A Bride For Windridge Hall

by Jeanie P Johnson

  Lilith smiled at Emily, but Emily’s face suddenly became stiff, when she turned to see Roderick standing not too far away, looking at Emily with smoldering eyes. She grabbed Emily’s dance card and hurried away.

  Roderick’s eyes could not pull away from what they beheld. He had been so concerned about saving his estate, that he had forgotten just how much Emily could take his breath away with her beauty. He thought of the first night he had seen her on her sixteenth birthday, and that same feeling overwhelmed him at the moment. The thought of all the times he had kissed her, and touched her, flooded his memory. He stood silently watching her, as she spoke to Lilith, and then she saw him and froze like a statue. His heart pounded, fearing that she would just turn and run from him. His only saving grace was that she had invited him there.

  Now he looked into her cool green eyes and slowly approached her offering his arm. The spark had faded from her eyes and her thoughts were not there for him to read. Emily gave him a slightly trembling smile but did not greet him in any other way. She merely tucked her hand snugly in the crook of his elbow, as he led her down the stairs. She thought he was going to lead her into the ballroom, but he steered her towards the front door.

  “What are you doing?” she whispered in alarm.

  “Just wait and see,” he told her. “I assure you will like it. I have a birthday gift for you, but it is out at my carriage.”

  “Why didn’t you bring it in?”

  He only smiled.

  “You will see why, when you see it.”

  Emily followed him out the door and he took her around the side of the house, where his carriage stood. For a moment she just stood there staring, and then a tear started to trickle down her cheek.

  “Oh, Roderick…”

  “You could not leave without taking your birthday gift, so I brought it along with me,” he told her, as he led her over to Ebony. “You should have taken your horse when you left. I got her for you at the time. So now I am making her an official birthday gift, so you can’t refuse me.”

  Emily could not say anything. She didn’t know what to say. Roderick was so full of kindness towards her, and yet…it did show some sort of love she thought, but he just couldn’t seem to voice it.

  “I…I don’t know what to say,” she breathed at last, and went over and stroked her horse lovingly.

  Emily could no more have the horse than she could have Roderick, no matter how much she loved it because she was in no position to keep a horse. As it was she would also have to give up Muffin. Had he forgotten that she was destitute?

  “Say you forgive me,” he said. “Say you will always be my friend.”

  Emily buried her head into Ebony’s neck. All he wanted to do was be her friend. Her heart fell.

  “I…I… do forgive you….” she stammered. “However, I can’t accept the horse.”

  “Why the hell not? Damn it, Emily, why must you let your stubborn pride stand in the way?”

  “It is not my stubborn pride, Roderick,” her temper started to simmer, as she looked at the angry expression on his face. “There is no way to keep Ebony. I have no money, I have no home. I shall probably end up marrying Alfred if I can’t find employment. He has offered for me, and if that happens, then I will gladly accept your gift.”

  She knew though, she could never remain his friend because it would hurt too much, so she did not offer it. She turned. She couldn’t face him a moment longer.

  Emily hurried back into the hall, as he followed. How stupid could he get, he chided himself? As he watched her hurrying in front of him, the thought of her marrying Alfred, sizzled in his brain. He realized he was never going to be able to live without Emily in his life. So now what should he do?

  As they entered the hall, Willard saw Emily with Roderick close oh her heels. By the look of things, Roderick had done something to upset her. He was going to find out, soon enough. Willard grabbed her and smiled.

  “I think I have this dance,” he told her, as he whirled her out onto the floor, leaving Roderick staring after them.

  “So why the stricken look?” he asked as soon as he had her in his arms.

  Emily shrugged.

  “Come, come, Emily. We can’t help you if we do not know what is going on.”

  “He…he gave me my horse back. The one my father got me for my 16th birthday. I did not take her when I left, so he brought her as an official birthday gift.”

  She gave a little high pitched laugh, thinking how absurd it was. That birthday gift was what had brought Roderick and Willard to her birthday party all those years ago.

  “And that is something to cry about?”

  Willard would never understand women.

  “I can’t have the horse! Where would I keep it? I can’t afford a stable, and I have no stable of my own.“

  “You could keep it at my stable, or right here at your friend’s house. I am sure they would not mind an extra horse in their stables.”

  “I could not impose on you or them,” she insisted.

  “Damnation, Emily, what are friends for then?”

  She was not listening, as she went on.

  “He…he…asked me to forgive him, and said he always wanted us to be friends.”

  “Hmm…I see. Not quite what you were looking for, I suppose. Friends, not lovers, or husband and wife, but mere friends?”

  “I suppose that is what he meant,” she said, her voice shaking.

  “Think about it, Emily. Don’t you have to be friends before you can be lovers? Don’t you have to be friends to marry someone?”

  “It is not what he meant,” she insisted. “He merely wanted to smooth things over, so I wouldn’t hate him, is all. So I forgave him. Only I cannot be his friend, it would hurt too much.”

  “Then, don’t worry about it. Lilith has filled your dance card. Here it is.”

  He slipped it onto her wrist with the ribbon that was attached to it for that purpose.

  “All you have to do is enjoy yourself. After all, it is your birthday.”

  Emily was whirled off her feet by every man that had been invited to the ball, and several times with Willard and Alfred. She could barely catch her breath, and when she looked at her dance card, she saw that Lilith had not put Roderick on her dance card until the last dance. At least she would only have to dance with him once, she thought, dreading the last dance.

  Roderick watched from the sidelines. For a man who was supposed to be looking for a wife, he certainly was not going about it right. He had danced with Lilith, and her mother, out of courtesy, but other than that, he did not feel like dancing with anyone but Emily. He could see her being whisked away by every man in the room. Lilith had informed him that he had the last dance with Emily, so he would have to remain the whole evening, watching her dance with all the men there, before he could hold her in his arms.

  He was angry about the debacle of his birthday gift. He thought it would make her happy, but instead, she had turned and practically ran from him. Then Willard grabbed her, so he could not stop her and offer to keep the horse for her, thinking it would be a good excuse for her to come to Windridge Hall. Only what good would that do? She would never come near his place again, even if he kept the horse there for her.

  As Roderick watched her, he was filled with longing. Every curve of her body beckoned to him. Every turn of her head tantalized him. Every time she danced past him, and he caught a whiff of her perfume, his senses went reeling. He watched her smile at her partners, but he did not see that certain spark in her eyes, that he recalled seeing when she smiled out of pleasure.

  Apparently, she was not even happy at her own birthday dance, and this troubled him. Had he hurt her beyond repair, he wondered? Would she actually marry Alfred? The thought was like a sword, piercing his heart. She had said she forgave him, but then she ran back in the house before he could say more to her. It seemed an eternity before the last dance was played, and he wasted no time presenting himself to Emily.

  W
hen Roderick took Emily in his arms, he felt like a man rescued from drowning, just before he went under for the last time. He felt her hand tremble under his. He held her waist firmly and pulled her close to him. Closer than he should, but he couldn’t help it. He had to be near her. He had to feel her body against his own, and for the first few turns, he merely reveled in the feeling of having her near him again. Neither of them spoke.

  Finally, Roderick cleared his throat.

  “Emily, I have been a fool,” he whispered at last. “All I can think about is you. I am a ruined man because I have not taken the time to look for a wife after you left. I shall lose everything, but I am starting to think that without you in my life, I could never find any joy in my estate anyway.”

  “What are you trying to say, Roderick?” Emily asked. “You said you merely wanted to remain my friend.”

  “Yes, I do want to remain your friend. Even if you will never marry me. Even if I never marry anyone else. Even if I lose everything to Willard. I could not live without you being in my life on some level,” he admitted.

  “You would risk losing everything, rather than admit you love me?”

  “I won’t marry anyone else but you, Emily. Maybe that is love, I don’t know. I only know that I have to have you in my life. You have to stay my friend. You have to visit me and keep me company until I can straighten it all out in my head. Stay engaged to me, Emily, and I promise you, that I will not marry you until I know that I love you. Even if I end up losing it all for waiting too long. Like you, I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t what to have a marriage I will regret. I would rather remain single and lose it all than relive what I went through with Abigail.

  “You don’t have to stay at Windridge Hall. I will get you your own place until we come to terms with this. Until I can honestly say that I love you and you can honestly know that I do love you. Will you consider it, Emily? If you have your own place, you could keep your horse there…”

  He gave her a crooked smile, as he looked down into her green eyes which seemed to be softening.

  “I cannot believe that you would risk losing your inheritance, just to be sure that you do love me. What purpose would that serve if you finally decide you love me after you have lost everything? We would both be destitute!”

  Roderick gave a slight laugh and shrugged

  “There would still be the summer house. We may live like paupers, but if we loved each other, what difference would it make?”

  Emily laughed. “This does not make sense. You talk like eventually, you will admit it, and if it is too late to save your inheritance, you will still marry me. Only what will that accomplish, Roderick? Your whole purpose in needing a wife is to save your estate. What if you can never decide that you love me? Will we just stay engaged forever, both of us living like paupers?”

  “I, don’t know what else to offer you, to keep you from running to someone else,” he admitted, shrugging.

  “Has it ever occurred to you, that all I do want from you is your love? You could offer your love, Roderick, but I am tired of begging for it. I am tired of you not knowing if you do love me. I know assuredly that I love you, and yet you can’t tell if you love me? You want nothing more than to marry me, but even that does not tell you if you love me?”

  She gave another laugh.

  “There is something dreadfully wrong with you, Roderick. I could never marry a man who doesn’t know his own heart or mind!”

  She wrenched her hand out of his and walked away from him in the middle of the dance. He watched her float across the floor from him, like an angel lifted in a cloud, never to be touched, never to be held, never to be the center of his life again. Suddenly, he knew what it felt like to be destitute because that was how his heart felt at that very moment. He realized in that moment, that he did love Emily, but it was too late. She would never believe him now. How could he prove to her that he had accepted the fact that he had loved her all along? That love-at-first-sight he had felt when he first saw Emily at her 16th birthday, had never wavered. That was why he had lost interest in all other women. It had nothing to do with his bruised ego. It had everything to do with the knowing that no other woman in his life would do if it wasn’t Emily!

  Willard! The thought rang in his head. Willard was the one that kept insisting that he did love Emily and just didn’t know it. Only knowing the bad blood between them, would Willard help him? He had made such a mess of all this and Willard had tried to help him. He had just been too stubborn to listen to his cousin.

  Roderick’s eye caught Willard across the hall. The ball was over and guests were starting to leave. Emily was standing by the door bidding them farewell and thanking them for coming. He could see she was trying hard to keep a happy face, but every once in awhile he saw the devastation in her eye. The same devastation that he was feeling at the moment.

  In a few strides, he was at Willard’s side, but just as he approached him, Lilith called to him and Willard turned and walked away, not seeing Roderick approach. He would have to wait and try and catch his cousin later. He found a secluded place to sit, near a potted plant, which made him obscure in its foliage.

  Emily had said goodbye to her last guest and just wanted to escape. She did not see Willard, Lilith, or Alfred anywhere near, and she was grateful she did not have to face any of them. She just wanted to disappear. Roderick had not said goodbye to her, but that did not surprise her. She found her way to the garden and sank down on a bench in despair. Nothing was going right. Roderick could never admit to loving her, and she could not stop loving Roderick. She was doomed to unhappiness for the rest of her life.

  There was a slight breeze blowing and it fingered Emily’s curls, ruffling them out of place. The moon was full and it shone softly upon Emily’s white dress and pale skin. Her nostrils were filled with riotous smells of the late spring flowers, that decorated the rambling garden. Summer was already upon them, and that only left a few months for Roderick to find a new bride. Only, stupidly, now, he claimed he did not want to marry anyone but her. How maddening! Emily’s heart felt heavy and there was nothing she could do to change it.

  Her eyes shimmered with unshed tears. She had certainly made a travesty of her life. Nothing made sense any longer. She should have never consented to marry Roderick in the first place! She should have turned him down flat and walked away on that first day! What had caused her to risk her heart and love? The touch of a man! The simple touch of a man. At the thought, the tears spilled over her lids.

  Perhaps she should marry Alfred after all. The very thought threw her in a turmoil. She did not love Alfred, the way she loved Roderick and she would end up breaking his heart, in the same way, Roderick was breaking hers. Well, he certainly was making her pay for her snubs at her last birthday ball. Perhaps that was all he wanted to do, after all? As she thought of her impossible position, her body shook with those silent tears.

  “Here we are, crying again,” Willard’s friendly voice broke in on her sad thoughts. “You will dry up and blow away if you continue to cry all the time,” he scolded. “I don’t have to ask why you are crying. I just have to figure out how to change you back into a happy person again.”

  Willard sat down beside her and offered her yet another handkerchief.

  “I don’t know why you never carry one with you, Emily, seeing as how your eyes are like a fountain most of the time.”

  Emily smiled, in spite of her tears.

  “I owe you too much,” she sniffled.

  Then she broke down and cried into the handkerchief some more.

  “What am I going to do, Willard?” she gasped between torrents of tears. “He has offered to wait until he can truly say he loves me before he insists I marry him, even if he loses the inheritance in the process. He has offered me a house to live in and wants me to remain engaged to him until this awakening comes upon him!”

  “That sounds promising,”

  “No it’s not. It is his way of keeping me at his beck and cal
l with my heart on my sleeve, while he decides whether to love me or not! Either he loves me, or he doesn’t. He can’t insist on me staying engaged to him, while I wait with bated breath for him to finally come to the conclusion that he loves me. And then how will I know if he is being honest or just impatient to have me in his bed, and his inheritance safe and secure?”

  “I see your point. He has ruined his credibility, with his stalling like this. Wanting to marry you, when you know it may be only to gain his inheritance. However, if he loses it waiting until he is sure, wouldn’t that tell you something?”

  “Yes. It tells me he is a stupid stubborn man, and doesn’t know his own mind. He doesn’t know what he wants more. Me or his inheritance? He could have us both, but he doesn’t know how to go about it. And now I will never know for sure how he feels about me.”

  Willard took both of her slim trembling hands in his.

  “Emily, how can you torture yourself like this? You have grown so thin since the first time I saw you. You are not well with sulking over Roderick. He does not deserve your love.”

  He pulled her against his shoulder to comfort her and Emily rested her head on his shoulder.

  “You need to go somewhere, where Roderick cannot find you. Let him come to his own decisions after you go. As long as he can see you, he will always want you in his life. If he can’t find you, he will either brave hell to hunt you down, or forget about you and marry someone else. We will see which is more important to him. You or his estate.”

  “But if he loses it…”

  “Listen, Emily, I believe I am going to ask Lilith to become my wife. She seems willing enough, and I think I am falling in love with her. If Roderick loses his inheritance, he will lose it to me. I, being married to Lilith, will qualify, but I will not need it. Lilith has plenty of money to allow us to live in luxury. Therefore, if Roderick loses his inheritance, I will return it to him, but not until he marries you! If he marries someone else to keep his inheritance, you will know the answer.”