Cooper

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  “I left her,” I barely got out. I felt like my chest was restricting.

  “She’s with Maggie. Trust me, she’s in good hands. Maggie knows how to handle this stuff.”

  “I know, but you haven’t seen her over the last week. She hasn’t left my side. There were a few nights that I even slept with her because she was so scared.”

  “Look, I get it, but she’s not going to get better by hovering. We have to help her work past this.”

  “What the fuck do you know?” I spat. “Don’t give me that shit about what Maggie went through. She’s so much stronger than Kayla.”

  His brows furrowed and anger filled his face. I could tell he was really trying hard not to explode right now. “So, you think that because Maggie’s stronger that she wasn’t fucked up? That she didn’t struggle? The only thing Maggie didn’t struggle with was putting on a good face for everyone else. She kept pushing herself until she could go out without being terrified. To everyone else, she was the warrior that let it slide right off her shoulders, but I saw her at night. I saw her hiding her fear from me because she didn’t want to be weak. And you know what got her through? She kept pushing. If you don’t push Kayla out of her comfort zone, you’ll end up with what Cara used to be.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “What?” he laughed. “Did you think that Cara was just another one of the ladies?” He laughed again, running a hand over his face. “Cara didn’t leave her house for three fucking years after she was taken by a serial killer. And the three years after that were so fucked up that she had an anxiety attack every time she left the house. The only one that was able to pull her out of that was Sinner. Is that what you want to happen to Kayla? For her to be so scared of her own shadow that she never leaves this place ever again?”

  “I…I didn’t know.”

  “I keep telling you that you’re not alone. When the fuck are you gonna realize that?”

  He walked away and left me standing there feeling like a fucking idiot.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  Becky

  “Someone tried to break into the Johnson’s house last night,” Delaney said, coming into the room with her work bag and donut hanging from her mouth.

  “Is everyone okay?”

  She nodded. “Only the son was home, but he heard whoever it was sneak in and he grabbed his dad’s gun. He just started shooting until the person left the house. From what I hear, there are bullet holes all over the house.”

  I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and tried to focus on what she was saying. I knew that Delaney was only telling me this stuff because she was trying to distract me. I hated that I hated her for it. She was the only one on my side right now, so I couldn’t afford to push her away. So, I pretended like I cared, because I couldn’t handle disappointing Delaney too.

  “That shit has been happening a lot lately around here. Do you think it’s all connected?”

  “What do you mean?”

  She sat down on the couch beside me, doing her best to sound curious and truly interested in my theories. The truth was, I had been interested in all this stuff going on in the neighborhood just a few weeks ago. But everything spiraled out of control and I just forgot about everything that was going on.

  “Well, it started out with little things, like people breaking into garages and stealing stupid shit, but the dog?”

  She gave me a funny look. “The dog was hit by a car.”

  “Yeah, but I’m wondering now if it was more than that. I mean, then there were all the dead birds.”

  “Yeah, but even Coop said that the birds probably just ate something poisonous.”

  My chest burned at the mention of Coop, but I pushed past it. “And the graffiti?”

  “Kids,” she shrugged.

  “Yeah, but why is all of it happening in our neighborhood?”

  She sighed and finally fully looked at me. “Look, you know this happens. Neighborhoods go south all the time. Maybe that’s what’s happening and we just need to find a different place to live. I’m not totally against it.”

  I considered that. I supposed that was a possibility, but I still wasn’t totally convinced. I got up and looked out the window and felt a spark of something deep inside. I wasn’t exactly thrilled to be looking into this neighborhood crap again, but I needed a distraction, and this would definitely take my mind off things. After Delaney left for work, I decided to bite the bullet and give Rob a call. He might be able to help me.

  “Hey, Becks.” His voice was wary, but not unfriendly.

  “Um…hey. I was wondering if you could do me a favor.” Silence met me, so I continued. “There’s been some strange stuff going on in my neighborhood and I was hoping that you could help me out.”

  “With what?”

  “Um…putting up cameras.”

  “Becks, that’s all stuff that you can do on your own. Hell, you could wire the whole thing up to your house.”

  I picked at my shirt, not wanting to admit to Rob what the real issue was. But if I didn’t tell him, he would never help me.

  “I can’t,” I finally whispered.

  “What do you mean you can’t?”

  “I mean…after what I did…I just can’t do it.”

  I heard his heavy sigh through the phone. “Becks, you can’t let this one thing rule your life. What are you going to do? Never touch a computer again?”

  “Probably.”

  “That’s not feasible.”

  “Yes, it is. What do you think people did before computers were invented?”

  “But this is your thing and you’re really good at it.”

  “Too bad. I can’t. I’m supposed to use my powers for good, but instead, I almost destroyed someone’s life. No, I’m not sure I could ever do that again.”

  He was silent again. “I’ll talk to Cap. If I do this, the cameras will have to be hooked up to Reed Security.”

  “Thank you, Rob. Let me know what he says.”

  He hung up, but my phone rang again almost immediately. I prayed that it was Coop, but I was sorely disappointed. It was my boss.

  “Hello?”

  “Becky, it’s Don.”

  “Uh…hey. Sorry I haven’t been at work.”

  “I know. Your old boss called me and told me what happened. How are you?” I shrugged, not wanting to speak since I felt the tears threatening again.

  “I’m doing okay,” I finally choked out.

  He sighed and I knew what was coming. “Look, I know this is hard for you, but I need you back at the office or I’ll have to look for someone else.”

  “I know,” I choked out. “I’m just not ready. Can you give me more time?”

  “I’m sorry, Becky. I don’t want to lose you, but I have tons of work coming in. I need someone in the office tomorrow.”

  I nodded to myself, knowing I just couldn’t do it yet. Getting out of bed was hard enough as it was. But it would take a lot to ever convince me to work on a computer again. I was done.

  “I understand. You should replace me.”

  “Becky, you’re the best I know. Don’t let this ruin you.”

  “It already has,” I said quietly before hanging up the phone.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

  Coop

  I walked into the IT room just as Rob quickly shut off the screens that he was looking at. It didn’t matter. Whatever he was working on didn’t concern me.

  “Hey, I want you to put cameras up in Kayla’s room.”

  He paled slightly. “No, no fucking way. I’m not invading her privacy like that.”

  “I need this.”

  He shook his head again. “No.”

  I gripped him on the shoulder tightly, hoping to intimidate him, even though he trained with us and probably wasn’t intimidated by much. “Do you know what it’s like for me? To know that my daughter is struggling and not see what’s going on with her? When she hides in her room, I’m standing out there wondering if she’s okay. I c
an’t do this anymore.”

  “It’s a violation of her privacy. Don’t you think she’s been violated enough?”

  I flinched back, not realizing that was exactly what I was doing. I released him and took a step back, ashamed that I had even asked him to do that for me.

  “You’re right. I’m sorry I asked.”

  “It’s okay.” He moved back to his desk, but didn’t turn the screens back on. He was waiting for me to leave the room.

  “What are you working on?”

  “Nothing,” he said quickly, which made me think that he just didn’t want me to know.

  “Is it for Reed Security?”

  “Sort of.”

  My eyes narrowed and I faked leaving the room, but then moved quickly around him as he moved the opposite way. I flicked the button to turn on the screen and sucked in a breath. He was looking at Becky’s house and her street. Well, it was the google maps version.

  “What the fuck is this?”

  He sighed and zoomed in on her house. “Becky said that there are things happening in her neighborhood that are suspicious. She asked me to set up cameras, but I have to talk to Cap about it. I was just checking out her street to see what would be involved before I spoke to Cap.”

  “She already told me about that shit. It’s nothing. She’s freaking out over nothing. Tell her if she wants surveillance, she needs to do it herself.”

  “She won’t.”

  “What do you mean she won’t?”

  He scrubbed a hand over his face and growled. “You know, I don’t like being dragged into your business. This has nothing to do with me.”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “She won’t touch a computer. She said she can’t. Not after what happened.”

  “You mean after she got my daughter raped?”

  “You’re not being fair,” he cut in.

  “Well, when you have kids and your daughter gets raped, you can tell me how fair I’m being. Frankly, I think she’s right. She should never go near a computer again. That’s the least that should happen to her. Don’t go to Cap. If she has a problem, she can deal with it herself.”

  “Coop-”

  “What?” I glared at him.

  He shook his head and turned away from me. “Nothing.”

  I walked out of the room and headed for the training center. Just talking about Becky set me on edge. Everyone was coming up to me, dropping subtle hints that I should talk to Becky or talking about forgiveness. It was all a bunch of bullshit. They didn’t know. They didn’t understand what Kayla and I had been through.

  I changed direction at the thought of Kayla and headed back to the room. I needed to see her again. No matter how many times I said that I was going to work, I was never gone long. I was too worried about her. But slowly, Kayla was starting to be more and more comfortable with me being gone. She was never alone, but she didn’t look like she would burst into tears when I left.

  Kayla was watching a movie on the couch with Raegan when I walked in. I was surprised to see Raegan, but everything seemed different after what happened with Kayla. Everyone was showing up to support her, so I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised.

  “Raegan,” I nodded, smirking at the pickle jar on her lap. “Breakfast of champions?”

  “It helps with the nausea.”

  “She’s pregnant,” Kayla beamed. “So, I said she could hang out in here with me since she didn’t want to sit alone in her house.” She bit her lip and frowned. “Was that okay?”

  “Of course,” I said, smiling and hoping like hell that Kayla wouldn’t always question me like this. God, my spirited daughter had gone from confident to unsure and I hated that. “Can I get you ladies anything?”

  “You know what sounds really good?” Raegan said, her eyes lighting up. “Pizza.”

  “Isn’t the grease bad for your stomach?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t know, but it sounds really good, so how bad can it be?”

  I didn’t want to tell her that when she was throwing up, she would regret saying that. So, I nodded and ordered a pizza for them. Luckily, I could have it delivered onto the compound, even if it would take an extra five minutes to get from the front gates to down here.

  “I gotta pee,” Raegan said, jumping up from the couch. I took her seat and ate one of her pickles, hoping that she didn’t notice that one was missing.

  “Dad?”

  “Hmm?” I crunched on the pickle and looked over at Kayla, but her face was sad and I hoped that she wasn’t remembering something.

  “Why hasn’t Becky come to see me?”

  “What?” I choked, trying not to let Kayla see my anger.

  “Is she mad at me?”

  Crap. I hadn’t thought about how Kayla would respond to Becky being absent. All I was concerned about was making sure that she was out of my life. But now Kayla was sad and I had to explain to her why she wouldn’t be coming around anymore.

  “Kayla, Becky won’t be coming around anymore. What she did…I can’t forgive her for that. It’s because she made the choice to deceive all of us that you ended up out there in the first place.”

  “No,” she said, jumping to Becky’s defense. “It was because I asked her.”

  “But she made the choice to help you. I can’t forgive what she did. She put you in danger. You could have died.”

  “But you forgive me, right?”

  The tears in her eyes almost broke my heart, and I couldn’t believe that she was asking me for forgiveness. “Of course, I do.”

  “Then why can’t you forgive her?”

  “Because…” Because I was too angry. Because I was too hurt by her betrayal. Because I was afraid that if I forgave her, it was like I was saying that what she did wasn’t that bad.

  “Dad, we all make mistakes.”

  “I’m sorry, Kayla. I can’t forgive what she did.”

  “So, you’re just not going to let me see her?”

  I could tell that she wasn’t happy about this, and I knew that I couldn’t stop her from seeing Becky for the rest of her life, but as long as she was here, there was no way in hell Becky was going near her.

  “Not if I can help it. You have to understand, when I found you that night, it was the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen.” I could still see her lying there on the ground and it gutted me. It was the stuff that replaced all the other nightmares I’d ever had. “I thought the shit I’d seen in the military was bad, but when it’s your own kid? It’s not something I would wish on any parent. So, no, I can’t move on from it. I won’t ever be able to move on from what happened.”

  “Dad-”

  “Okay,” Raegan said, bursting back into the room. “Are we ready to watch season two?”

  I took that as my chance to escape so I didn’t have to talk about Becky anymore. “I’ll go get the pizza.”

  I caught the sad expression on Kayla’s face as I left, but I couldn’t bring myself to worry about her feelings for Becky right now. If I did, I wasn’t sure I would be able to get through all this. I had my anger, and that was all I was holding onto to help me through.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  Becky

  “Is Cap coming to install the cameras?” I asked Rob. It was quiet for a second and then he sighed. “He doesn’t want to help.”

  “It’s not him. Look, things are pretty fucked up around here right now. With what happened, no one’s pushing Coop too much. I’m sorry.”

  “No, I get it. Thanks for trying.”

  “Just give him time.”

  I nodded to myself and hung up. Everyone was telling me to give him time, but I knew that no amount of time would change anything. There was no coming back from what happened. If I wanted cameras put up in the neighborhood, I was going to have to do it myself. I just didn’t think I could do it alone. It’s not that I wasn’t physically capable, but I needed some moral support.

  But before I could do that, I needed some supplies fro
m the hardware store in town. I had the cameras, but I still needed some other equipment that I didn’t have on hand. I pulled out my car keys with shaky hands and headed out the door. I knew that I didn’t look presentable, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. Besides, it wasn’t like I needed to look good for the guy in the hardware store.

  I wandered up and down the aisles of the hardware store, barely able to focus on what I needed. My head was just so messed up and every time I thought I could figure a way out of the maze in my head, I felt like breaking down in tears. I turned the corner and walked right into someone. Taking a step back, I mumbled out an apology before looking up into the eyes of the man that I loved. But there was no love there. His eyes moved over my body with disgust, taking in the ratty shirt that hung way too big on my thinning frame. My hair was way too messy and my leggings were clearly dirty and in need of a good wash.

  But no matter how much he looked at me with hate and disgust, I couldn’t look away from him. I loved him so much and I needed to hear something from him to help pull me out of my funk. It was like time stood still as we stared at each other. I thought for a moment that he would talk to me, say something to let me know that there was still a chance, but he shoved past me, his shoulder ramming into me as he passed. I couldn’t let him just walk away, so I grabbed onto his shirt and held on. His eyes moved down to where my fingers clenched his sleeve and he sneered.

  “Get your fucking hands off me,” he said slowly.

  Against everything in me, I slowly released his shirt. “Coop, please just talk to-”

  I was cut off by him wrapping his hand around my throat and shoving me back harshly against the shelving. He wasn’t squeezing, just holding me in place, but the threat was there. I wasn’t looking at the man I loved. I was looking at the man I had turned him into with my stupid decisions. A tear slipped down my cheek and my chest tightened painfully, knowing that I had really lost him for good.