When You Love Someone: Single Hearts series Book 5

by J. L. Stiles

  No one said anything for a few moments, Nora standing in Sade’s living room, her breathing erratic and staccato’d from crying. Finally, Jules cleared her throat, causing Nora to look up.

  “You never really answered Sade’s question, Nor. How do you feel now that Kai’s back? Just be honest with us.”

  Nora’s willingness to continue this conversation was waning. Usually, people turned to one another to get through hard times - but Kai had run. Nora had needed him - hell, they’d needed each other - so deeply, so badly. And he’d run.

  “I don’t know if I can trust him to stay,” Nora mumbled, walking over to a chair and sitting slowly down. “When I needed him the most - when we should have been leaning on each other - he left. But…” she trailed off for a moment, letting her mind open up to what life might be like Kai really was back and she could trust him to stay. She sighed heavily. “I guess I can’t ignore what happened between us last night. I don’t know if it happened because we have genuine feelings for each other or because we were both feeling so much sadness in that moment. I remember I just wanted to help take his pain away…”

  Sade reached over to squeeze Nora’s hand. “Okay, um - can I tell you something?”

  Nora nodded, and Sade sat up a little straighter, swallowing and looking away before bringing her gaze back to Nora’s. The room went quiet as Sade spoke. “I haven’t told you, or anyone, this because… well, it wasn’t relevant for a long time. But about a year before Robbie died, we were all out - I think we were at a BBQ at someone’s place - and I got chatting with Kai. We’d both had a couple of drinks by then and we got talking about you and Robbie and how happy we both were for you guys. And then…” Sade paused, swallowing again before taking a deep breath. “And then Kai told me he was in love with you. He said he was so happy for you and Robbie, and would never do anything to jeopardize that. But he was jealous because he’d been walking over to talk to you right before you walked over to talk to Robbie that night at the bar. He said you were the first woman he noticed when they’d walked in that night, and that it would be the biggest regret of his life, not going over to talk to you right away.”

  Nora was staring at Sade, her mouth hanging open in disbelief. Kai loved her? He loved her more than a best friend - he was IN LOVE with her. Or, he had been at one point, at least.

  “I don’t believe it,” she whispered to Sade. “He was in love with me? Since the night we met?”

  Sade shrugged, a sad smile passing over her face. “That’s what he told me.”

  Nora frowned a little. “Did he… ever bring it up again?”

  Sade shook her head. “No - not like that. But the next time we saw each other, he made me promise I would never tell you.”

  The room stayed silent while everyone digested this news. After a while, Sade moved into the kitchen, along with Jules and Amelia, to refill their wine glasses and give Nora a few moments to process what Sade had said. Scarlett rose from her chair and came over to Nora, sitting on her knees on the floor at Nora’s feet.

  “Hey. Wanna tell me what’s going on inside that pretty blonde head of yours?” Scarlett’s mouth hitched up in a half smile.

  Nora shook her head, finally meeting Scarlett’s eyes. “I think I have to talk to Kai. That’s the only thing that’s going through my head right now - that I need to hear all this from him.”

  “So then, talk to him,” Scarlett said. “Text him right now. What’s he got to do on a Saturday night after moving back to town a week ago?”

  Nora’s eyes widened at Scarlett. “You think I should go over there tonight?”

  Scarlett shrugged and pulled a face. “Why not? Sooner the better, in my opinion.” Scarlett raised an eyebrow at Nora, her patented I’m-serious look. Nora swallowed, her throat feeling like a desert as she pulled her phone from the back pocket of her jeans. Swiping it to life, Nora noticed she had several texts - all from Kai.

  I’m so sorry, Nora.

  Please talk to me.

  I need to talk to you.

  I think we can work this out.

  I’m so sorry.

  “Oh my God,” Nora mumbled as she read through his texts. “I think he might be open to talking to me.” She turned the phone to show Scarlett.

  “Better get back to him then.” Scarlett winked at Nora, rising from her spot on the floor to join the others in the kitchen.

  Nora began typing.

  Hey - sorry for not getting back to you sooner. At Sade’s. Girl’s Night.

  Immediately, reply bubbles appeared on Nora’s screen.

  I love that you guys still do that.

  So… can we talk?

  Nora took a deep breath and began typing her reply.

  What are you doing right now?

  A little smiley face emoji appeared on screen, then -

  Waiting for you.

  Nora sent back an eye roll emoji, then a wink emoji.

  See you in a half hour. We’re just wrapping up here.

  Standing from her chair, Nora felt her cheeks flush. She’d had about four sips of her drink, so she knew it wasn’t from that. As her stomach began doing somersaults, Nora told the girls she was on her way to Kai’s, each of them beaming back at her and telling her she was doing the right thing, and to update them in their group text later.

  Everyone walked over to the door with her, hugging her and wishing her luck. But it wasn’t luck that Nora needed at this point.

  All she needed - all she wanted - was to see Kai and for him to be honest with her about how he felt about her then and how he was feeling now.

  Maybe then she could be honest with him - and with herself, too.

  Chapter 5

  Nora hadn’t expected to be standing on Kai’s front porch so soon after last night. But even as she rapped her knuckles lightly on the solid wood door, she knew, despite her nervousness (or was it anticipation?) that she needed to be here. They needed to talk this out. The past couldn’t lie as a cavern between them any longer.

  She heard Kai’s footsteps approach and then he was in front of her, back lit in the doorframe. Immediately, Nora’s mind went back to the night before - the two of them on the couch, the feeling of getting him hard beneath her, how her body responded to his hands roaming over her ass, her breasts…

  Oh shit. Hang on, Nora. Get in the door first, for Christ’s sake.

  “Hey - c’mon in.” Kai’s eyes were sparkling down at her even in the night's darkness, the warmth of his soft smile going straight into her core. He wore a simple heather grey hoodie and black jogging pants, feet bare and hair still wet from a recent shower.

  He looked gorgeous.

  “Thanks.” Stepping over the threshold, Nora felt the same wave of warmth come over her as Kai shut the door behind her. The fire was crackling in the hearth of the living room once again, and Nora saw he’d set a bottle of whiskey and two tumblers of ice on the coffee table. Nodding toward them, she gave him a smirk. “That’s probably a good idea.”

  “I mean - I have something else. Wine? Maybe something warm, like tea? Whatever you feel like, Nor, I’ll get it for you.” Kai was talking fast, something he never did. It was one of the things Nora liked so much about him, the way he took his time with words. Where Robbie had been a fast talker, saying whatever he was thinking, Kai was deliberate with what he said to you. It was considerate - and sexy as hell, if Nora was being honest with herself.

  Might as well be honest at some point.

  “Whiskey is perfect,” she said, smiling at Kai as she walked past him and into the living room, taking the seat she’d occupied on the couch the night before. Kai followed behind her, but instead of sitting in the corner like last night, he sat beside her. There was room between them - but not a lot. Leaning his tall frame forward, Nora watched Kai’s long arms reach for the whiskey bottle, his large hand easily holding the two glasses as he filled them three fingers deep. Moving his hand to Nora, she plucked one glass from it and sipped, watching him, the burn from t
he whiskey making it all the way down her throat and pooling in her stomach, the warmth spreading through her, giving her courage. Most of the light in the room was coming from the fire, making Kai’s eyes dance and his hair seem like it was the same color as the flames.

  He really was beautiful, now that she was giving herself permission to look.

  Sitting back and sipping his own drink, Kai kept his eyes on the flames in front of him. “I’m sorry about last night, Nora,” he said, his voice quiet. Guilt-ridden. “I never should have taken advantage of you like that. I mean, after being gone all this time and not staying in touch… I felt sick about what happened. I still do. So…” His gaze slid from the fire and up her body before resting on her face, finding her eyes. “I’m sorry. Really.”

  Nora cocked her head to one side, shaking it a little. “You didn’t take advantage of me, Kai. I kissed you, if memory serves.” She cocked an eyebrow, still watching him while she sipped her drink again.

  “Yeah, but I - it went way too far.” Kai looked back at the fire, swallowing a gulp of whiskey. “And I need you to know, that’s not at all why I invited you over here. I didn’t plan for that to happen.”

  “I didn’t either,” Nora said. “But I mean - it did. It happened. And I…” She paused to summon the courage she needed for this conversation. “I think we need to figure this out.”

  A frown creased Kai’s beautiful features. “Figure what out?”

  “Kai, what are you doing here? Why’d you come back? Don’t say it’s because of the business because you could do that anywhere.” She continued watching him, his face pinching with nervousness. “After all this time - why are you here?” Nora’s voice was soft, almost a whisper, her body reflexively moving toward his.

  Kai swirled the ice cubes in his tumbler, staring into the tiny liquid hurricane he’d created. “I dunno. I just… did.”

  Nora shook her head. “Stop lying to me. We’re supposed to be friends - maybe not best friends anymore. But I know you, Kai. And I know you wouldn’t just move back here without a damn good reason, especially not after the way you left.”

  “I just… I thought it was time to come back.”

  “Bullshit, Kai!” Frustration boiled up and into her voice. “Why won’t you just talk to me? Tell me what’s going on!”

  “What the fuck do you want me to say, Nora?” He rose from his spot on the couch then, his voice hard as he walked into the open space in front of the fire and leaned an arm against the wooden mantle, taking a swig of his whiskey.

  “Just tell me how you feel, Kai.” She whispered it as if it was a wish.

  Kai closed his eyes for a moment before pushing off the mantle and turning to face her. “You wanna know how I feel? Okay, great. I feel like a fucking douche bag because, for as long as I’ve known her, I’ve been in love with my dead best friend’s wife - something I almost acted on the day before his goddamn funeral. So I fuckin’ left, Nora, and it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done; even harder than putting Robbie in the ground. I’ve spent the last five years feeling sick to my stomach every fuckin’ day because I moved clear across the country, thinking that if I didn’t live near her, my feelings would stop. Out of sight, out of mind and all that shit. Well, joke’s on me because I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her.” He raked a hand through his hair, turning back to the fire before returning his gaze to hers. “Every goddamn day over the past five years, I’ve thought of you, Nora. Every fucking day, I’ve wondered how you were doing and what you were doing and how you were feeling and if you were okay. Every fucking day, I wanted to come back to you. But I couldn’t.”

  Nora closed her eyes, taking a deep breath. “Then what are you doing here?” She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear his answer, but knew she couldn’t leave without knowing.

  Dropping his hands to his sides, Kai shrugged, the hard defensiveness evaporating. “I couldn’t stay away anymore. I know this is fucked up because Robbie was my best friend. And I never would have come between the two of you. But being away from you for so long has been torture. Even though I know there’s no chance for us, I’d much rather be in your life as a friend than not be in it at all.”

  Nora sighed and opened her eyes to find Kai watching her, a look of uncertainty threaded with hope on his face. So, it was true; everything Sade had told her was true. All this time, Kai had loved her - and it appeared he might still.

  “What makes you think there’s no chance for us?”

  She said it without looking at him, mostly because she didn’t think she’d be able to say anything if she looked into his beautiful eyes again. Kai was the kind of man who could look deep into your soul - and Nora wanted to be sure of what was there before she let him see.

  “What?” Kai said, his voice full of confusion - and something else. Relief, maybe. Relief at hearing that maybe he didn’t have to keep fighting his feelings anymore - because maybe Nora felt them, too.

  Was it possible, though? Could this work? Nora loved Kai - but could she also be IN LOVE with him and reciprocate his feelings? He’d felt this way about her for years, but she’d just cracked the door open to the possibility of being with him.

  And then there was Robbie. Would his ghost, the ghost of her marriage to him, haunt them if she and Kai were together?

  Maybe - but Robbie isn’t here anymore.

  Nora raised her eyes to Kai’s and found them searching her, waiting on what she might say next. Just as she knew he would if these roles were reversed, Nora chose her words carefully.

  “Kai - Sade told me everything. I came here knowing how you used to feel, that you’d been coming to talk to me at the bar that night; that you’ve loved me since we met.” She watched him react to knowing his secret was out. He bit his lip, hissing a barely audible shit as he raked a hand through his hair again before turning his back to her. But Nora had to get this out.

  “It surprised me, for sure. But knowing all of that, I still came here tonight. And I told myself I would not leave until you told me the truth about why you’re back and how you’re feeling now. Because then, maybe I could tell you how I feel.”

  At that, Kai turned back toward her, locking his eyes to hers before moving back to the couch and sitting down to face her. “How do you feel, Nor?” Reaching his hand up, he moved a finger down the side of her face, shifting a clump of curls away from her cheek. Nora felt a rush of heat trail down her skin where he’d touched her and she looked down into her lap, swallowing hard again.

  “I love you, Kai,” she said softly, still looking away from him. “You’re my best friend and I love you; I always have. But you fucking crushed me when you left like you did. I was so hurt and so angry with you, that you left me behind to figure out not only my life without Robbie but also my life without you!” She took a shaky breath in, still looking down into the sparkling amber of her whiskey. “I’ve thought of you, too. Every day, just like you said. I’d worry. I’d think of a memory of us together and laugh. I’d cry when I wanted to hear your voice and couldn’t. I… I dreamt of you. Of us. And it was confusing and, for a while, I didn’t know how to handle it. But seeing you in the coffee shop - I don’t think I’ve ever been as happy to see somebody as I was to see you. It felt like…” Oh God, tears were coming.

  No tears, Nora! Not yet!

  “When you left, it felt like you died, too. So when I heard your voice say my name, I barely knew what to think - other than… you came home to me.”

  Raising her gaze to Kai’s, she wasn’t at all shocked to see tears rolling down his cheeks. Now it was her turn to reach up and wipe his tears away. She sighed at how easy it was to touch him like this, so familiar yet so new; how good it felt to say everything that had been whirling through her mind since she’d heard him speak her name only three days before.

  She let her hand slip down to tuck under his chin, her thumb still a little wet from his tears as she brushed it lightly across his lower lip. God, he had beautiful lips; so full and soft, w
ith a perfect cupid’s bow. Staring at them instead of into his eyes, she said the thing she’d been wanting to say since he came back to her.

  “The idea of us, together… it makes me… it makes me feel…” Wrenching her eyes from his lips, she found Kai’s gaze, holding it for what seemed like an eternity before finding her voice to speak again. “It makes me fee like I love you even more. More than my best friend. Like maybe you could be everything to me. And like maybe we were always supposed to be together and that we shouldn’t tempt fate by walking away from each other again.”

  The firelight was lower now, casting dancing shadows across Kai’s face, his blue eyes changing colour as the light flickered around them. He slowly slid his gaze down to her lips while he set his glass down and moved to take the glass she was still holding, setting it on the coffee table.

  Leaning in, Kai skimmed his hand up her arm to rest on the side of her neck, his thumb gently stroking her jaw. His hand was warm and big and comforting against her own skin, and Nora didn’t know she could feel cold and hot at the same time until that moment. She leaned into his touch while getting lost in his eyes.

  “You,” he said, his voice low and husky, “have just said everything I’ve wanted to hear since the night we met.”

  Soft smiles blossomed across both of their faces. Nora brought her other hand up so she was cradling his face, exactly the way she had before she’d kissed him the previous night.

  Only this time when she kissed him, she knew exactly what she getting into.

  Chapter 6

  A few weeks later.

  “Do you want something to drink, Nor?”

  Nora and Kai had just arrived to Sade and Henry’s apartment. Henry had invited everybody over for drinks and board games - or so that’s what Henry said they were doing. Except they’d never had a board game at Sade and Henry’s place, and Nora - and the others - thought that maybe this impromptu get-together was for something else besides playing games. Looking around, Nora noticed there were more people there than the core group of them; some people she knew, some she didn’t, and her hunch was further bolstered.