A Father in the Making

by Marta Perry

  Nate flashed Jessica a wide, surprised gaze. Did Jason remember that Gracie was not Nate’s biological child? He spoke as if the fact had slipped his mind.

  Jessica shook her head briefly. There was no sense pressing the issue with Jason, who would probably forget again the moment they left the room. Strokes could play havoc on the mind.

  Besides, Jessica thought, in all the ways that mattered, Nate was Gracie’s father. There was far more than genetics involved here.

  Jason seemed to notice the silent exchange between Nate and Jessica, for his gaze focused on Jessica and the side of his mouth that worked correctly crooked up into a half smile.

  “And who is this lovely creature?”

  Nate rocked back on his heels, pressing Gracie close to his chest. “I’m sorry, Pop. I thought you already knew her. This is my...” he hesitated “...friend. Jessica Sabin.”

  Jessica noticed his hesitation and wondered if he’d been about to say something different, but she didn’t have time to dwell on it.

  “I’m the day care director, Mr. Morningway. I’ve been here at the lodge for about a year now. We’ve met before, at a couple of social events.”

  Jason frowned, the right side of his face crinkling to match the left. “I’m sorry. I don’t remember.”

  “Think nothing of it,” Jessica gently assured him. “There are so many people coming and going in and out of Morningway Lodge at any given time, you would be hard-pressed to remember names and faces. After a while, it all becomes a big blur. I can’t remember names to save my life—except, of course, for the kids I work with.” She chuckled.

  Jason settled back in his wheelchair, looking at ease once more. As Nate stood, he flashed Jessica a grateful smile and reached for her hand.

  “Jess has been a godsend,” he remarked. “She has really helped me out with Gracie. I would have been lost without her. She’s the resident expert where babies are concerned.”

  Jessica shrugged off the compliment, uncomfortable with the way both Nate and his father were beaming at her, as if she were someone special.

  Jason’s gaze dropped to where Nate’s and Jessica’s hands were joined, and he smiled crookedly again. “Such a lovely little family you have there, son.”

  Jason’s innocent comment sent such an intense bolt of shock through Jessica that she quivered as if she’d just been struck by lightning. She immediately snatched her hand away from Nate’s, feeling almost singed by the contact of his fingers.

  She expected the surprise in Nate’s gaze as his eyes met hers, but not the golden glimmer that spoke of something else entirely.

  Feeling branded by a look that surpassed even the touch of his hand, she quickly turned away, only to meet another familiar pair of eyes as she spotted Vince in the doorway behind them.

  Vince was leaning against the doorjamb, his arms crossed in front of him. For the briefest moment, Jessica glimpsed such a look of pain and betrayal that she winced inwardly.

  Then, just as quickly, Vince’s gaze became hooded under lowered brows. Cold, hard anger jetted from his eyes, replacing any other emotions Jessica had seen just a moment before; so swiftly, in fact, that she wondered if she’d seen anything else at all.

  “Right, Pop,” Vince growled. “What we have here is the perfect little family. Isn’t that just so sweet to see? How incredibly happy you must be that your prodigal son has returned.”

  Still glowering, Vince turned on his heels and swiftly stalked away before anyone could offer a reply to his harsh words.

  Jessica whirled around, wondering how to diffuse the situation. Not surprisingly, Nate was glowering at the now-empty doorway, and Jason’s expression was a mask of confusion, followed by a mixture of acknowledgment and regret.

  “Your brother is not happy.” Though Jason was stating the obvious, both Nate and Jessica stared at him as if he’d just made some spectacular revelation.

  “No kidding,” Nate groaned. “I’m sorry, Pop. I never should have come back here. I’m just making things worse for everybody.”

  “No.” Jason’s one-word response was clear and shrill and brooked no argument. The foggy look that usually clouded his eyes had dissipated completely and he was looking at Nate with cool lucidity.

  Nate’s eyebrows rose and his jaw dropped. Jessica thought her expression might mirror Nate’s, and she pinched her lips together to make sure her mouth was still firmly closed.

  “This is your home,” Jason continued. “You belong here. Gracie belongs here.”

  Privately, Jessica agreed with Jason’s assessment, but she knew it would take much more than a few simple words to convince Nate.

  “But Vince—” Nate started to argue, and then was cut off by his father’s harsh look.

  “Vince has not been happy for a very long time. Far before you came back home. I know you think you’re the cause of all his troubles, but you aren’t. Vince has many things to work through, but it will go better for him if he has his brother’s support.”

  “I don’t know, Pop.”

  Jason jerked his head to one side. “I raised two very stubborn sons.”

  Jessica pinched her lips again, this time to keep from smiling. She definitely agreed with Jason’s opinion of the relationship between Nate and Vince. She had never met two more willful men.

  Nate frowned and shrugged, but didn’t offer any further comment.

  Jason smiled, looking as if he’d won a battle. “Good, then,” he said, as if punctuating the conversation. “Now let me see my little granddaughter.”

  Chapter 8

  It wasn’t any real surprise to Nate that Jess had bowed out as soon as they’d left the main lodge. He didn’t know whether to be distressed or relieved. Clearly she didn’t want to talk about what had happened between Nate and his father—and most especially Vince—and Nate couldn’t say that he blamed her.

  He bundled Gracie back up in her snowsuit and plopped her into the backpack before swinging it on his back and adjusting the shoulder straps.

  “Ready to go, little lady?” he asked the squirming baby.

  Gracie patted him on the head, which he took as her version of “Let’s go!”

  Nate realized he had inadvertently thrust Jess right into the middle of a family squabble. In all fairness, she had known Vince longer than she’d known Nate. Not to mention the fact that Vince was Jess’s employer. It wouldn’t be right of Nate to make her choose between the two of them.

  He was certain she’d had no idea what she was getting into when she’d offered her support to him today. He hadn’t known it would go down like this.

  His father, at times lucid and at others frighteningly befuddled.

  Vince barging in on their reunion and disrupting what would otherwise have been a tender moment.

  Pop commenting on what a sweet little family Nate and Jess and Gracie made. Right out of left field, but dead on the money, Nate thought.

  At least on his and Gracie’s side of things, it certainly was. The more time he spent with Jess, the more time he wanted to spend with her. Although if he were honest, the look of utter shock and surprise on Jess’s face when Pop had made his pronouncement about their little family led Nate to believe Jess hadn’t thought about it as much as he had—if at all.

  Was she just being friendly to a hopeless-case marine and his baby? If the current he felt running so strongly between them ran no deeper than that on her side, how was he going to turn the stakes in his favor?

  It was more frightening to Nate to face rejection from Jess than to face danger or pain.

  The question now was definitely how, not if. Jess had become too much an ingrained part of his and Gracie’s life for Nate to even consider not pursuing a relationship with her. He’d never experienced the kinds of heartfelt sensations he did when he was around Jess. That had to count for something.

  He st
epped out of the lodge and absently noted that the weather was now cloudy and overcast, kind of like his mood right now, he thought. But he suddenly had to thrust those thoughts aside as he was confronted with a more immediate problem.

  Rather than hide out in his office as Nate would have expected his brother to do, Vince was at the side of the lodge, measuring and cutting long sections of two-by-fours, a baseball cap turned backward on his head and a pencil tucked behind his ear.

  Nate’s first thought was to turn another direction, but it was already too late for that. There was no avoiding Vince now.

  Vince, obviously spying Nate, had pulled himself to his full height and allowed the tape measure he was using to snap shut, echoing in the air. He stared at Nate as if he thought him from another planet.

  With a sigh, and an immediate, involuntary tightening of his shoulder muscles, Nate trod up to Vince and slid to a stop in the gravel. Vince glared at him, and Nate scowled back.

  “What is your problem, man?” he demanded, tightening his hold on the straps of the backpack cutting fiercely into his shoulders.

  As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Nate wished them back, but the damage was already done. Vince’s brow dropped so low Nate could barely see his blue eyes sparking with anger, and Vince clenched and unclenched his fists as if he was internally fighting the urge to strike out.

  Bring it on, Nate thought. This was a long time in coming.

  As an angry haze swept over him, he forced himself to take a mental step backward. This wasn’t the way to solve their problems.

  He was annoyed that his father’s reception had been so much warmer than Vince’s, but now he’d made it twenty times worse for himself with his big mouth. His father had been right to call him stubborn. He was that, and a dozen other bad qualities, all wrapped up in a big, oafish military frame.

  Would he ever take a clue from Jess and learn to control himself?

  “Sorry,” he apologized hastily. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded.”

  Vince’s scowl darkened even further. “I know exactly what you meant. Don’t try to sidestep the issue and take it back now.”

  “Look, I said I was sorry,” Nate said again, holding his hands out in a conciliatory manner. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

  “Ha!” Vince snorted. “What do you think? You’re about ten years too late asking that question, little brother.”

  What, Nate wondered, was that statement supposed to mean?

  Ten years ago, Vince hadn’t wanted anything to do with him. He was nothing more than a roadblock to Vince’s ambitions. Because Nate had left, and with his father’s subsequent stroke, Vince got everything he wanted—total control of the lodge.

  So what was his problem? If that was, in fact, what he had really wanted.

  Nate took a long look at his brother—really looked at him—for the first time since he’d returned home. Though he was only thirty years old, his face was weathered and stress lines were already forming. A lock of hair that fell down over his forehead from underneath the baseball cap was a premature silver.

  Was this what Vince wanted? Or had all this been thrust on him because Nate had left?

  For the first time, he saw his actions through his brother’s point of view, and he couldn’t help but wonder just how much of Vince’s stress and worry he had caused when he’d run off to join the military.

  “I wasn’t thinking of anyone but myself,” he said aloud.

  Vince quickly masked his surprise, but not before Nate had glimpsed it.

  “I apologize, bro. I never realized until this moment how I completely left you in the lurch when I enlisted,” Nate continued, suddenly yearning to put all his cards on the table. “Because of me, you’ve had the burden of running the lodge single-handedly. Maybe that’s how you wanted it. Maybe not. But I sure shouldn’t have left without telling you I was going.”

  There was a tense moment while Vince stared at him, slowly ingesting what he’d just said. The mountain, usually rife with sound—the wind rustling through the trees, the river in the distance rushing over jagged rocks, the birds and wildlife—was suddenly painfully silent.

  Nate held his breath and waited.

  Finally, Vince shrugged.

  “What’s done is done,” he said, sounding lofty and philosophical in his tone. “There’s no sense talking about it.”

  Nate swallowed hard, wondering if this might be Vince’s awkward way of showing forgiveness, if it might be the first step in reconciliation between them.

  Nate didn’t know, but he could hope. The tension didn’t leave his shoulders as he held out his hand to shake Vince’s.

  “I’m glad to be back home,” he said huskily. To his own surprise, he realized he meant it.

  Vince eyed Nate’s extended hand for a moment, then raised one eyebrow and spun away, snapping his tape measure against a beam of wood and concentrating on his project as if he and Nate had never spoken at all.

  As if Nate wasn’t still standing there, waiting for...something.

  Nate dropped his arm, experiencing a wave of defeat that nearly overwhelmed him. His father’s happy reception had given him a false sense of hope. He should have known Vince wouldn’t back down so easily.

  If there was a way to get back into Vince’s good graces, Nate didn’t know what it was.

  Back in Vince’s good graces?

  Ha! Who was he trying to kid?

  He’d never been on Vince’s good side, and at the rate he was going now, he never would be.

  Maybe it was time to buck up and face the truth. He wasn’t wanted here. Like he’d said to his father, coming home had done more harm than good.

  But, knowing Jess was here at Morningway Lodge, a place that represented all that was bad about Nate’s life, could he still consider leaving?

  He snorted aloud, shook his head.

  Not a chance.

  His feelings for Jess were simply too strong to ignore, and his brother was just going to have to learn to deal with it, or simply ignore him the way he had done when they were kids.

  Because he wasn’t leaving.

  * * *

  Jessica hadn’t bothered fussing with a big dinner for herself. Instead, she’d put a can of tomato soup on the stove and grilled a cheese sandwich, washing it down with a tall glass of milk. Usually she enjoyed cooking, even if it was just for herself, but tonight her heart hadn’t been in it.

  Knowing she was going to be an emotional basket case if she held it all in, she allowed herself the luxury of grieving for the past. There were times, she knew, when the best way around an obstacle was through it, and this had been one of those nights.

  She’d taken out her baby album and spent the evening with the paradoxically joyful and heartbreaking memories of her daughter, Elizabeth.

  No matter what, she promised herself she would not dwell on the events of the past afternoon; but try as she might, Jason’s confused words echoed over and over again in her consciousness.

  Such a lovely little family.

  She wondered what Nate would have said about his father’s observation if Vince hadn’t shown up when he did, and then decided it didn’t matter.

  Okay, so maybe it did matter, but she wasn’t going to think about it.

  When she finally drifted off to sleep late in the evening, it wasn’t into her usual stress-induced black void. Rather, her dreams were filled with a handsome marine and his baby girl.

  * * *

  When Jessica awoke the next morning, it was with a joyful heart and a thankful spirit. It was Sunday, and as was her usual habit, she would go to church and worship God, laying all of her burdens down at His feet.

  As she suspected, the worship service was just what she’d needed. She returned home with her heart much lighter and her soul refreshed, scrubbed clean and ready for a new
week, her focus on God.

  Her mind was still humming a praise song as she approached her cabin and exited her SUV, so she did not, at first, notice the note taped to her front door.

  When she did, she reached for the ragged piece of paper and tore it off in surprise.

  Her name was written in a big, bold script on the back side of an old gas receipt.

  Jess—

  Gracie and I stopped by your cabin, but you weren’t home. Guessing you’re at church. Anyway, call me or come by when you have a chance.

  —Nate

  Jessica crumpled the note in her fist and held it close to her heart, trying to steady the sudden upswing in her breathing pattern. There was simply no denying the way her pulse leaped at the knowledge that Nate wanted to see her, nor the way her gut tightened painfully in response.

  It was an oddly pleasant form of torture, she mused thoughtfully; and the funny part was, she was doing this to herself.

  What did Nate want?

  Could it be possible that he was going to tell her he was planning to stay at the lodge? Permanently?

  She smiled to herself as she remembered the utter joy and relief apparent on his face after he had reconciled with his father.

  Did she dare to hope?

  But the past clouded her future. In her mind, she acknowledged that having had one bad relationship with a terrible outcome didn’t necessarily doom her to an entire lifetime of bad relationships; but in her heart, not so much.

  The truth was, she accepted silently, she was a total coward.

  She was afraid to fall in love again. Because if she opened herself to loving, she would also open herself to losing.

  Was that a risk she was willing to take?

  * * *

  Nate had just put Gracie down for the night when Jess knocked on his door. He grinned broadly as he let her in, especially when he saw the plate of delicious, still-warm-from-the-oven chocolate brownies she’d brought along with her.