Change My Mind

by Ali Parker

  I poured myself a cup and walked to look out the big window. I could see my SUV. She was right. The snow was melting off. “I’ll go out and shovel the driveway to make sure we can get out.”

  “We?”

  “Are you going to call a ride with no service?” I teased.

  “No, I guess I’m not. My little adventure was not planned out all that well. I would appreciate a ride back.”

  “Babe, of course. I’m not going to leave you stranded out here.”

  “I should have driven,” she muttered. “I was worried about the weather and called an Uber.”

  “It’s fine. I’ve got four-wheel drive. I’ll get us home.”

  “True. Good. Great. I’ll clean up in here.”

  I took that to mean she was ready to go. I guessed I didn’t blame her. A nice, hot shower did sound good, along with some real coffee and a real breakfast. I put on my boots and jacket and headed outside to begin shoveling. Once the bulk of the drifts were out of the way and I was confident my SUV would move through the remaining snow, I went back inside.

  She wasn’t kidding about cleaning up. She even packed my bag and managed to get the mattress back onto the bed by herself. The fire in the stove was out. It looked like we were never there. I actually missed the place already. It was like our little nest, and I didn’t want to leave it just yet. I was enjoying being away from everything and everyone and just being with her and her alone.

  “Ready?” she asked, cutting into my thoughts.

  I was ready. I was ready to start our real future together. I was ready to tell her I was in love with her. That I never stopped loving her. That was what I should have said but the timing wasn’t right. When I told her how I felt, I wanted it to be special and romantic.

  Instead of saying all that, I cracked a joke. “I am ready for electricity, heat, and real booze. Let’s blow this popsicle stand.”

  She gave a forced laughed and grabbed her suitcase. I took it from her and was immediately surprised by how heavy it was. “Damn, did you get your entire wardrobe in here?”

  She smiled. “Pretty much. A girl always has to be prepared.”

  I loaded everything into the SUV and we set off. The ride back was mostly quiet. We commented on the downed trees we saw and the weather in general. I could tell she was still feeling that weird awkwardness.

  I didn’t know why she was feeling weird. We had slept together before and things were normal. When we got back to the hotel and settled in, I was going to have the conversation we should have already had. I felt like we got over the hurdle and now it was time to set some groundwork. I was ready. I wanted her to understand I was in this for the long haul. I wasn’t going anywhere.

  I pulled into the back parking lot where the staff parked. “Can I take your bag in?” I offered.

  “No thanks. I can get it. I need to go to my car first.”

  “Are you sure? I can take it in and have a bellhop take it up.”

  “I’m good. Thanks. I’ll see you around.”

  “It weighs more than you do.”

  She laughed softly, giving me a funny look. She patted my cheek and smiled. “I can get it.”

  I leaned forward and gave her a quick kiss. “Maybe we can get dinner later.”

  She mumbled something before wheeling her suitcase away. I didn’t want to smother her. I left her alone and headed inside. I took my bag to my suite and sent Jake a quick text to let him know I was back on the property.

  I showered and changed before going next door to check on Harper. I wanted to ask her to have dinner with me.

  I knocked on the door. Parker opened it and frowned at me. “You!”

  I raised an eyebrow. “Yes, it’s me.”

  “How dare you?!”

  “I’m not sure what I dared to do.”

  “You used Jake. You coerced him into telling you where she was. You used him to get my information!”

  “You could have just told me in the first place,” I replied. “Is she here?”

  “No.”

  “Where is she?”

  “No, you don’t. You don’t get to ask me that.”

  I stared at her. “Where’s Jake? I’ll ask him and then he can ask you.”

  It was supposed to be a joke, but she didn’t think it was funny. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”

  I walked into the suite, ignoring her lecture. “Harper?” I called.

  I walked into her bedroom and felt the emptiness. A cold chill washed over me. I walked to the closet and opened it. It was empty. I walked to the chest of drawers and found it empty as well. Then I walked into the bathroom and found nothing.

  I turned and walked back into the bedroom. The teddy bear I won for her at the fair was sitting on the bed. I stared at it without moving for several seconds before I snatched it off the bed. I wanted to rip the head off the damn thing.

  “I told you she wasn’t here,” she snapped. “She left. For good.”

  I was furious. I was pissed at myself. I was pissed at her for letting me think everything was okay. I was pissed in general. Parker was looking at me with such anger I realized I had no business being pissed at anyone except myself. I had fucked this up.

  “I’m sorry,” I told her.

  “What?”

  “I’m sorry I put you in the middle of this. I shouldn’t have used Jake or you. This was my mistake to fix and I didn’t have any business involving you guys.”

  She seemed to relax a bit. “Thank you.”

  “I’ll go.”

  I walked out of the suite and into my own. I was sorry for so many things. I didn’t have to wonder what last night was about. She’d said her goodbye in her own way. I was stupid for thinking it meant something.

  She ran away from me, and just because I chased her and got a helping hand from Mother Nature, it didn’t change anything. She was over me. Not that she was ever under me.

  I was too cocky for my own good. I thought she would actually want me back after everything. She was never going to forgive me. She was gone. She didn’t even say goodbye. I couldn’t believe I was supposed to be satisfied with the memory of her dragging her suitcase behind her. That didn’t seem right.

  Last night had been beautiful. I felt so connected to her. I felt like we connected on a deeper level than we ever had before. If I could have seen it for what it was, I wouldn’t feel like shit. I felt like shit because I had fallen hard. I let myself believe in a fantasy that didn’t exist. She didn’t feel shit for me. Last night had been great sex for her and nothing more.

  “Fucking idiot,” I mumbled.

  Now I wasn’t just out a marketing manager. I was out a woman that I loved. I was pretty certain I was out of chances with her too. She wasn’t going to give me another shot.

  She never really gave me a shot. She let me have sex with her because she wanted it, too. She said no strings attached and she meant it.

  I was a fool for confusing sex with love.

  Chapter 57

  Harper

  I drove straight to the mall, checking the time and hoping Tawny still had time to meet with me. I was a little late.

  I texted her as soon as we got service and let her know the situation. She said she would be at the mall all day. I looked a little rough. I hoped she would give me a pass.

  I rented a hotel, but I couldn’t check in for another hour. Once I knew whether or not I was going to take her job, I needed to rent an apartment now that I wasn’t staying at the resort.

  I parked my car and made the long walk into the mall. The parking lot was nearly full. I walked through the doors and was surprised to see how busy it was. It was packed and only about half the stores were open. That was a very good sign. The mall was going to be a success. That much was clear.

  I was excited to get in on the ground floor, literally. I wanted to be a part of a new business that was on the rise. I wanted to work with someone who appreciated my talents for marketing. Someone who would see me as an asset
to the company and not a publicity stunt.

  This job could be my ticket to the top. I could work for a huge company overseeing their marketing in general. I could work for one of the national chains if I proved myself here. Not that I was going to do a wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am with Tawny, but I didn’t see this mall as my end game. I wanted to keep climbing.

  I kind of wanted to get out of Colorado. I envisioned myself in LA or maybe even New York. No, definitely west coast. I wanted to be somewhat close to my parents.

  I strolled down the wide hall, listening to the happy shoppers and carrying their many bags. It was the upper-class shoppers of the city spoiling themselves after spoiling their families. I made my way through the shoppers, my neck craning to see the names of the shops, looking for the tea shop where I was supposed to meet Tawny.

  “Harper.”

  I turned and saw Tawny walking toward me. She was dressed to the nines as usual in what I was pretty sure was a designer dress. Free advertisement for one of the shops in her mall, I suspected. She walked up to me and gave me an air kiss.

  “I’m so glad you’re alive,” she exclaimed.

  I smiled. “It wasn’t that bad. I was just stranded.”

  I left out the part where I was stranded with Chase. Once she read the article, she was going to suspect I was with him. That was one of the things I hated most about my private life being made public fodder. People were going to think I slept with him to get the job. It damaged my reputation. It hurt my credibility.

  “Do you like green tea?”

  I didn’t but I lied. “Yes, iced?”

  “Of course. Have a seat. You look exhausted.”

  I smiled, but inside, I was dying of embarrassment. I should have canceled the meeting altogether. I needed to shower. I could still feel him on me.

  I sat down at one of the tables near the entrance to keep an eye on the shoppers. I liked to watch and listen to the people. It helped me know what they liked and what would appeal to them.

  “Here you go,” she said and sat down.

  “Thank you.”

  “It’s a nice pick-me-up,” she offered. “It looks like you could use it.”

  I forced a smile. “Thanks. It’s busy in here.”

  “I know!” she exclaimed. “It’s exactly what I wanted. Look at your cup.”

  I looked at the cup and saw her brand. I looked up at the sign over the counter. “This is yours?”

  “Yes. It’s part of my branding. I want to expand. I want an empire. I’m hoping you can help me get there.”

  “An empire,” I said with a laugh. “That is a lofty goal.”

  “Yes, it is. I want to fill every one of these spaces with high-end stores. I’m going to get this one going and then I want to expand. I want my brand to be associated with luxury. My malls aren’t going to be filled with teenagers and skateboards. My malls are for the women who want to shop until they drop without going outside in the weather. They’ll get everything they need in one place without being bothered by little brats running around. They’ll get to hang out with their girlfriends and enjoy a meal that isn’t deep fried.”

  I was nodding as I listened. “I like it. You have a great idea. That is exactly what people want.”

  “I know. And it will be a hit. I need it to be marketed to the right people. I need it to be tasteful and bold at the same time.”

  I felt very lucky to have found her. She was exactly the kind of woman I wanted to be my mentor. She was the kind of woman who kicked ass and took names. She was climbing the ladder and getting exactly what she wanted and wasn’t the least bit worried about how she got there. I wanted to learn from her. I wanted to know where she found her bravery.

  Tawny would understand what it was like to be a woman in a business that was dominated by men. She was far bolder than me, but I could learn a thing or two. Maybe her boldness would wear off on me. I hoped.

  “Are you still offering me the position to be your marketing manager?” I asked directly, feeling like I was already taking a page out of her book.

  “I would need someone who can come up with some innovative, fresh ideas.”

  I nodded. “And would you want me to come up with marketing plans? Would I be running ad campaigns?”

  “I want someone that knows the business and can work with me to create snazzy windows and appeal to the masses.”

  She wasn’t giving me any straight answers. “Do you have a plan?”

  She took a drink from her glass. “I would love to get your opinion on some ideas I have. Are you free today?”

  “Free?” I repeated. She was a very good politician. She was asking questions and dodging questions in one easy breath.

  “Yes. Why don’t you shadow me for the rest of the day? I need to check in with the owners and see how things are going. I asked them all to come up with some things they want or expect from a marketing campaign. I’m sure there are going to be some very big wants, but no one wants to pay the fee. So, can you?”

  “Um, yeah, sure. What exactly will we be doing?”

  “I need to check in with everyone.”

  I nodded. “I see. Do you have any particular goals?”

  “Money.” She grinned. “More money.”

  I laughed, trying to find the humor. Maybe it was because I was tired, but she was irritating me. I didn’t want a runaround. I wanted to know what she was looking for. I couldn’t help but feel like I was not being taken seriously. Did she have second thoughts about hiring me? I honestly thought I already had the job. The joke’s on me.

  “Do you have any actual plans, budgets, goals?”

  “I’m hoping my tenants will have some ideas. Then I can sit down and come up with an overall mall-wide merchandising plan.”

  I smiled and nodded. She used I instead of you or we. “That’s a good idea,” I said, keeping my smile in place.

  “Let’s go.”

  I followed her into the first store. She didn’t bother to introduce me to the owner. The two of them gossiped about someone that wanted to rent a space in the mall and Tawny shut them down. We moved from one place to the next. It was the same thing in every store. I was beginning to feel invisible and unneeded.

  “Do you have any goals for merchandising?” I blurted out.

  The woman who specialized in yet more high-end women’s clothing looked at me like I had three heads. “What? Merchandising? Tawny?”

  “I’m thinking about doing a push before Valentine’s Day,” Tawny explained, shooting me a slightly irritated look. “We’re just talking with shop owners to get an idea about things.”

  “My clothes sell themselves,” the woman answered in a haughty tone.

  “Of course,” I quickly agreed.

  “Anyway, like I was saying, have you seen that new fabric to come out of Italy?” the woman asked Tawny, completely ignoring me.

  I listened to the two of them carry on about some fabric that they were both in love with. I didn’t understand how any one fabric could be all that special, but they were certainly excited. We left that store and moved to another. I was beginning to wonder if I was making a huge mistake.

  Tawny passed along the information about the Italian fabric. The conversation started down the same vein as the last one I was forced to listen to. I tuned out. I thought about my night with Chase. I thought about him and what he was doing right then. He was probably sitting in the dining room of his fabulous restaurant and enjoying a glorious meal.

  I was starving. I wanted something more sustainable than green tea. I wanted food and a shower and a change of clothes. I might be jumping into something I wasn’t really prepared for.

  “Don’t you think so?”

  I blinked, realizing both women were staring at me. “I’m sorry, what?”

  “Don’t you think a fashion show would be a great way to advertise?”

  I nodded. “Absolutely.”

  The shop owner smiled at me. I could almost feel her patting my head. “My assi
stant has an in with one of the local modeling agencies. We could get right on it.”

  I opened my mouth to ask a question but was quickly shut down. “Let’s go see how Molly at the shoe boutique is doing.”

  I smiled and nodded, knowing my opinion and approval were not needed. I was literally her shadow. I followed behind her, feeling like a lost puppy dog. As she talked to another shop owner and I stood off to the side, I thought about the few ideas I did hear. These people all seemed to have their own ideas. They weren’t interested in what I had to say.

  Some of the things I did hear had potential. If I had Parker with me, we could take their ideas and make them fabulous.

  I missed my team. I missed the freedom to do what I wanted. I liked having carte blanche. Chase gave me the freedom to create and plan.

  Spending hours with Tawny made me rethink everything. Was I really ready to give up the rather cushy job I had with Chase? I was certain he would keep me on if I asked.

  I gave a mental shake. That was not an option. I could not keep working with him. The blurred lines were too much. I needed to make my clean break from him.

  If only I had kept my panties on, I could have stayed on at the hotel. Unfortunately, I didn’t and now I couldn’t stay. I needed to make a clean break from Chase. If only there was some ritual I could perform to exorcise him from my life for good. I refused to let the man break my heart. I couldn’t survive it.

  “Why don’t we grab some coffee?” Tawny said, cutting into my thoughts.

  “You know, I should go. I could really use a shower and a hot meal.”

  “Okay. Thanks for hanging out with me.”

  “Tawny, I don’t want to be too forward, but is the job offer still available?”

  She grinned. “Absolutely. Come back tomorrow and we’ll get a fresh start.”

  “Really?”

  “Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  I walked away feeling a lot better about things. I was off today. I was cranky and reading into things. This was a good move. It was a move away from Chase and in the right direction for the future I really wanted.

  Chapter 58