Supernatural Dating Agency - The Complete Collection (Books 1-6)

by Andie M. Long

  “Joking.” Theo said, before grinning.

  Shelley gave him his second thick ear in as many minutes. Then she pulled out a chair and sat down.

  “That was so not funny, Theo. I thought I might die for a moment then.”

  “You are going to die. You’re going to be turned eventually, and if anything started to go wrong, I would turn you, just like in the film. But stop believing everything you see on the television.” He turned to me. “She shouts at the soap operas like they are real people. I’ve told her as an ex-actor, it can lead to strange stalking behaviour. I had several people believing I was my characters and following me around calling me by my character’s names. It’s very disconcerting.”

  Shelley looked across at Frankie. “Anyway, mate. How are you holding up?”

  Frankie had helped Shelley understand her witch powers and had known Shelley’s mum. It was plain to see from her expression that she was very fond of him, though her own powers had grown to far encompass those Frankie had had in the past.

  “I’m not so good, Shelley, to be honest. I’m a little lost given I’m no longer a wizard and yet I’m not a vampire either. I don’t know who I am.”

  Theo took a bottle of blood out of the freezer, popped the cap and sat down so that now all four of us were seated around the table.

  “We shall get to the bottom of what is happening, Frankie. I am sorry that my saving you has led to these difficulties. However, it’s not all bad. You no longer stink like rotten vegetables.”

  Shelley gave her husband the stink eye. “So, tell us what’s happening, Frankie.” She patted his arm softly. “I know it’s hard, but tell us how you feel. Can you go back to the beginning and explain what’s happened since you were turned?”

  He took a deep breath. “I can’t stop thinking about how it all happened. One minute I was standing there with you at Theo’s feeling exultant, and the next I was in some kind of waiting room. I kept looking around as I wasn’t sure how I’d gotten there and I kept trying to use my magic to get back to you but it wouldn’t work. The room was plain, just magnolia walls and a wooden floor. With a loss of anything else to do, I sat on a wooden chair and waited. The door opened, and an angel stood there. I just knew she was about to call my name. She was so beautiful - her wings like snowflakes spun with silk thread and the glisten of teardrops. I stood and took a step towards her and then there was this horrendous pain. I fell to my knees and I remember her expression was one of fear, and then I wasn’t there anymore. Finding myself back present in my body in pain I can’t put into words.”

  Frankie visibly shook at this point and we were all looking at him with concerned expressions. He looked about to go into shock. “Then there was nothing, like I passed out but I was aware of it. Just a kind of suspension. This went on for what seemed like forever. The next thing I knew I was awake, and back in my body but I was sucking blood out of Theo’s wrist. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world, but at the same time as I was enjoying the drink and gaining comfort from it, I was also horrified, as if watching myself from a distance, not understanding what was happening.”

  “I understand that. It happened to me too.” Said Theo. “Those thoughts do fade in time, but of course I can’t speak about the smiting by Satan part as that hasn’t happened to anyone I know.”

  “Do you feel okay to carry on?” Shelley asked him and he nodded.

  “Of course then your mother and father took me to the caves. I had the blood thirst as normal, but it wore off and I found I didn’t need much. Instead I still wanted to eat human food, but that also tasted strange. Things I loved before tasted strange. The others all slept the sleep of the dead from nightfall to dawn and I didn’t sleep at all. At one point I decided that Theo bringing me back was a mistake, and I opened the door and went outside. I’d thought going out in daylight would kill me.”

  “You tried to kill yourself?” I gasped.

  “Huh. I couldn’t even do that. It turned out that vampires can walk around in daylight. It just goes against their body clocks to do so and can make them very ill. I confided in your mother and she told me I must be some kind of special vampire hybrid. A kind way of saying that my turning hadn’t worked. Your mother was so very patient, Shelley, and spent lots of time with me, but as the weeks passed I realized I didn’t fit in at the caves. Margret offered for me to stay with her and Dylan, but I knew they’d only just reunited. I couldn’t do that to them. Then I started to crave the company of Kim. I hungered for her the way I felt I should be hungering for blood. You know the rest, I’ve been by her side ever since. I can’t leave.”

  “Whoa.” Said Shelley. “Any ideas, husband?”

  “Well, from my short stint as a physician…”

  Shelley’s eyes bugged out, and she mumbled, “Just when I feel I’m getting to know him.”

  “…I’d say that you are suffering from a kind of post traumatic stress disorder and have transference issues with your cravings. You know it should be blood, but your psyche is denying it and keeping you from fully transforming. That would be my differential diagnosis. I also think you are severely depressed. You’ve admitted you tried to end your life.”

  I put my hand across Frankie’s and he put his other one over mine.

  “I’m sorry.” He said.

  “Don’t you dare apologise. We’re the ones who should be sorry. You fought with Shelley and Theo against Satan. Satan! Boss of Hell. I’m not surprised you are having PTSD.”

  “And attachment issues.” Theo added. “You were the last safe thing he knew. That’s why he feels he can’t leave you.”

  Theo got up from his seat. “You are safe here my friend, and we will work closely, you and I, over the next few days, and see if I can help you. However, today is the final day I can make babies with my dear wife, and so if you’ll excuse me we need to leave. Right now.” He said locking eyes with Shelley and cocking his head in the direction of the door.

  I watched as Shelley got up slowly. “Okay, well, if you need me tomorrow, I’ll be sleeping for most of the day, in fact make that about a week, yes a week’s recovery sounds about right. Help yourself to any food or drink and Mary will be back shortly to show you to your room. I didn’t know your current sleeping arrangements so there’s a king size bed and a chaise longue.” Then Shelley disappeared as her husband used his vamp speed to whizz her out of the room.

  “Well, I feel like there’s hope, don’t you?” I said, squeezing Frankie’s hand.

  “Maybe.” He said, and I looked at my friend and hoped to God he could be saved.

  Chapter Six

  Kim

  As Shelley said, Mary came back and showed us up to our room.

  “I’ve put you in this one, as far away from those two as possible. There’s a TV and a radio in there. I suggest you have them on loud.”

  “Oh dear, is it really that bad?” I said, biting my lip.

  “Well, I thought he couldn’t shock me any more than the day he brutally murdered me, but it seems he’s doing his dang best to try. No one wants to hear their child shouting about how much they love pussy unless there’s a family pet.”

  As she pushed open the door, I was pleasantly surprised. I’d expected a country look like downstairs but it was actually sleek and hotel like. We even had our own tea and coffee making facilities.

  “This is gorgeous.” I exclaimed.

  “Theo’s considering opening the farmhouse as a bed-and-breakfast.”

  My eyes opened wide. “Really?”

  Mary placed a finger across her lips. “But you haven’t heard it from me, because, well, he didn’t actually tell me this information to my face. He’s done this one room up so far, so I guess you’re kind of test subjects.”

  “Oh, I don’t mind that at all.” I said resting against the mattress. “Oh, this bed is so comfy. I’m going to have a nap.”

  “Well, if I were you I’d order a takeaway, because you might be waiting a long time for Theo or Shel
ley to make you anything to eat and I can’t manage that, it expends too much energy.”

  “Thank you for everything, Mary. It’s much appreciated and we’ll send for a pizza or something later. We’ll get settled in now.”

  Mary left us behind and I looked at Frankie.

  “Look, this bed is huge. Why don’t you try to sleep in it tonight? If you want to get out later and rest on the ceiling do that, but for now get in. In fact I’ll tell you what, I’ll fill up the kettle and make my hot water bottle. Then dressed in my fluffiest, warmest pyjamas, I’ll give you a cuddle for as long as I can stand the cold.”

  “That would be lovely. Thank you again, Kim, for everything.”

  Fully clothed, he got under the covers and once I had made my faithful hot water bottle that I had to confess I sometimes used even in summer because I got dreadful cold feet, I also got under and got on his back for a bit. It was nice and something we never did as fuck buddies. He was cool but not as cold as I imagined he’d be and I fell asleep.

  When I awoke, I turned to find Frankie out of bed and reading.

  “What’s that that’s holding your interest?” I asked him as I stretched.

  “It’s a book about supernaturals. All the different kinds and all their characteristics and idiosyncrasies. It does point out that it’s only a generalisation as there are exceptions to every species. It’s made me feel a little better. That there isn’t one way of being a vampire, like I thought. There can be variations.”

  “Well that makes perfect sense because humans have many, many variations. None of us are the same. Even identical twins have different characteristics.” I replied. “So you see, we just need to work out who Frankie is now. Not the vampire. Not the wizard, but Frankie. I mean, look at me. There’s only one of me.”

  “Thank fuck.” He said. “One’s enough.”

  I almost fell out of bed.

  Then he laughed, and I saw a glimmer of the man I once knew again.

  After spending the day at the agency, we returned to the farmhouse after six pm. Theo insisted on Frankie following him into his home study and with a look of panic in my direction, he eventually went, leaving me alone with Shelley in the lounge.

  “You look as tired as I am.” Shelley said, yawning. “I’ve told Theo he’s having no sex for at least a week. I’m exhausted.”

  “Huh, at least you’re exhausted because you’re enjoying yourself. I’m just finding it really difficult not having a second to myself.”

  “Well, Theo is not letting Frankie leave his office for the next hour. It’s part of his therapy. He’s making him go cold turkey with you. So go run a bath and enjoy yourself before your shadow re-appears.”

  “Really?” My face lit up. “You don’t mind? You won’t think me rude?”

  “Nope. I will just curl up on this sofa and go to sleep. Grab us that slanket on your way out, would you?”

  Well, she didn’t need to look quite so happy I was leaving her alone. Rude! Then I thought of the peace and quiet and all that lovely hot water and I bolted up the stairs as fast as my legs would carry me to my en-suite.

  It was perfect. There were Molton Brown toiletries and the most luxurious Egyptian cotton towels. Theo really had done his research. Sinking into the warmth, I felt the tension melt away from my bones. I had to believe the present situation would eventually resolve, but I knew no matter how much I moaned and whined at him, Frankie had helped my best friend when she first came into her powers and had put his life on the line for her to get her parents back, and for that I would do whatever I could to help him while he needed me.

  I realised I was spending my time without Frankie thinking about Frankie and so I changed my thoughts to a naked Chris Hemsworth and enjoyed the rest of my free time ‘playing’ in the bath.

  Ahhh, total bliss.

  Chapter Seven

  Lucy

  “Please, Maisie.” I moved closer towards her. “You said you’d come out with me tonight. I want to check out the dating scene.”

  Maisie stretched out in front of the fire. “But I’m so warm. Do I have to?”

  “I’ll buy you a milkshake? And fish on the way home?”

  “Okay.” She said swivelling around and sitting up. “Bribery is everything.” She held up a hand. “But here are the rules. One: I won’t cop off with just anyone. I have standards, I’m snobby like that. So if you meet someone you like, don’t expect me to fawn all over his ugly friend; two: if you pull, then you can bring them back here. Just let me know and I’ll meow at next door’s window and stay there.”

  “You do that and they let you in?”

  She stretched out her arms and fingers. “Yes, and Mr. Smith, who looks like Jason Momoa, picks me up and puts me on his knee.” She smirked. “Then I curl up in his lap. I mean who else but Mrs. Smith could do that? Sometimes I’ll even tread him, my little paws massaging that sausage packed in his Y-fronts.”

  “Ewww, Maisie. That’s disgusting.” I pulled a face.

  “He just thinks I’m an innocent cat. It’s not like he gets hard or anything.” She huffed.

  “I didn’t mean that, I meant the fact he wore Y-fronts. Who does that these days?”

  “Oh yeah. I know. His sense of style is lacking, but he makes up for it with what he’s packing.”

  “I need to see this neighbour if he looks like Jason Momoa. Do we need any sugar? Anyway, I digress. Any more rules?”

  “If we see Frankie, and I know that’s doubtful given he’s gone a little insane, you do not reveal who I am.”

  “Well, while I don’t understand it myself, that’s fine with me. I don’t care if you don’t want to tell him you’re a shifter. You do realise don’t you that you’re just as insane, right? Pretending to be a house cat almost all day every day.”

  “Do you want to go out or what?” Maisie hissed.

  I really had no idea what to expect in the way of nightlife and I wondered if hell had opened a new portal when Maisie took me to Brandy’s, a new-ish Prosecco bar in the centre of Withernsea. The owners had done their best to style it with sleek and modern furniture, but the hard fact remained that next door at one side was the busiest fish and chip shop in the town and at the other was a Pound shop.

  I cast my eyes around the place. The music system pumped out Taylor Swift’s Look What You Made Me Do, which to be honest could have been my signature song as a newly departed-from-Hell demon. The bar was two deep and Maisie made her way to the front, smiling at all the men who moved to let her through. More than one cupped her ass as she passed them but she didn’t try to bite any of them like I thought she might. She was like a cross between Meghan Markle and the woman who played Maze in Lucifer, which of course I had binge-watched as soon as I got back to earth. Some parts of it were quite accurate except Satan looked nothing like Tom Ellis. Anyway, I wasn’t surprised she got all their attention. Then there was me, tall with bobbed ginger hair. It had to be said that we were two hot chicks, hot as hell in my case.

  So it was no surprise that two minutes after we sat at a booth, two guys came to join us. We were in luck. Both were dark haired, dark-eyed and hot as sin.

  “Mind if we sit here?” One said, his brown eyes gleamed under the light. I heard Maisie purr and shot her a look.

  “Not at all. Please.” I gestured to them to take a seat.

  “We’ve not seen you here before?” The man - who introduced himself as Martin - said as he slid into his seat, alongside the other guy, Stan.

  “No, this is our first time.” I replied. “I’m Lucy and this is Maisie.”

  “And how long have you been together?” He asked.

  I stared at him. “Oh we’re not together. What gave you that idea?”

  He stared back. “You know this is a gay bar, right? Though I know you don’t have to be gay to drink here.”

  “Oh her face is telling me she didn’t know that.” Stan smirked at Martin.

  “Oh you didn’t think..?” Martin said and then starte
d laughing. “Oh, Stan, she thought we were hitting on them. Oh my. Sorry darling, you look like a nice girl but if I had to see you naked, God, I’d barf.”

  Whoosh.

  Oops.

  “Arrrrgh, arrrggh, arrrgh, Stan, help me, Stan. My beard is on fire. Help me, help me.”

  I reached over and pulled his face towards his pint pot and immersed his charring beard in there. The beer sizzled in the glass.

  Stan sat there stunned. “How did that-”

  “The bloke behind you dropped a lit match. Disgusting really seeing as it’s no smoking in here. His foolhardiness almost cost your partner his life.” I said. Stan stood up leaving poor shellshocked Martin with his hand on his beer-soaked singed beard.

  I watched as Stan started threatening all the men behind him asking which of them had a match. Of course none were forthcoming, but one seriously objected to being accused of being an arsonist and threw a punch in Stan’s face, splitting the corner of his lip.

  “Jesus fucking Christ, what have you done?” Maisie said, her fingers touching parted lips as her blasphemy brought on another round of fireworks. The flames on every single candle in the building shot up a foot high scaring the clientele of the wine bar half to death. I was a fire hazard.

  “I objected to them drinking beer in a Prosecco bar. I mean how gauche.” I joked.

  “Let’s get home before you actually kill someone, Lucy.” Maisie scolded.

  She grabbed hold of my arm tightly, which of course would have looked perfectly natural to others in the bar and like I had a possessive girlfriend. However, they were all too busy screaming or running around hysterically trying to work the fire extinguishers. I was halfway across the room, attempting to reach the exit when I saw him at the back of the bar - Satan. He saluted me and laughed. I narrowed my eyes at him, before pushing people out of my way so I could get out. My horns - the ones that had been entirely dead - were tingling. I needed to do something fast as otherwise I feared I was headed back to Hell.