Works of E F Benson

by E. F. Benson

  The deck was nearly empty, and but few of the more valiant walked up and down the sheltered swaying boards; but these, as often as they passed, looked again at her. Her mouth and chin were half lost and buried in the furry collar of her cloak, but above them was that fine, straight nose, just a little tip-tilted, the great brown eyes, and black hair growing low on the brow. Had her mouth been visible, a man would have said, “This is a woman,” but without that he would very likely have said, “This is a girl,” so young and so full of expectancy was her face. Yet had he looked twice at eyes and smooth, flushed cheeks alone, he would have said, “This is a woman,” for though the joy of life beamed so freshly in her eyes, behind that there lurked something of its transmuted sorrows. Her expectancy was not that of ignorance; she knew, and still looked forward.

  Under the lee of the English shore the sea abated, and she came on to the top deck from which they would disembark, and looked eagerly along the pier, telling herself that her expectations that she would see a certain figure there were preposterous, and yet cherishing them with a secret conviction. And then she knew that they were not preposterous at all; that it could not have been otherwise. Of course he had come down to Dover to meet her, and as she left the boat she was taken into his charge at once.

  “Oh, Victor, how nice of you,” she said. “I didn’t expect you would come all the way down here a bit.”

  He held her hand, “but as long as all may, or so very little longer.” But there was much that passed between them in that “very little longer.”

  “Nor did I expect to come,” he said. “I only came.”

  She smiled at him.

  “Ah, that’s so like you,” she said.

  They waited with talk of commonplaces as to her journey and the crossing till Jeannie’s maid came off the boat with her attendant baggage-bearer, and then went towards the train. They were the sort of people to whom a railway guard always touches his cap, and this duly occurred. Victor Braithwaite, however, had on this occasion already been in consultation with him, and they were taken to a compartment he had caused to be reserved. On principle Jeannie felt bound to remonstrate.

  “You are so extravagant,” she said. “I know exactly what that means: you have paid for four places.”

  “Three,” he said. “You have paid for your own. And if you say a word more I shall get another compartment for your maid.”

  Jeannie laughed.

  “My lips are dumb,” she said. “Ah! it is good to see you.”

  She was for the moment deprived of that particular blessing, for he went out again to get a tea-basket, and Jeannie leant back in her seat, feeling, in spite of her remonstrance, that exquisite pleasure that comes from being looked after, from having everything done for you, not from a man’s mere politeness, but from his right (he, the one man) to serve the one woman. In all he did he was so intensely efficient and reliable; the most casual trivial detail, if entrusted to him, took place as by some immutable natural law. He would return in the shortest possible time, yet without hurry, with the tea-basket, while half that crowd of jostling, distracted passengers outside would have to go without. And it was not otherwise in things that were far from trivial. When he told her he loved her she knew that she stood on an unshakable rock, against which nothing could prevail. There was not a woman in the world, she felt, as safe as she. Well she knew what lay beneath his quietness and undemonstrativeness, a trust how complete, a love how strong.

  The train started, then he leant forward to her from his seat opposite and took both her hands.

  “My dearest,” he said, and kissed her.

  And then there was silence for a little.

  “And your plans,” he said at last— “your immediate plans, I mean? You go to Lady Nottingham’s in town now, don’t you?”

  “Yes; and you? Will you be in town?”

  A smile just smouldered in his eyes.

  “Well, just possibly,” he said. “I hope we may meet now and then. She has asked me down to Bray the day after to-morrow for Whitsuntide. Shall I go?”

  Jeannie laughed.

  “I won’t pretend not to know what that means,” she said. “It means to ask whether I am going. What shall we do? I suppose the house will be full, whereas we might have a sort of dear little desert island all to ourselves if we stopped in town, as everybody will be away. I should not object to that in the least. But, Victor, if Alice wants me, I think I had better go down with her. There aren’t really any people in the world except you and me, but they think there are.” Her brown eyes softened again. “I think that is an ungrateful and selfish speech of mine,” she said. “I am sorry; I don’t deserve my friends.”

  “I like the ungrateful and selfish speech,” said he.

  “Then I present you with it. Yes, I think we had better go down there. I long to see Alice again, and Daisy. Dear Daisy, have you seen her lately?”

  “As one may say that one has seen a meteor. She has flashed by.”

  “Ah, Daisy shall not flash by me. She must flash to me, and stop there, burning. Oh, look, it is the month of the briar-rose. See how the hedges foam with pink blossom. And the fields, look, knee-deep in long grasses and daisies and buttercups. I am home again, thank Heaven. I am home. Home met me on the pier, my darling — the heart of home met me there.”

  “And you did not expect it in the least?” he asked. “You said so, at any rate.”

  “Did I really? What very odd things one says! It is lucky that nobody believes them.”

  CHAPTER IV.

  They parted at Victoria, and Mrs. Halton drove straight to Lady Nottingham’s, leaving her maid to claim and capture her luggage. She had not known till she returned to London how true a Londoner she was at heart, how closely the feel and sense of the great grey dirty city was knit into her self. For it was the soil out of which had grown all the things in her life which “counted” or were significant; it had been the scene of all her great joys and sorrows, and to-day all those who made up her intimate life, friends and lover, were gathered here.

  There were many other places in the world to which she felt grateful: sunny hillsides overlooking the spires of Florence; cool woods on the Italian Riviera through which stirred the fresh breezes off the dim blue sea below; galleries and churches of Venice, and the grey-green stretches of its lagoons. To all these her debt of gratitude was deep, for it was in them, and through their kindly sunny aid, that during the last year she had recaptured peace and content.

  But her gratitude to them was not of the quality of love; she felt rather towards them as a patient feels towards the doctors and nurses to whose ministrations he owes his return of health and the removal of the fever which, while it lasted, came between himself and the whole world, making all things strange and unreal. And then, just for a moment, a little shudder passed over her as she thought of the sharp-edged, shining streets of Paris through which she had passed with downcast, averted eyes that morning, going straight from station to station and hating every moment of her passage.

  It was hard to forgive Paris for associations which it held for her of a certain fortnight; it was hard to believe even now that those bitter and miserable hours contained no more than the pain by which it was necessary that a dear and erring soul should be taught its lessons. But at heart she did not doubt that, though she could not forgive Paris for being the scene of those infinitely sad and pitiful memories. Then she shook those thoughts off; they concerned that past which was absolutely dead in so far as it was painful and bitter, and lived only in the greater tenderness and pity of which her own soul was so full.

  There was an affectionate little note of greeting and welcome for her from Lady Nottingham, which was at once given her, and even as she read it somewhere overhead a door opened, and like a whirlwind Daisy descended.

  “Oh, Aunt Jeannie,” she cried, “how heavenly! Oh, it is quite good enough to be true. You darling person! I have never liked anything nearly as much as this minute.”

 
Daisy made a sort of Bacchante of herself as she took her aunt up to the drawing-room, dancing round her, and ever and again rushing in upon her for another kiss.

  “And I managed everything too beautifully,” she said. “Aunt Alice wasn’t sure if she wouldn’t put off an engagement in order to be here when you arrived, and I said she oughtn’t to. I put it on moral grounds, and packed her and Gladys off. And I didn’t care half a row of pins for moral grounds, I only just wanted to get the first half-hour with you all to myself. And if you aren’t pleased at my plan I shall burst into several tears.”

  Aunt Jeannie took the dear face between her hands.

  “I couldn’t have thought of a better plan myself,” she said, “and, as you know, I am rather proud of my plans when I really give my mind to them. Oh, Daisy, it is good to see you! I don’t think a day has passed without my just longing to have a glimpse at you.”

  “Oh, is that all?” said Daisy. “I know a day hasn’t passed without my longing to have many glimpses.”

  “You dear child! You shall have such a lot. And what a lot you will have to tell me; I shall want to know exactly what you have done, and whether you’ve been wise and good and kind, and what new friends you have. I shall want to see them all, and make friends with them all. And I shall want to know all your plans. Just think, Daisy, it’s a year since I saw you.”

  “I know, but I don’t believe it. Oh, Aunt Jeannie, you must come down to Bray for Whitsuntide. Gladys and I go to-morrow just to look round and see that everything is all right, and you and Aunt Alice are to come the next day with all the party, and it will be such fun. Oh! I’ve got such a lot to tell you.”

  Daisy paused a moment.

  “I think I mean quite the opposite,” she said. “I don’t think that I’ve anything whatever to tell you that’s of the very smallest importance. I only just want to babble and be glad. I am glad, oh, so frightfully glad! You are the nicest aunt that anybody ever had.”

  Daisy poured out tea for her aunt, and considering her admission that she had nothing to say, made a very substantial job of it. Yet all the time she was talking with a reservation, having clearly made up her mind not to mention Lord Lindfield’s name. She felt sure, if she did, Aunt Jeannie would see that she mentioned him somehow differently from the way in which she mentioned others, and these first moments of meeting, for all the sincerity of her joy to see her, struck her as not suitable for confidences.

  “Another reason why I wanted half an hour with you,” she said, “is that I am dining out to-night, and shan’t see you. It is quite too disgusting, but I couldn’t help myself; and if one dines out one probably dances, you know, so after this I shan’t see you at all till to-morrow. Oh, Aunt Jeannie, what a nice world it is! I am glad I happened to be born. And you are looking so young, I can’t think why everybody doesn’t want to marry you at once. They probably do.”

  Mrs. Halton’s engagement was at present a secret, for it was still only just a year since her husband’s death, and though that had been a release merciful both to him and her, her wisdom had rightly decided that the event should not be announced yet. They were to be married in the autumn, and the news need not be made public immediately. One reservation she had made, namely, that she would tell Lady Nottingham; but Daisy, even Daisy, must not know at present.

  She laughed.

  “They have a remarkable power of keeping their desires to themselves, then,” she said. “Dover pier” — and she smiled inwardly as she said it— “was not thick with aspirants for my rather large hand. But as we are on the subject, Daisy, what about Mr. Carton?”

  Daisy looked at her imploringly.

  “Oh, don’t!” she said. “There is nothing more to tell you than what I have written to you. He’s so much too good for me that I should feel uncomfortably inferior, which is never pleasant. Oh, Aunt Jeannie, what a fraud I am! That isn’t the reason a bit — and the reason is simply that I don’t want to. It sounds so easy to understand, doesn’t it, when it’s stated like that, but poor darling Willie finds it so difficult to grasp. I had to say it all over again three times last Monday. It isn’t that I feel inferior to him. If I did, it might mean that I was in love with him, because people always say that they aren’t the least worthy when they fully intend to marry each other. No. I don’t want to, that’s all; and if I am to be an old maid with a canary — well, I shall be an old maid with a canary, which I shall instantly sell, because they make such a row, don’t they? Do you think we might talk about something else?”

  It was scarcely necessary for Daisy to add the last sentence, for without pause she proceeded to do so. At the back of her mind Mrs. Halton felt that there was something behind this, but since Daisy clearly did not desire to speak of it, she would be committing the crime — almost unpardonable between friends — of attempting to force a confidence, if she showed the slightest eagerness to hear more or even let her manner betray that she thought there was more to be heard. Besides, she had her own secret from Daisy. It would be a meanness to deny to others the liberty she claimed herself.

  Lady Nottingham came in soon after this, and before long the two girls had to go and dress for their dinner. Daisy, in the highest spirits, rushed in again to say good-night to the aunts before starting, a ravishing figure.

  “Good-night, darling Aunt Jeannie,” she cried. “Yes, my frock is nice, isn’t it? — and it cost twopence-halfpenny! Wasn’t it a cheap shop? Silver has gone down in value, you see, so much, and green was always cheap. It’s too heavenly to think that I shall come back to the house where you are. Usually I hate coming back from balls.”

  A cab was waiting for them, and Daisy pulled the window down with a jerk.

  “She’s a darling!” she exclaimed, “and I want to tell her everything, Gladys, yet not one word did I say about Lord Lindfield. I have a perfectly good reason as to why I did not in my own mind, but it doesn’t happen to be the right one. I say to myself that I wish to tell her nothing until there is really something to tell. But that isn’t the real reason. Do you generally have a good reason and a real reason? I always do. Then you can use either and satisfy anybody. I think I must be a hypocrite. The real reason is that I think she would see that I wasn’t in love with him. Well, I’m not — but I’m going to be. I shall tell her then.”

  “Is he going to be at the Streathams to-night?” asked Gladys.

  “Yes, of course. That’s why I am going. If he wasn’t, I should say I was ill, and stop at home with Aunt Jeannie. Darling, if you look shocked I shall be sick! Every girl wants to see the man she intends to marry as often as possible. But most girls don’t say so; that is why, as a sex, we are such unutterable humbugs. Men are so much more sensible. They say, ‘She’s a ripper!’ or ‘a clipper!’ — or whatever is the word in use— ‘and I shall go and call on that cad of a woman with whom she is dining on Thursday next, in order to be asked to dinner.’ That’s sensible; there’s no nonsense about it. But girls pretend it happens by accident. As if anything happened by accident! They plot and scheme in just the same way, only they aren’t frank about it. We want to marry certain men just as much as they want to marry us, and yet we pretend they do it all. You pretend. You try to look shocked because I don’t. Here we are! Oh, do get out! No, you needn’t hurry. He’s coming up the pavement now. If you get out quick he won’t see us — me, I mean!”

  This slogging diplomacy was successful. Lord Lindfield got opposite the house exactly as Daisy stepped out of the cab.

  “Hullo, Miss Daisy!” he said. “What stupendous luck! Thought I was going into the wilderness to-night like the children of Israel — and here you are! Jove!”

  He had taken off his hat, and stood bare-headed as he handed her out of the cab, exposing that fascinating greyness above the temples which Daisy had spoken of. A face clean-shaven and so bubblingly good-humoured that all criticism of his features was futile appeared below, but a reader of character might easily guess that if once that bubbling good-humour were expunged
, something rather serious and awkward might be left. But the good-humour seemed ineradicable; no one could picture his face without it. In other respects, he was very broad, but of sufficient height to carry off the breadth without giving the appearance of being short. A broken front tooth, often exposed by laughter, completed the general irregularity of his face. The fascinating greyness was accompanied by a tendency to high forehead, due probably to incipient baldness rather than to abnormal intellectual development.

  “I don’t know what Jove has got to do with it,” said Daisy; “but if he is responsible, I think it is delightful of him. I am glad you are here. I thought I was going into the wilderness too. Oh, I think you have met my cousin.”

  He had met Gladys about a hundred times, so Daisy was quite right, and they shook hands gravely. That ceremony over, he turned to Daisy again without pause.

  “Dance, too, isn’t there?” he said. “I shan’t know a soul. I never do. Do dance with me sometimes, out of pity’s sake, Miss Daisy — just now and then, you know.”

  Daisy gave an altogether excessive florin to the cabman, who held it in the palm of his hand, and looked at it as if it were some curious botanical specimen hitherto unknown to him.

  “And one usually says ‘Thank you!’” she observed.— “Yes, Lord Lindfield, let’s dance now and then.”

  CHAPTER V.

  Their dancing now and then chiefly assumed the less violent form of dancing, namely, sitting in as sequestered places as they could find. There was nothing very sequestered, as the house was rather small and the guests extremely numerous, and they sat generally in full view of the whole world, Daisy being occasionally torn away by other partners and being annexed again by him on the earliest possible occasion. In such absences, though the good-humour of his face showed no sign of abatement, he became extremely distrait, failed to recognize people he knew quite well, and took up his stand firmly at the door of the ballroom, where he could observe her and be at hand as soon as she was disengaged again.