by L. B. Tillit
I opened it and pulled out Mae’s Barbie doll. It was cleaned up and smiling at me. Then I reached into the box and pulled out a handful of letters. The smell of strawberry flooded my whole body. I stumbled to my bed as tears started to flow.
Mom came up to me and patted my shoulder. “Whatever you choose I won’t stop you.” She reached down, kissed the top of my head, and left. I couldn’t remember my mother ever kissing me before. The moment was too much for me. I curled up on the bed with my shoes and jacket still on.
I opened the letters and read. Annabelle started by writing about her daily life, including more time with Kelly and the rest of her new friends. But as the letters continued, her words showed worry and fear for me. She always ended with how much she loved me. Her last letter hurt. She couldn’t understand my silence. It must mean I’d moved on. As much as she didn’t want to, she would try to move on too. Strong strawberry scent on this last letter gave away the many kisses with which she sealed her last words.
I finally let myself fall into a fitful sleep. The day had been too much.
CHAPTER 44
Opportunity
The metro is only a couple of blocks away.” Billy’s voice surprised me as I stood inside the Texaco convenience store.
I looked to my left and saw Billy standing behind the cash register. We were alone. “What?” I walked up to him with a small jug of milk. I pulled out a twenty and handed it to him.
He took it and said, “The metro. You know, the subway.”
“I know what the metro is!” I argued with him, although I wasn’t sure why.
“Then why did you say what?” Billy was handing me change.
“Because I’m not sure why you’re telling me where the metro is. I’ve lived here my whole life!” I took the change and shoved it in my back pocket.
“No, you haven’t.” Billy smiled. He tilted his head slightly. Like he was thinking. “If I remember right, you were gone. And during that time something happened.” He looked at me. “A different TJ came home.” I just listened. I was drawn to his words. When he saw I was still listening he continued. “I don’t know why you were left standing last week. I don’t know why you ever joined the gang. But I can tell you this. I was wrong. You have changed. I saw it in your look when they beat up the Pit Bull at school. You didn’t like what you saw. At that moment I knew you were putting on the whole thing. You did a damn good job too. You had me believing you were a ruthless gang member.”
I kept eye contact. When he paused I asked, “Billy, why are you telling me all this?”
The door opened and a customer walked in. I stepped to the side and waited. I waited for Billy. I waited to hear words I hoped would be true. The customer paid and Billy thanked him. When the door closed again, Billy came around the counter and stood next to me. He was still taller than I was, so I found myself looking up at him.
“The way I see it, you have an opportunity.” He crossed his arms. “You can wait until the gang gets back together, or you can get out of here.” He looked down on me and smiled. “Don’t waste your life trying to become someone you’re not.”
I shifted the milk to my other hand. “Why are you helping me?” I was confused.
“Because,” he smiled as he watched another customer drive up. “Some people are born naturally nice.” Then he laughed. I felt an emotion I hadn’t felt in a long time. The laughter climbed out of my belly like a caged animal. We both laughed. Together.
The new customer walked in and smiled. Billy went back around the counter and let the man pay. I waited again. I didn’t want to leave.
Once the man was gone, Billy leaned over the counter. “Listen, TJ. Go.”
“Where?” I asked my heart already racing.
“Don’t ask me. You already know.” Billy was serious.
As a new customer drove up, I reached out my hand to Billy. “Thanks.” He took my hand and I held his. “I am sorry for how I treated you when we were kids.”
Billy squeezed my hand hard. “I know.”
CHAPTER 45
Unchained
I had it all wrong. I thought I was weak. I thought I wasn’t making choices. But I was strong, and I’d made choices and held to them. Val called the choices weak. But I knew I’d been strong. Billy was right. I’d changed. As hard as I tried, I never was much of a Hillside Viper. I knew I could rebuild the gang, but I wasn’t about to put myself in that same position again. I had an opportunity. BB was dead. Kaden and Brian had their own worries. It would take some time before the Hillside Vipers would return.
I walked into our small living room. Mom was sitting on the couch. Awake. There were no drugs. The TV was on. Mom had pulled her hair back into two tight braids. She looked at me as I stood in the door. I had the small suitcase I’d gotten from Miss Dixie in my hand.
Mom stood. She walked up to me and for the first time took me in her arms. She cried. I awkwardly lifted my free arm to wrap around her. She whispered, “I’m proud of you.” She took my face in her hand and said, “Don’t forget me when you make something of yourself.” I nodded.
She walked back to the couch and sat down again. She stared at the TV. I knew then what my mother meant when she said she wouldn’t stop me. Miss Miller’s words came flooding back too. “I promise you I won’t get in your way,” she’d said.
I stood for a moment longer knowing I was free to go. I was free for the first time. I finally said, “Mom, you know I love you. I always have.”
She turned her head and nodded. “I know, baby. I know.”
Then I left.
I walked past the Texaco and kept going for two more blocks down.
I followed the arrow that read Metro.
CHAPTER 46
Home Again
The house was locked. My heart sank. I didn’t know what I was expecting. I guess I wanted them all to come flying out the door and embrace me. But no. They must have gone on an afternoon road trip.
I put my suitcase down on the front porch and slowly walked to the bridge. I could feel the promise of spring in the air. I sat in Annabelle’s old spot and let my legs swing back and forth.
I thought about school. I’d missed all of last semester, and now I’d gone two weeks without going back to school. I wondered if South High would even take me back. I hoped they would. It wouldn’t be easy, but that was nothing new to me.
My fingers felt something carved on the worn wood. I looked down and saw a small heart with A & TJ in the middle. There was a huge X scratched through my name. I smiled. I knew I deserved it.
I found myself drifting off as I let the spring sun warm my body.
“Wake up, TJ.” Mae’s sweet face was looking down on me. A little white boy was standing next to her. His black hair looked like someone had cut it using a bowl to shape the edges. I looked at the two of them for a minute before I grabbed Mae and hugged her while she squealed. I stood up with her still under my arm. She waved at the boy. “See, Jack. I told you TJ is a big teddy bear.” She looked up at me as her feet kept trying to touch the ground. “TJ, this is Jack. He’s new here.”
I put Mae down and held my fist out to the young boy. “What’s up, Jack?” He carefully tried to tap the top of my fist with his small fist.
I looked up from the two small kids and let my eyes focus on the porch. A red-haired girl was standing still on the top step. She was staring as Miss Dixie came waddling down to the pond. The big woman was waving her arms in the air, and she was yelling, “Oh, TJ! Oh, TJ!” I left the little kids and ran up to throw my arms around my foster mother. She smelled like fresh baked bread.
“I’m home, Miss Dixie. If you’ll let me stay.” I looked at her. Thankful I was having the homecoming after all.
She kissed my face ten times before she spoke. “Oh, honey! You know you can stay with me for as long as you want.” She nudged me. “Miss Miller called and said this might happen.” I looked surprised. “We won’t get money for you.” She laughed and patted my back. “But I
don’t care. Prince has got a good job and is working evenings while he goes to college during the day. The extra money will help.”
“But I can help,” I began.
“Let’s not talk about it now.” She hugged me again and looped her arm into mine pulling me toward the house.
I saw Annabelle awkwardly look down at her feet and then up again. My heart raced. I wasn’t sure how she felt. Was she so angry she wouldn’t talk to me? But she was standing there looking and then trying not to look. Miss Dixie giggled, “I think Annabelle is happy you’re home too.”
“I don’t know,” I said as I watched her suddenly run into the house.
“Give her time, TJ.” She patted my arm and added, “You know how she is.”
I walked through the front door and noticed nothing had changed. Jack had taken Rico’s old room, which left me with my old room. I unpacked my suitcase. I took Mae’s Barbie and climbed onto my old bed. I gently placed her on the window sill. She was still smiling at me. I laughed and fell back to stretch out on my bed.
I let my body relax. It must have been a half hour before I was startled by noise. I turned my head.
“So you want to go to the bridge before it gets too cold?” Annabelle had shoved open my door. I sat up on the bed.
I smiled and crossed my arms. “What do you think you’re doing? My door was closed,” I teased.
She had on blue jeans and a tight sweater. She leaned against the doorway with her arms crossed. “Well, it seems to me you need someone to show you the neighborhood.” She just stood there. “Are you coming or not?”
I stood up and walked up close to her. She didn’t move. My nose touched the top of her hair, and I let the smell of strawberries fill me. “Yeah. I’m coming. On one condition.”
I lifted her chin, and I could see tears begin to fall. She whispered, “And what would that be?”
“I want you to know I never moved on. But I was wrong to try to push you and this place away. I should have called. Well at least said something when I called.”
Her eyes got big. “So that was you?”
I smiled. “Can you forgive me?” She leaned into me and kissed me. I kissed back. “I guess that’s a yes,” I laughed.
I took her hand. She looked down and touched the small tattoo. The tattoo looked like a broken chain to me. Not an unfinished one. I knew I would have it my whole life. I sighed, “It’s a long story.”
We walked to the bridge and dangled our legs over the water.
The sun was starting to set. We stayed out on the bridge and talked until the cold chased us back indoors. Back to my place at the dinner table with Miss Dixie and all her children. Back to saying a prayer before dinner. Back to holding Annabelle’s hand. Back home.
