No Regrets

by B. B. Donnelly

  I brush past him and go to sit on my bed. The balcony doors are wide open. I gesture to them.

  “Climbing into innocent girl’s bedrooms, tsk tsk.” He tosses his jacket off and climbs onto the bed beside me. He lies back with his hands crossed behind his head and his ankles crossed. He closes his eyes. Well, he quickly made himself at home.

  “You know that shade of lipstick doesn’t quite go with your complexion.” I say snidely. He opens his eyes and looks at me. I avoid his eyes by lying down beside him. I’m aware that I’m only wearing a silk nightgown that hugs every curve that I have.

  “Sparkler, are you jealous?” He asks very seriously. I look over at him and find him staring intently at me.

  “Why would I be jealous? I mean I have feelings for you, like a little sister would.” I say with sarcasm, making it clear that I heard him earlier with Mustang.

  He props himself on his side. His blue eyes settle on mine. He reaches over and runs a hand down my bare arm. Tingles follow his fingers. His fingers make it up to one of the spaghetti straps. He pulls it down and continues with his touch. My breath catches. His fingers run along my collar bone and over the mounds of my breasts. My heart is saying yes to his touch, but my mind is yelling at me, saying he just left Brooklyn.

  My heart is winning. I close my eyes to the sensation of his touch. My heart is going to go down in flames, but I can’t help it. His hand falls gently down, caressing my skin through the silk. A little moan escapes. He captures the moan with his mouth. His body is suddenly on top of mine. He has one hand tangled in my hair, the other running along my hip. My skin is burning through the silk. My arms are wrapped around his neck, keeping him to me. Our tongues are fighting for dominance. The kiss is full of hard-core passion and I can’t get enough. My body is on fire for this man. Why can’t I have all of him?

  One of his hands sneaks down to the hem of my nightgown, slowly drawing it up to my thigh. His hand expertly brings my knee up, opening my legs wider for him to settle between. I can feel his arousal and my heart swells at the knowledge. Sister, my ass. His kiss deepens, as our bodies grind together. Thank god, we are wearing clothes still or my V-card would be completely gone. Maybe, just maybe, tonight is the night! His lips are magic, teasing and tormenting me. I have never felt so much in a kiss before. When he pulls back, I groan in protest. He looks at me adoringly, touching my cheek. I flinch a little at the tenderness.

  “I could kill the bastard again, just for this.” He says with emotion. His hand goes lower to my neck where I know the fingerprints are still visible. He shakes his head in disgust.

  “I’m so sorry I didn’t get there sooner.” He paused, choking up a little, “I had no idea he would move so fast with you… I thought… I thought I had more time to let you work.” He said, struggling with the words.

  “Hey, it’s okay…I’ll be okay.” I say with conviction. I see the guilt all over his face. I’m touched that he cared that much, but I want him to see me as a coworker and someone that isn’t fragile. I think about telling him what I heard transpire between my father and uncle, but I hold back.

  “I’m just mad that I didn’t get to kill him.” I say with vengeance. His response is to kiss my cheek and then my neck with soft, featherlike kisses. My body is responding, and I wish he wasn’t wearing so many clothes. I reach up to his neck and pull the tie completely off and start unbuttoning his shirt when he suddenly tenses up and pulls away from me quickly.

  What the hell? Then I hear the heavy footsteps outside my door. I jump from the bed, staring at Jackson in panic. He is already at the French doors leading out to the balcony. I give him a look of longing. His gaze finds mine.

  “I obviously don’t think of you as a sister. I told him that because it is between us and I will do absolutely everything to keep you safe, even from gossips.” He whispers. I smile at him with love in my eyes. There is a loud knock on my door.

  “Carter, are you awake?” My father bellows. Well, if I wasn’t, I would be now. I roll my eyes and answer, “Yes, dad, just a second.” I look back at Jackson to see him climbing over the rail. He looks back at me and blows me a silent kiss. My heart is flying right now.

  I grab my robe, slipping it on. I open the door, allowing my father in.

  “Dad, what’s wrong?” I ask, concerned. I have never seen my father look more shaken. I can’t let him know that I heard my uncle and him. He runs a hand through his dark, graying hair.

  “Nothing, sweetheart, I just wanted to make sure you are doing okay.” He answers, worry evident in his voice. Now, I’m concerned. My father never calls me sweetheart or even checks up on me. He has always been a tough love kind of father.

  “I’m fine, really.” I say, earnestly. Really, people quit asking me. He strolls into the room, into my closet. I hear the latch click. I follow him into the secret room. He goes towards the katana. He lifts it from the stand, letting the lights catch it as he gazes at it. My father is acting very peculiar. Frankly, I’m getting scared.

  Without turning around, he says, “I remember when I gave this to you. Your eyes lit up like a Christmas tree,” he paused deep in thought. He sets the sword back down, turning towards me. I look at him with questions in my eyes.

  “Carter, there is a lot you don’t understand, but I will tell you that I am so proud of you. I know you are going to do amazing things in your life. You are smart, beautiful, trained, and determined. That combination is what makes an excellent agent. My only question… is this the life you want?”

  I just stare at him in shocked silence. I never knew there was an option in my life. Not that I would want anything else, but still he never made it my decision. Before I can answer, he continues, “I’m not asking you as your boss, I’m asking you as a father. Is this the life you want for yourself?”

  “Of course, it is. I have never wanted anything more.” I respond, seriously.

  “That is good to know. The winds are changing and there are many complications that will arise. I just want you prepared. Where is the briefcase?” He asks. I point over to the safe.

  He nods his approval, “Good, good. Take care of it and try to keep it with you always, or in a safe place. It contains all kinds of valuable information. It is now yours. Carter, please, understand that the world is a dangerous place and even those you thought were closest to you, you may find you can’t trust.” I can hear the sadness in his tone. I know this is about my uncle.

  “I understand.” My father shocks me once again, by giving me a hug. I squeeze him back, enjoying this rare experience. He releases me and strolls back into my bedroom. My eyes fall on Jackson’s tuxedo jacket at the same time as my fathers. Holy crap!!!

  My father gives me a disapproving look. I quickly pick up the jacket, clutching it to my body in defense.

  “He just stopped by to see if I was okay, from the mission, that’s all.” I say, not very believable and of course, my father sees right through it.

  “Carter, I’m not stupid and I’m certainly not blind. I see the way he looks at you.” I feel a blush forming at his words. But at his next words, my world crumbles a little, “but no matter how I feel about the boy, he is no good for you. You see, honey, I have plans for him and I have plans for you. This would be a complication.” He says with a grim look.

  “But I love him.” I have just confessed something that I have never told anyone. My father looks at me with pity.

  “It’s not love, sweetheart, love is for fools and you are not a fool.” I grimace at his words.

  “Have you ever loved anybody?” I ask, desperate for him to understand.

  “I love you, even if I never tell you.” I shake my head in disbelief.

  “No, I mean, did you ever love my mother or one of your…um…girlfriends?” I ask unsure. He gives me a condescending look.

  “No, now don’t get me wrong, I care for your mother, but I never loved her like she deserved. I never let myself get emotionally weak like that. It makes a man weak. Look at y
our uncle. He let his love for your mother turn him into a jealous, greedy, emotionally charged man. He lets his emotions get in the way of his head. Jackson is just a phase and unfortunately, you are just something he can’t have.” I gasp in shock. I cannot believe my father is so cold and unfeeling at times.

  “Nothing happened.” I say, trying to clear up it up for Jackson. I don’t want him to get in trouble.

  “Well, that is good to know.” He comes toward me, grabbing both my arms.

  “I’m really sorry, Carter. I know it isn’t what you want to hear, but unfortunately, in this line of work, sacrifices have to be made.” He pulls me in for another hug. Two in an hour! Three in a day! Holy cow!

  “I really am proud of you and remember what I said. There is a storm coming and I need you to be ready.” He says cryptically. I wonder what he isn’t telling me. All I know is that I have a terrible feeling something bad is going to happen and soon.

  Chapter Six

  The weather matches my mood today. The day is cloudy and cold…depressing. I’m having brunch with my mother, her friends, and daughters at a high-end restaurant. I’m sitting here dressed to perfection in a light blue pant suit with a matching scarf to cover my bruises. My makeup hid the rest that are on my face. They are still tender, and I can’t wait for them to go away. Then maybe I can start forgetting about what happened. Although, I doubt I’ll ever forget. I’m trying to stay focused on the conversation going on around me, but my mind keeps wandering back to two nights ago and Jackson. Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m sitting right across from Brooklyn and her catty mouth.

  “So, Carter, what are you wearing to your parent’s annual New Year’s Eve ball? Every year, your dresses are so amazing!” Mia Mitchell asks. Yes, her name matches her personality. She is a bubbly blond with bouncy curls and an obnoxious personality. I restrain the eye roll.

  “Well, actually, Carter and I are going to go shopping after this, just for that reason.” My mother answers for me. The girls and their liposuction mothers’ ooh and ahh. I catch Julia’s smirk. Our eyes meet and we try not to giggle out right. I swear we can read each other’s minds.

  Julia Wiles is gorgeous and takes after her mother. She is on my team and her code name is Flames. She is half Japanese and half African American. She has extremely dark black hair that lies perfectly straight down her back and she has beautiful chocolate eyes. She is exotic looking and is proud of her mixed heritage. We are so close because of our shared lifestyles. She also has to be the socialite and the assassin. Her mother, Kia, is Japanese and is absolutely stunning. She works for my father. She is a master at all swords and knives. I trained under her learning the katana and knife throwing. She is very talented at what she does. You would have no idea that someone like her could kill you in just a few seconds. Today, she is wearing a white pant suit that fits her small frame perfectly and smiling like she doesn’t have a care in the world. But if you look closely or know what to look for, you can see the cold calculation behind her beautiful eyes. Julia’s father is the head of the Secret Service.

  I guess Julia didn’t have a choice in working for the government. My thoughts drift back to my father’s question. I still stand by my answer. I mean, if not, I will be stuck having brunches for the rest of my life. I look over at Julia’s mother and groan to myself. I guess I will anyway.

  “Oh, I am so jealous! I would love to have a mother to go shopping with! My father just gives me a credit card and says, ‘pick up something nice.’” Brooklyn says casually, looking perfect as usual in a rose-colored suit. It goes perfectly with her complexion and dark red hair. I feel a twinge of pity for Brooklyn, just a smidge. Brooklyn’s mother passed away when she was little of breast cancer. I guess that is why she is such a bitch. No one ever told her not to be. After the appropriate amount of sympathetic comments, the conversation went back to the ball.

  “We are so excited to come. I hope your schedule works out so that you can stop by our annual Christmas party and please let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” Betsy Mitchell, Mia’s mother says to my mom. I take a sip of my coffee and watch while the others pick at their food. They never seem to physically eat in public. It would be disgraceful to eat your whole meal! With that thought, I take a huge bite of my buttered croissant. My mother gives me a disapproving frown. I smile with my mouth full, but she just turns her attention back to Betsy.

  “Well, thank you. You know how tiring a party is to plan. I really hope it lives up to the expectations. We have already cleared that evening for your party. Your Christmas parties are so delightful and festive.” My mother replies. I try not to roll my eyes. Here we go, the competition for who has the best holiday party this year! My mother wins hands down every year. The women hire a party planner and as far as I know, just write a check for that planner to take care of everything. I don’t see how anyone is working hard on it, but the poor party planner, but what do I know.

  While everyone is assuring my mother and Betsy on their sure to be fantastic parties, my mind drifts back to Jackson. I haven’t heard from him since that night. I hope my father didn’t do or say anything to him. I tried to return his jacket, but he didn’t answer the door. I left it hanging on the doorknob of his apartment.

  “So, Carter, who will you be bringing to the parties?” Brooklyn asks giving me her most evil smile. Julia gives me a fake shocked face. I hold back the laughter and decide I have had enough of being polite today.

  “Well, I’m not sure, I have so many choices.” I say in a sexy voice. My mother gives me a death glare. Mia giggles annoyingly, Julia fakes a cough, and the others have shocked expressions on their faces.

  “Oh, well, it would never do to come alone. I do hope that at least one would come to the party with you.” Brooklyn says. Of course, it sounds perfectly fine, but somehow, she made it where I look pathetic. Like always.

  “Not everyone can have someone like Jackson Ross, Brookie!” Mia says, laughing. I seriously want to hit the girl. Brooklyn gives Mia an annoyed smile which she turns evil when she looks at me.

  “Of course not. I definitely lucked out in that department.” Brooklyn says smirking at me. Ugh!

  “How are things developing between the two of you?” Julia’s mother asks. Of course, she wants to know how Jackson’s mission is progressing. I can see the calculation behind her eyes.

  “Oh, perfectly. He is so attentive and romantic. I really think he is the one.” Brooklyn says with confidence and I just want to wipe the smile off her face. Uh, news flash, I just made out with your man two nights ago! Wait, now I sound like a slut.

  “Besides, he is an amazing kisser!” Brooklyn gushes. The other mothers and daughters giggle with Brooklyn. Now, I’m going to puke. Julia suddenly stands up.

  “Excuse me ladies, I need to go to the powder room. Carter, will you join me?” She asks. I nod and stand.

  “Excuse us.” I say to the women. My mother has a worried look in her eyes and I wonder how much my father told her about Jackson and me. Once we are in the powder room, we go to the mirrors. Julia faces me.

  “Are you okay?” She asks. She is the only person I have ever told about my crush on Jackson.

  “I guess. I’m seriously debating whether to throw my butter knife at Brooklyn or if I should just stab myself with it. Which would get me out of here quicker?” I tease, taking my lipstick out of my clutch.

  “Well, there would be a lot of questioning and paperwork if you stab her. You would also end up in jail and you can’t stab yourself. You don’t want that bitch to win, do you? So, I would say neither. Besides, you can’t leave me here alone with them.” Julia says with a laugh, smoothing her hair.

  “How does your mother do this?” I ask seriously. Julia just shrugs.

  “Trust me, she hates this part. She would rather be slicing someone up right now.” Julia says and I can only laugh at her bored tone. Her mother is deadly. I reapply my lipstick.

  “So, what happened on your mission
? You never called me.” Julia asks and I meet her gaze in the mirror. I put my lipstick back in my clutch. I take a deep breath, clasping the sink with both hands.

  “A lot. I can’t really get into it here, but it definitely got crazy.” I reply just as the door swings open. Brooklyn struts in, going straight towards the mirror on the other side of Julia.

  “Well, well, look who is hiding in the bathroom.” Brooklyn chides. I roll my eyes and brace myself for the mean girl act.

  “Well, well, who knew they let whores in?” I say, softly. Julia laughs and Brooklyn narrows her eyes.

  “Jealousy is not becoming on a lady.” Brooklyn lips off.

  “Who said you were a lady?” I retort back. Brooklyn flips her red hair over her shoulder and stares me down.

  “Look, apparently, Jackson thinks of you as like…a little sister. So, since I will soon be the next Mrs. Ross, I think we had better play nice.” Again…little sister. Is this seriously what he tells people? Ugh!

  “Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself? I really hope Jackson comes to his senses before that happens.” I say. I could kick myself. Why did I say that? Now, I do sound jealous.

  “Oh please, I know my man and I know how to please him. It is just a matter of time. I tried to be nice, but now, when I do become Mrs. Ross, you will have no part of Jackson’s life. I will make sure of it.” With that, she flips her hair and sashays out of the powder room.

  “You know at first, I was feeling a little sorry for her. You know, being a cover for Jackson and all, but now, that girl deserves what she gets. She is pure evil.” Julia says, leading us out of the room.

  “Trust me, if it comes to a marriage between the two of them, she won’t have to keep me out of his life. I will never speak to him again.” I say following Julia back to the table.

  “Oh! There you girls are! Julia, your mother wanted me to tell you that she had an important appointment she had forgotten about.” My mother informs her. We exchange looks, knowing that Julia’s mother was activated for a mission.