Supernatural Dating Agency - The Complete Collection (Books 1-6)

by Andie M. Long

“What would you know? You’ve only been a father for a few months.”

  Theo scrubbed a hand through his hair. “I’ve had an accelerated learning experience, and every day brings more challenges. Today, you’ve also got one. By the way where are Polly and Lord Drake?”

  “Polly is at home. We sent her to her room.”

  “At twenty-four years old?” I frowned in disbelief.

  “She was happy to go back up there after we threw Drake out and sent him home.” Mark added.

  “And then we came here as we knew you were at the wedding reception tonight.”

  “Well if I was Polly, I’d have snuck that bad boy right back into my bedroom for a quickie while I got the chance.” Kim announced, having danced her way back nearer to us.

  Two parents faces drained of all colour.

  “Okay, we need to get back, but you’ve not heard the last of this, Shelley. You work out how to split them up, or we’re going to tell the rest of Withernsea all about the supernatural underbelly. We’re not facing this alone. Supernaturals need to learn their place and that’s not infiltrating every area of Withernsea.”

  “In particular Polly’s pussy.” Kim nodded.

  With that Mark ran out of the room yelling that he had to go protect his daughter from sexual predators.

  I shook my head at my best friend.

  “I apologise for my wife’s mouth.” Darius sighed. “I did try.”

  “You want to keep on the right side of my mouth, hun, or it’s going to forget how to suck your cock.”

  I shook my head. “You’re wasting your time and you know it, Darius.”

  I loved my best friend but God, her gob and what came out of it.

  “Are you okay?” Theo asked me as we stood at the edge of the dance floor.

  “Yeah. I learned to expect disappointing behaviour from those two a long time ago.”

  “Maybe it’s time to cut them off? They only make you unhappy. If you want me to drain them, you only have to ask. My days of brutal murder are well behind me but for you I would do anything.”

  “Aww, you say the loveliest things.” I rolled my eyes. “I’ll just stick to knocking them back to my Christmas card only list. It’s a lot less drastic. Can we go home now though? They’ve spoiled the party atmosphere, and the bride and groom have disappeared anyway. Go collect Charlene; she’s no doubt up to no good with Alyssa somewhere.”

  Theo went off to look for our daughter while I said my goodbyes to Kim. “I’ll see you at work on Monday, if you can still fit through the office door.” Kim was heavily pregnant with triplet werebabies.

  “I can go all sumo-style on your arse if you insist on pushing me, biatch.”

  “You’d have to catch me first.” I whizzed to the other side of the room appearing near the DJ and then back again.

  “You’re such a show off. It’s a good job you’re my bestie and I love you. Now go have mad passionate sex with your husband while I just lie down and incubate my own zoo.”

  “I can be of assistance if you’d like some mad passionate sex.” Darius nibbled Kim’s neck. “We can do it wolfy-style.”

  “The only place your dick’s going is to the doctors for a vasectomy when I’ve had these babies.”

  “You only want three?” Darius clutched his chest.

  I saw Kim’s face and made my excuses. I had enough drama of my own going on without being involved in how many werebabies made the perfect family number.

  As I made my way toward the exit, Theo walked over to me with a guilty but glazed looking teenage daughter. “What’ve you done now?”

  “Nothing. I’m innoshent.”

  “Theo, is she drunk?” I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath.

  “Yes, her and Alyssa alike. Our daughter used compulsion on the barman to get served alcohol.”

  “Charlie! You know you’re not supposed to use magic for personal gain.”

  “I didn’t. I got it for Alyssha and she shared it because she is my beshht friend.” Charlie slid to the floor, her eyes rolling, flashing a touch of red.

  “Okay, I’ve had enough excitement for one night. Grab her, hubby, and let’s get out of here.”

  We whizzed home.

  Charlie was sick in the bushes outside the farmhouse, the super-speed travel not agreeing with the copious amounts of alcohol swimming in her system.

  I opened the door to our home as Theo held her hair back. “I’ll go grab some water.”

  Mary, Theo’s mum and full-time ghost, floated to the hall. “Oh, Shelley, I must tell you-”

  “Not now, Mary. I need to grab water and a wash cloth. Charlie’s sick.”

  “My granddaughter is poorly? Oh my. What do you need? I can help.”

  “Can you make some coffee? Are you substantial enough? She’s drunk, Mary.”

  “I can do that.” Said a familiar voice and my sister strode out toward the hall from the living room.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked her.

  “This is what I was trying to tell you. That your sister had arrived—with two suitcases.” Mary announced.

  “I’ve left home.” Polly stated, her hands on her hips. “I cannot stay with them any longer, Sis. You have to help me. Drake and I are in love. You have to make them see this is my destiny.”

  “Polly. You can’t stay here. I have enough problems as it is with your parents.”

  “Our parents.”

  My jaw stiffened. “They weren’t parents to me. Not good ones anyway.”

  “They’ve not been great to me either. I need to talk to you, Shelley. I don’t have a life. They keep me like a prisoner.”

  I sighed and tilted my head, looking at her in what I hoped was a sympathetic manner.

  “I’m sorry about that, but that’s for you to deal with directly with them.”

  Polly stood up straight and cleared her throat. “Under Article 42, section 5a, of the Wyvern Sea treaty, I call upon Queen Shelley to provide me with safe harbour.”

  “Come again?”

  “Drake told me about it. There’s a treaty of Wyvern Sea. You should have read it and seen what you signed up for as the Queen. Because Mark and Debbie Linley have made threats against me and my boyfriend, it means I can invoke the treaty. You have to provide shelter for me until the danger has passed.”

  “You have to be shitting me?”

  Her face told me that she was not.

  “Oh, for goodness' sake. Go upstairs and pick one of the guest bedrooms. They all have their own bathroom now, and tea and coffee making facilities. Get settled in while I sort out my inebriated daughter and then I’ll call our lovely parents and let them know you’re here.”

  She smiled. “Thank you. You won’t regret it. We can get to know each other better, Shelley. I’ve always wished we were closer.”

  Her words stopped me in my tracks, wiping away the chaos of the evening. Now all I saw was the girl I shared a home with but was never allowed to spend much time near.

  “Well, I’m sure it will take a few days for things to calm down, so that gives us some time.”

  She smiled. A huge genuine smile that lit up her Disney Princess face.

  “Okay, night everyone.” She headed toward the staircase.

  Sighing, I walked toward the kitchen to help Mary with the coffee for Charlie.

  One thing about being part-witch was that I could make vomit disappear without having to get anywhere near it. Theo placed our drunken daughter on her bed and I went to sit on the chaise longue in the corner of her room armed with a book.

  “You staying in here tonight then?” Theo double-checked.

  “Yeah. I want to make sure I’m near if she needs anything.”

  “Okay.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m going to go work in the study. Faceblood needs an update.”

  He left the room, and I stared at my daughter’s sleeping form on the bed where she’d passed out. At her real age of seven months, I expected to be cleaning up sick, but not from he
r being out on the lash.

  I took my phone out of my pocket knowing I needed to contact Mark and Debbie. Then I decided to leave it until the next morning and let Polly tell them herself. I snickered with laughter. I was the current ruler of Withernsea, but yet was chickening out of talking to my adoptive parentals.

  The truth was they could be scarier than 90% of the supernatural population.

  Chapter Three

  Shelley

  Around six am, I left Charlie’s room and went downstairs into the kitchen where I put a fresh pot of coffee on. Most of the household were going to need it today. Jax now sold a home blend. It was gorgeous, but she’d craftily and very business-mindedly, not made it quite as good as the one she sold in her shop. A bottle of O-neg followed by a cup of Jax’s, and I was ready to face the day. My vampire hearing alerted me to when Charlie awoke, her groaning loud in my ears.

  “Oh, good God, in all that is holy what has happened to my tongue? Muuum.”

  I whizzed upstairs.

  “Hello, beautiful daughter. Isn’t it an amazing day?” I opened her curtains wide, letting the sun shine in and laser her eyes.

  “Aaarrrgggh.”

  It was another minute before she could manage to keep her head in the same room as daylight.

  “I’m a supe badass. I didn’t think alcohol would affect me like this. Why doesn’t my body just shuck it off?”

  “I think you’ll find you’re foretold to be a supernatural badass in the future. Right now, you’re a teenage girl with unknown and largely untapped supernatural abilities. Alcohol affects vampires, werewolves, wyverns, witches, and many other supernatural beings. I think that’s one battle you’re never going to win.”

  “My mouth feels like a cat crawled inside it and died.”

  “I’ve a fresh pot of coffee on downstairs. Come and get it. Oh and your Aunt Polly is here. She’s coming to stay for a few days, so be nice.”

  “Aunt Polly’s fab, it’s Mark and Debbie who need to get fucked. It’d probably mellow them out. I might pay someone to give em one up the arse.”

  “Charlene!”

  “Ooops. Full name alert.”

  “Get showered and dressed and go downstairs. Get a drink. I’ll be down shortly. I’m going to have a bath.”

  “Okay.” She turned over in bed and got back down the covers. “I’ll get up in five.”

  Sighing, I left the room. A teenager out of bed before midday? It wasn’t going to happen. When she said five, she probably meant hours.

  I knocked on Polly’s door and heard a gentle “Come in.” I found her sitting in the little tub chair in the room watching Real Housewives of Cheshire, with a cup of tea in her hand.

  “How are you this morning?”

  “I’m great.” She beamed. “I’ve been saving up to move out, you know? This has just made things happen sooner. I feel so free, Shelley.”

  “Yes, well before you feel any freer ring the folks and let them know where you are.”

  “Didn’t you call them last night?” Polly looked panicked, her eyes blinking rapidly.

  “No. Guess what, Polly? The time for me dealing with your crap is over. You want to get to know me properly? Fine. Clean slate, including that you now own up to your own behaviour and accept responsibility for it. Not like when we were younger, and I took all the crap for Miss Polly Perfect.”

  She looked at the floor, suddenly fascinated with her slippers.

  “I’m sorry, Shelley. I guess I can use this time away to face up to the reality of life at home with the Linleys', right?”

  My voice softened. “I’m going to take a bath. There’s a fresh pot of coffee downstairs if you prefer that to instant. Then later let’s chat about what’s happening with you and Drake and what your next move is.”

  She turned to face me. “I’d like that. I do want to get to know you, Shelley. You’re my sister. And Charlene is literally growing up so fast. I want to spend time with her too.”

  I nodded before exiting the room.

  With Theo dead to the world, I headed to our bathroom and let the steaming water pour into the tub, adding some posh bath soak. The smell of jasmine and honeysuckle filled the air, and I took a huge breath in. This was my sanctuary. The only place I could get peace and quiet to think over the happenings in my life. Since I’d met Theo, my existence had been a whirlwind of epic proportions, and things showed no sign of slowing down. So it was time to sink under the bubbles and have a think of the current happenings in Withernsea, without being disturbed by anything new. I listed them in my mind.

  So currently we had a teenage Charlene getting drunk. I had another few months of this before she embraced her next age of around twenty. But then she’d made it clear she was going to pursue a merman called Kai, so my anxiety was unlikely to lessen, and I wasn’t letting my brain venture anywhere near down the path of thoughts of Theo when his darling daughter started to date.

  The big bad prophecy had yet to take place.

  My sister was shagging Lord Drake, a siren/merman cross. I didn’t know much about sirens, so I needed to do a little research in that regard. I made a mental note to ask Frankie, who kept a supernatural database. Then I’d probably need to visit Wyvern Sea and speak to Duke Brishon. For a start I needed to know everything in this bloody treaty because I didn’t want my house turning into an aquarium if everyone from the bloody sea could seek refuge with me.

  My adoptive parents were threatening to unmask supes.

  My best friend was heavily pregnant and would soon be on maternity leave from the dating agency. Hopefully, Lucy had got over her wanderlust, and would cover as she’d promised.

  Not much to worry about then, I thought sarcastically, and I dunked my head under the water wondering if I should drown myself, but then my wyvern scales appeared, reminding me I could live under water if I wanted to.

  I picked up my paperback and lost myself in the pages of my current book, about a mortal girl who inherited mother nature’s powers and had four boyfriends. She had my sympathy with the whole power thing, and bloody hell one man was enough for anyone surely?

  By the time I made my way back downstairs, I could hear women’s voices coming from the living room. Popping my head around the door, I found Polly and Charlie sharing the sofa. Both were nursing a coffee, and they were chattering away.

  “Hey, Mum. Me and Aunt Polly have loads in common. Not least of which we both like seamen.”

  I choked on my own saliva.

  “Pardon?”

  Charlie burst out into hearty guffaws. “I told you her expression would be brilliant. Mum, you have such a dirty mind. I meant Lord Drake and Kai, obviously.”

  “Obviously.” I repeated with heavy sarcasm. “I’m just going to grab myself a coffee and then we need to talk. All of us.” I headed to the kitchen, wondering if it was too early to add a shot of brandy to my glass. Wouldn’t be the first time.

  “Okay.” I sat in the chair opposite them and tucked my feet under myself getting comfy. “So what did the Linleys say about you having left the house?”

  “They blamed you.” Polly shrugged her shoulders.

  “Well, of course they did. So how am I to blame this time?”

  “Basically you introduced me to Drake so you’re culpable. I reminded them I was intending to move out anyway, and they reminded me that they’d said they’d look around for a place near to them, and that they could begin while I was ‘sorting out my issues’. They’ve given you a week to get me back home and my relationship with Drake over, so good luck with that.”

  “Shall I go around theirs and scare the shit out of them, Mum?”

  “No thank you, Charlie. I’d like you to leave this one to me. I just need to ring a family therapist and psychologist to work through all my issues of childhood abandonment and neglect and I’ll be good to go.” I shook my head. “It’s a never-ending riot of fun dealing with my adoptive parents.”

  “I’m not going home, Shelley. I shall start look
ing for my own place while I’m here.” Polly said in a steady, determined voice that exuded calm. The exact opposite of how I felt.

  Turning to my sister, I fixed her with a glare. “You’d better tell me exactly what’s been happening with Drake because if I have to take on this battle, it had better be for more than the wiggling of a sea snake.”

  “Mum!” Charlie admonished before her face relaxed. “That was a good one.”

  Chapter Four

  Polly

  “We met again at the christening and swapped phone numbers.” I had to concentrate while telling my story because I knew I could easily go off into a dream state as I was just that loved up. “He called me the day after and asked if I wanted to go swimming, so we met at the leisure centre and then we went for coffee afterwards. I couldn’t really get away with meeting him much more than once a week without it raising our parents' suspicions. He told me all about life under the sea. It sounds amazing.”

  “You haven’t been there yet?” Interrupted Charlie.

  “No. Because of his father. I’ll get to that shortly. Anyway, we just clicked and things had been going really well. We’d been talking about me getting my own place and him introducing me to his father, and then, well my mum and dad caught us and you know the rest.”

  “And how’s his sea snake? Does he know what to do with it?”

  “Charlie!”

  “God, Mum, you know you’re dying to know yourself.”

  Shelley looked at me with a hint of blush to her cheeks. “Yeah, she’s right, how’s the sea snake?”

  “It knows exactly how to sliver.”

  Shelley and Charlie both clapped and then we all fell about laughing.

  “Okay, so go on. What’s the problem with Duke Brishon?” Shelley folded her arms across her chest.

  “Apparently he wants Drake to marry a sea nymph because it will form an alliance between the Duke and the sea nymph’s father.”

  Shelley rolled her eyes. “Yeah, never mind about love, as long as it makes a good business deal.”

  “So anyway, Drake has texted me and says he’s ready for us to be together and that we just have to find a way. Once we have our parents approval, we can have our happy ever after.”