Exploring Cassy

by Margaret Guthrie

The activity in the Intake section of Here went on and on. Sometimes we were allowed to go to the window and see what people on Earth were doing about all the new destruction. I watched as Search and Rescue teams came in, suited up in protective coveralls, mouths masked, and dogs in tow. Often they clutched a long pole, or spade, and it looked dangerous for them as they walked over shifting debris. I was impressed with the many people who came to help. It surely gave them some meaning to their lives. Would that be enough to go back for? To be a Rescuer when disasters occurred?

  I was also impressed with David’s suggestion about learning about every religion on Earth. That could easily take a whole lifetime. Then there was Salvador’s idea about research. That had so many possibilities that I couldn’t even think of them all.  One could do archeological research and try to find out how old Earth is. One could do research into where Earth fit into a larger cosmos, and how it came about. One could research all the peoples that had ever lived on Earth. Or one could research the very body that housed brains and organs and emotions and try to figure out how they operated and related to each other. So many possibilities. How could one ever decide?

  Then one ‘day’ Counselor asked me directly whether I was ready to plunge into the womb that was ready for a spark of life. Had I decided to use it? “You could wait, of course. But do you know that Salvador and David are already looking over the possibilities for themselves? Salvador, for instance, is really watching what Ray is doing.”

  I was surprised. When was he doing that? and how?

  “He’s discovered the right window, Cassie. You know there have been times when he has gone off on his own. David, too. Even Gail is starting to consider her possibilities. Ruth has said she’s waiting, and she’s sticking to that,” Counselor confirmed.

   We were alone, just Counselor and myself. That had not happened before. Not that I remember, anyway. It must mean we are moving along, or being pushed along. “Salvador’s not going back before me, is he?” For some reason I didn’t want that.

   Counselor just raised her aura eyebrows.

  “Ok. So what if I get into the womb before I’ve completely decided what my next life course should be.”

   “Then let’s review the few things you have indicated so far.” I nodded for her to go on. “I gather you want to be in the lives of Ray and Louise. How about your friend Maureen? or your parents?”

  “I don’t need to be with my parents again,” I said. “Nor Maureen. That doesn’t mean I’d reject them. It’s just that I don’t need them. But yes, Ray. And if Louise is with him, I’ll take her, too.”

  “And the environment? You have a feeling about that?”

  “Whatever they’re in. That co-op thing is all right. I want to get a good education, and I think those people would provide that. It’s rural, right? Near the mountains I hiked before. That’ll be all right.” I shifted about, my aura kind of floating this way and that. I still wasn’t used to not having a material body, just light rays doing all the moving of my ‘self’ about in this atmosphere of light. Then a thought came out that I hadn’t expected.  “I could go back and finish the training to become a ranger.” I looked past Counselor so I wouldn’t have to see her reaction. I just knew that a redo on that plan was exactly what she’d approve. But it brought memories of classes that I had detested. Or feared that I would fail. Yet, was it the actual content of those classes, learning the flora and fauna of forests, parks, wilderness areas and all that entailed or was it something else? A flash of memory, a professor, a lecturer, some fellow student encounter, some threat that I couldn’t bring up precisely, froze me for a moment. Counselor knew. Yet she chose to ignore it and shift her focus to something entirely different.

  “You know in the womb you’ll be in darkness.”

  “Like a cave, I imagine.” I  thought of a protective cave out of the rain and cold when hiking. Or a cave of blankets in bed when it was storming outside. Caves were a good thing. Even though there was always the possibility something else occupied them that you didn’t know about.

  “A moist warm cave,” Counselor clarified, then smiled. “But you’ll still be conscious of Here for a while.”

  “I’ll be talking to you?” I was amazed. Did they really guide us from birth to death? Forever?

  “We’ll be in communication, yes.”

  “Will you be a...Protector?” That suddenly seemed very important. Going back to Earth held dangerous and frightening possibilities. Back to bodies that can get hurt. Feelings that can get hurt. Here had been such a relief from all that.

  “You’re not the body,” Counselor said. “Get that in mind while you’re Here, and keep it in mind. That will help.”

     Thoughts started coming in such a rush that words were futile. Something exchanged between us now that didn’t have words. I thought “Consciousness.” Without a physical body, even without an astral body, I am still Consciousness. And in that exchange of Here for There, that may be the only thing I Am. That thought moved on to the thought of changes. Whatever I am, it keeps changing. Perhaps each thought makes a change in me. Perhaps each movement around me, every vibration makes ‘me’ change. In the womb,  I will start very small, a few cells. They will keep expanding, increasing, more and more cells. A TV documentary that I watched once, called “The miracle of Life,” never explained at what point consciousness came to be in the fetus. If I understood Counselor, though, it was always there. But she also seemed to imply that Consciousness was present both there, in the fetus, and Here. Could that be?

  “Perhaps you could just concentrate on your purpose for going back,” Counselor said. “Wondering about all the ‘miracles’ of the universes might delay your actually giving yourself the means to work out those thoughts.” I felt her presence beside me, patient, strong, supportive. I wanted to ask about the fear that was coming over me, the dread of encountering whatever situation it was that I couldn’t quite remember. 

  “How is this going to work? I mean, at what moment will I be in the womb, and out of Here?”

  “The  moment you decide you’re ready.”

   “I’ll never be ready,” I blurted out.

  Counselor looked amused. “You like Here?”

   “Well, yes.” And then I realized that I hadn’t been very appreciative of her constant concern and motherliness any more than I had been of my Earth mother. “You’ve been really great,” I mutter and make my aura smile broad and bright. “But how can I go back not knowing that thing I can’t remember, that I’m going to have to face again. Can you help me with that?” My aura was shaking and I couldn’t control it.

  “My dear, didn’t I say we will be with you?” She gave me a warm, patient smile.

  “How will I know?”

   “Once you have felt Love it’s hard to completely forget it. If you associate Love with Here and the Divine Beings, it will be in your Consciousness and carried with who you really are. So even though that unfinished business related to that school you referred to may come up, it’s nothing to fear. You can call for help whenever you think of the One. We are all together.” Counselor waved an aura arm out over the vast space of Here and it seemed to touch all the lights of other counselors that were busy with their groups.

  “So, it’s a matter of keeping the One in mind? Are there classes Here to help me do that?”

  Counselor nodded. “There are a few things we could help you understand, if you are willing to do some work. Like assignments in college classes.”

   “Okay,” I said, a little hesitantly.

  “You have questions?” Counselor asked. I hadn’t noticed before how she could make her aura expand and contract, elongate, then reduce to a pencil thin line, or form into a figure that was nearly like a human body, with substance. It seemed she was doing this right now, deliberately, almost like she was showing off all her abilities. Did she want me to ask about them? I suspected Counselor didn’t do anything without a purpose. And there was that word again. Purpose. I
t was almost like she was directing my thoughts!

   “One purpose in going back is to re-experience the human emotions, especially love. I think I learned to be afraid of other people, and being afraid I couldn’t love. But Here I haven’t been afraid and I have experienced love. I  haven’t had to be tough. I’ve been able to just be. We all have. Here we aren’t judged good or bad. We don’t have to live up to anything. We just are what we are.”

   Counselor nodded. “So, not having to be tough how are you going to relate to Ray? And Louise? Neither will be your own age, remember. You will have a different relationship to them.” She looked me straight in the aura eye, so to speak. She had made herself an equal height to me. I had to look straight back. What I saw was the blue of a Colorado sky when the humidity was low. I felt a slight buzz run up my aura spine.

  “Ummm.” I murmured.  “Yes. Well, they will still be fairly young. I’ll need to live longer than before. So I figure I’ll grow up in that co-op place and if they become parents, that child will be close to my age, and they’ll be visiting frequently. That’s kind of the picture I’m getting.” I stopped. It was a strangely powerful  picture, and I had the feeling Counselor had something to do with it. Then I had the thought. Salvador. He could be that child of theirs. Horrors. He’d be the little brat of my childhood. I just knew it. Not a brother, thank goodness. But he’d be there, from time to time. Maybe in the same school. Maybe a bit younger. That would help. And I just bet he’d settle on going back as a boy, so he could pester Ray better.

  “Yes, you’re getting the picture.” Counselor laughed this time. A big, shaking laugh, like she was enjoying my discomfort.

  “But this all has to be okayed by Salvador, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” Counselor said, but I could tell it was pretty much settled. “Then there’s David,” she reminded me. “He won’t be far behind. But maybe in a different community before you meet him.”

  I sighed. Things seemed to be moving fast, all of a sudden.  Maybe faster than I was ready for. Counselor moved off a way, as if checking to see where the rest of our group had gotten to.

  “You expressed an interest in classes.” Counselor studied me. I nodded. “There’s one that might be valuable, about the spinal centers which you have become aware of from time to time, though you haven’t mentioned it. I know you’ve observed in the auras that each one has a centerline like a human spine. Perhaps you’ve also noticed how they radiate different colors more consistently than the rest of the aura.”

  “I did hear of the chakra centers when on Earth. Louise and Maureen made me feel like this was something terribly important. And anyone taking yoga acted like they were the center of knowledge. I took a yoga class once. The stretching and bending was good for limbering up the body. Before hiking I’d often do some of the stretches. They were good to do before skiing, and anything to do with balance. Yeah, I know what you’re referring to.”

  “Yes, the West has been awakened to the East in many ways.  But I’m referring to the spiritual centers of the spine that are not visible to the human eye or any machine that has been invented. There is something more than exercise yoga, which the co-op community has an interest in. If you grow up there, you’ll be taught by people who have experienced the feelings in the spine that are more than physical. So, while  you’re Here,  you might want to take a look at what they’re doing. See how it affects you. See if you can be mellow enough to want to catch the point of what they are trying.” Counselor was shifting around as if trying out different ways to ‘talk’ about her point.

  “Are you trying to warn me about something?”

  “Well, I believe in this past life you were less than tolerant about Louise and Maureen’s spiritual beliefs. And  you’ve indicated a bit of surprise—in fact, shock—that Ray is with them so much right now. So perhaps you need to ask yourself what about Ray do you want to relate to? How do you want to relate to Louise? Can you see either of them as one of your teachers? As one of your models for behavior? What are you wanting from them?” Counselor looked a bit grave, her aura quite still.

  The questions puzzled me. What did I want from them? Maybe they’d be like an uncle and aunt, as I remembered  Uncle Ron and Aunt Amy. They had been almost like a second set of parents, except more lenient. No, that wasn’t the right concept. More physically active, perhaps. But they were the parents of Gene, the competitor in my life. Did I need that again? Did I really need to redo that one-bettermanship that I practiced last time? Maybe I could let that part go, and put that energy into more education, more learning what the world was about. Maybe I didn’t need to compete with people so much. Maybe I could be a better helper. Back to the Search and Rescue idea. Back to developing thoughtfulness of others that I guess I didn’t do so well in last time. 

  “Now you’re getting to the bottom of things. Good for you. Changes in personality can be decided right Here. You can make a list of those qualities that will take you further in your next life. Thoughtfulness instead of constant competition is a good beginning. What’s the next one?”

  “Well, learning what love really is was something I missed before. I didn’t really learn how to express love. I didn’t really learn how to feel love. So I suppose that’s on the list.” I thought again of how I had kept my distance from Louise, my little sister. But I wouldn’t have her as a little sister next time. So I couldn’t redo that situation very well. She’d be the ‘aunt.’

  Not an actual one, but in a position like one. But Counselor mentioned something about seeing Louise and Ray as models of behavior. Wow. That would be different. Would they be that much changed? Would Ray be someone other than that carefree Harley rider? And Louise more than that tag-along who wanted to know what I was doing? Counselor was nodding her head and looking at me so intensely that I wondered what was up.

  “You want to take a look?” She motioned her aura arms to some place off in the distance. “We could just check on them for a minute.”

  Well, how could I pass up that opportunity?  I agreed. And next thing I know we’re looking at this group having a picnic outdoors on a summer day. It looks like the co-op group, and they are eating corn-on-the cob and watermelon that has been grown in the gardens there. How do I know that? It just comes to me. I presume Counselor is behind that thought. Louise  and Ray are sitting across from the woman yoga teacher, and it seems she is talking to Ray. A smile plays about his face as if he’s trying to take in some kind of compliment he doesn’t understand. Louise looks on surprised by the attention she is giving him. “What’s going on?” I ask.

  “I believe this teacher has just told Ray, who likes to look at the stars, that he should look to the One star. You see, she’s pointing to his forehead. That’s where one point of the Cone of Connection starts,” Counselor explained.

  “That would be a new idea to Ray,” I commented. Now that I understand a little more about this Cone of Connection, I could see that things were changing with Ray and Louise since I last checked in with them. “They’re into a totally new life-style aren’t they?” I said, not so much as a question as an observation. “And that’s what I would be getting in on?” A kind of shiver ran through my aura and I didn’t know whether it was excitement or dread.

  “You want to go back with challenges,” Counselor commented, “or you won’t move forward.”

  “And that’s the purpose of redoing things?” I meant it as a kind of joke, but, it seemed pretty real. All of a sudden the window closed. Counselor and I were back to where we were.

   

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