Lost Soul

by Theresa Van Spankeren

  I stared at him speechless. Samuel put his arms around me “Trust me, Julia. Trying things is not bad.”

  He pulled me close and his lips brushed mine. He immediately pulled back and smiled slightly. Our lips had barely touched, but the kiss left me wanting more. I was surprised at the gentleness, I was just beginning to realize this kind of thing could be gentle. I was also surprised that a man other than Adam wanted to give me this kind of attention.

  Samuel waited a second to see if I pulled away. When I didn’t, he kissed me again, deeper this time, but with the same gentleness. He pulled me to him until I was pressed against him fully. My eyes closed.

  The next thing I was aware of was someone violently tearing us apart. Adam pulled me aside and looked furiously at Samuel. “Damn you, Samuel,” he said and threw a punch.

  Samuel blocked it with ease. He grabbed him by the throat and lifted him a couple of feet into the air. “You still think you can harm me? You cannot Adam. You’re just a child,” he said patiently. He then gently set him aside and calmly strode out of the room, shutting the door behind him.

  Adam looked at me in obvious confusion and pain. He said nothing to me, however. I stared back, feeling confused and guilt–stricken. I tried to speak but found I couldn’t. After a long moment Adam turned and left the room, his stride filled with anger that he was desperately trying to control. He didn’t bother closing my door.

  “Oh my. Now what did you do, Samuel?” Mary Anne asked from the other room. I could clearly hear her voice. “You did what?!” she shouted.

  I slammed my door shut again and heard nothing more of the conversation. I stood for a moment in shock, then slowly revived from my stunned trance. I glanced about in confusion and then locked the door again. I then ran over to the table. Cursing, I pulled it in front of the door to barricade myself in the room. I stepped away from the door and sighed miserably. I knew that barricading myself in the room was a fire hazard but couldn’t seem to care.

  “Who gives a damn about fire? I can burn in hell for all I care. I probably deserve it!” I spat out in confused fury. I stomped over to my dresser and began throwing my dresses and skirts out all over the room, looking for an outfit in which I could fight in reasonably well.

  “Damn dresses! Who created them anyway? And where on earth is that outfit?”

  It turned out that the clothes weren’t where it was supposed to be. I swore and sorted through a pile of clothes waiting to be hung up. There I found my only shirt and trousers outfit. I quickly dressed in it and jerked my hair out of its bun to let it flow freely down my back.

  Suddenly, past memories swamped me and clouded my vision. I was walking down the hallway when Gregory dragged me into our bedroom. He pushed me against the wall and leered at me. “You must come when I call for you.” I whimpered and shook my head slightly. “Aye. I own you, Juliana. I can do what I want,” he said and kissed me so roughly that my lips immediately became bruised and cracked. It felt more like a bite than a kiss ….

  I blinked as my simple furniture came back into focus and kicked my dresser. Surprisingly, the pain in my foot felt kind of good. Catching sight of something out of the corner of my eye, I whirled towards it; figuring one of the vampires had somehow gotten in. Instead I saw a shadowy figure.

  “Julia, you are just as bad as me.”

  I gasped and then threw the pail of water at the form. The pail hit the wall as water splashed across the floor. “You are dead. You are not here!” I said and turned to pick up some of my clothes.

  Gregory suddenly materialized in front of me. “Adultery Juliana. You’re still committing it. You are a concubine. You had been seeing that damn peasant boy while you were married to me, you go to him a year after you vanish, and now you’re consorting another man within months. And such uncontrollable rages,” he said mildly. “You really are my wife.”

  A strangled scream left my lips. I backed away. “Nay.”

  There was a knock on the door. “Julia, are you all right?” Mary Anne asked concerned.

  “Whore,” the image of Gregory said. “So, you little harlot, what shall you do? You could kill the one and have Adam to yourself, or you could kill Adam and have the other one to yourself. Or if you are really greedy, you can have them both.”

  I screamed again, louder, and backed away farther. “Leave me in peace already! You have done enough!”

  The doorknob to my room rattled. “Julia! What’s going on in there? Let me in, honey!”

  Gregory shrugged. “You are doing this to yourself, Juliana. Tis not my fault you’re like me.”

  “Be quiet!”

  I could hear Mary Anne, but just barely. I said nothing to her though. I knew Gregory could not really be here but I couldn’t comprehend the idea, especially not when he smiled at me.

  “I dare say, Julia, I do not feel so bad anymore. You treat the peasant the same way you treated me. You are just like me. We must be meant for each other.”

  I collided with my dresser and fell to the floor with another scream. I collapsed to the floor in a ball, hiding my face in my hands. I heard Mary Anne step away from the door and say, “Samuel? Richard? Christy? Anyone?!” However, her voice seemed to come from far away.

  “What’s going on, Mary Anne?” Christy asked.

  “Julia’s acting oddly in her room.” Mary Anne answered. “She’s screaming and talking to herself.”

  “What?!” Samuel asked harshly. His voice was farther away than the others.

  I raised my head as Gregory took a casual step towards me. “Do not come near me! Tis all your fault!” I slammed my head against the wall. My vision mercifully went black.

  ***

  I dreamt while I was unconscious. It didn’t make much sense, but it seemed real. Almost like a memory, except this particular “memory” was one that had never happened.

  There were other vampires inside the house. We were fighting in the main room. Matthew flung away a vampire. ‘Gosh darn, I knew we were forgetting something,’ he said in amusement.

  I flung one of my attackers at him. ‘You would have,’ I answered sarcastically. I turned and jumped on one of the assailants on Samuel.

  Samuel snapped another’s neck. He smiled at me in appreciation and then looked around. ‘Valerie!’ he screamed and started making his way in her direction.

  I looked in the direction I had seen him disappear in but my vision was obscured by the fighting going on.

  I whirled to hit another vampire when I saw one of the others knock over one of the only candles we had lit. It smoldered for a second and then flames licked up from the wall. I could sense fear everywhere.

  I started to surface from the dream, whimpering. “Julia, it’s all right. I’m right here,” Mary Anne said soothingly. I recognized her voice and it calmed me enough to slip back under.

  ***

  Chapter 14

  “Shh. Julia, it’s all right. You do not need to talk. We are right here,” Christy’s voice said soothingly. I felt a cool cloth on my forehead. I then heard other voices.

  “Matthew, just wherefore did you have to say that?”

  “Oh nay, Samuel, you are not blaming this on me. You were the one who kissed her.”

  “I thought she was strong enough to handle it.” Samuel replied.

  A second later, I heard Adam’s voice. “Oh, Julia! What the hell happened to her? What did you people do?!”

  “I did not do anything,” Richard snapped.

  “Calm down, Adam,” Christy said. “When did you get back?” she then asked, sounding confused.

  “A moment ago.”

  “What I did is not the issue here. If you had not acted like such a child, she would not have been upset in the first place,” Samuel shot back.

  “Oh, whoa. Samuel, what you did is the issue here. You should not have done what you did,” Matthew retorted.

  “You should not have told me she was ‘jealous’ of Valerie. I went in to talk to her … and one thing led to
another.”

  I groaned at the impossible level the noise had reached. Someone reassuringly put their hand on mine as Adam said, “You were planning this all along.”

  “Actually, nay, I was not. I had not expected her to consent to what happened and I certainly did not expect this,” Samuel replied.

  “Of course, one thing just happened to lead to another. You probably forced her.”

  “I do not force anyone to do what they do not want to do,” Samuel said, his voice filled with outrage.

  “Then wherefore did she react like this right afterwards, Samuel?! You said it yourself, ‘give her time. Let her go at her own pace.’ What happened to that motto, oh Great One,” Matthew said sarcastically.

  “Sometimes memories and triggers are hard to predict,” Samuel said vaguely.

  “Well, perhaps you should mind your own business, both of you!” Adam snapped.

  “Children, that’s enough. Your bickering isn’t helping the girl. You are probably just giving her a headache,” Valerie said sharply.

  “Adam, why don’t you take a walk? You need some time to calm down. You shouldn’t have come back so soon anyway. We’ll take care of Julia,” Mary Anne said diplomatically.

  “I do not think so. I’ve seen the way you’ve been taking care of her,” Adam retorted angrily.

  “You never did anything to help her,” Samuel murmured in a barely audible voice.

  “And you–” Adam started and then paused. In a quieter voice he said, “What? I never knew Juliana needed help. I knew she had been attacked once . . . she had told me she didn’t know her attacker. Her husband let me help that time – only because the doctor was busy with other patients. But besides that time, I could not have known. I was not exactly welcome around the house. Her husband was suspicious of us already.”

  Samuel’s voice unexpectedly softened towards him. “I’m sure Juliana has her reasons to keep things to herself. As for her husband … he was a scoundrel.”

  At the mention of my full name and my husband I grew agitated again. I must have begun muttering again because Christy instantly tried to calm me down. “Shhh Julia. You are talking nonsense again.” She suddenly paused and then said, “You’re safe. He is not here.”

  Mary Anne spoke, sounding exasperated. “Can you all please refrain from talking about things that Julia finds disturbing? She’s already in a state of complete collapse. I’m not sure what all happened tonight, but whatever it was had to have been a terrible shock to her. Please don’t make it worse by triggering her.”

  Surprisingly it was Valerie who seemed to understand what she was talking about and agreed with her. “Mary Anne’s right. If you need to talk or argue, do it somewhere else.” She paused and then said, “I think someone should take Adam out hunting.”

  “I will,” Richard said quietly. “It’ll be better if Julia wakes up to see a few familiar people, not a whole roomful. And Adam needs to feed. Come on Adam. Let them care for her.”

  I heard footsteps and then my perception faded again.

  I opened my eyes sometime later and looked about me in confusion. My throat was dry and my head throbbed. “Huh...?”

  Someone was instantly at my side. “It’s Mary Anne, Julia. It’s all right. You’re safe,” she said in a soothing voice.

  I looked at her blankly. At first I didn’t recognize where I was or even her. “He was here,” I said stupidly, recognizing Samuel’s dimly lit room and Mary Anne’s worried brown eyes.

  “Nay, honey. You were hallucinating. He’s been dead for a year or so,” she answered reassuringly.

  “Nay, nay. I saw him! He was there! He was saying –!” I protested, my voice rising hysterically.

  Mary Anne tried to calm me down. “Julia, it was just your imagination. Honestly, he wasn’t in here. . .”

  Christy suddenly spoke from my right. “It’s all right, Mary Anne. Let her talk– perhaps it’ll calm her down if we talk about it.”

  I glanced towards her and then realized Mary Anne wasn’t the only one in the room. Christy was there, as well as Samuel and Valerie.

  I shook my head slightly and shut my eyes. I wasn’t going to say anything with Valerie in the room with her being so “close” to Samuel and all. Besides, she was virtually a stranger and wouldn’t understand anyway.

  “Julia, what’s going on? What did you see?” Christy asked. “Julia?” she tried again after a moment, but I remained stubbornly silent.

  After a long moment I heard Valerie stand up. “This is really none of my business. She should not have to talk with a stranger around. Samuel, I’ll be with Beth and her group in Christy’s and Mary Anne’s room.” I heard her leave the room.

  “Samuel, I’ll be with Beth and her group,” I mimicked sardonically without opening my eyes.

  I heard Valerie lean back in. “Glad to see your sense of humor isn’t affected, young one,” she said sweetly and left again.

  The second she left my facade dropped. I sighed.

  “Julia, what happened?” Christy asked again.

  I spoke without opening my eyes. “Actually … I do not know. Not exactly.”

  “Your room was a horrible mess,” Mary Anne said helpfully.

  “I was looking for the outfit I was wearing now. I got dressed ... and I thought I saw something. I whirled towards it and he spoke to me.”

  “Your husband?” Mary Anne said. She made it a question.

  I laughed bitterly. “You think I’m mad.”

  Mary Anne shook her head non–committedly. “What did he say?”

  “He said we were a lot alike ... and that I was a whore ….” my voice trailed off as I started crying.

  Mary Anne and Christy looked at each other. “Oh, Samuel, look what you’ve done,” Mary Anne scolded.

  Samuel spread his hands defensively. He still sat in a corner of the room. “Do not blame me. Matthew started it. And anyway... none of us knew this would happen.”

  Sharon suddenly stood in the doorway. “Maybe you should not have bought her here, Samuel.” She lowered her voice, trying to make sure I didn’t hear her. I caught what she said anyway. “Perhaps her husband’s mistreatment has wrecked her mind so much she’s beyond recovery.”

  Anger flashed in Samuel’s eyes. “Do not tell me what I should have done,” he snapped, standing. He suddenly walked to me and knelt down. “I’m sorry, Juliana,” he said reaching out to brush away my tears. “Perhaps I moved too fast for your mind to take, maybe it was too soon. He was not here, Julia. He’s dead. It was just a hallucination caused by everything that’s happened, triggering ideas that Gregory suggested to you,” he said in a reassuring voice.

  “She’s better than she was,” he said in answer to Sharon. “We’ve all had our ... our moments.” There was a sudden knock on the door as my tears started to dry up. “Who is that?” Samuel murmured. Before I could say anything he walked to the front door. “Who is it?”

  “Delivery.” The voice was unfamiliar.

  Samuel looked back at us with a puzzled expression. “Did somebody order something?” he hollered.

  “Nay. Did you?” Matthew shouted from across the house.

  “What is it?” Christy asked.

  “What is it?” Samuel repeated.

  I slowly sat up and looked at Christy and Mary Anne in confusion. They shrugged helplessly. “Strange ... I do not remember ordering provisions,” Mary Anne muttered.

  “Wooden stakes,” the voice answered.

  “Wooden stakes?” Samuel mouthed almost silently. “Who here ordered wooden stakes?”

  “Not me,” Mary Anne whispered.

  “I do not ever remember doing it!” Jeffrey yelled back.

  “Well … I did, but it is not supposed to come for at least another few days! Catherine is fashioning them,” Robert echoed.

  “Samuel, I’m not sure . . .” Christy started as Samuel opened the door. A pale hand grabbed his throat.

  Mary Anne and Christy both rose to their feet.
“That this was safe,” she finished with a sigh. “Matthew!” she screamed as vampires began pouring in the door.

  I slowly swung my legs over the side of the bed and stood. “He’s entirely too trusting,” I muttered. A vampire tackled me. I angrily kicked him off, grateful that I had changed into trousers earlier. I saw Mary Anne and Christy kick off their shoes.

  “No one ever learns from the Trojans mistakes, do they?” Mary Anne muttered under her breath.

  “What?”

  “Never mind,” she said with a sigh.

  Valerie and the others arrived in the front of the house seconds later. “We’re trapped.”

  Samuel was thrown across the room. Everyone scattered and went after the attackers. I forced my way towards the door and threw out one of the assailants. Unfortunately, I didn’t see who else was out there until it was too late. Richard. . .and Adam. The vampire I threw knocked into Adam and they fell to the ground. He immediately went for his throat. “Richard, help!” he snarled hoarsely.

  Richard looked towards the house and realized we were under siege. “Sorry!” he said and took off.

  “Richard, you coward! Richard!”

  “Adam!” I screamed as I was pulled back into the house. I was thrown directly into the middle of the battle. Stakes were flying everywhere. Our attackers had most of them. As I fought against the two attackers who had dragged me back inside, I shouted, “Next time remember to have an emergency stash of stakes ready!”

  Matthew flung away an intruder. “Gosh darn, I knew we were forgetting something,” he said in amusement.

  I flung one of my attackers at him. “You would have,” I answered sarcastically.

  Several vampires forced Samuel to the ground. I turned and jumped on one of his assailants. Pulling the vampire away, I grabbed a stake that was on the ground. I forced it into the vampire’s heart. The vampire made a gurgling noise and collapsed.