Supernatural Dating Agency - The Complete Collection (Books 1-6)

by Andie M. Long

  Alyssa looked at me. I texted her again.

  Charlie: NO!!! It’s working. Go!!!

  Alyssa shrugged her shoulders. “Another time maybe, hun. Although it’s a bit lame me hanging around here anyway.” She turned to me. “Bye, babes. I’ll let you know if I’m free later, or if Dermot’s keeping me busy.” She gave me a wink and left the coffee shop looking a lot happier than before.

  I smiled at Bartholomew, who struggled to smile back, thanked him for the drinks and headed back towards my mum.

  “Thanks, love. I’m most definitely ready for this drink after this morning. It was all rather a waste of time in the end. We’re no further forward, are we?”

  “I guess not, but you know, Mum, if there’s one thing my super-speedy aging has taught me, it's that life is for living. I have no real idea of how long I’m going to be around. I have a feeling that my vamp genes will kick in and I’ll stay this kind of age for a while, but what if I don’t? What if in a week's time, I’m like a hundred?”

  My mum bit her lip. “Aww, Mum. Don’t get sad. I know this must be weird, but I’m a prophecy, here to save Withernsea. Maybe that’s my entire purpose?”

  My mum shook her head. “I can’t believe that, Charlie. I won’t believe that.”

  She leaned back in her seat and let out a huge sigh. “Do you know what? It’s not even a year yet since I met your father. This time last year, I thought I was human. When I think about everything that has happened from then until now my mind is blown. I hope the war really is some nonsense about the last sausage roll in Greggs so that we can just get on with our lives and relax for a little while. Maybe I could spend some time shopping with my beautiful daughter rather than having to discuss saving the world.”

  “Shopping! Mum, that’s what I need to do. Go to Ebony’s next. Only I’ve grown out of all my clothes.”

  My mum laughed, which was nice to see because she hadn’t had much cause to do so lately. “Well, I know they say kids grow out of stuff overnight, but I think you’re taking things a step too far.”

  I chuckled along with her.

  “If you weren’t such a short arse, I could borrow your stuff.”

  “Is it my fault you’re five foot ten? You can blame your dad for that one!”

  “My mum is only a few years older than me and my father is 127. And you think I’m weird.”

  “Talking about your dad…”

  “Oh, Mum. I’m not going to avoid or delay seeing Kai just to appease my dad. I’ve already said life is for living. Kai was my future, and he’s now my present. He’s my one.”

  “I know, darling. That’s not what I was going to say. I was going to say you need to see Kai when your dad’s asleep, or tell him you’re meeting Alyssa. You just have to be clever and remember your dad is highly intelligent, has super strength hearing, speed, and has come across a hell of a lot of lies in 127 years so you’ll need to get creative. And of course I can’t be seen to be helping you meet your boyfriend. So, I’ve said my bit, just… be gentle around your father. He’s a sensitive man. Also he killed his own family so he probably wouldn’t think twice about draining Kai.”

  “Duly noted.” I took a nice big drink of my coffee.

  “So, I got the rest of your results back from Dominica at the caves this morning, and it would appear that you are indeed now part vampire, part witch, and also are coming up as having traces of pixie, faerie, and shifter. It has come along the birth-line and all mixed to become you. Tonight, after tea, I want to transfer the wyvern part over to you, Charlie. It’s time.”

  “But, Mum. You’ve only held that power for such a short space of time from grandad passing it onto you.”

  “Its home is within you, Charlie, and I believe that’s where it will stay. That your own children, should you have them, will be a beautiful mix of you and your husband, but that the Force majeure will always be you. So I think your vampire aging will kick in. I don’t think you’re destined to go anywhere or look geriatric any time soon.”

  Mum finished her drink and nodded towards the door. “So, shall we get you some new clothes? Particularly ones that will appeal to a certain merman?”

  I quickly swallowed the last of my own drink down.

  “Oooh. What’s my budget, Mum, for a new wardrobe? You know with Dad’s millions in the bank.”

  “Ssh.” Mum looked around in a panic. “No one must ever know. A vampire’s wealth can bring a lot of enemies. It’s not their fault they’ve worked and banked for so many years. But,” She whispered. “Let’s have a spree. We’ll start next door and then there’s Tesco’s and the couple of shops on Queen’s Street.”

  Some of my Facebook friends talked about shopping malls and centres. We had Ebony’s, two shops that were converted terraced houses, and a small bit of Tesco’s. Oh well. We also had the power to magic a glamour over ourselves of every outfit in the world so there was that. I think maybe I might just glamour the Victoria’s Secret Dream Angels VS Fantasy bra on myself especially for Kai. The £767k one designed by Atelier Swarovski. At least there were some perks of the job!

  As we entered Ebony’s boutique there didn’t seem to be anyone around. Then we heard shuffling from behind the counter and a ruffled-haired seer stood up. “Good morning. How-”

  “Ebony Marston. What are you up to down there?” My mum’s eyes widened.

  Henry stood up, smoothing down his shirt. “Well, I’d better get off to work. Those walls won’t paint themselves.” He slunk out of the doorway past our amused faces.

  “Henry was just helping me because I’d dropped-”

  “Unless the answer is your panties, Ebs. Save it. Because none of us here are stupid.” Mum told her.

  Ebony pulled a mirror in front of her and quickly brushed her hair. “That’s better.” She said in her cut-glass accent. “Would you like to borrow it, Shelley?” She held out her brush.

  “No, I’ll stay my dishevelled self, thank you, friend. Today, it’s all about getting Charlie kitted out in a whole new wardrobe. She needs everything, Ebs. Undies, clothes, shoes, more grown up accessories.”

  “I have a new range of ladies vibrators. They are a very sophisticated design. It’s a new product line I was hoping to introduce before the wedding, only I didn’t have time. They’re in the back. Excuse me a moment while I go fetch them.”

  “I meant bracelets and earings, Ebony. I’ve not come to buy my daughter a sex toy.”

  “Right, indeed.” Ebony smiled a ‘customer is always right smile’, ie it was more of a grimace. “Well, Charlie. Thank you for looking after the store for me while I was on my honeymoon. You did a truly fabulous job, so all it takes for me to say now is, you’re fired.”

  I looked at her, my mouth dropped open.

  “What?”

  Chapter Five

  Charlie

  I’d done a great job so now I was fired? How did that work?

  “Ebs, that doesn’t seem justified. I was hoping I’d get a pay rise not the sack.” I grumbled.

  She shrugged her shoulders. “I’m sorry, darling, but you now need to focus your energies on saving Withernsea and so having to come here on a daily basis cannot happen. You’d be too distracted by the new stock and might miss a clue as to how to save the world. I cannot have it on my conscience that Withernsea residents succumbed to some evil force because I’d made the Queen stay to do a stock-take. So sorry, but you’re fired, she repeated in an Alan Sugar’s ‘The Apprentice’ way.

  “I think you’re having far too much fun sacking me.” I huffed.

  “Well, I’m sure you’ll get over it while you’re shopping. You shall continue to qualify for your staff discount.”

  Indeed, I was over it already; over it and looking around the store. I spotted a short, tight, silver glittery dress that when it moved caught the light and sparkled like a rainbow. “Oh my god, this is perfect.”

  “Perfect for giving your father a heart attack.”

  “Dad doesn’t have a bea
ting heart, Mum. I’ll put that in my trying on pile, Ebs.”

  I had the best time shopping with my mum. As soon as we had heavy bags, we could just whizz off home, drop them off and start all over again. We had a late lunch at Red’s Steakhouse and then Mum said goodbye and I made my way to see Alyssa who said she was free.

  Her mum let me in. Alyssa was in her bedroom with her earbuds in singing along to Little Mix. I knocked on her open door and walked in.

  “Hey, Lys.”

  She pulled the buds out and sat up.

  “Hey.” She stared at me. “Bloody hell, Charlie, it’s going to take some getting used to seeing you look so different, you know.”

  I waved a hand in the air. “Oh just pretend I was on Extreme Makeover or something.”

  Her mouth downturned at the corners. “But what are we going to do, Charlie, because the fact is I’m still sixteen and you’re what, like early to mid-twenties now? Maybe it’d be better if you looked for a new best friend.”

  “I don’t frikking think so.” I told her straight. “Listen, lady. Get what I look like out of your head. I am still completely naive about life. So think of it like I’ve got the older outside and you’ve got the older inside. I need your help, bestie.”

  She sat up straighter. “Well, I guess I did save the pack, so having me in your 'Save Withernsea' arsenal would be advantageous.”

  “It certainly will, but, babe, right now I need you to explain sex to me, all the ins and outs, and also help me to look my best.”

  “For a start maybe you could not describe it as all the ins and outs?”

  “Babe, I know nothing. I’ve never seen a man’s bits in real life. No clue what to do with them. Obviously, I know what’s supposed to happen, but I mean how do I learn how to be good at it?”

  Alyssa put a hand to her brows and covered her eyes. “Oh dear God.” She pulled her laptop from under the bed and placing it on her knee, patted the bed next to her. “I hope my brother doesn’t spy on my internet search history after today. We’ll start with Pornhub.”

  In less than a year I’d gone from mashed banana puree to performing a fake blow job on one. From wean to peen.

  “That’s it, Char, try to get it right to the back of your throat.”

  The door burst open and Kim walked in, making us jump a foot. She looked disappointed. “Oh, I thought you were having some kind of group sex with the pack and I was going to watch.” She sat down on the chair in front of Alyssa’s desk. “How disappointing.”

  “Kim, you can’t just burst into my room like that. What about my privacy?” Alyssa complained.

  “Privacy? You want to talk to me about privacy? On Friday most of you saw my vagina while I gave birth to three babies.”

  What could we say to that?

  “Anyway, one thing you can take from having to witness my nether regions is that they were tended to and cared for. There are no weeds growing in my ladygarden. So, if you’re going to be shagging Kai soon you need to get booked in at a salon to ensure everything looks its best.”

  “I’ve got a ladyshave. Remember, I was fifteen before. There was hair down there.” I reminded her.

  “I’m sure Kai is looking forward to getting stubble rash from going down on you.” Kim huffed.

  “She might have a point.” Alyssa said. “Maybe you should go and get things waxed?”

  “Well, I’m busy today. Only I need to be back home in two hours so I can be made a wyvern.”

  Kim took her phone out of her pocket. “Hey there. Can you do a bikini wax? Yeah, come to the main house. Charlie. See you in a few.”

  She hung up. “Samara’s on her way.”

  My eyes widened. “Samara, the pet groomer?”

  Kim shrugged. “Well, you grew overnight. There could be years worth of hair down there for all I know. She does Afghan’s, so you'll be fine.”

  She stood up. “Right, I’ll be back when Samara gets here. In the meantime I’ll go let three babies suckle on me and destroy my great rack.” She pointed to the computer. “Might want to search for water sports, so if Kai asks, Char doesn’t think he wants to surf. Also could be a lot of confusion over the subject of diving.”

  With that she walked out and the door banged shut behind her.

  “Oh my god, that woman.” Alyssa said. “I’ll be glad when the cubs are a little older and they move back to their own place. Only right now Mum is insisting on helping. I love my sister-in-law but that’s twice she’s burst into my room today. She’s only been here since late last night. The first time was to ask if I had a vibrator because she’d thought putting it under the bassinet might help Louisa fall to sleep.”

  I burst out laughing. I loved Kim hard. But she definitely took some getting used to.

  “So how’s it going with Bartholomew?” It was time for the attention to go on my friend. “How did this date come about? I notice him being in his twenties isn’t a problem for you.” I quirked a brow.

  She wrinkled her nose. “It kind of is. We went out, and he kept saying things like what do you want to do when you grow up? I told him I’d left school and that I could take a key role within the pack, but he’s human. To be honest, I’m not sure how much he understands about the supernatural world. And I can’t exactly say ‘oh I killed two people and saved the pack, so stop asking me how many GCSE’s I got’.

  “Anyway, as the evening went on, he relaxed and he started to see that I was indeed a woman and we made out in a shop doorway. But he hasn’t asked me out again, and when I saw how he looked at Maisie… well, I kind of think I’m wasting my time.”

  “How old is he?”

  “Twenty.”

  “He’s only four years older than you then, but I guess in terms of experience of both life and sex he could be way ahead of you. You just need to keep reminding him you’re a woman, not a girl, and that means not hanging around the coffee shop counter like someone waiting to meet a backstage pop star.”

  “Yeah, I guess so. Hey, we so need to go clubbing. Oooh, and because you’re older, you can help get me in. Oh let’s do it later tonight!”

  I shook my head. “Alyssa, I’ll have had enough today. I don’t know what the side effects of becoming a wyvern are yet.”

  She pouted. “Char, it’s Saturday night.” She’s back on the computer faster than I can say no again. “Look. At ATIK in Hull it's 'Oh la la Saturday'. Free to get in before 11pm and 50% off drinks. You have your vamp speed so you can get us there in a flash.”

  “Alyssa, you’re always sick when I transport you anywhere.”

  “Well, I’ll probably puke at the end of the night anyway so it’s a bit of practice. Pleaasseee? We can let our hair down, get dressed up, and I can try to meet someone who doesn’t treat me like I’m a kid.”

  I sighed rather loudly. “All right. But only because I’m not going to seek out Kai tonight. I want to get used to my new body for a day or so. I want to date him so bad, Lys. But I texted him and said I’d see him on Monday after they formally made me Queen of Wyvern Sea. That gives me two days to get my dad used to the fact I’ve grown up. I might have to tell him I’m staying over at yours though.”

  “No problem.”

  “Do you know?” I told Alyssa. “I reckon saving the world will be like child’s play at the side of this adulting lark.”

  She tilted her head. “So how do you prepare for war if you don’t know what the threat is, or when it’s going to come?”

  “I do the only thing I can do. Get as powered up as possible and get on with living my life.”

  “Samara’s here.” Kim’s voice came floating up the stairs. This was followed by footsteps and then the door opened. “She’s waiting for you in the bathroom. I’ve given her a black sack to collect your bush in. Garden waste strength.”

  I threw my blue webs out at her and once again a heap flung out rather than just one, coating Kim in what looked like a ball of wool. “I hope that’s not a prediction of what’s about to happen to Samara,”
she quipped and left the room.

  Chapter Six

  Charlie

  After the degradation of a bikini wax performed by a pet groomer, I said a temporary goodbye to Alyssa and arranged to come and fetch her at half past ten to go to the club. Then I made my way back home.

  It was just after five and my father met me at the door. He smelled around me. “Good, you don’t smell like that sea urchin.”

  “Theo!” My mum came out into the hallway. “Go and make yourself useful by getting us three bottles of O-neg. Charlie and I could do with being at full strength before we start the process.”

  “And my strength shall also be full in case I need to assist either of you, yes?”

  “No, drinking yours will ensure your mouth is otherwise occupied, as I’m currently fed up of hearing your voice.”

  “Well, wife, that is quite harsh, but I shall do as I’m bid.” My dad put his best sulking face on and stalked out of the room.

  My mum threw her hands up in the air exasperatedly.

  After we’d had our drinks, Mum explained she would turn into a wyvern and then would place a hand on my arm which was how my grandad had transferred the powers to her.

  “Are you ready? Let’s sit on the sofa to do this.”

  I nodded and made my way to our brand new sofa.

  Mum changed. Her legs grew a lizard skin and wings sprouted from her back. She’d not taken the wings into account when she said sit on the new sofa, and this one wasn’t as deep, so she sprang forward. As she did, she clasped my arm and an icy sensation surged through my body. My mum fell on the floor with a thud.

  “Ow.”

  I felt my skin change and jumped up off the sofa. Reptilian skin emerged all over my body. Wings sprouted from my upper back and fins from my lower. My head felt weird and as I felt at it, the shape of it had changed.