by E. C. Land
By the time he breaks the kiss I’m panting, breathless and ready to continue our kiss. Tanner leans his forehead against my own. Opening my eyes, I lock on his intense gaze.
“We’re doing this baby. We owe it to ourselves to see if we can make it work between us. We’re not in high school anymore and I don’t need to put up with the drama and bullshit from it. I want you with me. Always have and it’s time you come home with me. Only question you need to ask yourself is if you can take me for who I am,” he whispers, his mouth a hair’s breadth from my own.
“Tanner, what do you mean who you are?” I ask in confusion. Does he mean him needing to be with other women?
No that can’t be it. I’ve never seen him with anyone else. If I really wanted to admit it, he doesn’t even flirt with the groupies when they try to gain his attention.
“Babe it’s a simple question. You either can take me for me, black and all or you can’t,” he says pulling back.
Hold up. He can’t honestly think that, can he? Does he think I have something against him being . . .? I’ve never seen him as anything but Tanner. Talented. Smart. Sexy. Never once have I judged him by his skin color.
To me, we’re all the same no matter the pigment.
This is what you’ve always wanted. Stop being a scared chicken shit and go for it.
But what if he hurts me again.
Stop living in the past.
I can’t help it. It’s still burned in my head.
Got to let it go sometime.
Staring at Tanner while I internally battle with myself, I realize exactly what my answer will be.
We deserve to give this a shot. Maybe we can make it work. If not, then we know we at least tried.
Nodding my head, I give him a small smile. “Fine. We can try this but I’m not sure how well this will all work out.”
Tanner grins and pulls my body flush against his toned one. “We’ll work out. Trust me, Alexis, we were meant to be together and I won’t let anything go wrong. Let’s get out of here and home to eat dinner. I hope you got enough for me as well,” he says before releasing me to pick up the discarded bag of Chinese I’d dropped.
“Oh shit, I hope it didn’t spill out,” I grumble as my stomach reminds me exactly how hungry I am thanks to my lunch being spoiled by making the decision to remove Lori from my life.
God, I don’t know when life got so complicated.
At least you have Tanner again.
Yeah, but for how long.
Chapter 4
Tanner
I don’t think I’ve ever been more nervous yet determined at the same time. I thought I was gonna have to carry Alexis out of the apartment over my shoulder to get her to leave with me. Seeing the expression on her face when I told her I owned the building she was staying in was priceless.
Back when we took ownership of Music Lullabies, I’d made an investment buying the apartment building and remodeled it. Hired a rental management company that runs everything by me before renting out an apartment.
Finding out Alexis was looking to rent one of the apartments I didn’t want to charge her for it, but I knew she’d never take it if she wasn’t able to pay for it. She’s not one for accepting handouts.
It’s one of the main things I love about her, yet it drives me fucking crazy. Alexis is the most stubborn, hardheaded woman I’ve ever met. Always having to do things the hard way, never asking for help from anyone.
Maybe that’s what attracted me to her back when we were in high school. She was shy but when you got to know her, she didn’t have a problem speaking her mind. Nowadays at the shop she manages the band like a pro but never comes to the gigs unless it’s necessary.
Asking her whether she could take me for who I am was playing dirty. She’s never once acted as if it was, but I wanted her to think that was on my mind.
I know I’m an asshole, but right now I don’t give a damn. Long as I can finally have the woman who fuckin’ owns me in the same bed as me. If it takes me playing her right into my hands, the way I’d strum the strings of my bass, then so be it.
Now standing here holding her hand in mine as we stand in the middle of my bedroom it’s taking everything in me to not throw her on the bed and make her mine again.
“What did you do with my stuff, Tanner?” Alexis asks, her voice so soft I barely hear her.
“Your clothes should be in the boxes in the closet. I packed those up and brought them here while the movers gathered everything else. The rest of your stuff is in one of the spare rooms for now, until we figure out what to do with it,” I say, letting go of her hand to wrap my arm around her.
“Well I’ll just go find it and a room to stay in,” she murmurs, not looking at me.
“That’s not how this is going to work babe. You and I are married. We’ve seen each other naked several times. We’re staying in this room together.” That announcement got her to lift her head up to meet my gaze, eyes wide as hell.
“Tanner, that's not a good idea. I’ll just stay in another room. There’re plenty here to pick from.” Ain’t that the truth. Each of us has our own wing in this place. You could pretty much say our wings are like apartments connected by stairs, the living room, and kitchen.
Hell, we even have a dining room we never use. However, that’s supposedly changing this year thanks to Bethany. She’d informed the four of us, this year we would be doing Thanksgiving and Christmas properly. Whatever that meant. I don’t care as long as it means good food. I could care less about the holidays. It’s not like I really celebrated them. When you can barely afford to get food to put on the table you learn quickly that Santa doesn’t exist.
“I think it’s the best damn idea I’ve had in almost six years. I’m tired of waiting for you to come to your senses. Like I said earlier, we’re doing this, Alexis. You know deep down we fit together. Always have,” I rasp, tilting my head down to press my forehead to hers.
“But . . .”
“No buts baby just feel it. For once let your heart take the lead over your head.”
“Tanner.” Alexis’ voice trembles and tears well in her eyes. I know she’s scared but it’s time we fix this between us.
“I’m not saying we just hop back in the sack and fuck each other’s brains out. All I want right now is for us to be able to sleep in the same bed together.” My dick would protest right now if he had a voice. I’m not going to push Alexis for more than she’s already giving me. I’ll know when she’s ready to go further.
“Okay but only to sleep,” she whispers, meeting my gaze.
Releasing her from my hold, I nudge her toward her clothes so she could get comfortable while I got dinner ready for us. A picnic in bed sounds good to me. Spreading out an extra blanket on top of my comforter, I pull out all the containers she had in the bag.
Holy shit she got enough food to feed an army.
Well at least the two of us. I could eat all of this myself in one sitting if it were just me. But Alexis. There is no way in hell she could eat all of this by herself.
By the time she comes out of the closet, I have all the food set up. Glancing up at her, my dick stiffens instantly. Standing in a tank top, no bra, and some short as fuck shorts Alexis is a vision of any man’s wet dreams. Shit this is what I envision when I jack off only it’s way fuckin’ better in person.
“Dinner’s all set. How about we watch a movie together?” I suggest after clearing my throat.
“Sounds good. What movie do you have in mind?” she asks.
“Speed,” I grin, naming her all-time favorite movie. With Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock. I’d been surprised when we’d watched it the first time together. Alexis had snuggled into me and stayed that way throughout the entire movie. She laughed when the bus jumped the fifty feet on the freeway. She didn’t care how fake that shit really was.
Alexis gives me the biggest smile and nods her head. “That sounds good to me. Do you have anything to drink in here to go with the food?” sh
e asks.
“Yep,” I nod my head in the direction of the mini fridge I keep in here for when I’m too lazy to leave my room. “Go ahead and grab yourself something to drink.”
“Do you want anything?”
“Water would be good,” I answer her question as I climb up on the bed to sit there and wait for her.
This is a good start to hopefully gaining harmony back in my life.
Chapter 5
Alexis
Over the past week I’ve felt like my world was being tilted upside down. From the evening Tanner moved all my things into his part of the guys’ home to today it’s gone from moments of pure bliss to me wanting to strangle the man.
Why the hell he’s so damned determined to make this work between us I have no clue. It’s as if he’s trying so hard to make sure I don’t leave him that he’s not being himself around me. That’s not the Tanner I’ve ever wanted. I love the man for who he is, and I’ll never stop. It’s just that my heart has never healed from when it was shattered.
I still have nightmares of seeing Tanner making out with that slut. He’d tried to explain it was a setup, but I refuse to listen to excuses.
Has he changed? Or has he learned to keep his private life more lowkey?
This morning when I’d woken up Tanner hadn’t been in bed next to me and panic started almost immediately. I’ve woken up every morning with Tanner’s arm wrapped around me and my mind started to come up with every single scenario possible within a matter of minutes.
Now sitting at my desk listening to the guys play in the recording booth, I can’t help but feel defeated.
That’s because your man has been handling you with kid gloves instead of how he really should.
God even my libido knows he’s not being himself.
What did I do for him to treat me this way? He all but forced me into giving the two of us a chance and then it was like overnight he’d decided I was fragile or something and didn’t want to do anything to upset me or even act like himself around me.
“Let’s try the new song Tanner showed us this morning.” Chaz’s voice brings me out of my head.
Tanner wrote a song?
“We ain’t gotta do it today,” Tanner says.
Glancing in their direction, I can see the thin line of Tanner’s mouth as he stares toward the window to where my desk is sitting.
Does he not want me to hear the song?
“Nah man it’s good. Let’s try it out,” Lex says.
Tanner doesn’t respond to Lex as he stares at me. Like he was trying to figure something out.
“I’ve gotta agree. The song’s fuckin’ epic,” Hunter grins.
“Yeah man. Why don’t you want to do it right now?” Chaz asks.
Because of me. Tanner doesn’t want me here. He doesn’t want me to hear it.
Since I started staying at the house with everyone, they didn’t seem to have a problem with it. Honestly Chaz, Lex, and Hunter had laughed yelling out ‘Finally’ at the top of their lungs.
Sighing, I gather my things to leave. I’m done for the day anyway. I was mainly sticking around because their music is soothing to me. As I get up and leave my desk, I divert my gaze. I don’t need him to see he’s hurt me yet again.
I knew this would happen.
Knock it off, you don’t know what’s going on.
Doesn’t matter he doesn’t really want me. Otherwise he’d have kissed me again.
If you want him to kiss you make the first fuckin’ move, damnit.
What am I supposed to do just walk right up to him and jump his bones like a horny teenager?
Damn right, then let him fuck you and clear out the webs. Wait, before you do that, go get a freak wax first.
Internally groaning I head out of the shop without even saying bye to Bethany while I have the most embarrassing argument with myself in my head. God knows my libido has a mind of its own. Too bad it’s right about one thing. I could use a wax. I’ve always wanted to try it but never seem to get around to it. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen any action down there.
More like since you were nineteen.
Shut up.
Not until you finally give in and fuck your husband’s brains out. If you feel he’s treating you with kid gloves make him take them off. Show him the woman you are and stop acting like a damn insecure teenager.
Ugh.
You know I’m right.
Damnit stupid libido. Why can’t BOB suffice anymore?
Climbing into my car, I start the engine and put it in gear. As I pull away from the curb, I head in the direction of my friend Emerson’s hair salon. Maybe a new look will help. I could probably find out a good recommendation for someone who does waxes and such from her or Nora. It seems those two always know who’s the best at what, but no one is as good at styling and coloring hair as them.
It doesn’t take me long to get to the salon. Shit in this small town it doesn’t take long to get anywhere around here.
As I park my car, my phone starts to go off. Grabbing it, I glance at the screen to see it’s none other than Tanner calling me.
Great.
Hitting a button on the side of the phone, I silence the call. I don’t intend to talk to him right now. Or until I’m ready.
For once I’m going to listen to my libido and heart over my head.
Finally.
Oh, shut up.
God.
I must seriously be going nuts right now to keep having these internal arguments in my head.
Shaking my head, I put my phone in my bag and get out of the car. My phone vibrates again in my purse, but I don’t bother pulling it out. I know who it is and right now he’ll just have to wait.
Opening the door to the salon, I’m met by squeals from both women.
“It’s about damn time you came to see me woman,” Nora yells in excitement.
“I thought I was going to have to get Hades to come kidnap you,” Emerson says, grinning.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. I’ve been distant recently,” I laugh, holding my hands up in surrender.
These two women aren’t just women I know, they’re the only other women I’m friends with.
“Where’s Lori?” Emerson asks.
“I don’t know. I haven’t seen her in over a week,” I shrug.
“Wait a minute. Are you sick or something? I’ve never seen you without her,” Nora says, her brow furrowed. She’s never liked Lori. Not many people do. Her and Emerson pretty much put up with her because of me.
“No, I’m not sick. Just finally opened my eyes I guess you can say.” I mutter.
“Well it’s about time you got rid of the bitch,” Emerson states, pulling her hair up into a messy bun. “Now what can I do for you today? I know you didn’t just come in here in the middle of the day for no reason.”
“I was wondering if you had time to do the works for me. Oh, and do you know anyone who does waxes?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Giggles from both of them fill the room.
“Look no further babe, we got you here. We’ll take good care of all your needs. Now come on over here and give us the skinny on who all this is for,” Nora smiles.
“Please tell me you’re doing this to finally get Tanner to fuck your brains out,” Emerson demands.
“Kill me now,” I grumble as I sit in the chair by Nora. “What if it was for me? Maybe I just needed a change.”
“I’d call bullshit,” Nora says instantly.
“You never change anything. Not even when we demand you let us,” Emerson snarks the truth.
“Fine okay, yes you're right,” I say going into detail of everything that’s happened in the last week including deciding to cut ties with Lori and Tanner moving me in with him without me knowing. By the time I’m finished both women are wearing shit eating grins on their faces.
“Wow. Okay. Let me get set. Prepare yourself babe you’re about to become a whole new woman,” Emerson says as she comes t
o stand beside Nora who turns my chair to face the mirror.
Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes for a brief moment. Here goes nothing. New changes bring on a new confident me.
At least, I hope.
Chapter 6
Tanner
“Damnit, Tan, what the hell? Why didn’t you want her to hear the song? I mean fuck the song’s for her,” Lex mutters after Alexis all but ran out.
“I wanted the song to be a surprise. Her birthday’s coming up and I didn’t know what to get for her. That’s why I wrote the song and didn’t want her to hear it until then. I wanted her to have something special. Fuck, she’s probably got some bullshit running through her head now,” I grumble, irritated my brothers would let the cat out of the bag. Then again, I didn’t tell them the song I’d written was supposed to be a surprise.
“Dude you should have told us it was for her birthday. I’d have kept my mouth shut. Sorry man,” Chaz sighs.
“It’s all good. I’ll fix shit with her. Let’s break for a few so I can call her before she goes and does something stupid,” I say, lifting the strap for my bass over my head and putting it on its stand.
“Sounds good, I’m gonna go see if maybe I can convince Fairy girl to sing something with us,” Chaz chuckles.
Damn he’s been like a whole new person since he finally accepted his feelings for Bethany, and they’ve moved forward. The day Bethany was kidnapped, and he’d been shot, we all thought he wouldn’t make it. But someone had to be looking out for him, because sure enough he survived and was determined to find his girl.
I couldn’t ask for a better woman for Chaz. She has this light around her that makes anyone close to her want to smile. She’s become like a little sister to me and I’d do anything for her. Well almost anything, I refuse to allow her to touch my bass. That’s not about to happen. Not in a million years.
She can touch any other instrument except that.
My bass is the first instrument I learned to play, and I call it my lucky charm because if it wasn’t for learning to play who knows where I’d be right now.
