Letting Go

by B J Smyth

  Putting the photo frame on the bed, I stare at myself in the mirror on the wardrobe door. I wonder how far he will let me into his life — his family, work colleagues, will he let me meet them? I know he doesn’t enjoy walking along holding hands in public unless we are in a place like Brighton. Hell, I don’t even know if his Mum knows he is gay, but surely, she must after all the time he spent living with Charles. God, Brandon is right, I know little about him.

  My curiosity gets to me, I stand up and open the wardrobe, looking through his clothes, it’s mostly suits he wears to work. There is a safe on the top shelf; I try to open it but it’s locked. I move from the wardrobe to the chest of drawers; the top drawer is full of underwear and socks. The next drawer has T-shirts of various colours and designs. Opening the bottom drawer, I find his leather chest harness, jock strap, lubricant, and the leather belt he has punished me with before. No surprises there; I know about all of that stuff. I close the drawer, pick up the photo from the bed and place it back on the chest of drawers.

  What am I doing, snooping on him, trying to find what? I don’t know, Brandon messes with my head. Frank can’t have anything to hide or why would he have asked me to move in here. I get on with unpacking my things, putting away my clothes first.

  Stopping to make a sandwich for lunch, I check my phone for messages but there are none. I feel a little upset as I thought he would have contacted me to see how I was getting along; he must be too busy at work. Taking my sandwich and a cup of tea, I sit at the table in the kitchen to eat.

  The phone in the house rings. Should I answer it? But what if it is his Mum? She might ask me who I am. My anxiety kicks in again. After a while, it stops and I breathe a sigh of relief. I can feel myself getting tense being here alone. Picking up my phone, I select Frank’s number and hit dial. The phone rings several times before the voicemail kicks in, so I hang up, as I don’t want to disturb him if he is in a meeting.

  I spend the rest of the afternoon unpacking my things, trying to make this feel like home.

  Chapter 5.

  FRANK

  I pull to a stop in the staff carpark spaces behind the coffee shop, turn off the engine, and take a deep breath, getting ready to deal with today. Charles will be here and I haven’t seen him since he was in hospital. I pick up my phone to give Carter a call to check how he is getting on with his unpacking. As I search for his name, I’m startled by a bang on the car window.

  They pull the car door open. “Hey, stranger, long time no see,” Charles says as he starts to pull me out of the car. I put my phone in my pocket as he drags me fully out of the car. Charles pulls me into a tight bear hug. “I was thinking I had done something to stop you coming here,” he says.

  I hug him and slap his back twice before pulling away from him. “Well, you’re looking a lot better than you did in hospital,” I reply ignoring his comment.

  “Yeah, took a while to get over the accident, but I’m doing well now. Are you coming inside?”

  “Let me just get my bag.” I reach back into the car pick up my bag, shut the car door, lock it, and follow Charles into the coffee shop.

  “Have a seat. I will grab you a coffee and the staff’s training records.”

  I sit at a table in the corner, the shop is closed, two members of staff are setting things up for the day behind the counter. After a few minutes, Charles returns with the paperwork and sits opposite me. I can feel his eyes looking at me intensely.

  “They should all be in order. I know what you are like for organisation,” he says with a smile.

  “Good,” I reply opening the first folder.

  “So, what have you been up to?” he asks.

  “Just working and visiting Mum, you know, the usual stuff,” I reply in a casual tone.

  “I thought you might have been in touch to see how I was recovering?” The disappointed tone in his voice catches me off guard.

  “Sorry, I should have, but I’ve been busy,” I say. I’m not sure why I’m apologising though, he cheated on me.

  “I still miss you,” he says as I feel his hand brush against my leg under the table.

  His touch makes me feel uncomfortable so I shift my legs to the side. I turn the pages in the folder, trying to decide whether to tell him about Carter.

  “I know what I did was wrong. How can I make it right?” he asks.

  I feel my stomach muscles tighten as I look up into his eyes. “Charles, you can never make it right, we’re over and this is just work,” I reply in a dismissive tone without thinking.

  “Have you met anyone?” he asks, his eyes scanning my face, trying to read my thoughts.

  I stare into his eyes, looking deep into him, his pupils flickering from my gaze as he stares back at me, waiting for an answer. Knowing my next word will crush him, I can’t stop it leaving my mouth. “Yes.”

  He looks down at the table, breaking our eye contact. I see him bite his lip, showing his vulnerability. He coughs to clear his throat. “What’s his name?”

  “Carter.” My one-word answers should let him know I don’t want to talk about it. But Charles was never good at reading my signs as well as I could his.

  I reach across the table to grab his hand and he pulls it away.

  “I’ve got some things to do in the office. Just leave the folders on the table when you’re done and I will collect them later,” he says as he stands and walks away. I could see the tears in his eyes before he turns.

  “Charles.” He ignores my call and continues walking away.

  I continue working through the staff files, checking their training schedules. Once I finish, I stack the files on the table and scribble on a serviette the words ‘I’m sorry. Call me when you want to talk’. Leaving it on top of the files, I walk out of the coffee shop and get into my car.

  Sitting in the car for a while I ponder whether I should go back and chat to him, but knowing Charles it will just escalate into an argument. Starting the car, I check my phone and there is a missed call from Carter. I’m heading home now so I will talk to him when I get there.

  Chapter 6.

  CARTER

  “Hey, my boy, I’m home,” Frank calls out as he walks in the house.

  I’m still feeling annoyed with him for not checking up on me today, but he must have been busy. I walk into the hallway and smile at him.

  “Come here,” he says, opening his arms for a hug.

  Seeing his smiling face makes me feel warm inside as I walk towards him. Snuggling into his chest, he wraps his arms around me. “I’ve missed you today,” I say.

  “I’ve missed you too. What did you get done today?” he replies.

  “Unpacked some of my clothes and put them in your room.”

  He lifts my chin and looks me in the eyes. “It’s our room now, gorgeous.” He presses his soft lips to mine and hugs me tighter, kissing me deeply.

  My worries about him not contacting me disappear now that I’m in his arms.

  “So, what have you cooked me for supper?” he asks.

  “Err...nothing, I thought we could get a takeaway.”

  He raises his eyebrows. “Okay, as you have been a good boy, let’s order a pizza.”

  I give him a quick kiss. “You get changed and I will phone over the order.” He smacks my arse as I walk away towards the kitchen.

  Not long after Frank comes back downstairs, the doorbell rings and he collects the pizza from the lad at the door.

  I have opened a bottle of wine and poured us a glass each, we sit on the sofa with the pizza between us, eating and chatting about the day.

  “Wow, that’s made me feel stuffed,” I say as I lean back on the sofa.

  “Yeah, me too,” he replies, putting the empty box on the floor so he can cuddle next to me.

  Frank’s phone rings and he gets up to answer it as he left it on the table.

  “Hello, Frank speaking,” he says.

  I smile as I find it funny the way the tone of his voice changes when he answers his
work phone.

  “It’s not a problem, I understand you weren’t expecting the answer.”

  I can’t hear what the other person on the phone is saying only Frank.

  “I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t lie to you.”

  “Okay, I’m back in the area on Thursday, I will drop by and talk to you then.”

  “Goodnight.”

  Frank hangs up the phone and sits back on the sofa.

  “Problems at work?” I ask knowing full well that wasn’t a work conversation.

  “It was Charles, I—”

  “Charles?” I snap at him. “What does he want, phoning you at home?”

  “Calm down, Carter, let me explain,” he says calmly.

  “Okay, explain then, and while you are at it, tell me what you will talk to him about on Thursday.” My annoyance is clear in my voice.

  “You know he is a manager in a store, well, I had to go there today to check on the staff training.”

  “Right, so what wouldn’t you lie about,” I interrupt him, raising my voice.

  “Oh, God, will you let me explain before you go off on one,” he shouts back at me.

  I cross my arms and slump back down on the sofa like a scolded child.

  “Okay, I was there checking the staff files and he asked me if I was seeing anyone. When I said I was, he got upset and walked away to his office, telling me to leave the files when I finished.”

  “What else happened then?” I ask, as though there must be more to it than that.

  “Nothing, I checked the files and left, I know Charles too well to go looking for him to talk.”

  “So, did you tell him about me?” I ask, my voice calming a little.

  “Yes, I told him I was seeing you, so there is no need for you to get your knickers in a twist.”

  “Why are you going back on Thursday then?”

  “Because he wants to talk.”

  “Well, I don’t want you talking to him about us.”

  “I will not be talking to him about us, I just want to make it clear to him it is over between me and him.”

  “You could do that over the phone,” I snap at him.

  “Carter, I still have to work with the guy. What are you getting so worked up about anyway?”

  “I’m annoyed that you have not called me all day to see how I was getting on because you were with Charles,” I rant at him.

  “Look, I wasn’t with Charles, I was doing my job; it just happens I was at his coffee shop today. This is ridiculous, you’re carrying on like I’ve cheated on you.”

  “Well, how do I know you haven’t?” I regret saying it the second the words leave my lips and his facial expression changes.

  “So, you think I’m off fucking Charles when I’m not with you! Maybe I pop around and give Brandon a quick one as well on my way home. You need to grow up, get over your insecurity, and stop making such stupid accusations,” he shouts at me.

  “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. You know I say things without thinking,” I reply, realising how hurtful the comment was.

  “Well, get over your insecurity and jealousy, I’m not living with constant accusations about what I have done during the day. I’ve had enough I’m going to bed,” he says, then storms out of the room.

  I sit speechless as I watch him leave the room. I know I should not have said that about Charles; Frank is right, I need to control my emotions and think before I speak.

  Clearing away the glasses before I head upstairs, my curiosity about Charles gets the better of me. I search through his work bag, finding the details of which store Charles works at. I want to see what he looks like. Frank is already in bed when I get upstairs. I get undressed and climb under the bed covers; he has his back to me so I turn and face away from him. Staring at the clock, I try to calm my mind so I can get to sleep.

  Chapter 7.

  FRANK

  The alarm sounds. I had a dreadful night’s sleep. Carter makes such a mountain out of nothing and then annoys me so much with his questioning and accusations. He is lying facing towards me, his eyes closed tight. He looks gorgeous, my beautiful boy, as I watch him in a peaceful sleep. I want to reach out and touch his cheek, to kiss him good morning, but I can’t face another round of arguments about Charles this morning.

  He is so lovely, but he can be so draining. I wish I could get him to accept he is my world, that things between me and Charles are well and truly over.

  I slip off the bed, trying not to disturb him and head for a shower. The water feels good as I close my eyes. Standing still under the shower, my body tingles from the invigorating water. I imagine I’m outside in the rain as I tilt my head back, letting the water pour over my face, lost in total peace for a few moments.

  After a while I finish showering and drying myself in the bathroom, then I tiptoe back to the bedroom. Carter is still laying with his eyes shut. Getting dressed in silence, I head downstairs. I know I should wake him and tell him I’m going to work, but I will talk to him later when I get home.

  I have a meeting to attend at the head office in Kent today so I need to focus on that. Drinking my coffee, I grab my bag and car keys and leave the house. As I sit in the car and turn on the engine my phone rings, Paula’s name flashes on the screen, the PA to the Chief Executive, Rick.

  “Hello, Frank speaking.”

  “Hello, Frank, it’s Paula.” Her voice is shaking, I can hear she is upset. “I’m sorry the meeting has to be cancelled. Rick’s partner was in an accident last night, so he won’t be in for the next few days at least.”

  “Oh no, what happened?” I ask.

  “I don’t have the full details yet, but his partner went out on his motorbike to get a takeaway and a truck hit him.”

  “Jesus, Rick must be a mess,” I reply, my heart sinking as I’ve known both Rick and his partner, Leo, for many years.

  “Totally. He is at the hospital with Leo now, I will head over there once I sort things here at the office,” she says.

  “Okay, send him my best wishes. If you need me to do anything just let me know.”

  “Will do, and I will give you an update later.”

  “Thanks for letting me know.”

  I disconnect the phone and stare at it in my hand. The shock of the call making me think. What if something happened to Carter today and I left him without saying goodbye, without a morning kiss. I don’t know what I would do. I turn off the car engine and go back into the house.

  Carter is still in bed the duvet hanging off the side revealing his naked body, his smooth, soft, pale skin tantalising. He is lying on his back, his lovely boy cock hard against his stomach.

  I clamber onto the bed, not caring about crumpling my suit trousers, then I lean down and kiss his lips as I trace my fingers over his abs. He stirs from his sleep opening his eyes. “Morning, Daddy.”

  He stares up at me, his eyes blurry, his cock twitching as my hand gets closer.

  “Morning, my boy.”

  Grabbing my tie, he pulls me down to meet his lips as my hand grasps his shaft, his moans are stifled by my mouth as my tongue explores his.

  I kiss him as my hand strokes his cock, throbbing in my grip. My cock strains inside my trousers. How can I stay angry with him when I want him so badly?

  “Roll over,” I demand as I undo my belt.

  He smiles and without hesitation turns to lay face down on the bed. Tracing my fingers down his spine, I stop at the base. I continue to undo my trousers, pulling them down with my underpants, freeing my wet, hard dick. Moving closer, I rub the wet cock head against his arse cheek. He moans into the bed. I lean down and gently bite his arse, biting and licking to his crack. I pull his cheeks apart and lick across his hole.

  He lifts his arse, pushing against my tongue, my saliva lubricating his hole as my tongue pushes into him, stretching him, preparing him for my cock.

  His breathing is heavy and his moans urge me to go deeper. My cock is aching and leaking, I shift on the bed, pulling my trous
ers and pants over my knees so I can straddle him.

  Still wearing my suit jacket, shirt, and tie, I slide my cock head over his hole, my pre-cum and saliva wetting it. I push my cock head into his hole as he pushes up from the bed eager for me to take him. My cock slides deep inside him as I lower myself on his back. Kissing and biting his neck, I slowly grind my cock deeper inside him. His moans of pleasure are loud and breathless as I slide my hands under his chest, crushing my body to his, only my cock thrusting in and out of him, fucking my boy in my work suit.

  “Oh, Daddy, that feels so good. Fuck me harder,” he pleads.

  I push myself up on my arms so I can thrust harder and deeper into him, my work shirt clinging to my sweating chest. This is turning me on, I can feel my balls tightening. I lean back on my knees, pulling at his waist, he crawls to his hands and knees as I fuck him faster.

  Ramming my cock deep inside him, I growl louder with every thrust. The pleasure I feel in my cock as it slides into his tight hole makes me lose control. One last hard thrust and then my cock explodes deep inside him. I roar loudly as I pant for breath, holding him still as my cock pulses deep in his hole.

  He collapses onto the bed, rolling onto his back. Taking his cock in his fist, he strokes it hard and fast as he watches me panting, his suited daddy watching him as he closes his eyes. Cum shoots from his cock over his chest as he is lost in pleasure, moaning out loud. As the last drops drain from him, he lets go of his cock and gives me a cheeky smile.

  Lowering myself onto him, his sweat and sticky cum soaks into my shirt and tie as our mouths meet, kissing passionately, exploring each other’s mouths.

  “I’m sorry about what I said yesterday. I do trust you, Daddy.”

  “Yes, I’m sorry too, but you have nothing to worry about with Charles. Why would I want him when I have a gorgeous boy like you?”

  “I know, I should think before I speak.”

  “I won’t disagree with that. Now we have made a right mess of this suit, I best get changed. The meeting is off so I don’t have to go to Kent, I will work from home and help you get sorted.”