaded the gunner to have given me a ballcartridge, I should have shot myself through the head. What made thematter worse, I was laughed at by everybody in the ship, for the captainand first lieutenant had made the story public."

  "Well, Mr Chucks," replied I, "I cannot help being sorry for you,although you certainly deserved to be punished for your dishonesty. Wasthat the end of the affair?"

  "As far as I was concerned it was, Mr Simple; but not as respectedothers. The captain took my place, but without the knowledge of thefather. After all, they neither had great reason to rejoice at theexchange."

  "How so, Mr Chucks--what do you mean?"

  "Why, Mr Simple, the captain did not make an honest woman of her, as Iwould have done; and the father discovered what was going on, and onenight the captain was brought on board run through the body. We sailedimmediately for Gibraltar, and it was a long while before he got roundagain: and then he had another misfortune."

  "What was that?"

  "Why he lost his boatswain, Mr Simple; for I could not bear the sight ofhim--and then he lost (as you must know, not from your own knowledge,but from that of others) a boatswain who knows his duty."

  "Every one says so, Mr Chucks. I'm sure that our captain would be verysorry to part with you."

  "I trust that every captain has been with whom I've sailed, Mr Simple.But that was not all he lost, Mr Simple; for the next cruise he lost hismasts; and the loss of his masts occasioned the loss of his ship, sincewhich he has never been trusted with another, but is laid on the shelf.Now he never carried away a spar of any consequence during the wholetime that I was with him. A mast itself is nothing, Mr Simple--only apiece of wood--but fit your rigging properly, and then a mast is strongas a rock. Only ask Mr Faulkner, and he'll tell you the same; and Inever met an officer who knew better how to support a mast."

  "Did you ever hear any more of the young lady?"

  "Yes; about a year afterwards I returned there in another ship. She hadbeen shut up in a convent, and forced to take the veil. Oh, Mr Simple!if you knew how I loved that girl! I have never been more than polite toa woman since, and shall die a bachelor. You can't think how I wascapsized the other day, when I looked at the house; I have hardlytouched beef or pork since, and am in debt two quarts of rum more thanmy allowance. But, Mr Simple, I have told you this in confidence, and Itrust you are too much of a gentleman to repeat it; for I cannot bearquizzing from young midshipmen."

  I promised that I would not mention it, and I kept my word; butcircumstances which the reader will learn in the sequel have freed mefrom the condition. Nobody can quiz him now.

  We gained our station off the coast of Perpignan; and as soon as we madethe land, we were most provokingly driven off by a severe gale. I am notabout to make any remarks about the gale, for one storm is so likeanother; but I mention it, to account for a conversation which tookplace, and with which I was very much amused. I was near to the captainwhen he sent for Mr Muddle, the carpenter, who had been up to examinethe main-topsail yard, which had been reported as sprung.

  "Well, Mr Muddle," said the captain.

  "Sprung, sir, most decidedly; but I think we'll be able to _mitigate_it."

  "Will you be able to secure it for the present, Mr Muddle?" replied thecaptain, rather sharply.

  "We'll _mitigate_ it, sir, in half an hour."

  "I wish that you would use common phrases when you speak to me, MrMuddle. I presume, by mitigate, you mean to say that you can secure it.Do you mean so, sir, or do you not?"

  "Yes, sir, that is what I mean, most decidedly. I hope no offence,Captain Savage; but I did not intend to displease you by my language."

  "Very good, Mr Muddle," replied the captain; "it's the first time that Ihave spoken to you on the subject, recollect that it will be the last."

  "The first time!" replied the carpenter, who could not forget hisphilosophy; "I beg your pardon, Captain Savage, you found just the samefault with me on this quarter-deck 27,672 years ago, and--"

  "If I did, Mr Muddle," interrupted the captain, very angrily, "dependupon it that at the same time I ordered you to go aloft, and attend toyour duty, instead of talking nonsense on the quarter-deck; and,although, as you say, you and I cannot recollect it, if you did not obeythat order instantaneously, I also put you in confinement, and obligedyou to leave the ship as soon as she returned to port. Do you understandme, sir?"

  "I rather think, sir," replied the carpenter, humbly touching his hat,and walking to the main rigging, "that no such thing took place, for Iwent up immediately, as I do now; and," continued the carpenter, who wasincurable, as he ascended the rigging, "as I shall again in another27,672 years."

  "That man is incorrigible with his confounded nonsense," observed thecaptain to the first lieutenant. "Every mast in the ship would go overthe side, provided he could get any one to listen to his ridiculoustheory."

  "He is not a bad carpenter, sir," replied the first lieutenant.

  "He is not," rejoined the captain; "but there is a time for all things."

  Just at this moment, the boatswain came down the rigging.

  "Well, Mr Chucks, what do you think of the yard? Must we shift it?"inquired the captain.

  "At present, Captain Savage," replied the boatswain, "I consider it tobe in a state which may be called precarious, and not at all permanent;but, with a little human exertion, four fathom of three-inch, andhalf-a-dozen tenpenny nails, it may last, for all I know, until it istime for it to be sprung again."

  "I do not understand you, Mr Chucks. I know no time when a yard ought tobe sprung."

  "I did not refer to our time, sir," replied the boatswain, "but to the27,672 years of Mr Muddle, when--"

  "Go forward immediately, sir, and attend to your duty," cried thecaptain, in a very angry voice; and then he said to the firstlieutenant, "I believe the warrant officers are going mad. Who everheard a boatswain use such language--'precarious and not at allpermanent?' His stay in the ship will become so, if he does not mindwhat he is about."

  "He is a very odd character, sir," replied the first lieutenant; "but Ihave no hesitation in saying that he is the best boatswain in hismajesty's service."

  "I believe so too,
" replied the captain; "but--well, every one has hisfaults. Mr Simple, what are you about sir?"

  "I was listening to what you said," replied I, touching my hat.

  "I admire your candour, sir," replied he, "but advise you to discontinuethe practice. Walk over to leeward, sir, and attend to your duty."

  When I was on the other side of the deck, I looked round, and saw thecaptain and first lieutenant both laughing.