Deviant Evolution
Page 8
He pinned me there with a hand around my throat, and I loved the feel of his control.
We both groaned as the thick length breached my entrance. My legs wrapped around his waist as I pulled his face to mine so I could suck and bite on his lips.
“So eager for my cock,” he growled. His mouth opened over mine to plunder as his cock pounded into my pussy. He had always fucked me with barely tempered aggression, but something had changed over the last few days. He was rougher with me, fingers bruising where they gripped.
A sensation of loss assaulted me at the thought of never having this again, never feeling him inside me, never seeing his face. My climax ripped through me without warning. My scream of pleasure loud enough to make me grateful Merry wasn’t in the adjoining room.
It seemed as if Ethan was caught in the same madness, and he threw his head back and roared as he filled me with his cum.
Breathing heavy as we came down, we gazed at each other.
Something was happening that I couldn’t quite explain.
I thought Ethan might have sensed it too, but then he frowned at his wrist device. Straightening both of us out, he pressed a soft kiss to my lips and left.
As the door clicked shut on his retreating figure, I suffered the loss like I was already removed from this world. I did not know myself anymore, and yet I was still a doctor, and I was determined to find that part of me again.
Could I be both? Could I be an Omega and a rational doctor?
I thought I could. And as begrudging as I was for these circumstances first Ryker, and now Ethan were driving Erison and the committee to restore greater and greater rights to me, within the program. My excitement rose at the thought of once more, playing an active role.
How far have I fallen to be excited by scraps?
And yet small steps led to bigger ones.
Only yesterday before we left to see my mother, I had been ecstatic as I told Ethan my tests had yielded favorable results.
He had kissed me and told me I was beautiful.
It was the first time in my life I had felt seen.
My father, for all his love, had been waiting for me to reveal. And my work here was an indulgence he allowed me before I settled with an Alpha. I knew he expected me to find a permanent bond and live happily producing heirs.
I was twenty-five when I revealed, and I hadn’t expected to have children at all. I had forced my mind to reject it because I had presumed it would never happen. It was proving harder than I expected to undo my own self-imposed conditioning.
Yet, the thought of a child with Ryker’s eyes or Ethan’s beautiful smile filled me with an unexpected longing.
I took a deep breath.
One tiny step at the time.
Their expectations were unknown to me. I had assumed they were allocated to me as a temporary arrangement driven from the hospital fiasco, and I would eventually be released to find a more suitable partner.
That thought made me feel sick.
I didn’t want anyone else and yet I couldn’t keep both of them. My current Controllers had other roles to fulfill that did not include babysitting me.
I had let myself fall.
For both of them.
I sat there staring at the closed office door where Ethan had left a moment ago, my mind struggling with this revelation.
Now I had no idea what to do next.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
After the shared-dream incident, I took a far greater interest in the nature of the tests. I had been invested before, but now, I was relentless. I recommended we use different test subjects…in the interests of providing a larger sample.
And I performed private research, which I did not record in our database. Instead, I kept a brief summary of the details in my personal diary when in the privacy of my home.
There were indications of other benefits, such as heightened mental acumen, and changes to the nervous system that I have yet to fully understand.
Tsing thought the changes were temporary…but I believe this might not be the case.
I believe the changes might ‘lock-in’ after a number of iterations, although I didn’t know how many it might take.
And I didn’t yet know what the changes to the nervous system might do…but I thought they were related to the shared-dream psychic connection…and I thought they might lock-in, too.
Doctor Lillian Brach
MY LAB WAS a short walk from my office. Finishing with the report, I made my way over, determined to bury myself, once again, in work. It was quiet when I entered; a couple of Betas, busy with samples from the latest batch of potential candidates for the Omega program. I headed into the back, through the door, and on to the secure laboratory where the viral samples were kept.
A state-of-the-art analysis machine was housed in the lab. It could be used to work with samples directly, but could also provide theoretical analysis, and the operator could choose to record or erase the data at the end of the session.
It felt like forever since I had taken time for my private research. We were all settling in to the new location still, and it took me time to get my personal project reinstated. My personal project was the cover I needed to work independently, and more importantly, in private.
I was highly cognizant that Ethan had been taking my blood for an extended period that would bring him perilously close to the danger zone of a psychic connection. There had been a gap while I was in transit with Ryker.
I was taking a calculated risk in reviewing the old data.
Tolis and the testing with Beta candidates were many weeks ago. It was over a year, since the early tests using repeated test subjects had resulted in the first shared dream. I had thought the results to be emblazoned on my mind, but as I brought up the data cubes into the analysis software, some glaring facts presented themselves.
A typical flush could produce about a pint of excess blood. Extraction was slow and painful, and rarely did Tsing manage to extract the full amount.
During trials, this had been distributed between ten test subjects.
I was presently flushing with far more proliferation. The presence of an Alpha, their growls, and the methods they employed to control me resulted in so much excess blood that they were taking this much individually, perhaps more.
What I didn’t know was whether it was the iterative interaction with my blood, or the quantity of my blood, which resulted in the connection forming. Both Ethan and Ryker had already ingested the quantities of my blood that would have taken several months for the test subjects to accumulate.
There were far too many possibilities and permutations, but however I sliced this cake, I was sure I was close to the danger zone. They were both Alphas, while the test subjects had been Betas, and I thought that might also have some influence on the chance of connectivity. It wasn’t unusual for an Alpha and Omega to experience a psychic connection of sorts once bonded. This was more of an awareness of mood—most bonded pairs, particularly during pregnancy, did not like to be apart.
Dream sharing was unheard of.
I had no idea what this meant, but I needed to learn more, and fast. The virus was changing, evolving and taking the once human hosts with it. I represented the next stage of that evolution. My father was an Alpha and my mother a Mu, I was doomed to be a dynamic at birth because the virus was part of every dynamic’s DNA.
They still infected children of non-dynamic pairings in an attempt to further permeate dynamic presence throughout the Empire.
If I was part of a new evolution, what would my blood be doing to Ethan and Ryker?
My ‘loaded’ blood could boost cell regeneration at levels similar to a Healer. Additionally, the recipient received a temporary increase of stamina, energy, strength, and reduced sensitivity to pain. The effects were lingering longer, Ethan had said so himself. But what about the less obvious changes—the ones that impacted the brain?
I was surprised, and glad that I had already planned a way to replace the data
quickly, when I noticed Tsing approaching.
I wasn’t supposed to meet him unless Ethan was with me. Was he merely passing through the lab when he spotted me or was this a purposeful crossing of our paths? We hadn’t been alone for more than moments since the charity ball.
I didn’t know him anymore.
And I didn’t want him snooping around what I was doing. Was this anything to do with my questions about the Omega workstream? I didn’t have a say in the program anymore. He had made this abundantly clear earlier. No need for him to emphasize the point.
He had been my friend once, my research partner. When had bitterness replaced the once easy companionship? Was it when I was given the Program Directorship? No, I thought it might have been earlier.
He took the high stool beside me, his fine-blond hair was swept back from his face, and regarded me through dark, almond-shaped eyes looking out from a brilliant mind. “I know you are thinking about running,” he said.
My eyes widened. Had I been better prepared, I would have covered that tell.
His smile was wry, and it reminded me of the old Erison Tsing, the man who had once been my friend. I had to shake myself and remember this wasn’t the case anymore. “This isn’t for you, Lillian.” He gestured at me. “A life under the domination of a brute.” His lips curled. “It is a slow death for you.”
My heart beat an elevated tattoo in my chest. “I’m adjusting,” I said.
His raised brow said he wasn’t buying my lie. I’d never been good at masking my feelings from anyone, and despite our more recent distance, Erison knew me well.
“We have not been close of late,” he said, mirroring my thoughts. “It saddens me, as I know it saddens you.” He shrugged. “You know excessive ambition was, and ever will be my greatest challenge. When you first revealed, I thought only of how it would impact me.” His earnest eyes held mine. “You always kept me in line. I miss you.”
Somewhere between confusion and hope was a meeting place, and his words found me there. “I thought you were coming over to have words about me daring to question your figures.”
He chuckled. “I don’t mind you questioning my figures. That’s all part of the Lilly that I miss…Besides, there is nothing you can question that the auditors haven’t already dissected to the nth degree,” he added dryly. “Our program appears to warrant excessive attention.”
It warmed me that he referred to it as ‘our program’. It had been so long since he had spoken to me with more than clinical detachment. Erison was an intelligent man, and I admired him. In our early days, we had been each other’s balance. His driven genius could sometimes produce ethically questionable decisions, and I had tempered that. He had teased me about it once, said I kept him on the right path on the occasions when he was tempted to stray. He’d even admitted I was the best person for the job of Program Director.
His hand covered mine where it rested on the laboratory table. “You changed when you became an Omega. You can’t help that, and I understand how hard those changes were.”
I nodded. He was right, about all of it.
“I can’t run,” I said. His hand withdrew. “Where would I go? You’re right, this isn’t for me. But I don’t know what else to do.”
“I haven’t handled this well,” he said earnestly. “When you revealed, it changed our partnership. I felt like you had abandoned me.”
His smile was cynical. “It was selfish of me, I know. I’m trying—could try harder.” He chuckled and rolled his eyes in a manner that reminded me of the old Erison.
I softened toward him, then. He wasn’t perfect, no one was. I had taken questionable actions myself. I’d attempted to subvert the program for goodness sake. I knew how much was at stake when it came to the war, had now experienced it firsthand. Perhaps my failures were equal or worse.
“I wanted to honor you with the new program here. I had a speech prepared, explaining how your work had inspired the new direction.” His lips twisted, and shadows entered his expression. “And then I stood there watching that beast paw you, and I couldn’t think, let alone deliver the speech.”
A little piece of my soul broke. Strangely, I thought he might love me—an emotional quagmire I was reluctant to explore.
“Thank you,” I said simply. Terrible guilt assuaged me. I had been so angry when I heard his opening speech—had assumed the worst. “I was angry for a long time after I revealed. It was hard to watch the program I’d worked on, go to you. Many of the changes were hard, but that one was the hardest.”
“I petitioned the steering committee privately to reinstate your project,” he said.
I swallowed past a painful lump. I’d assumed it had been Ethan’s influence, but it appeared I had another person in my corner. What was happening to me? Had my misery blinded me to the world around me? Had I misinterpreted everything as a threat?
“I thought it might help,” he continued. “I wasn’t expecting the other one to turn up.” He sneered in open disgust. “It can’t be easy for you. I will miss you. Whatever happens, I will miss you.”
His words brought a tightness to my chest. I’d been trying to ignore what was happening, but his acknowledgment drove it home.
“If you want me to help you leave, I will. I have contacts who can find you a place far from here, and enough official suppressants to last you a lifetime. Drugs that can reduce the scent, too. You’ll never pass for a non-dynamic, but you could live as a Beta, and no one would know otherwise.”
My eyes widened, and he smiled. “Yes, I know you were making your own. I was terrified when I found out. You must know how dangerous that was?”
“Yes,” I said. At the time, I hadn’t a clue what else to do.
“I’m going to lose you anyway. We both know you’ll be expected to leave the program once you’re breeding. I doubt you’ll get through the next heat without catching. No Alpha will allow his Omega to continue to work, and you’ll be expected to conform.”
“I don’t exactly look like a Beta,” I said, but I was exploring his suggested option with burgeoning hope.
“People see what they want to,” he said. “No one expected you to become an Omega so late. Assumptions are made all the time.”
“This is a lot to take in,” I said. Then, the arrival of Ethan and Ryker had thrown more confusion into the mix. Had Erison given me this proposal a few weeks ago, I wouldn’t have hesitated. Why was I hesitating now? “What about the flushing?”
“If you lead a simple life, it should never be a problem. But you could take the equipment with you as a backup.” His lips twitched. “I know you thought I was hard on you while we were on the ship. Once I learned you had been allocated a Controller, I was driven—in my usual excessive way—to find a way to suppress the flushing. I failed. And I don’t know what else to try. In the end, I couldn’t face hurting you even to help you.”
“Thank you for trying.” My heart ached with his confession. I had read him wrong. He had been trying to help me all along, and I had hated him for it. I was drowning in a river of my own shame.
“My offer stands if you wish it. It won’t be a life to rival what you have known, but you will be comfortable. And if you change your mind later on, you can always return. This way, you have some time to reach decisions for yourself without pressure.”
No one had ever done this for me. I was overwhelmed—completely.
As he rose from the chair, his hand pressed lightly to my shoulder and squeezed. “Say the word, and it will happen.”
I needed time to process Erison’s offer. It was almost too good to be true.
I didn’t want to flee the world forever, but the thought of having time to myself, a reprieve where I could decide without other influences, was a gift beyond compare.
I had done Erison wrong and misjudged him—badly.
Finishing with the samples, I headed back to my office. My steps felt lighter like an enormous weight had been lifted from my shoulder.
It felt good
to have a choice. Now I needed to make a decision.
CHAPTER TWELVE
SHE WAS STANDING at the window when I walked in. There was no reaction for a split second…then her head whipped around. “What are you doing here? Where is Ethan?”
“He’s busy.”
“Busy?” She backed up, coming to an abrupt halt when she hit the window. She was skittish, and her eyes darted to the door like she was expecting it to burst open and Ethan to storm in.
I glanced back at the closed door. “Merry is taking a break,” I said, returning my attention to the sweet, little Omega prey trembling and trapped. “Ethan’s been called to a meeting. No one is going to interrupt us.” Or save you. I’d been plotting how to get her alone the moment I arrived. I knew Ethan was a possessive prick—he exceeded my lofty expectations. I’d play the good little second to his face, but I fully intended to fuck the little beauty I thought of as mine the moment he turned his back.
I could be inventive when I needed to be. Ethan was going to find himself tied up in all kinds of inconvenient ways over the foreseeable future if he didn’t learn how to share.
I cupped her cheek, eased in nice and close and breathed in her scent. I could smell Ethan on her, which pissed me off. But I could also smell her, and I would tolerate anything for that. “Hush,” I said, gathering her close. I was acting like a dick; she was terrified Ethan would arrive and kill me—but all I cared about was getting my cock between her legs.
Her lips trembled, and my body drew taut as her first tear fell. She was worried for me, genuinely so. The beating dead lump in my chest could only wonder.
“Please, he’s going to hurt you—kill you—if he finds you touching me. He was here earlier! He could come back.”
I kissed her tears away because they were destroying me and unhinging me all at the same time. I wasn’t a man who wasted time on sentimentality. I loved fucking, and I loved killing, and I loved the life that allowed me to do both. But Lilly’s tears did something awful to me, made me want to destroy the source of her angst, and then fuck her in a pool of her tormenter’s blood.