Teresa: Everybody Loves Large Chests (Vol.5)

by Neven Iliev

  A voice echoed in Fizzy’s head. It sounded exactly like she used to, back when she was still a pathetic sack of meat known as ‘a gnome.’ She hated that.

  "I’ve! Got! This!" she answered, struggling with the massive cat-like monster.

  Despite her words, the janther spotted an opening. It momentarily shifted its weight and swiped at the mithril golem with its two left forelegs. Sparks flew as specially made metal claws covering the beast’s paws clashed against Fizzy’s right shoulder and thigh, digging deep into her battered and dented frame. The monster’s custom-made weapons were enchanted with tremendous strength, allowing them to pierce the golem’s outermost plating and dig into the mechanical muscle underneath.

  [You have suffered a shallow cut. HP -51.]

  [You have suffered a moderate cut. HP -264.]

  If they could do that to Fizzy’s living mithril hide, then it was safe to assume they’d rip up mundane steel armor like paper.

  “Yeah, you clearly have this under control,” the voice rolled its nonexistent eyes.

  “I could do with less sarcasm!”

  “Then why don’t you let. Me. Help?! Do you want Boxxy to see us in this pathetic state?!”

  Fizzy’s straining, furious expression was momentarily overcome by pure, unadulterated terror. Somewhere deep down, she still feared that creature. However, unlike two months ago, she wasn’t afraid of being eaten or abused. These were the concerns of a pathetic meatbag who was, present head-space company excluded, dead and forgotten. The golem was troubled by something else entirely. She didn’t want to disappoint Boxxy and make it think less of her. Fizzy’s narcissistic nature demanded attention and worship, and nobody had given her as much of either as that monster.

  If there was even a non-zero chance that appearing in less-than-pristine condition would lessen the creature’s interest in her, then Fizzy would do anything to avoid it.

  “Parallel One!” she growled.

  Her left eye shone with a bright, yellow-green light in response to those words. All of her Paladin Spells and Skills displayed the same hue when invoked. This coloration was a slight deviation from holy magic’s usual golden radiance which served as a subtle hint that she served the God of Gambling. After all, green was Danny’s favorite color. Not that the beast assaulting her would recognize the significance involved, and that assumed it even noticed the change in the golem’s appearance.

  “Judgment!”

  Fizzy’s mouth invoked a Spell without its owner’s involvement. A large, semi-transparent club of pure light materialized out of thin air, smashing into the janther’s head with an upward swing. The sudden impact knocked the beast off the shiny Paladin and gave her some metaphorical breathing room. She held up the shield permanently attached to her left arm while her right hand tightened its grip on her oversized wrench. The janther draped in blue cloth – a sign of its allegiance to the Empire – shook off the sudden impact and lurched forward in an attempt to bite her in half.

  This time, however, the Paladin was ready for it. Her Champion of Chaos Skill successfully predicted the beast’s movements moments prior, allowing Fizzy to gracefully sidestep its jaws while twisting her body around. She used the motion’s momentum to take a full two-handed swing with her wrench. The nimble predator tried putting up both of its armored forelegs to block, but an unseen force made its special armaments suddenly feel a lot heavier. Thus, it was too slow to defend against the huge blow. The wrench-shaped hunk of steel then made contact with the right side of the beast’s skull.

  *THWACK*

  “Grhaaaarh!”

  The creature half-roared half-yelled as it reeled from the blow. While it did reflexively throw its head back to avoid some of the impact, it was still left momentarily stunned. Not one to let a chance slip by her, Fizzy chased after its head with a rapid step. She tightened her two-handed grip on the improvised mace and activated one of her newly-acquired Martial Arts while simultaneously invoking a Spell.

  “Grand Slam! Holy Light!”

  The weapon glowed red and swung towards the janther once again in a wide horizontal arc as a bright flash of divine magic enveloped the golem’s battered frame.

  *THWACK*

  The powerful attack landed cleanly, striking the beast’s fuzzy head with enough force to crack its thick skull. It might have even taken its head clean off if not for the monster’s powerful neck muscles. At the same time, her dents and scratches immediately buffed themselves out in a series of barely audible dings. The healing Spell’s influence even popped out the crossbow bolt stuck in her backside.

  “Grand Slam!”

  *THWACK*

  Without breaking her stride in the slightest, Fizzy spun around on her heel like a top and attacked the janther once again.

  “Grand Slam!”

  *THWACK*

  And then a third time.

  “Grand Slam! Judgment!”

  *THWACK*

  A Spell invocation immediately followed the next Martial Art’s activation. Both closed in on the beast’s heavily tenderized head like an overly enthusiastic vice. The Judgment Spell, which was a physical manifestation of a Paladin’s faith and holy power had taken the form of a plucked chicken, which thankfully was not detrimental to its effectiveness. Together with the empowered wrench swing, it crushed the overgrown meatbag’s battered cranium into something resembling a bag of chunky soup, instantly ending its life.

  “See?! Was that so hard?” Fizzy asked smugly.

  “Ugh, don’t be so proud of yourself for chanting a Spell or two,” her face turned sour. “I did all the work!”

  “Don’t be like that,” she replied to herself. “We all need a bit of- INCOMING!”

  Heeding her own warning, Fizzy turned around and covered herself with her shield as much as possible. A pure-white mass of cold struck the ground directly next to her, exploding in a wave of freezing air and shards of ice which threw her several meters to the side. She landed on her back and tried to scramble to her feet, but her left arm and leg no longer responded to her commands as they were encased in ice.

  “Fuck!” she cursed before she began chanting. “Cleanse!”

  A wave of divine energy washed over her and attempted to purge all the hostile magic afflicting her. The ice crystals around her limbs shattered, but she still couldn’t move them. She used her still-functioning right arm to toss the wrench into the path of an incoming Frostbolt. The magical projectile instantly encased her weapon in yet more ice. This rendered it largely unwieldable, but it was a better alternative than taking that Spell directly.

  “Cleanse!”

  Another attempt at dispelling the hostile magic saw Fizzy regain the use of her left arm, although her leg was still immobilized. She used what freedom she regained to put up her shield, trying to cover her head as much as possible.

  “Ice Beam!”

  “Rebound!”

  Two voices rang out as one. The Imperial Cryomancer shot a bright blue beam that hit her cursed and strangely sparkling shield. The defensive Martial Art deflected the spell, and it flew off harmlessly into the sky above her.

  “Shit,” she cursed under her breath. “Of course, it’s – Cleanse! – a blasted Cryomancer.”

  The third attempt finished purifying the lingering effects of that freezing explosion, allowing Fizzy full use of all her limbs. Which was good, because she would need them.

  Cryomancers were a pain in the ass for the Paladin to deal with. Cold and ice-based magic was the Bane of all metal golems – their elemental weakness. Not only did Fizzy take nearly twice as much damage from such sources, but they also caused her mechanical joints to seize up. Granted, ice magic’s most pronounced strong point was its ability to restrict movement, but it had a much more profound effect on Fizzy’s species. A metal golem’s pseudo-mechanical body required constant circulation of magical energy to function, not unlike how meatbags needed blood. However, extreme cold could disrupt or entirely halt this flow, effectively paralyzing a g
olem’s limbs.

  In short, Fizzy was at a huge disadvantage against a Cryomancer, especially if he was powerful enough to casually drop a Freezing Comet on her. Not to mention that her tussle with that janther and the general skull-smashing and spine-snapping she had been performing beforehand had left her MP in a rather dire state. Thankfully, she had just the thing to address both problems.

  A metallic clunk came from within her torso, followed by quiet, rhythmic clacking noises reminiscent of large gears one might find in a clocktower. Fizzy immediately flew into action and dashed to her left, cleanly avoiding the Cryomancer’s Ice Beam. The man was both shocked and impressed that she was able to dodge his Spell so easily. As its name implied, this magic moved nearly at the speed of light. It would only miss its target if they moved out of the way the moment the incantation was complete or if the caster’s aim was off. The seasoned Imperial veteran felt confident that this particular instance was the former case.

  Undeterred, the Cryomancer kept launching shards of ice at his target while she ran in a zig-zag pattern towards his general direction. However, none of his Spells connected – not even those covering a wide area. To the man’s mounting surprise, the anomalous metal golem kept using Holy Magic on herself as she sprinted at full speed. It was an act that defied common sense, and not only because an actual monster was freely wielding divine power. The mind literally didn’t have the leeway to do much else when casting a Spell. One could maybe take a step or two to adjust their position, but sprinting across a littered battlefield while dodging incoming attacks was completely out of the question.

  The human Spell-slinger steeled his resolved. He would not allow himself to be intimidated by this freak. He still had the advantage. Not only was he the metal golem’s natural enemy, but she seemed to lack the ability to attack him from a distance.

  Actually, that wasn’t quite true. The Cryomancer noticed what appeared to be a modified hand crossbow dangling from her hip. The weapon was fitted with a long metal tube where the bolt would usually be loaded, and its firing mechanism had been altered somehow. Furthermore, the device’s owner had a bunch of narrow metal cylinders strapped to her thighs. The Cryomancer hazarded a guess that they were ammunition for that strange weapon. The mithril golem confirmed the man’s suspicions when she expertly loaded one into the tube-bow.

  “Wind Wall!”

  The Cryomancer kept his cool and invoked a defensive Spell. Just as expected, the monster shot that bulky projectile at him. The powerful updraft he conjured managed to sweep it up and fling it into the air, far away from him. He was thankful it was lighter than it looked, otherwise it would have hit him. Plus, given how it exploded in a plume of smoke and shrapnel somewhere in the distance, it was probably a very good thing that he avoided it. If this was all the golem could throw at him, he was in the clear.

  He only had to keep his cool and steady his aim.

  Since her improvised grenade launcher didn’t work, Fizzy had to try something new. She couldn’t close on the Cryomancer just yet, so she raised a hand towards her dropped weapon and activated the Magnetize Skill. The lump of metal encased in ice suddenly flew towards her. Once the wrench, or rather the ice covering the wrench, was glued to her palm, the golem shifted her arm so that it pointed towards her opponent. She stopped ‘pulling’ with Magnetize and instead ‘pushed,’ sending the wrench flying towards the Cryomancer’s upper body. It flew straight through the Wind Wall, its mass too great for the curtain of air to handle.

  “Crystal Shell!”

  The magic user kept his guard up and immediately responded with one of his Job’s trademark defensive Spells, which conjured a thin bubble of transparent ice around him. Although it looked incredibly fragile at a glance, it had more than enough defensive power to deflect that incoming projectile. Just as he expected, even though it smashed into his barrier with great force, it wasn’t nearly enough to break through.

  In the next moment, the incendiary grenade attached to the back of said projectile exploded, enveloping the shell in flames. Non-magical fire couldn’t trump magical ice, however. The Crystal Shell effortlessly repulsed the damaging effects of the rampaging flames even though the highly-flammable substance inside that grenade stuck to its surface. The flames died out almost immediately, but the ones that landed on the ground in front of him were a different matter. The rampaging inferno burned bright, which combined with the smoke it raised from the damp grass to obscure the Cryomancer’s field of view.

  The human correctly guessed this was a distraction intended to cover the little golem while it got closer, but he wouldn’t let that lump of scrap have her way so easily. He pulled five prepared Spell Crystals from his belt pouch and activated them with a keyword. After ‘cooking’ them for a second or two, he disabled his barrier and threw them haphazardly in the general direction he expected his opponent to be.

  In the next instant, his world was dyed white. The flames around him were doused, bitingly frigid winds whistled past his ears, and the air was filled with ice and snow to the point where the morning sun was no longer visible. The five localized snowstorms caused by his pre-casted Whiteout Spells had merged into one gigantic blizzard. Unlike the actual Blizzard Spell, this one focused on restraining the movements of all caught within rather than showering them with shards of jagged ice.

  [Your target is pelted by snow and ice. Target HP -416.]

  [You feel a strong chill. HP -17.]

  Yet it still caused extraordinary damage. As expected, no matter how skilled or powerful a monster was, none of them could fight against their Bane. That golem might have been able to Cleanse herself out of the magically-induced frostbite earlier, but she couldn’t use that Spell fast enough to fight off five Whiteouts’ worth of freezing. She would surely succumb to the snowstorm’s cold embrace in seconds, rendering her incapable of moving so much as an eyelid. She had no hope of surviving, let alone escaping such extremely unfavorable conditions.

  [Your target is pelted by snow and ice. Target HP -431.]

  [You feel a strong chill. HP -16.]

  The Cryomancer, on the other hand, was almost completely unscathed. He had access to a special Skill called Sculpt Magic – an ability available to most offensive Caster Jobs at Level 45. It allowed the user to create pockets of safety within the effective area of certain Spells that drastically reduced damage dealt. The intent was to limit the amount of friendly fire during magical bombardment, although altering Spells this way also significantly increased their MP cost. That wasn’t a concern for this particular Cryomancer because he had stored the magical energy within Spell Crystals just before the skirmish had started. Thanks to that bit of preparation, all he had to do to claim victory against the strange golem was to chill in place while his opponent got chilled into the grave.

  [Your target is pelted by snow and ice. Target HP -440.]

  [You feel a strong chill. HP -16.]

  At least, that was how things should have gone, and the updates he received every few seconds supported this way of thinking. However, his confidence waned when he spotted a strange blob of light within the multi-layered Whiteout. He sharpened his glare and turned towards it, ready to act the instant he had clear sight of the enemy. At first, the man worried whether his powers of perception would prove sufficient, but such concerns were dashed moments later. He would have to be legally blind to not notice the eyesore of a golem charging straight at him.

  Fizzy’s body had heated up to the point where her pure-white plating glowed several shades of bright orange. Any snow or ice that made contact with her flamboyant frame instantly evaporated into puffs of steam that were swept away by the localized snowstorm. The crop-top, baggy pants, and heavy boots she was wearing must have been ridiculously fireproof to withstand the sweltering heat coming off of her. The same could be said of the bandolier across her chest and the pouches strapped to her hips, although their contents did give out a bit of ominous smoke. The enormous red wrench was still in her grip, although i
t looked like it would melt away before long.

  Though the unnatural heat allowed her to fight off the paralyzing effects of the cold, it also played havoc on her body. Bits of her plating were coming loose, her left arm had a weird bend to it, her right eye was stuck in place, and a trail of red-hot liquid dribbled out of the corner of her madly grinning mouth. Becoming a walking furnace did nothing to resist the damage taken from the Cryomancer’s magic. Though she could somewhat mitigate the debilitating effects of her Bane, it was impossible to fully nullify them. Such a weakness was the price monsters paid for being tougher, stronger, faster, and sometimes smarter than the enlightened.

  Thankfully for the Imperial Caster, it seemed as though the superheated construct was blinded at the moment. She appeared to be heading straight for the Cryomancer at first, but she abruptly changed direction. She hadn’t spotted him quite yet even though he could easily make out her shape. The disparity in perception was mostly due to the fact that she was lit up like a bonfire, whereas her opponent was not. The man was momentarily stunned by the sight and failed to take advantage of the situation. That smoldering silhouette resembled a vile demon straight out of his nightmares. It even looked like it had horns, although those were just Fizzy’s deformed pigtails.

  [Your target is pelted by snow and ice. Target HP -437.]

  [You feel a strong chill. HP -15.]

  To the Cryomancer’s continued fortune, the next mental update he received served to snap him back to his senses. He immediately took action. He held up his right hand and started preparing a Spell. A meter-long icy needle formed out of thin air and floated above his open palm. The magic let off a soft blue glow that rapidly grew brighter as the man-made frigid environment raised its power. This combination of Spells was a favorite of the Cryomancer’s, and with good reason. He was confident this empowered attack would be strong enough to pierce the golem’s torso. Doing so would severely damage her or even instantly kill her if he managed to nail her core. That wasn’t even accounting for her superheated state, which most likely rendered her mithril plating softer than usual.