The Switch Up

by Katy Cannon

“I’m sorry,” Luca said. “But that’s not an excuse.”

  “I know. But… Going to London, meeting Dad’s girlfriend … that made it all real. Dad moving on. Mum being truly gone. Which, yes, I knew. But if Dad had fallen in love with someone else that just made it all final, somehow. And doing the sort of things I used to do with Mum, with someone new … that felt like betraying her memory.”

  And I hadn’t been ready to deal with that – or to talk to Dad about how I was feeling.

  “So you became Willa instead.”

  I gave him a half-shrug. “It seemed easier than being Alice, for a while.”

  “And now?”

  “Now it’s time to be Alice again.”

  Luca looked up, finally. “You’re more of an Alice than a Willa anyway, I guess.”

  “I am,” I agreed. “But not quite the Alice who got on that flight in LA. A better one, I hope.”

  “Because of some magic waterfall?”

  “Because of you,” I said softly. “You and Rosa and Sofia and Mattias and even Antonio. You changed me.”

  “Oh.” Luca looked away, seeming embarrassed. “So, what’s different about you, then?”

  “I think… I hope that I’m braver, now. More willing to face up to things. And I think I learned some stuff too,” I went on. “About families. How they’re not just about blood and birth. They’re about the people who love us, whoever they are. Like Sofia and Mattias love you guys. They’re your family now, even if it didn’t start out that way.”

  “They’re yours too,” Luca said. “We all are now.”

  I shook my head. “Sofia’s Willa’s aunt, not mine.”

  “But Willa’s not the one who’s been here this summer, eating gelato and feeding the chickens.” Luca twisted to face me. “We might be angry and upset. But that doesn’t change the fact that you’re one of us now, Alice. You were lost and afraid so you came here. And you know how Sofia feels about scared, abandoned creatures.”

  For the first time since the knock on the door that morning, a small smile started to spread across my face. Maybe I wouldn’t lose the family I’d found here in Italy completely, after all.

  I shuffled from foot to foot as we stood, staring at the arrivals board at Heathrow. Beside me, Mabel kept glancing from the board to me, as if she was worried I might do a runner.

  I probably would have, at the start of the summer. But now I knew it was time to face the music.

  We didn’t say anything to each other, though. We’d talked a lot the night before, and I guess we were all out of words. What more was there to say except goodbye, anyway?

  My dad was meeting us at the airport, getting the same flight as Sofia and Alice, of course. Mum had begged for a break from filming, so she was flying in too. She mostly sounded amazed that I’d been able to keep a secret from her all summer – and that she hadn’t noticed I wasn’t where I should be when we’d spoken on the phone. Although she did also say that since this had happened on Dad’s watch, it should be his job to clean it up – except she didn’t trust him to do it right.

  Mabel had managed to get hold of Jon on some emergency satellite phone number, and Alice’s dad was flying in from Australia, which I guessed was a fairly major thing. Leaving halfway through his research trip probably wasn’t going to go down so well with his boss.

  But he was coming because Alice needed him. I liked him more for that.

  I think Mabel thought it was because he didn’t think she could handle it, though – especially after she overheard my mum ranting about Dad to me.

  I’d texted Alice the night before, telling her about how Mabel had taken the news. How scared she was that she wouldn’t be the step-mum Alice needed. I hoped she’d give Mabel a chance, but I didn’t know for sure. Alice could be hard to read sometimes. Especially when she only responded with one-word answers.

  I wondered if she’d have changed since I saw her. If three weeks of pretending to be me would have made her a different person – the same way pretending to be her had changed me.

  Finally the flight landed, and Mabel and I stared at the boards as the status changed. Any time now…

  I fiddled with the handle of Alice’s case, impatient, as we waited for them to disembark, collect luggage and all that.

  And then, finally, there they were.

  Alice spotted me first, then Dad and Sofia. Alice and I exchanged a rueful sort of look as they approached.

  I glanced back at Mabel then rushed forwards to meet them – running to Alice, instead of my dad. Alice, being Alice, froze for a second as I threw my arms round her but then she started to relax and hug me back.

  “Told you it was crazy,” she joked, and I laughed, despite everything.

  “Fun, though, right?”

  Alice stepped back, and smiled. “It was the best.”

  Huh. I’d been worried she’d be mad at me – for talking her into the swap in the first place or for how it had all ended. But instead, she looked almost … free. Like she’d relaxed into being herself at last.

  It suited her.

  I turned my attention to Dad, standing beside my mystery aunt.

  Dad’s expression had cycled through relieved to angry to resigned to disappointed, all in the time it took him to walk along the rope and reach us. Now, he placed his hands on the sides of my arms and stared down at me, like he was checking he really did have the right daughter this time.

  Then he sighed and turned his attention to Mabel. “Thank you for looking after my daughter. I’m sorry she’s been such an … inconvenience.”

  I stared at my feet, willing myself not to blush. But then Mabel said, “I’ve loved having Willa to stay with me. She’s welcome in my home anytime.”

  I spun quickly away from my dad and threw my arms round Mabel, hugging her tightly – total opposite to the stiff, awkward hug I’d given her on my arrival, when she’d still thought I was Alice. This hug was all me.

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “I mean it,” she murmured back. “You’ll always have a place in my home.”

  I turned back to Dad, who took my arm and led me out of the way. “Your mother just texted – she’s grabbing her luggage, so should be here any time now. I said we’d meet her in the coffee shop. OK?”

  I glanced back at Alice and at Mabel, who both nodded. And as Dad led me over to the coffee shop, I heard Mabel say, “Hello, Alice.”

  “Hello, Alice.” Mabel gave me a tentative smile and I tried to return it – but I was thankful for the silent support of Sofia, standing at my left elbow. Really, she should have gone with her half-brother and niece. I couldn’t help but feel it meant something that she’d stayed here with me instead.

  Maybe Luca was right. Maybe I was one of her lost things.

  “Hi,” I said back, my voice coming out croaky. There hadn’t been a lot of talking on the plane. Willa’s dad had just glared out of the window, while Sofia had read her book. They’d kept me sitting between them, though, as if they were afraid I might run off if they gave me half a chance.

  “How was your flight?” Mabel asked politely. Close up, she didn’t look at all like I’d imagined. Before I spotted her with Willa, the day we arrived, I’d assumed she’d look like Mum, with dark hair like mine and hazel eyes. And since then, I’d tried to put her out of my mind completely, so it was a surprise all over again to see her blond hair, cut to her shoulders. I made myself pay attention, though, to see her as she really was, not as I’d made her out to be in my imagination. She studied me too, with serious green eyes – I guessed looking for all the ways I wasn’t Willa.

  “It was fine. Um, I’m really sorry about, well, everything.” It wasn’t much of an apology, but after the last twenty-four hours I was running out of ways to say I was sorry.

  Mabel waved aside my apology. “We can talk about that more when your dad arrives. He was hoping to get a seat on the first flight out, but obviously it’s still going to take him a while to get here.”

 
My eyes widened. Dad had only managed a very quick call from out on the boat the night before, where I couldn’t tell if the silences were because the line was bad or he just didn’t know what to say to me. “Wait, he’s leaving the research trip? He shouldn’t do that. He’s waited years to get out on that reef.”

  “That’s what I said.” Mabel gave me a small smile. “But you know your dad. You’re the most important thing in the world to him. And if you’ve been so unhappy that you needed to run away like this… Well, he’s not going to rest until he’s checked you’re OK and seen you with his own eyes.”

  “I am,” I said quickly. “OK, I mean. And sorry. Sofia and Mattias … they’ve been wonderful. And their foster children too. I … I was so lucky to be able to stay with them. And I know it wasn’t where I was supposed to be, and it was wrong, but I learned a lot while I was there.”

  I glanced over at Sofia, who gave me an encouraging nod. So I took a deep breath and forced out the sentences that I’d been practising in my head ever since we left Italy.

  “I didn’t realize… When Dad sent me to stay with you, I didn’t know exactly what your relationship was. How Dad felt about you. If things were serious, or if he was just trying to find me a replacement mother. I guess I was kind of hiding from the idea of it. I thought that if I came here, spent time with you – and even liked you, maybe – that I’d be betraying my mother’s memory. So I just … avoided the issue. But I know that doesn’t make issues go away. And staying with Sofia has taught me that family isn’t limited – and neither is love. Letting more people in doesn’t push other people – or their memories – out. And I’m sorry it took such extremes for me to learn that. But if you still want to… I’d like to try to get to know you now, please.”

  Mabel’s eyes were wide, her mouth open just a little in what I assumed was shock. Then she closed it, blinked, and said, “I think I’d like that very much, Alice. We have a day or so before your dad will be back. Maybe we could go to my flat and start again over dinner? I’d like to hear all about your adventures in Italy, for a start.”

  I grinned. “There was a lot of gelato.”

  Mabel smiled back. “My favourite. Perhaps we can get some for dessert.”

  Maybe London wouldn’t be so bad, after all.

  Dad fetched us all coffees, then both my parents stared at me over the table. I took a moment to enjoy seeing them together for the first time in months.

  Then I started to get impatient.

  “The words you’re looking for are: ‘I’m so disappointed in you, Willa. I thought I brought you up better than this. Lying to us, to everyone. I can’t imagine what you were thinking.’” I’d had enough of Dad’s lectures to know the basic form.

  But Dad just shook his head, glancing over at Mum. “I can’t imagine what you were thinking. And that’s sad to me, because I used to know how you thought, how you felt about everything. Have we grown so far apart that we can’t understand each other at all, any more?”

  I shrugged, looking down at my coffee cup. “I don’t know. I mean, you’re the one who left.”

  “Is that why you did this? Because your dad and I split up?” Mum asked.

  “No.” Except it was, a bit. But not the way she meant. “It’s not because you broke up. It’s because you walked away, and then so did Mum. Neither of you wanted me at all this summer. You were too busy with your careers and your new girlfriend and your midlife crisis. It’s like you both forgot about me completely!”

  “That’s not true,” Dad said. “I could never forget about you. I thought about you every day.”

  “You just didn’t want to have to do more than think. You didn’t want to actually have to deal with the reality of me being there every day.”

  That made him pause, and this time it was him staring guiltily into his coffee cup.

  “I thought… I wanted to do my theatre course, in London. You’d promised me I could, Mum. And Dad, you said it would be fine because you’d be working those afternoons in London anyway. It was all planned.”

  “That’s what this was about?” Dad asked. “Some stupid drama course?”

  “It wasn’t stupid!” I could feel tears pricking behind my eyes, but I wasn’t going to let them fall. “It was important to me, and you knew it.”

  “It was just a summer course,” Mum said, talking to Dad rather than me. “Nothing special.”

  “It was special. Because the Heatherside casting agent was there for the showcase, and if she liked us we got invited to audition for the new family they’re adding to the show. And if I got the part I’d have been able to see Dad every single day we were filming, even if you two never spoke to each other again.” I might have given that dream up, realizing it wasn’t really what I wanted. And knowing that if I had to force my dad to spend time with me it wasn’t worth it. But it still hurt to think of the lengths I’d had to go to in order to get their attention.

  Silence greeted my outburst. So I figured I might as well fill it.

  Calmer now, I said, “At least I know I made a mistake. I thought about myself first and other people, well, not at all, really. I did the wrong thing, I lied and I cheated and I’m sorry about it,” I went on. “You two … you won’t even admit you’ve done anything wrong.”

  Mum and Dad exchanged a long look.

  “You wanted to see your dad?” Mum asked. “Why didn’t you just tell me that?”

  “Because you were so angry with him,” I replied. “And it was all about us girls making a new life together. How could I tell you how much I missed him after what he’d done?”

  “We were wrong,” Dad said, after a long, heavy moment. “I know I handled things badly, with the break-up. But we shouldn’t have put our problems above your happiness.”

  “We should have planned for this summer better,” Mum agreed. “Made sure one of us was there to spend time with you. But everything’s been so … difficult between us since your father left.”

  “I noticed,” I muttered.

  “I’m sorry, Willa. Really I am.” Dad reached across the table and took my hand. “We never meant for you to get caught in the middle like this. And I did miss you – that’s why I flew to Italy in the first place. I wanted to surprise you all.”

  “Yeah, well.” Apologies were all well and good. But how were they going to make anything different?

  “So … did you make the audition?” Mum asked. “Not that it matters of course – except that it matters to you, so…”

  “I did,” I replied. “But… I didn’t go. I realized that, as much as I like acting, I don’t think I like it enough to do it as a job already. In fact, I was thinking I might prefer directing.”

  Mum and Dad exchanged an amused look. “I can definitely see that,” Mum said.

  It was nice to see them smiling at each other again, for the first time in months – even if it only lasted a few seconds. But then, just when I thought we were going to go back to awkward silence, Dad jumped to his feet.

  “Let’s go to LA, right now. All three of us.”

  “What?” Mum and I said together.

  “You need to get back for filming, right?” Dad said to Mum. “Well, I’ll come too. Spend time with Willa while you’re working. The festival’s over, so I’ve got a bit of a break now until I go back to Heatherside next month, and Willa will have to go back to school before then anyway. But we’ll have a week or so. And when you’re not working, we’ll sit down, the three of us, and figure all this out together. How we’re going to manage the holidays, and the rest of the year, so that everyone is happy. I never want to go so long without seeing my girl again. OK?”

  Mum nodded, looking slightly shell-shocked. I wondered briefly where Dad would be staying while all this happened. The apartment Mum had rented for us only had two bedrooms, and the sofa wasn’t very comfortable.

  But worrying about the logistics was an Alice thing to do. I was going to focus on the big picture instead.

  Both my parents, i
n the same room, talking amicably about how to make my life better – and actually including me in the conversation? It seemed as likely as them buying me a unicorn for Christmas, but if they were willing to try I definitely wasn’t going to say no.

  I grabbed my case and stood up. Wait … suitcases.

  “I just need to go swap my stuff back with Alice,” I said. Then another thought occurred to me. “And actually, I need a word with Sofia and Mabel before we start our negotiations too.”

  Yep, I was definitely all Willa again. And Willa Andrews always found a way to get what she wanted.

  This summer would be no exception.

  Mabel and Sofia hit it off instantly. I probably shouldn’t have been surprised. They were still chatting about the Italian coastline when Willa and her dad came back from the coffee shop. Willa was dragging my suitcase behind her, and she had a scarily determined look in her eye.

  Last time I saw that look, I’d ended up being Willa Andrews for three weeks. I was almost afraid to ask what she had planned this time.

  “We still need to swap our stuff back,” she said, as she approached.

  “Are there any of my clothes left in there?” I joked.

  Willa shrugged. “I might have burned the five-year-old’s party dress. But I promise I replaced it with much better stuff.”

  I wasn’t going to complain. I’d actually grown used to Willa’s style over the last few weeks.

  Flipping open Willa’s case, I pulled out the bag of my stuff I wanted to hold on to from my Italian adventure: a notebook I’d bought from the little stationer’s in the village, a recipe for Sofia’s grandma’s lemon cake, a bottle of Mattias’s olive oil for Dad, that sort of thing.

  Willa did the same, though not as neatly. I’d organized the stuff I wanted to keep into one bag, but it looked like Willa hadn’t thought about the swap until this moment, so she basically unpacked all my clothes – and quite a few I didn’t recognize – on to the floor of the airport terminal, then shoved them all back in again once she’d rescued her stuff.