Works of E F Benson

by E. F. Benson

  Suddenly her eyes grew round and awestruck, and pointing with her finger to Georgie’s shoulder, she went off into another yell of laughter.

  “Ursy! His hair!” she said, and buried her face in a soft cushion.

  Naturally Georgie had not put his hair in order when he came downstairs, for nobody thinks about things like that when he is going to encounter burglars single-handed, and there was his bald pate and his long tresses hanging down one side.

  It was most annoying, but when an irremediable annoyance has absolutely occurred, the only possible thing for a decent person to do is to take it as lightly as possible. Georgie rose gallantly to the occasion, gave a little squeal and ran from the room.

  “Down again presently,” he called out, and had a heavy fall on the stairs, as he went up to his bedroom. There he had a short argument with himself. It was possible to slam his door, go to bed, and be very polite in the morning. But that would never do: Hermy and Ursy would have a joke against him forever. It was really much better to share in the joke, identifying himself with it. So he brushed his hair in the orthodox fashion, put on a very smart dressing-gown, and came tripping downstairs again.

  “My dears, what fun!” he said. “Let’s all have supper. But let’s move into the dining-room, where there’s a table, and I’ll get another bottle of wine, and some glasses, and we’ll bring Tipsipoozie in. You naughty girls, fancy arriving at a time like this. I suppose your plan was to go very quietly to bed, and come down to breakfast in the morning, and give me a fine surprise. Tell me about it now.”

  So presently Tipsipoozie was having his marmalade, which did just as well as jam, and they were all eating slices off the ham, and stuffing them into split buns.

  “Yes, we thought we might as well do it all in one go,” said Hermy, “and it’s a hundred and twenty miles, if it’s a yard. And then it was so late when we got here, we thought we wouldn’t disturb you, specially as the drawing-room window wasn’t bolted.”

  “Bicycles outside,” said Ursy, “they’ll just have to be out at grass till morning. Oh, Tipsi-ipsi-poozie-woozy, how is you? Hope he behaved like the good little Tiptree that he is, Georgie?”

  “O yes, we made great friends,” said Georgie sketchily. “He was wee bit upset at the station, but then he had a good tea with his Uncle Georgie and played hide and seek.”

  Rather rashly, Georgie made a face at Tiptree, the sort of face which amuses children. But it didn’t amuse Tiptree, who made another face, in which teeth played a prominent part.

  “Fool-dog,” said Hermy, carelessly smacking him across the nose. “Always hit him if he shows his teeth, Georgie. Pass the fizz.”

  “Well, so we got through the drawing-room window,” continued Ursy, “and golly, we were hungry. So we foraged, and there we were! Jolly plucky of you, Georgie, to come down and beard us.”

  “Real sport,” said Hermy. “And how’s old Fol-de-rol-de-ray? Why didn’t she come down and fight us, too?”

  Georgie guessed that Hermy was making a humourous allusion to Foljambe, who was the one person in Riseholme whom his two sisters seemed to hold in respect. Ursy had once set a booby-trap for Georgie, but the mixed biscuits and Brazil nuts had descended on Foljambe instead. On that occasion Foljambe, girt about in impenetrable calm, had behaved as if nothing had happened and trod on biscuits and Brazil nuts without a smile, unaware to all appearance that there was anything whatever crunching and exploding beneath her feet. That had somehow quelled the two, who, as soon as she left the room again, swept up the mess, and put the uninjured Brazil nuts back into the dessert dish…. It would never do if Foljambe lost her prestige and was alluded to by some outrageously slangy name.

  “If you mean Foljambe,” said Georgie icily, “it was because I didn’t think it worth while to disturb her.”

  In spite of their ride, the indefatigable sisters were up early next morning, and the first thing Georgie saw out of his bathroom window was the pair of them practising lifting shots over the ducking pond on the green till breakfast was ready. He had given a short account of last night’s adventure to Foljambe when she called him, omitting the episode about his hair, and her disapproval was strongly indicated by her silence then, and the studied contempt of her manner to the sisters when they came in to breakfast.

  “Hullo, Foljambe,” said Hermy. “We had a rare lark last night.”

  “So I understand, miss,” said Foljambe.

  “Got in through the drawing-room window,” said Hermy, hoping to make her smile.

  “Indeed, miss,” said Foljambe. “Have you any orders for the car, sir?”

  “Oh, Georgie, may we run over to the links this morning?” asked Hermy. “Mayn’t Dickie-bird take us there?”

  She glanced at Foljambe to see whether this brilliant wit afforded her any amusement. Apparently it didn’t.

  “Tell Dicky to be round at half-past ten,” said Georgie.

  “Yes, sir.”

  “Hurrah!” said Ursy. “Come, too, Foljambe, and we’ll have a three-ball match.”

  “No, thank you, miss,” said Foljambe, and sailed from the room, looking down her nose.

  “Golly, what an iceberg!” said Hermy when the door was quite shut.

  Georgie was not sorry to have the morning to himself, for he wanted to have a little quiet practice at the Mozart trio, before he went over to Lucia’s at half-past eleven, the hour when she had arranged to run through it for the first time. He would also have time to do a few posturing exercises before the first Yoga-class, which was to take place in Lucia’s smoking-parlour at half-past twelve. That would make a pretty busy morning, and as for the afternoon, there would be sure to be some callers, since the arrival of his sisters had been expected, and after that he had to go to the Ambermere Arms for his visit to Olga Bracely…. And what was he to do about her with regard to Lucia? Already he had been guilty of disloyalty, for Lady Ambermere had warned him of the prima-donna’s arrival yesterday, and he had not instantly communicated that really great piece of news to Lucia. Should he make such amends as were in his power for that omission, or, greatly daring, should he keep her to himself, as Mrs Quantock so fervently wished that she had done with regard to the Guru? After the adventure of last night, he felt he ought to be able to look any situation in the face, but he found himself utterly unable to conceive himself manly and erect before the bird-like eyes of the Queen, if she found out that Olga Bracely had been at Riseholme for the day of her garden-party, and that Georgie, knowing it and having gone to see her, had not informed the Court of that fact.

  The spirit of Bolshevism, the desire to throw off all authority and act independently, which had assailed him yesterday returned now with redoubled force. If he had been perfectly certain that he would not be found out, there is no doubt he would have kept it from her, and yet, after all, what was the glory of going to see Olga Bracely (and perhaps even entertaining her here) if all Riseholme did not turn green with jealousy? Moreover there was every chance of being found out, for Lady Ambermere would be at the garden party tomorrow, and she would be sure to wonder why Lucia had not asked Olga. Then it would come out that Lucia didn’t know of that eminent presence, and Lady Ambermere would be astonished that Georgie had not told her. Thus he would be in the situation which his imagination was unable to face, although he had thrown the drawing room door open in the middle of the night, and announced that he would fire with his poker.

  No; he would have to tell Lucia, when he went to read the Mozart trio with her for the first time, and very likely she would call on Olga Bracely herself, though nobody had asked her to, and take all the wind out of Georgie’s sails. Sickening though that would be, he could not face the alternative, and he opened his copy of the Mozart trio with a sigh. Lucia did push and shove, and have everything her own way. Anyhow he would not tell her that Olga and her husband were dining at The Hall tonight; he would not even tell her that her husband’s name was Shuttleworth, and Lucia might make a dreadful mistake, and ask Mr and Mrs
Bracely. That would be jam for Georgie, and he could easily imagine himself saying to Lucia, “My dear, I thought you must have known that she had married Mr Shuttleworth and kept her maiden name! How tarsome for you! They are so touchy about that sort of thing.”

  Georgie heard the tinkle of the treble part of the Mozart trio (Lucia always took the treble, because it had more tune in it, though she pretended that she had not Georgie’s fine touch, which made the bass effective) as he let himself in to Shakespeare’s garden a few minutes before the appointed time. Lucia must have seen him from the window, for the subdued noise of the piano ceased even before he had got as far as Perdita’s garden round the sundial, and she opened the door to him. The far-away look was in her eyes, and the black undulations of hair had encroached a little on her forehead, but, after all, others besides Lucia had trouble with their hair, and Georgie only sympathized.

  “Georgino mio!” she said. “It is all being so wonderful. There seems a new atmosphere about the house since my Guru came. Something holy and peaceful; do you not notice it?”

  “Delicious!” said Georgie, inhaling the pot-pourri. “What is he doing now?”

  “Meditating, and preparing for our class. I do hope dear Daisy will not bring in discordant elements.”

  “Oh, but that’s not likely, is it?” said Georgie. “I thought he said she had so much light.”

  “Yes, he did. But now he is a little troubled about her, I think. She did not want him to go away from her house, and she sent over here for some silk pyjamas belonging to her husband, which he thought she had given him. But Robert didn’t think so at all. The Guru brought them across yesterday after he had left good thoughts for her in her house. But it was the Guides who wished him to come here; they told him so distinctly. It would have been very wrong of me not to do as they said.”

  She gave a great sigh.

  “Let us have an hour with Mozart,” she said “and repel all thought of discord. My Guru says that music and flowers are good influences for those who are walkers on the Way. He says that my love for both of them which I have had all my life will help me very much.”

  For one moment the mundane world obtruded itself into the calm peace.

  “Any news in particular?” she asked. “I saw you drive back from the station yesterday afternoon, for I happened to be looking out of the window, in a little moment of leisure — the Guru says I work too hard, by the way — and your sisters were not with you. And yet there were two cabs, and a quantity of luggage. Did they not come?”

  Georgie gave a respectably accurate account of all that had happened, omitting the fact of his terror when first he awoke, for that was not really a happening, and had had no effect on his subsequent proceedings. He also omitted the adventure about his hair, for that was quite extraneous, and said what fun they had all had over their supper at half past two this morning.

  “I think you were marvellously brave, Georgie,” said she, “and most good natured. You must have been sending out love, and so were full of it yourself, and that casts out fear.”

  She spread the music open.

  “Anything else?” she asked.

  Georgie took his seat and put his rings on the candle-bracket.

  “Oh yes,” he said, “Olga Bracely, the prima-donna, you know, and her husband are arriving at the Ambermere Arms this afternoon for a couple of days.”

  The old fire kindled.

  “No!” exclaimed Lucia. “Then they’ll be here for my party tomorrow. Fancy if she would come and sing for us! I shall certainly leave cards today, and write later in the evening, asking her.”

  “I have been asked to go and see her,” said Georgie, not proudly.

  The music rest fell down with a loud slap, but Lucia paid no attention.

  “Let us go together then,” she said. “Who asked you to call on her?”

  “Lady Ambermere,” said he.

  “When she was in here yesterday? She never mentioned it to me. But she would certainly think it very odd of me not to call on friends of hers, and be polite to them. What time shall we go?”

  Georgie made up his mind that wild horses should not drag from him the fact that Olga’s husband’s name was Shuttleworth, for here was Lucia grabbing at his discovery, just as she had grabbed at Daisy’s discovery who was now “her Guru.” She should call him Mr Bracely then.

  “Somewhere about six, do you think?” said he, inwardly raging.

  He looked up and distinctly saw that sharp foxy expression cross Lucia’s face, which from long knowledge of her he knew to betoken that she had thought of some new plan. But she did not choose to reveal it and re-erected the music-rest.

  “That will do beautifully,” she said. “And now for our heavenly Mozart. You must be patient with me, Georgie, for you know how badly I read. Caro! How difficult it looks. I am frightened! Lucia never saw such a dwefful thing to read!”

  And it had been those very bars, which Georgie had heard through the open window just now.

  “Georgie’s is much more dwefful!” he said, remembering the double sharp that came in the second bar. “Georgie fwightened too at reading it. O-o-h,” and he gave a little scream. “Cattivo Mozart to wite anything so dwefful diffy!”

  It was quite clear at the class this morning that though the pupils were quite interested in the abstract messages of love which they were to shoot out in all directions, and in the atmosphere of peace with which they were to surround themselves, the branch of the subject which thrilled them to the marrow was the breathing exercises and contortions which, if persevered in, would give them youth and activity, faultless digestions and indefatigable energy. They all sat on the floor, and stopped up alternate nostrils, and held their breath till Mrs Quantock got purple in the face, and Georgie and Lucia red, and expelled their breath again with sudden puffs that set the rushes on the floor quivering, or with long quiet exhalations. Then there were certain postures to be learned, in one of which, entailing the bending of the body backwards, two of Georgie’s trouser-buttons came off with a sharp snap and he felt the corresponding member of his braces, thus violently released, spring up to his shoulder. Various other embarrassing noises issued from Lucia and Daisy that sounded like the bursting of strings and tapes, but everybody pretended to hear nothing at all, or covered up the report of those explosions with coughings and clearings of the throat. But apart from these discordances, everything was fairly harmonious indeed, so far from Daisy introducing discords, she wore a fixed smile, which it would have been purely cynical to call superior, when Lucia asked some amazingly simple question with regard to Om. She sighed too, at intervals, but these sighs were expressive of nothing but patience and resignation, till Lucia’s ignorance of the most elementary doctrines was enlightened, and though she rather pointedly looked in any direction but hers, and appeared completely unaware of her presence, she had not, after all, come here to look at Lucia, but to listen to her own (whatever Lucia might say) Guru.

  At the end Lucia, with her far-away look, emerged, you might say, in a dazed condition from hearing about the fastness of Thibet, where the Guru had been in commune with the Guides, whose wisdom he interpreted to them.

  “I feel such a difference already,” she said dreamily. “I feel as if I could never be hasty or worried any more at all. Don’t you experience that, dear Daisy?”

  “Yes, dear,” said she. “I went through all that at my first lesson. Didn’t I, Guru dear?”

  “I felt it too,” said Georgie, unwilling not to share in these benefits, and surreptitiously tightening his trouser-strap to compensate for the loss of buttons. “And am I to do that swaying exercise before every meal?”

  “Yes, Georgie,” said Lucia, saving her Guru from the trouble of answering. “Five times to the right and five times to the left and then five times backwards and forwards. I felt so young and light just now when we did it that I thought I was rising into the air. Didn’t you, Daisy?”

  Daisy smiled kindly.

  “No, de
ar, that is levitation,” she said, “and comes a very long way on.”

  She turned briskly towards her Guru.

  “Will you tell them about that time when you levitated at Paddington Station?” she said. “Or will you keep that for when Mrs Lucas gets rather further on? You must be patient, dear Lucia; we all have to go through the early stages, before we get to that.”

  Mrs Quantock spoke as if she was in the habit of levitating herself, and it was but reasonable, in spite of the love that was swirling about them all, that Lucia should protest against such an attitude. Humility, after all, was the first essential to progress on the Way.

  “Yes, dear,” she said. “We will tread these early stages together, and encourage each other.”

  Georgie went home, feeling also unusually light and hungry, for he had paid special attention to the exercise that enabled him to have his liver and digestive organs in complete control, but that did not prevent him from devoting his mind to arriving at that which had made Lucia look so sharp and foxy during their conversation about Olga Bracely. He felt sure that she was meaning to steal a march on him, and she was planning to draw first blood with the prima-donna, and, as likely as not, claim her for her own, with the same odious greed as she was already exhibiting with regard to the Guru. All these years Georgie had been her faithful servant and coadjutor; now for the first time the spirit of independence had begun to seethe within him. The scales were falling from his eyes, and just as he turned into shelter of his mulberry-tree, he put on his spectacles to see how Riseholme was getting on without him to assist at the morning parliament. His absence and Mrs Quantock’s would be sure to evoke comment, and since the Yoga classes were always to take place at half-past twelve, the fact that they would never be there, would soon rise to the level of a first-class mystery. It would, of course, begin to leak out that they and Lucia were having a course of Eastern philosophy that made its pupils young and light and energetic, and there was a sensation!

  Like all great discoveries, the solution of Lucia’s foxy look broke on him with the suddenness of a lightning-flash, and since it had been settled that she should call for him at six, he stationed himself in the window of his bathroom, which commanded a perfect view of the village green and the entrance to the Ambermere Arms at five. He had brought up with him a pair of opera-glasses, with the intention of taking them to bits, so he had informed Foljambe, and washing their lenses, but he did not at once proceed about this, merely holding them ready to hand for use. Hermy and Ursy had gone back to their golf again after lunch, and so callers would be told that they were all out. Thus he could wash the lenses, when he chose to do so, uninterrupted.