Heart of the Hustle

by A'zayler

  Angel turned his head so that he was looking at her. Snow was seated sideways on the bench so that she was facing him. She had one of her legs tucked beneath her body, with the other one dangling over it. Her arm was propped up on the back of the bench, holding her head up.

  She was so chocolatey and tasty looking. She wasn’t doing anything in that moment, but all he kept thinking about was sniffing her neck and kissing her mouth. The ache in the pit of his stomach was actually starting to annoy him, because it had been a long time since he’d felt it, and it was refusing to go away. Angel was calm around women, so he was maintaining his cool, but she wasn’t making it easy. The part that was irritating him the most was that she wasn’t even doing anything. No suggestive gestures or words; just chilling.

  “I actually am proud of it. Not in the way that you probably think I mean, but I am proud of myself. I’m a few months away from being a doctor, debt free, kid free, just living life. It’s a lot more than most black men that are my age. So when I say I’m proud that I’m nothing like y’all, I mean it.”

  Snow watched him intently but didn’t say anything. Her eyes darted from his face, up to his head of silky dark hair, then back to his face.

  “You see what I’m saying?” She began rubbing her hand across the waves in his head. “What black boy you know with hair like this? None of the niggas I know have hair that’s softer than the women they be fucking. All the men I know either got nappy-ass heads or a semi-decent texture with no waves.”

  “Man, your ass be saying anything.”

  “So, your hair ain’t softer than Genesis’s?”

  Angel thought about the cute little short cut Genesis sported, and a smile crossed his face again. “That’s not fair, though. Empress has some good-ass hair, so I ain’t have no other choice but to have some too.” Angel looked away from the comical smirk on Snow’s face. “Genny’s is cool, though. I keep telling her to grow it out for me, but she won’t.”

  Snow sucked her teeth and moved her hand from his head. “That’s because she’s disobedient. I don’t know why you’re so stuck up her butt anyways.”

  “I’m not stuck up her butt. I just love her.”

  “That ain’t enough. Love don’t mean shit.”

  Angel’s head spun in her direction because he couldn’t believe she’d said that. She’d said it with so much feeling that he’d felt it in his chest.

  “You sure you came from Zulema and Mack? Outside of my parents, those two are the most in love people I’ve ever met in my life. You’re talking about me, but apparently you’re not much like your parents either.”

  Snow looked away and shook her head. “They don’t count. Love was real back then when they met. These days, love ain’t shit. Ain’t nobody out here loving people right no more. Especially not men. Y’all don’t do nothing but use us for what we can give y’all, then be on to the next.” She turned so that she was looking at him again. “Love is for weak bitches. Hos like Genesis.”

  Angel wanted to laugh at the little jab she’d taken at his girlfriend, but he didn’t. Instead, he squinted his eyes at her. There was clearly something she needed to get off her chest.

  “What nigga done broke your heart? Because you’re sounding like a woman scorned over there.”

  “There ain’t a nigga alive that I would ever give the opportunity to have me down that bad, so don’t even try my gangsta like that. I’ve just seen it happen too many times before, so I’m steering clear of that shit.”

  “Nah, I don’t want to hear that, Emelia.” Angel reached out and ran his hand through her hair before stopping to massage her scalp. “You don’t have to be Snow with me. Tell me what’s up. We’ve always been open with each other. Don’t stop now because you done grew some hips and ass, and it got you thinking you’re grown.”

  Snow covered her mouth as she giggled in that girly way that women did. “You’re so fucking ridiculous, Angel. What do my ass and hips have to do with this?”

  “I guess they got you feeling yourself now or something. They obviously got you thinking you’re either too grown or too cool to be real with me.”

  “Oh, whatever. You’re the one feeling it. You’re the only one that keeps bringing attention to my ass. I don’t care about it. It’s been this size for years.”

  Angel smiled bashfully. “I’m an ass man. I can’t help myself.”

  The two of them shared another laugh before the air between them grew still again. Angel watched her lean into his hand and close her eyes as he massaged her head.

  “Is this one of your moves?” She smirked, but her eyes remained closed. “I bet you rub these hos’ head and they get to telling you all of their business, don’t they?”

  Angel was cracking up immediately. He even stopped rubbing her head for a minute. Snow was hilarious. The same jokester she’d been their entire life. She was probably worse as an adult, because she was grown and said anything that came to mind, whether it was appropriate or not.

  “Your mouth is filthy, Emelia.”

  “It has to be.”

  “Why?”

  She opened her eyes and looked at him. “I deal with niggas all day and every day. They curse worse than me, and I’m their boss. I have to stay ahead. I can’t be out here looking and sounding all soft.”

  Angel nodded, because he could understand that. Though cursing didn’t make her who she was—her heart did that. It did provide her with somewhat of a rougher image.

  “If you weren’t in that line of work, you wouldn’t have to be someone you’re not.”

  Snow’s face grew serious as her eyebrows knitted across her forehead. “This is me.”

  The two of them participated in a staring match for a little while longer before he nodded once, letting her know that he understood. When she looked away, so did he. He was lost in his thoughts when her voice interrupted him.

  “I don’t value love because love has fucked me over one too many times already.”

  Angel looked in her direction, but she didn’t look at him.

  “The main one being with men. My last man slept with my best friend, and I couldn’t handle it.”

  The tone of her voice made Angel want to hold her, but he wasn’t sure if that was appropriate for the type of relationship they had at the moment. It was obvious she was still hurt over the situation, because he could hear the pain in her voice and see the anguish on her face, even though she was trying to hide it.

  “What did you do?”

  She twisted her mouth to the side momentarily before looking at him. “Killed her.”

  Angel frowned slightly before allowing his face to relax again. “And him?”

  She bit her bottom lip. “Nothing.”

  Angel stopped rubbing her head and stood up so that he could look at her. “Hold on, so you mean to tell me your friend had to die, but you ain’t do nothing to your nigga? What kind of shit is that? He was the one that was at fault. He should have respected you more than that.”

  “It wasn’t that simple, or I would have killed his ass too.” Snow ran her hand through her hair absentmindedly. “She was my best friend. I trusted her. She should have never done that. You don’t hurt people that trust you.”

  “And he deserved a second chance?” Angel asked incredulously.

  “I said it wasn’t that simple for him. You’re not listening.”

  “Well, stop mumbling and tell me what’s up,” Angel told her.

  He was tired of her being evasive. She needed to get to the meat of the story, because he wasn’t understanding. From his viewpoint, if anybody had to lose their life, it should have been that nigga.

  “I’m not mumbling, nigga,” she yelled at him defensively.

  “Watch how you talk to me.” Angel’s eyes darkened as he scolded her forcefully. “All that yelling ain’t necessary.”

  She squinted her eyes and stood up so that she was facing him. With not an ounce of fear in her heart or eyes, Snow got into his face with the speed of l
ightning. Her eyes were just as hard as his, if not harder, as she glared at him.

  “First of all, you watch how the fuck you talk to me. I’m not one of these little country bitches that bows to a man. When you talk to me, you better speak to me as your fucking equal, or don’t say shit at all.” The underlying coldness took over full throttle as she spoke to him through clenched teeth. “We’re family, but I don’t tolerate disrespect from anyone.”

  Her eyes were squinted so tight from anger that Angel could barely see how pretty they were anymore. Angel’s frown got tighter as well, because one thing he didn’t do was allow a person to openly disrespect him. He was the man for a reason, and in his mind, a woman was to respect his position. He could deal with a little attitude, even a little smartness every so often, but the way Snow was trying to handle him was way out of line.

  “Emelia, you’re the boss in California. I get that, but when you’re in my presence, it’ll do you justice to remember who the fuck I am. Just like you’re not one of my country bitches, I’m not one of your little drug-pushing workers. Next time you open your mouth to correct me, you better do that shit in a respectful manner.” Angel stepped closer to her so that his mouth was to her ear, and grabbed her chin. Her hand went to his immediately, trying to push it off her, but he held her tighter. “I don’t fuck with the cartel because I don’t want to, not because I can’t handle it.” He shoved her away from him hard enough for her to stumble. “Now get the fuck out of my face and stay in a woman’s place.”

  Snow’s chest was rising and falling rapidly as she stood in front of him, frowning and breathing hard. Her eyes were dark slits as her plump lips formed a small pout. With one of her hands at her side and the other resting behind her back, Snow took a step backward.

  “Snow, don’t!” Vinny’s voice came from the distance.

  Neither Snow nor Angel looked in his direction. They stayed in the same combative stances they’d been in before Vinny had ever said anything.

  “Don’t tell her nothing, Daddy. She knows better than that shit.” Angel’s voice was just as calm as it always was, but a tad bit harder than normal.

  Angel’s eyes bored into Snow’s as her hand remained behind her back. He wasn’t at all afraid of her or the fact that she probably had her hand on the gun he’d seen tucked into the back of her pants earlier. The moment he’d noticed her ass had gotten bigger, he’d acknowledged that so had the gun she’d been taught to carry. It had been secured snugly in her waistband, casually rubbing against the buckle of his belt as they danced.

  “Snow, just relax, sweetheart.” Vinny finally walked close enough for both of them to see him.

  He was limping slightly as he stepped between the two of them. He looked at Snow first before looking to Angel.

  “What the hell is this madness?” he yelled at them both. “Stop this bullshit, right now!”

  Angel and Snow both visibly took heed to his warning, but neither of them moved from where they were standing.

  “She started it. Just like women always do,” Angel taunted sarcastically.

  Snow’s gun was out and pointed at him immediately after that. She still hadn’t said anything, but she didn’t have to. Angel knew how serious she was, he just wasn’t afraid. He’d been brought up just as rigorously as she had. Just because he didn’t actively involve himself in confrontation didn’t mean he couldn’t handle himself.

  “Stop it, I say!” Vinny spoke again before turning completely toward Snow. “Put that shit away.”

  She looked at Angel for a moment longer before looking over at Vinny and stuffing her gun back into the band of her jeans.

  “Oh, thank God.” Empress’s voice sounded in the distance. “Zulema, go get that damn girl.”

  Angel smirked at his mother’s comment. He hadn’t looked to see where she was yet, but he was more than positive she was on the deck connected to their back porch. It was the only exit into their backyard and overlooked the large courtyard Vinny and Snow were standing in. Being that she was always somewhere lurking, she’d probably seen the entire exchange and sent Vinny to simmer it down.

  “Girl, Snow wasn’t going to kill Angel, or he would already be dead.” Zulema’s voice was heard next, followed by a collection of nervous feminine laughter.

  “Sorry, Vinny,” Snow finally said.

  “Family trumps it all, got dammit,” he yelled before looking from her to Angel. “Don’t provoke ill will, Angel. You were taught better than that shit!” he fumed.

  Angel nodded. “Yes, sir.”

  Vinny hardly ever raised his voice, but when he did, Angel knew to listen. Vinny was getting older, but he was still the king of all the shit Angel was running from. He was the only person on the face of the earth that Angel would allow to handle him.

  “You two are no longer kids. Bickering and nonsense stops here. Got it?” He looked between the two of them before they both expressed their understanding in their own way.

  He looked at them for a moment longer before throwing his hands up in defeat and shaking his head. “How can I leave things like this?” was the only thing he said loud enough for them to hear before walking off and mumbling to himself in anger.

  Angel watched his father slowly take the stairs to their house before looking back over at Snow. She was no longer looking at him but at the water fountain in front of them. Her face was stoic as she held her arms crossed over her chest. She said nothing, so neither did he.

  They stood together in silence until Angel took his seat again. “Y’all women are too difficult. I’ve been dealing with bullshit since I woke up this morning.” He sighed. “All I wanted was to enjoy my birthday, and I’ve gone from one woman not even knowing what today was to another one trying to kill me.” Angel leaned over and held his chin in his hand. “I guess love really ain’t shit. Huh?”

  Snow was quiet for a long time before turning to face Angel. “I told you it wasn’t.” She looked at him for a long time before taking the same path his father had just taken and going back into the house, leaving Angel to his thoughts.

  Chapter Seven

  The biggest mistake of my life

  The cool porcelain felt so good to the side of Genesis’s face as she lay with her head pressed against the top of her toilet seat. As unwelcome as her resting place was in that moment, it was the only place that made her feel even halfway alive. Everywhere else she’d tried to lie after eating a small meal for lunch and the many lunches prior made her question whether she was living or dying.

  The pillowtop mattress she’d been so in love with ever since she’d moved into her apartment felt more like her deathbed than her self-proclaimed happy place. It had been weeks, and it seemed as if every day got worse than the last, and Genesis didn’t feel like she could handle any more.

  She had been doing all she could to make herself feel better, and nothing worked, other than starving herself to death. Anything outside of that put her right back into the position she was in right then. Head spinning, body weak and racked with shivers, while she puked out whatever nourishment she’d attempted to take in.

  “Why me, Lord?” She sniffed hard as her tears began to flow again.

  Genesis’s tears rolled out of her eyes and over her nose as she lay with her head practically inside her toilet bowl.

  “Just take me, God. I didn’t even ask for this.”

  Genesis prayed out loud, a tad bit ungrateful for the life growing inside her. She’d found out a little over two months ago that she would be expecting a child in a few short months, and she’d been devastated ever since. Though she’d always wanted kids, she hadn’t wanted them that young, and most definitely not like that.

  For years she and Angel had discussed their life plan, and kids were always a part of it, but Genesis had made it very clear: It would be when she was ready. She’d factored in all the things that she thought might arise before then, and not one time had she considered that Angel wouldn’t be the father.

  More tears
fell. Every time she thought about it, she got sick all over again. How was she supposed to tell him that she was pregnant, but not by him? A low wail left her lips as she circled her abdomen protectively with her arm. She may not have been ready for a baby, but she’d never abort it. It had been four months already, and she was feeling more and more attached to her unborn child every day.

  Between the stress from school and the drama with Angel, her pregnancy had gotten pretty far past her. So when the doctor told her she was well into her second trimester, she wasn’t surprised. She’d noticed that her bottom had widened a little, but that had been the only change. It was crazy, though, because the doctor spoke it out loud to her body, and she had been sick ever since.

  Eating food and getting full were a thing of the past. Nothing stayed down long enough for her to even digest it, and she spent more time vomiting than eating, so oftentimes she declined food altogether. Angel had been asking questions here and there, but for the most part, he had no idea she was pregnant, and with good reason.

  The sick feeling she felt every time she thought about how hurt he was going to be when he found out came over her as she grabbed her cellphone from the floor. It rang a few times before he picked up. Since she was home alone and had no energy to even hold the phone to her ear, she put it on speaker.

  “Emmanuel,” she said.

  “What’s going on?” he asked nonchalantly.

  “I don’t feel well.”

  He sighed. “What do you expect, Genesis? You’re pregnant.” The annoyance he felt for her was so obvious that she could hear it through the phone.

  “You could at least act like you care.”

  “I’m at work, Genesis. What can I do from here?”

  Genesis sucked her teeth. “I don’t even know why I call you.”

  “Because that’s my baby, that’s why.”

  She cried even harder. To hear another man claim what should have been her and Angel’s baby made her stomach turn. Though she was glad that it wasn’t D’Angelo’s, she was still upset about it being Emmanuel’s. Had she and D’Angelo not used condoms every time they had sex, and Angel not been out of town with his parents the month the doctor had confirmed conception, she wouldn’t even know it was Emmanuel’s. Sadly, he’d been the only one she’d been freely having sex with around the time she’d gotten pregnant, so unfortunately, it was his.