Teresa: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.5)

by Neven Iliev

  These were the sort of culinary mysteries that Boxxy completely did not care about beyond a passing thought. The veritable orgy of flavor it had just experienced washed away all its stress and grievances as if they were never there. Confidence and motivation welled up from within, almost as if it had found a new purpose to live. Rather than wallow in decadence, that meal made it want to go out there, grab the world by the balls, and then bite its head off. The only thing that put a slight damper on its mood was it expected Reggie’s ‘problem’ to be irksome. The payoff would be worth the trouble, though. Once that was settled, it could focus on siphoning off as much power and treasure as chestily possible from the ongoing war.

  “Ah… war…” the monster mumbled.

  Boxxy liked war. Perhaps even loved it. It had tasted the sweetness of wanton carnage on a few occasions and was eager to revel in the sensation once again. It wasn’t just this war, either. The thought of any large-scale armed conflict made Boxxy’s teeth itch. Out of all the pointless notions invented by civilization, war was undoubtedly the tastiest. It was the only enlightened concept that resonated with the violent, selfish monster on some deeper level.

  For war did not determine who was right – only who was left.

  Interlude

  A Box’s Life

  *SLAM*

  “Honey, I’m home!”

  Minic jumped up from Minic’s seat and bounced around excitedly at those words. Minic was feeling fluffy because Big Sis had returned, and Minic would get to spend time with her. Big Sis was sometimes a Big Bro instead, but Minic didn’t mind. Okay, Minic minded it a little since there were fewer soft things around when Big Bro was a Big Bro instead of a Big Sis.

  “Welcome back, sweetie.”

  Her Softness called out from the other side of the big box. Minic liked Her Softness because she had two of the softest softies that had ever softed. She often held Minic by pressing it against her softies, which felt nice and fluffy. Sometimes, however, it would feel one or two hard nubs poking into its undercarriage which was less-than-fluffy. But Minic learned to cope since Her Softness got angry at Minic whenever it tried to press down on them. Big Sis didn’t seem to mind that behavior, but her softies weren’t nearly as fluffy as Her Softness. It was a bit of a shame, but Minic didn’t mind the size difference. Okay, Minic minded it a little, but Minic kept quiet about it because complaining would be rude to Big Sis. And Minic liked Big Sis a lot.

  “Everything go well with Ariebelle?”

  “... Who?”

  “You know, the girl that tore you away from me?”

  “Oh, right! Faehorn’s niece had a name like that, didn’t she?”

  “You seriously forgot? Just how much of a scatterbrain are you? Honestly!”

  “Sorry, Rowie. I guess I can’t think of her as anything other than Faehorn’s niece. I know it’s rude, but…”

  Minic didn’t understand any of the words being thrown about, but Minic could read the mood from the tone of their conversation. Minic understood this was a serious matter, so Minic tried to keep quiet. Otherwise Her Softness might yell at Minic and bar it from her fluffy globes yet again. That would be very bad if it were to happen.

  “Well, I guess we only just met this morning, but you need to work on that. I can’t have you embarrassing me in front of my parents because you forgot their names.”

  “I’ll, um, keep that in mind…”

  “Good. Now then, I still have to finish preparing dinner.”

  “Need any help?”

  “No, I’m almost ready anyway. I had plenty of time to prepare since a certain someone spent the entire afternoon with another girl.”

  “Jealous, Rowie?”

  “No, of course not.”

  “Are you suuuuure?”

  “... Alright, maybe a little.”

  “That’s okay. You’re pretty even when you’re jealous!”

  “Flattery will get you nowhere, love. What did she want, anyway?”

  “Just some details regarding Faehorn’s will. There was a misunderstanding that took some time to resolve, but in the end, it turned out he bequeathed me something from his personal collection.”

  Big Sis reached into her clothes and pulled out a small square thing. It was shiny, bright red, and a bit transparent. It was somewhat similar to Minic’s own shiny gem, but Minic’s precious piece was completely different. It was nice and round and smooth, not blocky and angled like that one.

  “Oh, wow! What’s that? Some magic item or something?”

  “Nope, just a regular ruby. I could probably pawn it off, but I don’t have the heart to.”

  “I would certainly hope not. It’s a memento from your role-model as an adventurer, right?”

  “Yeah… Besides, even if it’s not really practical, it’s quite beautiful, isn’t it?”

  “It is. I think it fits you perfectly.”

  “Rowie… I’m happy to hear that, but your dish is burning.”

  “Oh, beans!”

  Her Softness finally noticed the red thing in the black pan has been giving off weird smoke for a while now. Minic wasn’t sure whether that was good or bad, so it didn’t know if it should tell her. Either way it didn’t need to. Her Softness resumed tending to the smoky thing with clattering and hissing noises over at the yummy-station while Big Sis sat down on one of the chairs. However, she seemed to be feeling rather un-fluffy. Her mouth was curved the wrong way and the see-balls were half-hidden by the see-ball-curtains in a none-too-pleased manner.

  Minic decided to try and cheer Big Sis up, so Minic went over to her and started bumping into her legs until Big Sis turned her see-balls towards it. They shone a lot like the warm ceiling-bright up on the Grand Ceiling whenever the Mega Fluffs weren’t in the way. Was Big Sis feeling unfluffy because the big ceiling-bright was slacking off again?

  “What is it, Minic?”

  Big Sis spoke to Minic. Minic couldn’t understand the words, but it didn’t need to. Minic was on a mission of fluffiness and joy, which it intended to fulfil no matter what. To that end, Minic spat out half of the extra-big fur-fruit it had caught earlier. The partially eaten fur-fruit fell on the ground next to Big Sis’s leg with a small splat, sending the red juice everywhere.

  “Yip, yap! Yip!” (Here, Big Sis! For you!)

  Big Sis looked down at Minic’s gift, her juice-colored head tilting a bit to the side. The see-ball-curtains opened and closed a few times, but she curved her mouth the right way up before long. She briefly turned towards Her Softness, who faced the other way, and then grabbed Minic’s gift with her bare foot. A small mouth opened up on the underside of it, and it ate Minic’s gift with a few quiet crunches. Afterwards, its tongue rolled out and licked up every last drop of juice before the mouth disappeared. Big Sis then gently patted Minic on the lid with her foot and stroked its red gem with her foot-fingers. That tickled a bit, but Minic didn’t mind. Okay, Minic minded it a little, but this was how Big Sis showed her appreciation, so it accepted the gesture with no complaints.

  Several minutes later, Her Softness and Big Sis started eating the smokey thing from earlier. Big Sis tried to give some to Minic, but it refused politely with a ‘Bleh!’ noise. Her Softness saw that and said some harsh-sounding words to Big Sis before she placed a bowl on the ground that had several slices of fresh big-tree-fruit. Each piece had glistening yellow meat, taut red skin, and a few tiny black seeds stuck inside it.

  Minic gleefully started eating its favorite treat. It was much tastier than the bits of old-tree-fruit it was given sometimes, mostly since this one was gushing with juice. Ah, but this was a different kind of juice than the fur-fruit. It was more watery and much sweeter. Minic definitely preferred this one. Not to mention the fur-fruit’s long, off-white seeds were sometimes too hard for Minic to chew. The fact that Big Sis could munch on them without even trying was one of many reasons Mimic thought Big Sis was amazing.

  After the meal ended, Her Softness and Big Sis climbed onto the big, creak
y bed and began rubbing against each other again. There was a lot of moaning and a bit of screaming, but Minic had already learned that whatever they were doing wasn’t as painful as it sounded. It sat quietly on its personal bed that consisted of a single head-soft. It was a bit envious at first since the big bed had several head-softs, but it didn’t complain because Minic was a good Minic.

  Eventually, the screaming died down and only breathing noises were coming from the bed. Minic couldn’t see the point of just lying there for hours and hours. Although, Her Softness seemed to return to full fluffiness when she got back up, so it was probably a good thing. Big Sis, on the other hand, would probably have to leave soon. Indeed, very shortly after rubbing-time was over, Big Sis silently got up and started mumbling something.

  “Transfamiliar.”

  There was a puff of green smoke and a flash of light as Big Sis disappeared back to her special hidey-place, and Mother reappeared in all her softastic glory. As usual, her massive softies bobbed and jiggled with unparalleled fluffiness. Minic really wanted to sit on them, but Mother never let it do that, even back when Father was still around.

  “Yaaap! Yap-yap-yip!” (Motheeeer! I want to sit on your softies!)

  However, Minic still tried its luck, as per usual.

  “Shut up you insufferable little gnat!”

  It would seem Minic was denied once again. Minic didn’t need to know her words to understand what that un-fluffy tone meant.

  “Hmnnn… Huh? Keira, is that-”

  “Sleep!”

  *THUD*

  “Zzzzz….”

  Her Softness let out a few noises and stood up a little before she went back to what she was doing when Mother scolded her. Mother had a gift for scolding and often scolded Minic. However, that was just how Mother always was, so Minic didn’t mind. Okay, Minic minded it a little, but complaining would only result in more scolding. Still, Minic believed it would one day sit on Mother’s softies and attain true fluffiness, so it would definitely ask again the next chance it got.

  Mother glared at Minic in a rather un-fluffy way and silently pointed at one of the lids of the big box. Minic never understood why these big boxes had such relatively small lids or why there were so many of them, but it just accepted it as fact. There were many types of boxes, after all. Minic was one, and Big Bro was sometimes a box, too. That’s why Minic recognized Big Bro as a Big Bro in the first place, though it didn’t understand why Big Bro was sometimes a Big Sis instead.

  “Get out or I’ll throw you out!”

  “Yak!” (Oh, right!)

  How thoughtless of Minic! Mother probably wanted some alone-time again, but Minic failed to notice so it got yelled at again. Not wishing to upset Mother’s fluffiness any longer, Minic walked up to the big wooden lid and exited through the tinier lid on it. The fact that Big Sis had put a lid within a lid nearly blew Minic’s mind, so Minic was always a bit awestruck whenever it passed through. Those wriggly strangers that dropped by a while ago used it, too, which was why Minic complained about them to Her Softness. It wasn’t sure why, but soon after it was sent to another box for a while. The whole affair was just another thing Minic would probably never understand, so it didn’t worry about it too much. Besides, everything went back to the usual fluffiness when Big Sis returned.

  Regardless, Minic was given leave to play around, so it decided to do just that. At least until the ceiling-bright came back, which was usually when Big Sis returned. So, Minic decided to keep exploring that one place it found recently even though it was a bit far. It ran up to the edge of the floor and jumped off without any hesitation. Minic reveled in the sensation of free-falling as it plummeted uncontrollably towards the ground.

  Minic felt a strong gust of wind push it from the side. Minic then crashed through a particularly leafy branch, bounced off a flying feather-fruit, got caught up in some dangling long-leaves, rolled across one of the slanted top bits of a brick box, and landed safely in a bin filled with somewhat soft but nasty-looking stuff. Minic climbed out of the bin and skittered quickly-yet-casually across the dirt-covered floor, wondering for the umpteenth time when someone would actually clean it up. Minic wanted to do it itself, but it lacked the means to do so. After all, Minic didn’t have Sweepy’s outstanding cleaning skills. That slim, tall, and bristly fellow would sort this mess out in no time flat if it was there, Minic was sure of it.

  Minic continued running across the familiar, dirty floor until it came to a small hole in a stone wall and crawled inside it. It climbed down into a dark, dank tunnel that had some extremely filthy water running through the middle of it. That stream was bad news. Not only did Minic not care for the taste, but Her Softness would somehow know if Minic splashed in the stuff. She would then scold it while scrubbing it clean with some warm slightly bubbly water. That was why Minic walked along the stone path next to the icky stream, making doubly sure not to slip or otherwise fall into it again. Because Minic was a good Minic that did not want to upset Her Softness, even if getting scrubbed felt nice.

  After aimlessly walking the series of tunnels for a long while, Minic somehow made it to the place that Minic wanted to visit. Minic didn’t know how these mysterious and confusing tunnels worked and got lost with frightening frequency yet somehow always ended up at the right place. The spot in question was shaped like the inside of a super-sized stone box. There were several tunnels that carried the filthy water into it, while a slightly bigger one drained it away somewhere. There were a lot of these stone boxes around, but Minic knew this was the right one because it saw that one tunnel in the corner had nothing coming out of it.

  Minic walked along the edge of the giant box and hopped into the curiously dry tunnel. It was much darker than the other ones, but Minic didn’t need see-balls to look around. It could see all of its surroundings at once thanks to its shiny red gem, so while it often got lost it almost never tripped over stuff, except when it did. However, all that walking around was making Minic feel a bit hungry, so Minic kept its gem open for a snack. It soon found some fur-fruits lying about the dry tunnel, though these were much too big to eat. They didn’t have any juice in them either, as most of it seemed to have leaked out and dried up. On the other hand, there were quite a few buzz-fruits floating around them. Those ones weren’t as filling as fur-fruits, but were much easier to eat and catch due to Minic’s flexible tongue. Unfortunately, these tunnel-buzz-fruits were much nastier than the ones above, so in the end Minic decided to give up on them, too. Minic was sure Her Softness would prepare another bowl of big-tree-fruit when it returned, so it had no qualms passing up on these inferior snacks.

  Minic kept resolutely skittering across the tunnel. Minic didn’t see anything interesting for a while, other than a number of dried-up fur-fruits. Some of them had been here for so long that only their seeds were left behind. Eventually, Minic found itself inside another stone box, almost the same as the one on the other end of the dry tunnel. Well, other than the fact that this one was completely dry, had a bunch of fires lighting it up, and was really, really loud.

  The noise was coming from a large number of things milling about. They looked a bit like fur-fruits, but with many key differences. For one thing, they were even bigger than those fur-fruits of unusual size that Minic came across on the way here, though not quite as tall as Big Sis. They did, however, have perky triangular listen-holes that looked a lot like hers. Their fur looked to be much fluffier than regular fur-fruits, too. It was mostly gray in color, although the area around their see-holes was black, while the bits directly above that and running along their long, protruding mouths were white. They also had fluffy-looking striped tails alternating between gray and black, and their sniffers were small, black and round, almost like a woofer’s.

  Some of them stood on their hind legs, and most wore at least one article of clothing, such as old aprons, beat-up hats, or rag-like shirts. They moved with purpose, going in and out of appropriately sized boxes apparently made out of mud and wood. A n
umber of them had a bunch of random objects lined up on small wooden planks and exchanged them for shiny stones with the ones passing by. It was almost like that busy place that Her Softness went to get fresh big-tree-fruits every now and then. She had brought Minic with her several times, so it was quite sure it had the same atmosphere.

  Minic curiously approached the bustling space filled with chattering noises of various kinds. Minic had never seen creatures such as these and was very eager to sit on one of them to test out their softness. As luck had it, one of them was near the edge of all that hustle and bustle. It was splayed out on its back behind a particularly large box that sounded like there were a bunch more of them inside. A rather foul-looking liquid was dribbling from the corner of its mouth, but Minic wasn’t going to be deterred so easily. Minic approached the creature from the side and called out to it.

  “Yip yap?” (Excuse me, but may I sit on you?)

  “Hrrrrrrrrr…” (Mmmm, cold floor…)

  Minic had no way of knowing what that quiet growling noise meant, but it didn’t sound like a ‘no.’ Therefore, it confidently climbed up its furry arm and sat somewhere on its belly. As expected, the fur was quite soft. Though it fell short of Her Softness’s softies, it was enough to rival Minic’s personal bed. Therefore, Minic decided to refer to these unfamiliar creatures as fluff-furs. It was a very luxurious name, but one that fit the adequately fluffy thing Minic was sitting on. Not only that, but Minic found the gentle up-and-down motion caused by the fluff-fur’s breathing to be quite relaxing.

  “Chrraarata!” (There he is!)

  A high-pitched chitter interrupted Minic’s fluffy time. A trio of fluff-furs approached the one on the ground. However, they clearly weren’t peaceful since all of them bared their pointed teeth. The one in the middle was also holding a knife, and not in the ‘munchies will be ready soon’ way that Her Softness practiced. The three newcomers surrounded the soft-fur on the ground. They clearly had some business with him, but their eyesight was inevitably drawn to Minic’s fancy frame and shining red jewel. It was nearly the same look that Big Sis had when she and Minic first met.