Cooper

by Lagomarsino, Giulia

  I glared at him as he helped me into the bathroom and led me into the shower. He wasted no time in taking off my gown or rinsing me off. He took special care washing my body and being gentle of my wounds. I hated to admit that it was nice that he was doing all the work. I was sore and I didn’t really want to move my arms more than I had to, but that didn’t mean that I had to say anything to him about that.

  When he started washing my hair, I groaned in contentment. His fingers rubbed at my scalp, massaging away the slight headache that had been building. It felt so good, but when he chuckled, I shut my mouth and glared at him. There was no way I was going to let him pretend that we were a happy couple again and I would laugh at his jokes. I just wasn’t ready.

  When I got out of the bathroom, the bed was remade as promised and I climbed right in. I knew that the nurse would come back and want me to go for a walk soon, so I was determined to get in all the relaxing I could before she arrived.

  “Becky, I never meant to hurt you.”

  “Really? You could have fooled me. Tell me, do you usually tell your friends to leave and never speak to you again? Or push them up against shelves by the neck?”

  His body tensed and he shook his head. “No, I usually don’t. The only thing I can say in my defense was that I was literally out of my mind. The only thing I could think about was Kayla. Nothing else mattered to me.”

  “That’s what I’m afraid of. Coop, I know you were hurting and angry, but you didn’t think of me for even one second. You cut me out of your life like I meant nothing. And now you’re back here and I’m not sure why.”

  “I’m here because I love you.”

  “Suddenly you love me.” I snorted and shook my head. Like it was all that easy. It hadn’t been so easy for him to look at me or speak to me, but suddenly, all it took was love for him to come back.

  “I’ve always loved you. I know I have a shit way of showing it, but I do love you, and I would do anything for you.”

  “And when did this all change? Because the last time I saw you, you looked at me with contempt. There was nothing loving on your face. So explain it to me, Coop. Tell me what’s changed.”

  CHAPTER FORTY-SIX

  Coop

  I knew this was it. My only chance to tell her what had happened and get her to believe me. She was tired of me being here, and I knew better than anyone that when you got sick of someone, you just cut them out of your life. I couldn’t let that happen.

  “That night Kayla went missing, I was terrified. I’ve lost a lot of people in my life, but no one as important as Kayla. She’s my child. When I came home from war, she didn’t look at me with judgement or disgust, because kids don’t know better. I was her daddy and that was all that mattered to her. She was mine to protect when her mother got hooked on drugs, and again when her mother was killed. I put her in danger because I chose to help Vanessa. I ruined her childhood by taking her on the run with me. There was so much that I took from her in the name of protecting her, and I’m the one that ultimately pushed her into making some really shitty decisions.” I shook my head, disgusted with where my head had gone immediately following Kayla’s attack. “It was so easy to blame you.”

  I knew she understood. Becky was the one person in the world that always seemed to understand me. Even when I was pushing her away, I think deep down I always knew that Becky already knew why I was doing it. It wasn’t really her fault. She played her part, but to put all the blame on her was wrong. There were too many factors at play to put it all on her. If I hadn’t been blocking Kayla’s exit, she wouldn’t have gone through the hatch. If I hadn’t stopped her from going out, she would have made better decisions. If those trees hadn’t been down, the sensors would have been working and we would have known there were intruders on the property. The list went on and on.

  “I guess in my mind, when I cut you out of my life, you just moved on. I knew that you were hurt, but I could picture you moving on with your life and pretending that none of it happened. And then I saw you when I brought Kayla over and you looked like you could barely get out of bed. I started to question what I had done for the first time. Suddenly, you didn’t seem like the bad guy anymore. I was, because I had destroyed you, and there were no good intentions like there were with you.”

  “And now you’re here.” I nodded. “But that still doesn’t explain the change of heart, Coop. I’m trying to follow the bouncing ball here, but I wasn’t part of your thought process. I was with you in the house and now I’m here. That’s a huge timeframe that’s missing for me. I just can’t see how you went from being so angry to slightly understanding, and now you love me and want me back? What did I miss?”

  “What? You need me to lay it all out for you?”

  “It would be nice.”

  I stood and walked over to the window. How the fuck was I supposed to go into this with her? She was asking me to relive it, to put myself back at that night and talk her through what I was feeling. I wasn’t sure if I could do that.

  “Coop.” I turned at the sound of her voice. I never could resist her. The only time had been when…when I had been an asshole. “You came to me. You’re sitting here asking me to be with you. If you want that to happen, if you want me to forget about everything, you need to tell me why.”

  I swallowed down the bile that was churning in my stomach and took a leap. If this was my one shot to get her back, I had to go all in. “I walked in on a bloodbath in your home. I saw you lying there and you looked dead. The first thing I thought was that I had lost you and I hadn’t had a chance to pull my head out of my ass. See, I knew that while I was right about what you had done for Kayla, I also knew that I wasn’t seeing the whole picture, and that I needed to talk to you about it. But then you were on the floor and you were dying.” My voice cracked and I cleared my throat, fighting back the intense emotions that were threatening to surface. “None of what you did for Kayla mattered anymore. You’ve always been the light of my life and that light was dying out. And I needed more time with you. I needed to hold you and kiss you. I needed to make you understand that I never stopped loving you. But it was too late, because you were barely alive, and I wasn’t even sure if you knew that I was there with you, or if I was just a figment of your imagination.”

  “I knew.”

  “That was the worst thing that could have ever happened to me,” I said quietly. “Worse than what happened to Kayla. She was alive and fighting, but with you, I thought you had died. And I’m to blame for that. You told me,” I laughed humorlessly. “You fucking told me. You asked for help when you thought there was something happening in your neighborhood, and I told Rob not to do a fucking thing to help.”

  I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. “And then to watch you every fucking day and pray that you would live…It puts things in perspective. So, you want to know what’s changed? I’ve changed. I’ve taken a look at my life and the people in it, and I decided that if I got the chance to keep you, I wouldn’t pass it up. I would hold onto you with everything I had. I know I fucking hurt you, but if you love me at all, if there’s any fucking chance of us being together, don’t think about it anymore, and just say that you need me too.”

  But she didn’t say anything. She sat there with tears in her eyes and stared at me like she had no fucking clue what to say. Taking her silence as my cue, I nodded and headed for the door. I wouldn’t be far, but I couldn’t sit in the room with the woman I love and know that there was no chance for us anymore. I had broken that and now I had to live with that.

  CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN

  Becky

  I was stunned into silence. He had just said everything so perfectly, yet I found myself unable to say anything to him. I just stared at him until he walked out the door. It was like my brain and my heart were on two totally different pages.

  “Hey,” Cap said with a grin, walking toward his chair on the side of my bed. “I just saw Coop heading out. Did you convince him to go home?”

&
nbsp; What the hell had I just done? He poured his heart out to me and I said nothing. God, I was such an idiot. A sob burst from my lips and tears spilled down my cheeks in rivers.

  “Uh…” Cap sat up and looked at me in terror. I wanted to tell him that I would be fine, but it just made me cry harder. “There, there. It’s okay.” He patted my arm awkwardly, his eyes wide as saucers as he tried to figure out what to do.

  “I…and he…why?” I cried.

  “Uh…I’m not sure what that means.”

  I pointed to the door and cried some more. “He just…and I…”

  “Okay, I’m getting the feeling that something happened with Coop. Or the door, but I think Coop is the better bet.”

  I tried to glare at him, but it just came out as a moan. He winced and nodded. “Okay, so, something happened with Coop and you’re crying.”

  “He said…why…and I…nothing!” I screamed on the last one. “Just nothing!”

  He jerked back at my outburst, practically climbing into the chair. “Uh, sure. So, Coop was in here and said something. I can…see how that would…cause this?”

  I gasped for air, crying so hard that my whole body hurt. It felt like I was ripping every wound on my body open. But no matter how much it hurt, I just couldn’t stop.

  “He said…” I waved my hand, gesturing that he said everything and Cap nodded along.

  “Right, he said to go.” He waved his arm wildly. “Go, flee the kingdom. Run, Becky. Run far away!”

  I glared at him again, but it crumpled into more tears.

  “Right, so not in the mood for jokes.”

  The door pushed open and Cap stood, rushing over to Maggie, who had just waddled in. “What’s going on?” she asked.

  “Thank God you’re here. I don’t…” He gestured to the crying mess that I was and shrugged. “I can’t make out what’s wrong. Something about Coop.”

  Maggie came and sat down on the bed beside me, taking my hand in hers. “Okay, what happened?”

  “Coop…said…and I…nothing!” I cried again.

  She patted my hand and nodded. “Coop explained what happened with him and told you he loved you, but you didn’t say anything?”

  I nodded and Cap stared at Maggie with wide eyes.

  “How did you do that?”

  “And…” I cried more, sobbing with my body jerking out of control. “He…” I waved my hand again and she nodded.

  “He told you he loved you and asked you to forgive him. To forget everything and just be with him, but you didn’t say anything and he left.”

  I nodded.

  “Holy shit. You’re like the hysterical woman whisperer,” Cap said in awe.

  I shook my head and cried harder. Maggie pulled me into her arms and rubbed my back soothingly. “It’s okay. You just need time for your head to catch up with your heart. You’ve been through a lot.”

  “But….” I pleaded to her with my eyes and Cap leaned forward.

  “What’s she saying now?”

  “You couldn’t say anything because it’s a lot to take in all at once. It’s hard to let go of all that baggage in the blink of an eye. Just give yourself a few days for it all to settle in.”

  “Do you…?”

  “No, sweetie. He’ll be back. If I know Coop, he’s not even gone. He’s just giving you space to figure it out.”

  I nodded, the sobs slowly abating in my chest. Maggie released me and I laid down, staring out the window as I got myself under control.

  I smiled when I heard Cap ask Maggie, “Where were these magical powers eight years ago?”

  ✯✯✯✯✯

  I waited all day for Coop to come back, but he never did. My crying jag had worn me out, and I was sleeping before visiting hours were over. I wanted Coop to come back and talk to me, but I wasn’t sure what I would say to him, so maybe it was best he stayed away.

  Oh God. Delaney was on the floor, laying in blood. She was dead, I was sure of it. I walked closer to her, even though I knew that I shouldn’t. I should call for help. I spun around and felt the sharp stab in my stomach. The pain was unlike anything I’d ever felt. A knife handle protruded from my stomach and there was that hand, smooth and manicured.

  My heart thundered loudly in my ears, pumping out an erratic rhythm that set my nerves on edge. My eyes lifted, slowly trailing up his chest. My heart thudded out of control. In just seconds, I would see who this was that had taken my friend from me, that was trying to kill me. I saw his shirt, black and opened at the top, just enough to let his chest hair peek through the top.

  His evil eyes stared back at me, but I couldn’t make out the face. All I saw was my own terror in his eyes. I felt the jolt of the knife and screamed out in pain.

  I shot upright in bed, tears streaming down my face as my heart thundered out of control. My hands were fisted in the sheets when the nurse rushed into the room and took my hand, trying to calm me down.

  “It’s okay, sweetie.” She was looking around the room, like she was expecting someone to be here. It set me on edge, making me wonder if I was really as safe as I thought. It occurred to me that I hadn’t asked about the guy, if they had caught him. I was too distracted by other things.

  “I need Coop,” I said desperately, but the woman shook her head.

  “I’m sorry, but-”

  “You don’t understand,” I shouted hysterically. “I need him. I need-”

  The door flew open and Derek walked in, his eyes immediately searching the room as he walked over to me. “Is everything okay?”

  “I need Coop.”

  He looked at me funny and glanced around the room again. “What’s going on?”

  “Is he still alive?”

  “Coop?”

  “The guy. The…”

  Understanding dawned on Derek’s face and he shook his head. “We think so, but we’ve got people all over the hospital, Becky. He won’t get to you.”

  I nodded and the nurse coaxed me back onto the bed. “You need to rest. Your body can’t take this.”

  “I can’t go to sleep like this. I need him,” I pleaded. The nurse walked over to the computer and started typing. I turned to Derek and begged him. “Please, you have to get him. I can’t stay here. I need him. Please!”

  “Calm down,” the nurse said, “I’m giving you something to help you sleep.”

  Drowsiness set in quickly, but I still begged Derek. He looked torn, either not able or willing to go get Coop for me. The darkness took over and I slipped off to sleep, but in the haze of the darkness, I could swear that I heard Coop’s soothing voice in my ear and his hand in mine.

  CHAPTER FORTY-EIGHT

  Coop

  “Is she okay?” I asked, rushing back to Becky’s room.

  Derek shook his head. “She had a dream. I’m guessing a pretty terrifying one. She was begging for us to get you, but the nurse gave her something to sleep.”

  “Shit.” I ran my hand over my tired face. “I should have been there. I shouldn’t have left.”

  “Did you find anything?”

  Cazzo’s team called in a possible threat at the edge of the hospital property. I had gone to check it out because if it was the fucker that went after Becky, I wanted him all to myself.

  “There was definitely someone there, but by the time Cazzo’s team got there, the suspect was gone. We’ve got nothing and he wasn’t in range of the cameras. It’s like he knew we were coming.”

  “It’s possible. Cap said that he hacked Becky’s computer. If he was able to do that, it’s very likely that he knows how to avoid the cameras here.”

  “I don’t know what I’m going to tell Becky. She’s going to ask about him eventually.”

  “You need to ask her about what she saw,” he pointed out.

  “No. I’ve relived that night. I don’t want her to also.”

  “She already is. That nightmare she had wasn’t about unicorns and flowers.”

  “No.”

  “He’s going
to keep coming for her,” he insisted. “Listen to me, I get that you don’t want to put her through that, but if you don’t, that psycho is running around out there, and he’s fucking dangerous because he knows he has everything to lose if Becky remembers.”

  “You’re asking me to put her through hell. It’s not worth it.”

  “Yes, it is! If you don’t, she’s put in further danger and so is everyone else around this fucker. You have no idea what he’ll do. He walked into her home and butchered her and Delaney. You think that he’s going to decide to just stop? The end justifies the means!”

  “Alright,” I snapped. I couldn’t deny that he was right. If we didn’t catch this fucker, it would be harder on Becky. I pushed her door open and went over to her, taking her hand in mine as I leaned over her body. I hated that she was going through this, but I hated even more that I wasn’t there for her when she had been scared.

  I brushed her hair back from her face and kissed her tearstained cheek. “I swear, I’ll never leave you, Sunshine. I’m right here.”

  I stayed with her until the shift change in the morning and then I went home to change. I hadn’t slept much in days and I was too wound up to sleep after the incident at the hospital. We needed to catch the fucker before he did anything else, so I knew that I needed to talk to Becky about it.

  After showering, I grabbed my shit and headed for the door, but Kayla stopped me.

  “Can I see Becky?”

  “Not today. That guy is still out there. I don’t want you leaving the property until he’s caught.”

  “Okay,” she said without a moment’s hesitation.

  I did a double take, sure that I was hearing things, but she didn’t look upset or anything. “Okay?”

  “Dad, I think I’ve learned my lesson. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

  I put my bag down on the ground and gave Kayla all my attention. “Okay, what is it?”

  “I was thinking…” She started fidgeting and squirming around like she was uncomfortable. I reached out and took her hand in mine, trying to soothe her.